Pale Jim Gaffigan Quotes



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I'm definitely hesitant wearing shorts during the summer. Like for a pale person, you know, summer - everyone in the world is so excited for summer, but pale people, we're just like, oh no. Jim Gaffigan
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I should clarify that anyone that goes onstage and makes strangers laugh is insane. So I am insane. Jim Gaffigan
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We're never satisfied when it comes to food. 'You know what'd be good on this burger? A ham sandwich. Instead of a bun, let's use two donuts. That way we can have it for breakfast. Look out McGriddle. Here comes the donut-ham-hamburger!' Jim Gaffigan
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Thanksgiving, you know - Thanksgiving - it's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is we overeat. Jim Gaffigan
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Thanksgiving is the most complicated meal you can think of. Every night, dinner is just pasta. It's just different shapes of pasta. Jim Gaffigan
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I'm bald, blind and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene. Jim Gaffigan
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Now the Thanksgiving meal is just so unnecessarily difficult. I mean even mashed potatoes - it's like the most difficult kind of, you know, medieval idea. All right, instead of just cooking them, why don't you spend, like, eight hours peeling them and then we'll have to mash them up. It feels like prison labor, really... Jim Gaffigan
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Do you know how pale & wanton thrillful comes death on a strange hour unannounced, unplanned for like a scaring over-friendly guest you've brought to bed Death makes angels of us all & gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven's claws Jim Morrison
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Long Island always seems to be the hardest place for some reason. There are always excuses. People will say, "Well, there's a lot to do in Long Island..." but you know what, if Jim Gaffigan was here, tickets would be gone a month ago, if Chelsea Handler was at the Barclays Center, gone. Jay Mohr
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Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither. Jim Gaffigan
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Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right? Jim Gaffigan
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We tend to outdo ourselves. Jim Gaffigan
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My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow. Jim Gaffigan
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Cancer is always funny. Jim Gaffigan
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I've been outed as a Christian. Jim Gaffigan
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