Bad Husband Jokes


Bad jokes and gay marriage are destroying this country. But torture can save it. Jon Stewart

Death meant little to me. It was the last joke in a series of bad jokes. Charles Bukowski

As though all the world were a bad joke and she was the only one around who knew the punchline. Jack Ketchum

I am a crazy online shopper. My husband always jokes, Another box arrived! Airplanes used to be my sanctuary for reading books, but now I have to peruse Gilt sales. Lisa Ling

A good Christian cannot be a bad husband or father and, as this is equally true in everything, he who has the most piety will shine the most in all the relationships of life. John Angell James

My husband jokes that I'll invite people over for dinner and he won't know who they are or where I met them. But in my work world, I've never really been tempted to tell too much of my story. Carrie-Anne Moss

When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show. Jeff Dunham

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. Groucho Marx

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Hemant Joshi

Some days I feel like everyone in my world has plugged themselves into my kidney. I'm so tired. But when you're having dinner with your kids and your husband and someone says something funny or you're dying laughing because your three-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn't matter what else is going on. That's real happiess. Gwyneth Paltrow

People are always like, Why did you and husband Carey Hart get back together? Well, we weren't done. And now we have Willow, so we'll never be done. Pink

Some movies run off the rails. This one is like the train crash in The Fugitive. I watched it in mounting gloom, realizing I was witnessing something historic, a film that for decades to come will be the punch line of jokes about bad movies. Roger Ebert

Lend's dad, two werewolves, and a vampire. It was like the setup to a bad joke or something. A doctor, two werewolves, and a vampire walk into a bar. "What'll you have?" the bartender asks. "We were thinking him," the vampire answers, eyeing the doctor. Okay, jokes weren't my strong point. Kiersten White

The next best thing to a very good joke is a very bad one. Julius Charles Hare

All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day." The Joker - The Killing Joke Alan Moore

I fancy that England is not the only place where married folks disagree, and where there are bad husbands. If one does not care to meet with such cases, one must quit this world. Those wishing to enter the marriage state had better not come to me for advice, for I disapprove of it altogether ... Elisabeth Charlotte d'Orleans

I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldnt be the bad guy in the joke; he couldnt upset people, really. Anthony Jeselnik

At bottom, to be colored means that one has been caught in some utterly unbelievable cosmic joke, a joke so hideous and in such bad taste that it defeats all categories and definitions. James A Baldwin

I enjoy watching a woman with really bad teeth and a good sense of humor struggling to use her lips and tongue to hide her teeth when she's laughing. I just stand there and tell her joke after joke after joke. George Carlin

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. Henny Youngman



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