Phyllis Diller Quotes



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Living in Hollywood is like living in a lit cigar butt. Phyllis Diller
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in. Phyllis Diller
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I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. Phyllis Diller
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Just the other day I said to Fang, "Don't you think we've got a storybook romance?" and he said, "Yes, and every page is ripped. Phyllis Diller
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle Phyllis Diller
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This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head. Phyllis Diller
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There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake. Phyllis Diller
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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. Phyllis Diller
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. Phyllis Diller
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed! Phyllis Diller
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister. Phyllis Diller
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser. Phyllis Diller
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I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate. Phyllis Diller
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies. Phyllis Diller
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet. Phyllis Diller
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