George Carlin Quotes



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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M. George Carlin
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't. George Carlin
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary. George Carlin
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The only thing high-definition television will do is provide sharper images of the garbage. George Carlin
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When something is 'new and improved', which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. George Carlin
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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air. George Carlin
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. George Carlin
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Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's. George Carlin
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A crumb is a great thing: If you break a crumb in half, you don't get two half-crumbs, you get two crumbs. Doesn't that violate some law of physics? George Carlin
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Think off-center. George Carlin
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So I want to thank the Pentagon, the Soviet Union and the military-industrial complex from the bottom of my heart. Without them, I could never have become the man I am today. George Carlin
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So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course. George Carlin
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Voting is a meaningless exercise. I'm not going to waste my time with it. These parties, these politicians are given to us as a way of making us feel we have freedom of choice. But we don't. Everything is done to you in this country. George Carlin
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The bloodiest, most brutal wars fought, all based on religious hatred. Which is fine with me! Any time a bunch of holy people want to go out and kill each other I'm a happy guy! George Carlin
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place. George Carlin
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