Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


Showing up is 80 percent of life. Woody Allen
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I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member. Woody Allen
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Geez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts. Woody Allen
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That's one of the nice things about writing, or any art; if the thing's real, it just lives. All the attendant hoopla about it, the success over it or the critical rejection-none of that really matters. In the end, the thing will survive or not on its own merits. Not that immortality via art is any big deal. Truffaut died, and we all felt awful about it, and there were the appropriate eulogies, and his wonderful films live on. But it's not much help to Truffaut. Woody Allen
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As an artist, you are always striving toward an ultimate achievement but never seem to reach it. You shoot a film, and the result could have always been better. You try again, and fail once more. In some ways I find it enjoyable. You never lose sight of your goal. I don't do my job to make money or to break box office records, I simply try things out. What would happen if I were to achieve perfection at some point? What would I do then? Woody Allen
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Yes, but the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, 'Everybody up, it's morning,' it's very hard to find your slippers. Woody Allen
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Basically I am a low-culture person. I prefer watching baseball with a beer and some meatballs. Woody Allen
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If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?... Woody Allen
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I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon, Woody Allen
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Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety Woody Allen
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I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot. Woody Allen
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No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck. Woody Allen
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Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria's Secret catalogue. Woody Allen
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Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love. Woody Allen
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I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect, but I still love him. Woody Allen
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The best an idea gets is when its in your head. Woody Allen
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Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired. Woody Allen
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I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points? Woody Allen
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I never wanted to or expected to make a film outside of New York. New York became very, very expensive. The same $18 million spent in Barcelona or Rome goes much further there. Woody Allen
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That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing. Woody Allen
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I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion with you. Woody Allen
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I am told the settlement of $5 million I am being paid is the largest amount ever paid under the New York right to privacy law Woody Allen
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I have a great admiration for English actors and actresses and have used them at every opportunity over the years, but now I won't have to import them to New York Woody Allen
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We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice. Woody Allen
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I carry a bullet in my breast pocket. Once, a crazy evangelist threw a bible at me, which would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet. Woody Allen
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Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down. Woody Allen
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. . . they confuse everything I do with my life. Woody Allen
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The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7, it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone. Woody Allen
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Summing up, it is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock. Woody Allen
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You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred. Woody Allen
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Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love. Woody Allen
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I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. Woody Allen
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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot. Woody Allen
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We're worth a lot of dough. Whatever you see is antiques. This thing here. This is from - I don't remember exactly. I think it's the Renaissance or the Magna Carta or something. But that's where it's from. Woody Allen
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I don't believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. Woody Allen
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What a wonderful thing, to be conscious! I wonder what the people in New Jersey do. Woody Allen
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No, I don't think you're paranoid. I think you're the opposite of paranoid. I think you walk around with the insane delusion that people like you. Woody Allen
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She quarreled with the nanny and accused her of brushing Misha's teeth sideways rather than up and down. Woody Allen
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What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause! Woody Allen
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Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano. Woody Allen
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I'm a comedian. I make comic films and there are certain ideas that occur to me that are comic, with heavy, serious undertones. There are some ideas that are more frivolous to me. The next idea that could occur to me could be comedy about death and famine or something. Woody Allen
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I was raised in a religious home. It was unreasonable enforced religion that turned me off it. It was a joyless, unpleasant, stupid, barbaric thing when I was a child and I've never gotten over that feeling. If you're talking about religion it's one thing; I don't hold Jewish religion with any more seriousness than I would any other. Woody Allen
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Photons have mass? I did' even know they were Catholic. Woody Allen
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A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires. Woody Allen
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Until you've been kissed on a rainy Parisian afternoon - you've never been kissed. Woody Allen
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His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. Woody Allen
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Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. Woody Allen
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I can't express anger. I grow a tumor instead. Woody Allen
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Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying. Woody Allen
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The process of making films is so technically demanding that it's a distraction. You don't spend your time thinking about the philosophical content, which is often very depressing. Woody Allen
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People say that death is a part of life and there must be something to it, but I just see it as bad news and I want everybody to stop sugarcoating it. Woody Allen
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I'd always wanted to be a dramatic. Comedy comes more naturally to me. I can do it with more facility. So I feel more comfortable with it. Woody Allen
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I don't believe in competition for artistic things. I just like the atmosphere of the Cannes festival. I don't want to win anything or lose anything. Woody Allen
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I'm really impotent against the overwhelming bleakness of the universe and the only thing I can do is my little gift [filmmaking] and do it the best I can, which is cold comfort. Woody Allen
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Everybody knows how awful the world is and each person distorts it in a certain way that enables him to get through. Some people distort it with religious things, others with sports, money, love, art, and they all have their own nonsense about what makes it meaningful, and all but nothing makes it meaningful. These things definitely serve a certain function, but in the end they all fail to give life meaning and everyone goes to his grave in a meaningless way. Woody Allen
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That's the way I feel about the world: there are certain problems that can only be dealt with that way - going out and doing them. As ugly a truth as that is, I do think it's the truth about the world. Woody Allen
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My heart says one thing. My head says another. Very hard to get your heart and head together in life. Woody Allen
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Nothing worth knowing can be understood with the mind. Woody Allen
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In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm. Woody Allen
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I always write the same way. I always write with a yellow pad and a ballpoint pen on my bed. And then I go and type it up afterwards. I've always done that. Those things become habitual. Woody Allen
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For some reason I've always had an irrational love for New York. There's no reason that you would necessarily like it on paper. It's very expensive. Woody Allen
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I'm a big believer in supporting the action on film with the appropriate music. It covers a multitude of sins. It's gotten me out of a lot of jams, over the years. So, music for me is a very big thing in films and I use it unashamedly. Woody Allen
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You look up after many years and you find that a film has become a classic because it's meaningful to people and alive, decade after decade. Woody Allen
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In fact, when they wake up in the morning, they're Jack Nicholson or Robert De Niro or Josh Brolin. And it's built-in, but they think it's all this other stuff. But it's not. They'd be great if they didn't think about their part or if they did think about it. Woody Allen
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I work all the time because it's a great distraction and it keeps me from sitting home and obsessing morbidly. Woody Allen
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I'd like to make a great movie. I've made many movies. I think I've made some good movies. I've never felt I've made a great movie. Woody Allen
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When I was a young man, my friends and I and all of us in New York were very influenced by French cinema. French cinema played an enormous influence on those of us who wanted to be filmmakers. Woody Allen
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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen
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Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. Woody Allen
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Life's hard, then you die. Woody Allen
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