W. C. Fields Quotes


I never eat before breakfast. W C Fields

Somebody left the cork out of my lunch. W C Fields

I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes. W C Fields

It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either. W C Fields

Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice! W C Fields

Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth. W C Fields

I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine W C Fields

I can do anything I want to do! W C Fields

The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it. W C Fields

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally. W C Fields

Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one. W C Fields

Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of. W C Fields

Start off everyday with a simple smile and get it over with. W C Fields

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure. W C Fields

A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy. W C Fields

Never work with animals or children. W C Fields

Never mind what I told you-you do as I tell you. W C Fields

The best thing to break is a contract. W C Fields

I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42. W C Fields

I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to. W C Fields



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