Quotes on Hilarious

I like stepping into the future. Therefore, I look for doorknobs. Marc Rosen
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Pretty sad. Pretty lonely. But that's how I prefer it? I quess? I guess. It's a good guess. It's the best quess ever. Dan Harmon
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What are you looking at sugar-tits? Mel Gibson
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I actually don't understand a word Paula's saying anymore. It's like a new language. Simon Cowell
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[Thine] face is not worth sunburning. William Shakespeare
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I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody. Jay London
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I thought Europe was a country? Kellie Pickler
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If you have something to say and say nothing, you are really telling a lie. Ashleigh Brilliant
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The limited circle is pure. Franz Kafka
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Is this chicken or is this fish? Jessica Simpson
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I still love her. But she's retarded, too. Guy Ritchie
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[Thou] mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms! William Shakespeare
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I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted George Best
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I always say, the bigger the hair, the smaller the hips! Christie Brinkley
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It was like hiking into a Hemingway story; everything was sepia-toned and bristling with subtext. Leslie What
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A conglomerate heap of trash, that's what I am. But it burns with a high flame. Ray Bradbury
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Bryant Gumbel's ego has applied for statehood. And if it's accepted, it will be the fifth-largest. Willard Scott
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Crack is cheap. I make too much money to ever smoke crack. Let's get that straight. OK? We don't do crack. We don't do that. Crack is whack. Whitney Houston
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Psychiatry is a pseudoscience.... You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do...Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, you don't even -you're glib. You don't even know what Ritalin is. Tom Cruise
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I love any movie that has a retarded person working at Starbucks. Chris Kattan
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I didn't have a big fat Greek wedding, but I have a lot of fat Greek friends. Pete Sampras
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Motown, Motown, that's my era. Those are my people. Hillary Clinton
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This is the only naked man that will ever be in my bedroom. Melissa Etheridge
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I want to focus on my salad. Martha Stewart
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Girls, if a boy says something that isn't funny, you don't have to laugh. Amy Poehler
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Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive? Ellen Degeneres
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Thou art a very ragged Wart. William Shakespeare
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A boo is a lot louder than a cheer. Lance Armstrong
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The reason for the unreason with which you treat my reason , so weakens my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty. Miguel De Cervantes
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When mice run, cats give chase. Rachel Vincent
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Nicole can do anything that involves a ball and whistle. Laurie Halse Anderson
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words. Woody Allen
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Google "brooklyn writer" and you'll get, Did you mean: the future of literature as we know it? Colson Whitehead
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A conclusion is the place you get to when you're tired of thinking. Jill Shalvis
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I can't imagine going back to long hair. Cutting it was the greatest thing I ever did Robin Wright
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A conclusion is the place you get to when you're tired of thinking. Jill Shalvis
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My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. Caroline Rhea
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There is only one immutable law in life - in a gentleman's toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way. Hugh Leonard
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All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years. Sarah Palin
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My life is an open book. With illustrations. Hugh Hefner
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Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion. Tina Fey
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There's power in looking silly and not caring that you do. Amy Poehler
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English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England. Matt Groening
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They misunderestimated me. George W Bush
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A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to take it off of you. Francoise Sagan
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We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics. Bill Vaughan
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All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance. Will Rogers
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I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. Steven Wright
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I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't. Patrick Murray
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Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. Bob Thaves
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I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. Ralph Waldo Emerson
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I never avoid something that challenges my guts and my heart. While I might occasionally puke my guts out, I have never puked my heart out. Michael Scott
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Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you. Mark Twain
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I hope you're getting this down. Woody Allen
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To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too. Matt Millen
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I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately. Mark Twain
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I led the league in go get 'em next time. Bob Uecker
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The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off. Jean Cocteau
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin
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I think god gave us talent because he screwed up our hair Dolly Parton
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That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on. John Lambie
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Look how often the unexpected happens - yet we still never expect it. Ashleigh Brilliant
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Therapy can be a good thing; it can be therapeutic. Alex Rodriguez
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Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate. Mark Twain
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By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong. Charles Wadsworth
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Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born? Benny Hill
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On one issue, at least, men and women agree. They both distrust women. H L Mencken
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I wouldn't feel right wearing clothes covering my body. Christina Aguilera
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People all over the world recognize me as a spiritual leader. Steven Seagal
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I am truly not one to give advice. I'm divorced and I stole my best friend's husband. Denise Richards
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This is possibly the most shameful situation I've ever gotten myself in in my life, and I've done some pretty dumb things in my life. So to actually make a new No. 1 is spectacularly stupid. Russell Crowe
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Take your risks now; as you become older, you become more fearful and less flexible. And I mean that literally. I hurt my knee this week on the treadmill, and it wasn't even on. Amy Poehler
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Anybody who doesn't make you feel good, kick them to the curb. And the earlier you start in your life, the better. Amy Poehler
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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success? Jerry Seinfeld
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The old woman was the kind who would not cut down a large old tree because it was a large old tree. Flannery O'Connor
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It's so trendy, almost bleeding to death. All the cool girls are doing it. Francine Pascal
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I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq. Stephen Colbert
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The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless. Nicolas Chamfort
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The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good. Robert Graves
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There is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper. Camille Paglia
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