Sayings and Quotes Funny Jokes



RELATED QUOTES

I prefer sayings over jokes. Robert Ballard
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Another day gone and no jokes. Flann O'Brien
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - T-SHIRT Darynda Jones
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Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. Joey Adams
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield
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I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those jokes funny, so I say them. And I try to say everything kind of in a good spirit. Daniel Tosh
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I often fake my death and then just show up at people's houses. They say 'that's a good one Thom' but I know maybe they don't really think it's a funny joke. Thom Yorke
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Which weakness shall I tell her? "I walk funny," I say, and she's satisfied with that. (inside joke) Mary E. Pearson
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I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny. Mark Russell
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The first obligation I have is to be funny; it's my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes. George Carlin
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You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work. Hy Gardner
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I'm from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I'm thankful for that. Howie Mandel
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My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe. Emo Philips
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Lana Turner
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All diseases run into one, old age. Ralph Waldo Emerson
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I'm so excited. Jay Leno is on the show tonight. He brought some really funny jokes and some great stories. Although I'm a little concerned he also brought his old desk and Kevin Eubanks. I just want Jay to be comfortable, but not too comfortable. Jimmy Fallon
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It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke. Maureen Johnson
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I joke around a lot about the manic times because they're funny. We manics do outrageous things and it is part of our colorful nature. Patty Duke
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Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny! Mitch Hedberg
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