Funny Parenting Quotes

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It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. Ben Berger
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Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them. Bill Ayers
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Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up. Ray Romano
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The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. King Edward VIII
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The voice of parents is the voice of gods, for to their children they are heaven's lieutenants. William Shakespeare
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Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. Doug Larson
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Raising children is like making biscuits: it is as easy to raise a big batch as one, while you have your hands in the dough. E W Howe
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Children keep us in check. Their laughter prevents our hearts from hardening. Their dreams ensure we never lose our drive to make ours a better world. They are the greatest disciplinarians known to mankind. Queen Rania Of Jordan
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(24/7) once you sign on to be a mother, that's the only shift they offer. Jodi Picoult
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Most of us become parents long before we have stopped being children. Mignon Mclaughlin
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Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you. Ray Romano
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To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. Dave Barry
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The child supplies the power but the parents have to do the steering. Benjamin Spock
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In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television. Erma Bombeck
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To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. Josh Billings
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Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them. P. J. O'Rourke
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You see much more of your children once they leave home. Lucille Ball
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Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. Bill Cosby
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It's not only children who grow. Parents do too... Joyce Maynard
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. Phyllis Diller
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It behooves a father to be blameless if he expects his child to be. Homer
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No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal. Bill Cosby
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Although there are many trial marriages... there is no such thing as a trial child. Gail Sheehy
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The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires. Dorothy Parker
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Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it. Haim Ginott
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. Erma Bombeck
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. Phyllis Diller
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Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. Ed Asner
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Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. P. J. O'Rourke
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To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. Your children need your presence more than your presents. Jesse Jackson
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Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first. Mignon Mclaughlin
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I don't remember who said this, but there really are places in the heart you don't even know exist until you love a child. Anne Lamott
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Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kid's therapy. Michelle Pfeiffer
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I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib. Woody Allen
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A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. Jerry Seinfeld
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A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes. Russell Lynes
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A child, like your stomach, doesn't need all you can afford to give it. Frank A Clark
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. Erma Bombeck
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