Quotes on Funny Graduation

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate. Doug Larson

Spread joy. Chase your wildest dreams. Patch Adams

There's few things that get you over your own crap more than working hard. Adam Savage

We don't stop going to school when we graduate. Carol Burnett

It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices. Bill Cosby

So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don't recommend it. Bill Watterson

Nothing worth knowing can be taught. Oscar Wilde

A classical education enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving. Russell Green

A professor is someone who talks in someone else's sleep. W H Auden

Become goddesses of disobedience. Naomi Wolf

I was a lesbian for a semester at Wesleyan - it was a graduation requirement. Ayelet Waldman

People will frighten you about a graduation.... They use words you don't hear often: And we wish you Godspeed." It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices." Bill Cosby

Live all of your life. Understand it, see it, appreciate it. And have fun. Joss Whedon

Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while and look at people's faces. Amy Poehler

The truth is, I was afraid the day I walked into Stanford. And I was afraid the day I walked out. Carly Fiorina

The man who graduates today and stops learning tomorrow is uneducated the day after. Newton D. Baker

People will frighten you about a graduation....They use words you don't hear often... Bill Cosby

So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality, Jim Carrey

You cannot help but learn more as take the world into your hands. Take it up reverently, for it is and old piece of clay, with millions of thumbprints on it. John Updike

I found that nothing in life is worthwhile unless you take risks. Denzel Washington

Think of it as your ticket to change the world. Tom Brokaw

Death isn't the end, it's the beginning. Jennifer Love Hewitt

Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along. Stephen Colbert

At commencement you wear your square-shaped mortarboards.My hope is that from time to time you will let your minds be bold, and wear sombreros. Paul A. Freund

Just about a month from now I'm set adrift, with a diploma for a sail and lots of nerve for oars. Richard Halliburton

What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God. Eleanor Powell

Never follow anyone else's path, unless you're in the woods and you're lost. Ellen Degeneres

When I made coffee and Xeroxed and distributed newspapers at ABC News, I thought my life was over. Katie Couric

People will say you can't do good and do well. They're wrong, that's idiotic advice. Soledad O'Brien

There is no delete button for bigotry. Tom Brokaw

We had times in '66 and '67 when we would pick up a platoon of privates out of the receiving barracks the week before we even graduated the platoon that we were on! R Lee Ermey

We are all in the process of becoming. Audre Lorde

If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you. Robert F. Goheen

Graduation is not the end; it's the beginning. Orrin Hatch

Openness isn't the end; it's the beginning. Margaret Heffernan

There is a good reason they call these ceremonies 'commencement exercises'. Graduation is not the end; it's the beginning. Orrin Hatch

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States. George W Bush

Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. Garry Trudeau

It was only when I finished the course and left my graduation diploma on the bus that I realized I'd become an actor. James D'arcy

... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech. Art Buchwald

Just remember, you can't climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets. Arnold Schwarzenegger

It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock. Woody Allen

You are educated. Your certification is in your degree. You may think of it as the ticket to the good life. Let me ask you to think of an alternative. Think of it as your ticket to change the world. Tom Brokaw

My favorite animal is the turtle. The reason is that in order for the turtle to move, it has to stick its neck out. Ruth Westheimer

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. Fred Allen

The things taught in schools and colleges are not an education, but the means to an education. Ralph Waldo Emerson

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success. Robert Orben

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at 4:00 in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today. George Foreman

You're going to fall down, but the world doesn't care how many times you fall down, as long as it's one fewer than the numbers of times you get back up. Aaron Sorkin

A modern school where football is taught. Ambrose Bierce

Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know. T S Eliot

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen. Conan O'Brien

... a relentless focus on the outward markers of success can lead to complacency. It can make you lazy. Barack Obama

Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us. Bill Cosby

I've observed a few things about the few really great people I've had a chance to meet and cover...They need to be around people. You and I require sleep. They require people. David Brooks

I wish that someone had said to me that it's normal to feel lost for a little while. Ira Glass

I was a Democrat before I was a Republican before I became an independent and I never changed my principles. Michael Bloomberg

When you work for other people you'll find ... that they do know what's best for them, and for the company. And you should listen to them and be respectful, but they don't know what's best for you. Mike Judge

Whoever invented spray cheese had to have been a Harvard guy. Seth Macfarlane

This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated! Henny Youngman

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. Robert M Hutchins

The fireworks begin today. Each diploma is a lighted match. Each one of you is a fuse. Ed Koch

Don't live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable. Wendy Wasserstein

You cannot climb the ladder of success dressed in the costume of failure. Zig Ziglar

You might as well take a chance on doing what you love. Jim Carrey

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught. Ambrose Bierce

You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. Dr. Seuss

You are the guy who'll decide where to go. Dr. Seuss

Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here. Neil Gaiman

Make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Neil Gaiman

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. Milton Berle

Oh, the places you will go. Dr. Seuss

In life, the things that go wrong are often the very things that lead to other things going right. Arianna Huffington

It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final. Roger Babson

Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel, I hope that you choose not to be a lady. I hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble out there. And I also hope that you will choose to make some of that trouble on behalf of women. Nora Ephron

Wise are those who learn that the bottom line doesn't always have to be their top priority. William Arthur Ward

It takes most men five years to recover from a college education, and to learn that poetry is as vital to thinking as knowledge. Brooks Atkinson

Life is the most exciting opportunity we have. But we have one shot. You graduate from college once, and that's it. You're going out of that nest. And you have to find that courage that's deep, deep, deep in there. Every step of the way. Andrew Shue

Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here. Neil Gaiman

Wherever you go, go with all your heart. Confucius



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