Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points? Woody Allen
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That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing. Woody Allen
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I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion with you. Woody Allen
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I am told the settlement of $5 million I am being paid is the largest amount ever paid under the New York right to privacy law Woody Allen
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I have a great admiration for English actors and actresses and have used them at every opportunity over the years, but now I won't have to import them to New York Woody Allen
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We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice. Woody Allen
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I carry a bullet in my breast pocket. Once, a crazy evangelist threw a bible at me, which would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet. Woody Allen
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Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down. Woody Allen
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I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them. Woody Allen
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When you travel around the country, you see what a tough town New York is: rude, competitive, a town where good, logical ideas are ignored in favor of unworkable ones. And yet, all these other towns are so dead and boring compared to New York. Woody Allen
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Life is tough and it's tough whether you're famous or not famous. And in the end it's probably better to be famous because the perks are better. You get better seats at the basketball game, and you get better tables and reservations places. If I call a doctor on Saturday morning I can get him. There's a lot of things, indulgences that you don't get, if you're not famous. Now I'm not saying it's fair. But I can't say that I don't enjoy it. Woody Allen
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I've never been satisfied or even pleased with a film that I've done. I make them, I'm finished, I've never looked at one after. I don't like them because there's a big gap between what you conceive in your mind when you're writing and you don't have to meet the test of reality. You're home, you write and it's funny and beautiful and romantic and dramatic, and then you have to show up on a cold morning, and you don't have enough of this and this goes wrong and you make the wrong choice on something and you screwed up and you can't go back. Woody Allen
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You can't anticipate in the room the riches of what you encounter when you're location hunting for a movie. Woody Allen
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I didn't go to Paris until I was a grown-up in 1965. And when I went to Paris, it was the Paris I knew only from American movies. Woody Allen
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When I first started, there were writers that I looked up to that I felt very influenced by and very respectful toward their work and their opinion of my work. Woody Allen
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I consider myself a completely lucky filmmaker. I've had nothing but good luck. Everything I've needed has come my way. Woody Allen
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When I'm writing something, if there's a part that's good for me, then I'll play it. Otherwise, I don't. And I notice that there are less and less parts for me in my own writing. Woody Allen
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I usually want to crawl into the ground after I make a film, almost invariably. Woody Allen
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And Nietzche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. He said that the life we lived we're going to live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again. Woody Allen
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Human existence is a brutal experience to me... it's a brutal, meaningless experience - an agonizing, meaningless experience with some oases, delight, some charm and peace, but these are just small oases. Overall, it is a brutal, terrible experience, and so it [salvation] is what can you do to alleviate the agony of the human condition, the human predicament? That is what interests me the most. Woody Allen
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You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on. Woody Allen
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I am plagued by doubts. Woody Allen
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Sylvia Plath. Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college-girl mentality. Woody Allen
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I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm. Woody Allen
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If you're not failing, you're not trying anything. Woody Allen
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Showing up is 80 percent of life. Woody Allen
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I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member. Woody Allen
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Geez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts. Woody Allen
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That's one of the nice things about writing, or any art; if the thing's real, it just lives. All the attendant hoopla about it, the success over it or the critical rejection-none of that really matters. In the end, the thing will survive or not on its own merits. Not that immortality via art is any big deal. Truffaut died, and we all felt awful about it, and there were the appropriate eulogies, and his wonderful films live on. But it's not much help to Truffaut. Woody Allen
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As an artist, you are always striving toward an ultimate achievement but never seem to reach it. You shoot a film, and the result could have always been better. You try again, and fail once more. In some ways I find it enjoyable. You never lose sight of your goal. I don't do my job to make money or to break box office records, I simply try things out. What would happen if I were to achieve perfection at some point? What would I do then? Woody Allen
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Yes, but the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, 'Everybody up, it's morning,' it's very hard to find your slippers. Woody Allen
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Basically I am a low-culture person. I prefer watching baseball with a beer and some meatballs. Woody Allen
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If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?... Woody Allen
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I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon, Woody Allen
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Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety Woody Allen
