Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired. Woody Allen

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points? Woody Allen

That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing. Woody Allen

I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion with you. Woody Allen

I am told the settlement of $5 million I am being paid is the largest amount ever paid under the New York right to privacy law Woody Allen

I have a great admiration for English actors and actresses and have used them at every opportunity over the years, but now I won't have to import them to New York Woody Allen

We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice. Woody Allen

I carry a bullet in my breast pocket. Once, a crazy evangelist threw a bible at me, which would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet. Woody Allen

Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down. Woody Allen

. . . they confuse everything I do with my life. Woody Allen

The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7, it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone. Woody Allen

Summing up, it is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock. Woody Allen

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred. Woody Allen

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love. Woody Allen

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. Woody Allen

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot. Woody Allen

We're worth a lot of dough. Whatever you see is antiques. This thing here. This is from - I don't remember exactly. I think it's the Renaissance or the Magna Carta or something. But that's where it's from. Woody Allen

I don't believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. Woody Allen

What a wonderful thing, to be conscious! I wonder what the people in New Jersey do. Woody Allen

No, I don't think you're paranoid. I think you're the opposite of paranoid. I think you walk around with the insane delusion that people like you. Woody Allen

She quarreled with the nanny and accused her of brushing Misha's teeth sideways rather than up and down. Woody Allen

What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause! Woody Allen

Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano. Woody Allen

I'm a comedian. I make comic films and there are certain ideas that occur to me that are comic, with heavy, serious undertones. There are some ideas that are more frivolous to me. The next idea that could occur to me could be comedy about death and famine or something. Woody Allen

I was raised in a religious home. It was unreasonable enforced religion that turned me off it. It was a joyless, unpleasant, stupid, barbaric thing when I was a child and I've never gotten over that feeling. If you're talking about religion it's one thing; I don't hold Jewish religion with any more seriousness than I would any other. Woody Allen

Photons have mass? I did' even know they were Catholic. Woody Allen

A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires. Woody Allen

Until you've been kissed on a rainy Parisian afternoon - you've never been kissed. Woody Allen

I'm generally not a social dramatist or comedy writer. My interests have always been more in psychological stories or personal relations and comic ideas. Woody Allen

There's a tacit agreement between myself and the audience that I will entertain them when they buy their ticket, and I've been the one that has screwed that up. Once in while I indulge myself and try something else, and I keep my fingers crossed that it will come out good and there'll be enough people who will enjoy it, but that doesn't often happen. Woody Allen

I'm going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. I'll be dead. you know, in fact, if I get the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier, which would be perfect. Or wait a minute. It - with the time change, I could be alive for six hours in New York but dead three hours in Paris. I could get things done, and I could also be dead. Woody Allen

Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym. Woody Allen

People always ask me, Do you ever think you'll wake up one morning and not be funny? That thought would never occur to me-it's an odd thought and not realistic. Because funny and me are not separate. We're one. Woody Allen

I know what I think but I don't know how to put it into words. Maybe I could get a little bit drunk and dance it for you. Woody Allen

God, you Jews are truly exotic." Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set. Woody Allen

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have. Woody Allen

I failed to make the chess team because of my height. Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Woody Allen

I never wanted to or expected to make a film outside of New York. New York became very, very expensive. The same $18 million spent in Barcelona or Rome goes much further there. Woody Allen

I've always liked, someday the lamb will lay by the lion.... but it won't get much sleep. Woody Allen

I spend a lot of time idly. I go to sporting events, play my clarinet. I practise. But if you work every day, a certain amount on a steady basis, the work accumulates. Woody Allen

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows. Woody Allen

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen. Woody Allen

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle! Woody Allen

I can't express anger. I grow a tumor instead. Woody Allen

Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying. Woody Allen

The process of making films is so technically demanding that it's a distraction. You don't spend your time thinking about the philosophical content, which is often very depressing. Woody Allen

People say that death is a part of life and there must be something to it, but I just see it as bad news and I want everybody to stop sugarcoating it. Woody Allen

I'd always wanted to be a dramatic. Comedy comes more naturally to me. I can do it with more facility. So I feel more comfortable with it. Woody Allen

I don't believe in competition for artistic things. I just like the atmosphere of the Cannes festival. I don't want to win anything or lose anything. Woody Allen

I'm really impotent against the overwhelming bleakness of the universe and the only thing I can do is my little gift [filmmaking] and do it the best I can, which is cold comfort. Woody Allen

Everybody knows how awful the world is and each person distorts it in a certain way that enables him to get through. Some people distort it with religious things, others with sports, money, love, art, and they all have their own nonsense about what makes it meaningful, and all but nothing makes it meaningful. These things definitely serve a certain function, but in the end they all fail to give life meaning and everyone goes to his grave in a meaningless way. Woody Allen

That's the way I feel about the world: there are certain problems that can only be dealt with that way - going out and doing them. As ugly a truth as that is, I do think it's the truth about the world. Woody Allen

My heart says one thing. My head says another. Very hard to get your heart and head together in life. Woody Allen

Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind. Woody Allen

In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm. Woody Allen

I always write the same way. I always write with a yellow pad and a ballpoint pen on my bed. And then I go and type it up afterwards. I've always done that. Those things become habitual. Woody Allen

For some reason I've always had an irrational love for New York. There's no reason that you would necessarily like it on paper. It's very expensive. Woody Allen

I'm a big believer in supporting the action on film with the appropriate music. It covers a multitude of sins. It's gotten me out of a lot of jams, over the years. So, music for me is a very big thing in films and I use it unashamedly. Woody Allen

You look up after many years and you find that a film has become a classic because it's meaningful to people and alive, decade after decade. Woody Allen

In fact, when they wake up in the morning, they're Jack Nicholson or Robert De Niro or Josh Brolin. And it's built-in, but they think it's all this other stuff. But it's not. They'd be great if they didn't think about their part or if they did think about it. Woody Allen

I work all the time because it's a great distraction and it keeps me from sitting home and obsessing morbidly. Woody Allen

I'd like to make a great movie. I've made many movies. I think I've made some good movies. I've never felt I've made a great movie. Woody Allen

When I was a young man, my friends and I and all of us in New York were very influenced by French cinema. French cinema played an enormous influence on those of us who wanted to be filmmakers. Woody Allen

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen

Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. Woody Allen

Life's hard, then you die. Woody Allen

Rather than live on in the hearts and minds of my fellow man, I would rather live on in my apartment. Woody Allen

You know how you're always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it's real difficult in life Woody Allen



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