Bad Husband Jokes



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Bad jokes and gay marriage are destroying this country. But torture can save it. Jon Stewart
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Death meant little to me. It was the last joke in a series of bad jokes. Charles Bukowski
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As though all the world were a bad joke and she was the only one around who knew the punchline. Jack Ketchum
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I am a crazy online shopper. My husband always jokes, Another box arrived! Airplanes used to be my sanctuary for reading books, but now I have to peruse Gilt sales. Lisa Ling
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I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself. Roseanne Barr
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My husband jokes that I'll invite people over for dinner and he won't know who they are or where I met them. But in my work world, I've never really been tempted to tell too much of my story. Carrie-Anne Moss
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When a bad experience happens, you just chalk it up to the great fact that you just got five more jokes in the show. Jeff Dunham
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Most practical jokes, I'll feel too bad for the other person so I'll stop just before the punchline. Larry David
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The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. Groucho Marx
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After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Hemant Joshi
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Some days I feel like everyone in my world has plugged themselves into my kidney. I'm so tired. But when you're having dinner with your kids and your husband and someone says something funny or you're dying laughing because your three-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn't matter what else is going on. That's real happiess. Gwyneth Paltrow
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My parents are really funny. Laughter was a big part of my childhood. Of course, they tell a lot of bad jokes - but so do I. I tell a lot of bad jokes. Cecily Strong
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People are always like, Why did you and husband Carey Hart get back together? Well, we weren't done. And now we have Willow, so we'll never be done. Pink
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Some movies run off the rails. This one is like the train crash in The Fugitive. I watched it in mounting gloom, realizing I was witnessing something historic, a film that for decades to come will be the punch line of jokes about bad movies. Roger Ebert
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All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day." The Joker - The Killing Joke Alan Moore
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I fancy that England is not the only place where married folks disagree, and where there are bad husbands. If one does not care to meet with such cases, one must quit this world. Those wishing to enter the marriage state had better not come to me for advice, for I disapprove of it altogether ... Elisabeth Charlotte d'Orleans
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I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldnt be the bad guy in the joke; he couldnt upset people, really. Anthony Jeselnik
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At bottom, to be colored means that one has been caught in some utterly unbelievable cosmic joke, a joke so hideous and in such bad taste that it defeats all categories and definitions. James A Baldwin
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You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work. Lee Trevino
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Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. H L Mencken
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