Funny Quotes About Ears


A Polish man had a bandage on each ear. What happened? "I was ironing, and the phone rang!" "What about the other ear?" "Had to call the doctor!" Henny Youngman

I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right. Ben Crenshaw

If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears. Sigmund Freud

"Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!" Henny Youngman

Where is Hollywood located? Chiefly between the ears. In that part of the American brain lately vacated by God. Erica Jong

She's kind of funny looking. Her face is out of balance-broad forehead, button nose, freckled cheeks, and pointy ears. A slammed-together, rough sort of face you can't ignore. Still, the whole package isn't so bad. For all I know maybe she's not so wild about her own looks, but she seems comfortable with who she is, and that's the important thing. Haruki Murakami

The funny thing is that the process of coming up with an idea for a column or a 'Candid Camera' sequence is essentially the same thing. I just live my life with eyes and ears perhaps a little bit wider open than some people. Whatever bothers me or seems off kilter or in need of parody-or on a serious subject, in need of examination-in the past I had done a sequence about it. Now I write a column about it. Peter Funt

For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time. Isabel Allende

People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them. Steven Wright

The Queen of England jumped out of a helicopter and parachuted into the stadium. What was even more amazing was when Prince Charles flew in using his ears as a hang glider. Jay Leno

The reason why we have two ears and only one mouth is that we may listen the more and talk the less. Zeno of Citium

Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally, I think its bollocks!! Billy Connolly

Kids, they are always hurting themselves. It's like, "Quick, get me to casualty quick!" while your doing something important like sitting down picking your ear. Dylan Moran

Young lawyers attend the courts, not because they have business there, but because they have no business. Washington Irving

The first thing that strikes you about Timothy Murphys verse is the palpable texture of his line - that sound of sense practised by that other American poet-farmer, Robert Frost. And just as Murphys ear is trained on the rhythms of local speech and classical epigram, his eye holds fast on the image. This is an undeluded vision, sometimes bleak, often funny, and never less than painstakingly crafted. Michael Donaghy

I was always the funny-looking girl. I couldn't compete with the Brazilian girls. My nose is off, my ears are too big. But I think it's my personality that these designers were drawn to. Lou Doillon

I could not hear what they say about me, my 2 Stanley Cup rings were stuffed in my ears. Patrick Roy

I love him," I said, but even to my own ears I didn't sound happy about it. Charlaine Harris

Imagination, that dost so abstract us That we are not aware, not even when A thousand trumpets sound about our ears! Dante Alighieri

[On Napoleon:] One has the impression of an imperious wind blowing about one's ears when one is near that man. Madame De Stael



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