Funny Break Up Texts


The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes. Nikolai Gogol

Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable. Cher

I don't really like to write anywhere but my own apartment. I send a lot of text messages to myself as email when I'm not at home. My texts are usually like, "If I ever break up with my boyfriend I want to date a very angry rapper." Chelsea Martin

We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear. Amy Schumer

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that. Steve Martin

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose. Rita Rudner

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. Russell Baker

It was hard doing scenes with Bobby Cannavale because I would break up laughing because he's so funny. Peter Dinklage

To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful. Bess Myerson

It's sad when people break up. Pete Townshend

Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable. L Frank Baum

I'm only a novelist on occasion. Many of my books are made up of brief texts collected together, short stories, or else they are books that have an overall structure but are composed of various texts. Italo Calvino

The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life. Oscar Wilde

My feeling is, if a dog is that hard up to break free, let it go. It's like a boyfriend who wants to break up. We all know the old adage "If you set someone free, and he never comes back, then he was never yours." I understand the main fear with setting dogs loose is they could get hit by a car, but so could an ex boyfriend. That's just a chance you have to take. Chelsea Handler

There's a lovely Hasidic story of a rabbi who always told his people that if they studied the Torah, it would put Scripture on their hearts. One of them asked, "Why on our hearts, and not in them?" The rabbi answered, "Only God can put Scripture inside. But reading sacred text can put it on your heart, and then when your hearts break, the holy words will fall inside. Anne Lamott

The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends. Gwyneth Paltrow

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Alfred Lord Tennyson

It's not Spring Break until somebody dies! Daniel Tosh

Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively. Dalai Lama

If you go by other people's opinions or predictions, you'll just end up talking yourself out of something. If you're running down the track of life thinking that it's impossible to break life's records, those thoughts have a funny way of sinking into your feet. Carl Lewis



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