Sayings and Quotes Funny Jokes



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I prefer sayings over jokes. Robert Ballard
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There are two kinds of jokes - funny jokes and Jack Benny jokes. Fred Allen
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Another day gone and no jokes. Flann O'Brien
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - T-SHIRT Darynda Jones
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Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. Joey Adams
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield
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I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those jokes funny, so I say them. And I try to say everything kind of in a good spirit. Daniel Tosh
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I often fake my death and then just show up at people's houses. They say 'that's a good one Thom' but I know maybe they don't really think it's a funny joke. Thom Yorke
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I have a really analytical approach to art. And the whole idea that you can't analyze what makes a joke funny...I do not agree with that at all. David Rees
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Which weakness shall I tell her? "I walk funny," I say, and she's satisfied with that. (inside joke) Mary E. Pearson
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I find that when I tell lawyer jokes to a mixed audience, the lawyers don't think they're funny and the non-lawyers don't think they're jokes. John Roberts
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Which weakness shall I tell her? "I walk funny," I say, and she's satisfied with that. (inside joke) Mary E. Pearson
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I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny. Mark Russell
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The first obligation I have is to be funny; it's my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes. George Carlin
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I have some speakers up here, thank God, because last night I didn't have them and I was telling jokes and I had no idea which joke I was telling. So I told jokes twice. I even told that one twice. Mitch Hedberg
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You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work. Hy Gardner
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I'm from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I'm thankful for that. Howie Mandel
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My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe. Emo Philips
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Since I was a kid, I could make up stories, I could make up funny jokes and I could always do it. When I'm walking down the street or having dinner, ideas will hit me, and I write them down on matchbooks or napkins and throw them in the draw. Woody Allen
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