Pale Jim Gaffigan Quotes

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RELATED QUOTES

I'm bald, blind and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene. Jim Gaffigan
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I'm definitely hesitant wearing shorts during the summer. Like for a pale person, you know, summer - everyone in the world is so excited for summer, but pale people, we're just like, oh no. Jim Gaffigan
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We tend to outdo ourselves. Jim Gaffigan
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My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow. Jim Gaffigan
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Ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither. Jim Gaffigan
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Deep frying a Twinkie makes it healthy, right? Jim Gaffigan
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Cancer is always funny. Jim Gaffigan
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I've been outed as a Christian. Jim Gaffigan
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Why so pale and wan, fond lover, Prithee, why so pale? Will, when looking well can't move her, Looking ill prevail? Prithee, why so pale? John Suckling
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I have olive skin, so if I get pale, I look green. I have to tan. Nicole Richie
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The guilty are alarmed and turn pale at the slightest thunder. Juvenal
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Yeah, I am a character actor. Jim Gaffigan
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My comedy is romanticized laziness. Jim Gaffigan
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What exactly are the ingredients of Ranch dressing? Mayo and disappointment? Jim Gaffigan
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There are people that are vegetarians that love bacon. Jim Gaffigan
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I like to think of bread as really bland cake. Jim Gaffigan
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Well my chocolate is so good I could sell it in an obnoxious prism shape. Jim Gaffigan
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You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. Jim Gaffigan
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I just want to be known as funny. Jim Gaffigan
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Kale is a superfood and it's special power is tasting bad. Jim Gaffigan
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I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Jim Gaffigan
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"I got up early because I wanted to." - Nobody Jim Gaffigan
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One thing I've always appreciated about Dave is that he can be sarcastic without being alienating and self-deprecating without being self-abusing. Jim Gaffigan
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You know, I want to teach, but I do' want to read? Jim Gaffigan
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Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker? Jim Gaffigan
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You ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither. Jim Gaffigan
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Ever eat so much you feel sick? Isn't that the best? Jim Gaffigan
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You know, I want to teach, but I don't want to read? Jim Gaffigan
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Meredith Baxter Birney gets beaten by a rod, in the Lifetime Original, Rod. Jim Gaffigan
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Bacon's the best. Even the frying of bacon sounds like applause. Jim Gaffigan
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Imagine you're drowning, and someone hands you a baby. Jim Gaffigan
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Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you. Jim Gaffigan
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The question is the primary form of communication for little kids. Jim Gaffigan
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Smiling babies should actually be categorized by the pharmaceutical industry as a powerful antidepressant. Jim Gaffigan
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I'm closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield. Jim Gaffigan
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I'd really like to promote my increasing consumption of bacon. Jim Gaffigan
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I would make sweet love to Don Rickles. Jim Gaffigan
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The DC Improv food is amazingly edible for a comedy club. Jim Gaffigan
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