Quotes on Funny

He would have scored a touchdown if he hadn't been tackled right there. John Madden
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As you were, I was. As I am, you will be. Hunter S Thompson
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No one ever thought Clint Eastwood was funny, but he was. Annie Leibovitz
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'Come out' is so funny to me because I've never been in. Adam Lambert
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It's your money. You paid for it. George W Bush
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Actually I never did stand up. I'm not that funny. Maynard James Keenan
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Better a bald head than none at all. Austin O'Malley
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Hurry up and learn patience. Wes Smith
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I like funny things, but I don't find myself particularly funny. Chris Messina
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As I get older, I just prefer to knit. Tracey Ullman
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I don't mean to be funny. Yogi Berra
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I don't think I'm funny. Liam Neeson
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Life can be dramatic and funny all in the same day. Jennifer Aniston
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I read a lot of scripts that I just don't find very funny. Jennifer Aniston
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It was a sobering experience. Lindsay Lohan
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Isn't it weird that I'm getting all emotionable? Jessica Simpson
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There is certainly more in the future now than back in 1964. Roger Daltrey
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Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas. Dave Attell
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So, how did you all meet? Donna Air
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At the finish, it was all over Jim Watt
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My second hit was a flop. Shakin' Stevens
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Thank you very Much, I enjoyed myself Richard P Feynman
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You can never be too paranoid. Cathy Crimmins
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Being funny is not the same as being happy. Dana Gould
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We're Mexi-cans not Mexi-can'ts. George Lopez
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I'm a compulsive everything. Mike Birbiglia
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I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small! Steven Wright
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If you lose your best cornerback and punter, I'd say that's a double loss. John Madden
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They'll score if they can just get into the endzone. John Madden
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The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach. Steven Wright
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I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control. Steven Wright
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK. Steven Wright
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Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Steven Wright
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Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of? Steven Wright
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Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? Steven Wright
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I was once arrested for resisting arrest. Steven Wright
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I was skydiving horizontally. Steven Wright
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My socks DO match. They're the same thickness. Steven Wright
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Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug. Steven Wright
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Sometimes I... No, I don't. Steven Wright
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The plural of spouse is spice. Christopher Morley
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I had never been to second base. Don Carman
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It's funny to be a critic. Leslie Fiedler
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I'm just like anyone. I cut and I bleed. And I embarass easily. Michael Jackson
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The funny thing about stop signs is that they're also start signs. Maureen Johnson
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I'll save that for Mrs. Battier. Shane Battier
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I hope his breath wasn't too bad for 'Bron.' Paul George
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I don't know all the certain words to word it. Vanilla Ice
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I invented the internet Al Gore
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Yes, Sept 11th was unfortunate Geri Halliwell
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I do have a 22-inch waist, I will say that. Megan Fox
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Workin' so hard every night and day and now we get to lay back. Gwen Stefani
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I had a very funny family. Zach Braff
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The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles. Garrison Keillor
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Hollywood's just not funny. Chris Rock
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I'm Jewish, but I'm totally not. Sarah Silverman
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Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something. Enid Blyton
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Now go back to Supercuts and get your $5 back jabroni! Dwayne Johnson
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Someone came too sooner. Eugene Ormandy
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Start at B. Yes. No. Yes. No. Eugene Ormandy
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Something went wrong. It was correct when I studied it. Eugene Ormandy
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Yes, the mutes are already on. You took them off in the beginning. Eugene Ormandy
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Yes, but keep copies. Samuel Goldwyn
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All women are good - good for nothing, or good for something. Miguel De Cervantes
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You're 40 and he's 22. Do you have to marry him? Couldn't you just adopt him? Ann Dunham
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How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything. George Burns
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What's it like kissing Taylor Lautner. Robert Pattinson
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You'll never call him Fifi again. Lynda Barry
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I've never really thought of myself as depressed so much as I am paralyzed by hope. Maria Bamford
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When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42. There's more of you, but you are not worth as much. Joel Barnett, Baron Barnett
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Nothing's funny about someone who's successful. Drew Carey
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I never thought of myself as like, a funny person. Lena Dunham
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I never say a funny thing intentionally. Jayne Meadows
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They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right. Steven Wright
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I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies. Mitch Hedberg
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I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them. Mitch Hedberg
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Why are there no "during" pictures? Mitch Hedberg
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Nothing is like it seems, but everything is exactly like it is. Yogi Berra
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But you shall not escape my iambics. Catullus
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Small earthquake in Chile. Not many dead. Claud Cockburn
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