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I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want Woody Allen
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It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock. Woody Allen
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Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen. Woody Allen
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I believe in sex and death- two experiences that come once in a lifetime. Woody Allen
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The two biggest myths about me are that I'm an intellectual, because I wear these glasses, and that I'm an artist because my films lose money. Those two myths have been prevalent for many years. Woody Allen
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I can live in Paris for four months or London or, you know, Barcelona. These are places that are like New York. But I don't think I could live in many places. When I had to make a film in the United States I picked San Francisco because to me it's one of the great cities of America. Woody Allen
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I enjoy the making of the film and it's something for me to do. If nobody ever comes to my films, if people don't want to give me money to make films, that will stop me. But as long as people come all over the world and I have an audience and I have ideas for films, I will do them for as long as I enjoy the process. And I like the whole process of making a film. Woody Allen
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Man cannot live by bread alone. Every once in awhile he needs a salad. Woody Allen
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Until you've been kissed on a rainy Parisian afternoon - you've never been kissed. Woody Allen
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. . . they confuse everything I do with my life. Woody Allen
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You're still in love' 'No I'm not, I'm not She'll always be a part of me, and she's an important person in my life but for the two of us something wasn't working.' 'What element?' 'We never found out Woody Allen
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It's funny. Maria Elena and I, we are meant for each other and not meant for each other, it's a contradiction. Woody Allen
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I'm awash in self-contempt! Woody Allen
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Ninety percent of life is just showing up. Woody Allen
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No Matter what you do there will be critics. Woody Allen
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Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. Woody Allen
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A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'. Woody Allen
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A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense. Woody Allen
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Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. Woody Allen
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Of all human weakness obsession is the most dangerous. And the silliest. Woody Allen
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I think Bergman's films have eternal relevance, because they deal with the difficulty of personal relationships and lack of communication between people and religious aspirations and mortality, existential themes that will be relevant a thousand years from now. When many of the things that are successful and trendy today will have been long relegated to musty-looking antiques, his stuff will still be great. Woody Allen
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Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city. Woody Allen
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I don't like to reminisce much, and my walls don't have photographs of me and the actors I was with, or any of that stuff. I try and keep that disciplined, and just work. There are so many traps you can get into, and looking back on your own work is certainly one of them. Woody Allen
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My films are misinterpreted all the time. I don't mind that. Everybody's films are misinterpreted. But there's no malice or stupidity in the people that misinterpret them. You know what you do, but someone else sees it, and they want to talk about it or write about it, and so they misinterpret them. Woody Allen
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I'm a creature of the New York City streets. Woody Allen
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Eighty percent of success is showing up. Woody Allen
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I've never felt Truth was Beauty. Never. I've always felt that people can't take too much reality. I like being in Ingmar Bergman's world. Or in Louis Armstrong's world. Or in the world of the New York Knicks. Because it's not this world. You spend your whole life searching for a way out. You just get an overdose of reality, you know, and it's a terrible thing. I'm always fighting against reality. Woody Allen
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This sounds so bleak when I say it, but we need some delusions to keep us going. And the people who successfully delude themselves seem happier than the people who can't. Woody Allen
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Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds. Woody Allen
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This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, Doc, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken. The doctor says, Well, why don't you turn him in? And the guy says, I would but I need the eggs. Well I guess that's pretty much how I feel about relationships. You know they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd but I guess we keep going through it because, uh, most of us need the eggs. Woody Allen
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There's no correlation between what the public likes and what I'm after. I'm in a different world. Woody Allen
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In the shower, with the hot water coming down, you've left the real world behind, and very frequently things open up for you. It's the change of venue, the unblocking the attempt to force the ideas that's crippling you when you're trying to write. Woody Allen
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People ask me whether I think that one day I might wake up one morning and run dry, but I've had the opposite feeling - that I would die before I had time to write all the ideas in my drawer. Woody Allen
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Many people who get a lot of money are willing to work with me for no money. This is true. Woody Allen
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Writing is great because you never have to meet the test of reality when you're writing. When I write the film is always a masterpiece at that point. I write and I make up things and budgets don't mean anything and it's great. Woody Allen
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