Phyllis Diller Quotes



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Comedy is tragedy revisited. Phyllis Diller

I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned. Phyllis Diller

All mothers are working mothers. Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag. Phyllis Diller

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do. Phyllis Diller

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down. Phyllis Diller

You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors! Phyllis Diller

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass. Phyllis Diller

If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy. Phyllis Diller

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing. Phyllis Diller

Fang drops so much food on his ties we keep them in the refrigerator. Phyllis Diller

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in. Phyllis Diller

I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on. Phyllis Diller

self-pity is better than none. Phyllis Diller

... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular. Phyllis Diller

All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like. Phyllis Diller

Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid! Phyllis Diller

Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing. Phyllis Diller

I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they'd boo. Phyllis Diller

You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone. Phyllis Diller

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