Funny Duck Quotes


I drew the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before and, to be honest with you I wanted to see a blue duck. Adam Sandler

Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck." Rodney Dangerfield

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck". Tommy Cooper

You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters? Groucho Marx

I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they. Bill Bailey

I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread. A duck loves bread, but he does not have the capability to buy a loaf. That's the biggest joke on the duck ever. If I worked at a convenience store, and a duck came in and stole a loaf of bread, I would let him go. I'd say, "Come back tomorrow, bring your friends!" When I think of a duck's friends, I think of other ducks. But he could have, say, a beaver in tow. Mitch Hedberg

You know, he would go and look at different funny books because he wanted his character to be different and make different faces. I saw a funny book in his room and it looked like the same character he was playing. It was about a duck. Bubba Smith

We've turned off all the lights in the living room to make hand shadows. We've got this big flashlight aimed at the wall. I make the silhouette of my hand into a duck. Robin makes his into a rabbit. Now my duck kisses his rabbit And-POOF!- it turns into a turkey. And for some reason this strikes us as hysterically funny. But you probably had to be there. Sonya Sones

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it just may be a duck. Walter Reuther

I went to the butchers to buy a leg of lamb. "Is it Scotch?", I asked. "Why?" the butcher said in reply. "Are you going to talk to it or eat it?". "In that case, have you got any wild duck?". "No", he responded, "but I've got one I could aggravate for you." Chic Murray

When I see a bird that walks like a duck and swims like a duck and quacks like a duck, I call that bird a duck. Richard Cushing

A door-opener for the Communist party is worse than a member of the Communist party. When someone walks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, he's a duck. James B. Carey

The perils of duck hunting are great- especially for the duck. Walter Cronkite

When I see a bird that walks like a duck and swims like a duck and quacks like a duck, I call that bird a duck. James Whitcomb Riley

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. Joey Adams

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. Steven Wright

The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it. Bob Newhart

When I was a kid my family was really poor and I remember one Halloween I wanted to dress up really scary and my parents came home with a duck costume. I wore that costume for years! I hated it. R L Stine

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. Groucho Marx

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old. Mary Schmich



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