Phyllis Diller Quotes



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Comedy is tragedy revisited. Phyllis Diller
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned. Phyllis Diller
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All mothers are working mothers. Phyllis Diller
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You know you're old if your walker has an airbag. Phyllis Diller
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I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do. Phyllis Diller
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Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down. Phyllis Diller
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors! Phyllis Diller
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass. Phyllis Diller
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy. Phyllis Diller
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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing. Phyllis Diller
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Fang drops so much food on his ties we keep them in the refrigerator. Phyllis Diller
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in. Phyllis Diller
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on. Phyllis Diller
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self-pity is better than none. Phyllis Diller
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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular. Phyllis Diller
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All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like. Phyllis Diller
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid! Phyllis Diller
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing. Phyllis Diller
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they'd boo. Phyllis Diller
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone. Phyllis Diller
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