Rodney Dangerfield Quotes



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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it. Rodney Dangerfield
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive. Rodney Dangerfield
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I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette. Rodney Dangerfield
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all. Rodney Dangerfield
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Life is just a bowl of pits. Rodney Dangerfield
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. Rodney Dangerfield
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand. Rodney Dangerfield
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot. Rodney Dangerfield
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get. Rodney Dangerfield
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control. Rodney Dangerfield
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend. Rodney Dangerfield
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages. Rodney Dangerfield
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I'm closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield. Jim Gaffigan
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. Rodney Dangerfield
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.' Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat. Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light. Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. Rodney Dangerfield
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