Humorous Quotes On Aging


I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do. Phyllis Diller

I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it. Eva Gabor

Alas! the fleeting years, how they roll on! Horace

People like to do what they used to do after they've stopped being able to do it. Paul Newman

This is a youth-oriented society, and the joke is on them because youth is a disease from which we all recover. Dorothy Fuldheim

I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge. Joan Rivers

I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs. Joan Rivers

Time marches on and sooner or later you realize it is marching across your face. Dolly Parton

Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest. Neil Kinnock

You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you better know something. H Jackson Brown Jr

The Muslims observe their Sabbath on Friday, the Jews observe on Saturday, and the Christians on Sunday. By the time Monday rolls around God is completely f***in' worn out. George Carlin

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. Herbert V Prochnow

You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories. Melanie Clark Pullen

I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course. Billy Graham

I would die happy if I knew that on my tombstone could be written these words, "This man was an absolute fool. None of the disastrous things that he reluctantly predicted ever came to pass!" Lewis Mumford

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in. Tommy Cooper

You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like; generally, it's an inconvenience. George Carlin

I've changed a lot, too! I'm different, too. I have far more in some ways to offer and far less in other ways to offer. That's life. And, you know, life goes on! Elaine Stritch

It is within the power of every man to live his life nobly, but of no man to live forever. Yet so many of us hope that life will go on forever, and so few aspire to live nobly. Seneca the Younger

Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? "Keep an eye on this guy. We're gonna kill him, and we don't want him to hurt himself." George Carlin



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