Erma Bombeck Quotes

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A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect. Erma Bombeck
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Cats invented self-esteem. Erma Bombeck
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Every puppy should have a boy. Erma Bombeck
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Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Erma Bombeck
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Written on her tombstone: "I told you I was sick. Erma Bombeck
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Do I have to use my own money? Erma Bombeck
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A child needs your love most when he deserves it least Erma Bombeck
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I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell. Erma Bombeck
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Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives. Erma Bombeck
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing. Erma Bombeck
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There would have been more 'I love you's' and more, 'I'm sorry's'. Erma Bombeck
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I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses. Erma Bombeck
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Cats invented self-esteem; there is not an insecure bone in their body. Erma Bombeck
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Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna. Erma Bombeck
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday. Erma Bombeck
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Housework can kill you if done right. Erma Bombeck
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I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food Erma Bombeck
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises. Erma Bombeck
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Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, 'No thank you' to desert that night. And for what?! Erma Bombeck
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A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel. Erma Bombeck
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A fitting room to me has always been like a confessional ... where my body and my contrition take up the entire room. Erma Bombeck
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Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage. Erma Bombeck
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I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill. Erma Bombeck
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If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago. Erma Bombeck
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You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan. Erma Bombeck
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A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up. Erma Bombeck
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One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies. Erma Bombeck
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It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners. Erma Bombeck
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As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am. Erma Bombeck
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If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney. Erma Bombeck
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My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty. Erma Bombeck
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Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him. Erma Bombeck
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The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean. Erma Bombeck
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I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows. Erma Bombeck
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity. Erma Bombeck
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I think it's time we women stopped carrying supplies for the entire family. If children don't have room to carry their own toys, if men don't have pockets in their pants, tougho. Erma Bombeck
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born. Erma Bombeck
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank. Erma Bombeck
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