Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them. Woody Allen
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When you travel around the country, you see what a tough town New York is: rude, competitive, a town where good, logical ideas are ignored in favor of unworkable ones. And yet, all these other towns are so dead and boring compared to New York. Woody Allen
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Life is tough and it's tough whether you're famous or not famous. And in the end it's probably better to be famous because the perks are better. You get better seats at the basketball game, and you get better tables and reservations places. If I call a doctor on Saturday morning I can get him. There's a lot of things, indulgences that you don't get, if you're not famous. Now I'm not saying it's fair. But I can't say that I don't enjoy it. Woody Allen
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I've never been satisfied or even pleased with a film that I've done. I make them, I'm finished, I've never looked at one after. I don't like them because there's a big gap between what you conceive in your mind when you're writing and you don't have to meet the test of reality. You're home, you write and it's funny and beautiful and romantic and dramatic, and then you have to show up on a cold morning, and you don't have enough of this and this goes wrong and you make the wrong choice on something and you screwed up and you can't go back. Woody Allen
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You can't anticipate in the room the riches of what you encounter when you're location hunting for a movie. Woody Allen
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I didn't go to Paris until I was a grown-up in 1965. And when I went to Paris, it was the Paris I knew only from American movies. Woody Allen
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When I first started, there were writers that I looked up to that I felt very influenced by and very respectful toward their work and their opinion of my work. Woody Allen
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I consider myself a completely lucky filmmaker. I've had nothing but good luck. Everything I've needed has come my way. Woody Allen
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What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause! Woody Allen
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Figures tell us there are already more people on earth than we need to move even the heaviest piano. Woody Allen
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I'm a comedian. I make comic films and there are certain ideas that occur to me that are comic, with heavy, serious undertones. There are some ideas that are more frivolous to me. The next idea that could occur to me could be comedy about death and famine or something. Woody Allen
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I was raised in a religious home. It was unreasonable enforced religion that turned me off it. It was a joyless, unpleasant, stupid, barbaric thing when I was a child and I've never gotten over that feeling. If you're talking about religion it's one thing; I don't hold Jewish religion with any more seriousness than I would any other. Woody Allen
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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot. Woody Allen
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We're worth a lot of dough. Whatever you see is antiques. This thing here. This is from - I don't remember exactly. I think it's the Renaissance or the Magna Carta or something. But that's where it's from. Woody Allen
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I don't believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. Woody Allen
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What a wonderful thing, to be conscious! I wonder what the people in New Jersey do. Woody Allen
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No, I don't think you're paranoid. I think you're the opposite of paranoid. I think you walk around with the insane delusion that people like you. Woody Allen
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She quarreled with the nanny and accused her of brushing Misha's teeth sideways rather than up and down. Woody Allen
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The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7, it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone. Woody Allen
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Summing up, it is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock. Woody Allen
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You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred. Woody Allen
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Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love. Woody Allen
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I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. Woody Allen
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I spend a lot of time idly. I go to sporting events, play my clarinet. I practise. But if you work every day, a certain amount on a steady basis, the work accumulates. Woody Allen
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That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing. Woody Allen
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I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion with you. Woody Allen
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Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen. Woody Allen
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I believe in sex and death- two experiences that come once in a lifetime. Woody Allen
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The two biggest myths about me are that I'm an intellectual, because I wear these glasses, and that I'm an artist because my films lose money. Those two myths have been prevalent for many years. Woody Allen
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I can live in Paris for four months or London or, you know, Barcelona. These are places that are like New York. But I don't think I could live in many places. When I had to make a film in the United States I picked San Francisco because to me it's one of the great cities of America. Woody Allen
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I enjoy the making of the film and it's something for me to do. If nobody ever comes to my films, if people don't want to give me money to make films, that will stop me. But as long as people come all over the world and I have an audience and I have ideas for films, I will do them for as long as I enjoy the process. And I like the whole process of making a film. Woody Allen
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Man cannot live by bread alone. Every once in awhile he needs a salad. Woody Allen
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. . . they confuse everything I do with my life. Woody Allen
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I am told the settlement of $5 million I am being paid is the largest amount ever paid under the New York right to privacy law Woody Allen
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I have a great admiration for English actors and actresses and have used them at every opportunity over the years, but now I won't have to import them to New York Woody Allen
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We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice. Woody Allen
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I carry a bullet in my breast pocket. Once, a crazy evangelist threw a bible at me, which would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet. Woody Allen
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Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down. Woody Allen
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Until you've been kissed on a rainy Parisian afternoon - you've never been kissed. Woody Allen
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You know what my philosophy of life is? That it's important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life. Woody Allen
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Photons have mass? I did' even know they were Catholic. Woody Allen
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A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires. Woody Allen
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I never wanted to or expected to make a film outside of New York. New York became very, very expensive. The same $18 million spent in Barcelona or Rome goes much further there. Woody Allen
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I'm generally not a social dramatist or comedy writer. My interests have always been more in psychological stories or personal relations and comic ideas. Woody Allen
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There's a tacit agreement between myself and the audience that I will entertain them when they buy their ticket, and I've been the one that has screwed that up. Once in while I indulge myself and try something else, and I keep my fingers crossed that it will come out good and there'll be enough people who will enjoy it, but that doesn't often happen. Woody Allen
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I'm awash in self-contempt! Woody Allen
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Ninety percent of life is just showing up. Woody Allen
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Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. Woody Allen
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In the shower, with the hot water coming down, you've left the real world behind, and very frequently things open up for you. It's the change of venue, the unblocking the attempt to force the ideas that's crippling you when you're trying to write. Woody Allen
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I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over. Woody Allen
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There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure. Woody Allen
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You're a genius! And the proof is that both common people and intellectuals find your work completely incoherent. Woody Allen
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Humorists always sit at the children's table. Woody Allen
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I'm going to my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes. Woody Allen
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The roe is reputed to sleep for a thousand years and then suddenly rise in flames, particularly if it was smoking when it dozed off. Woody Allen
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If my soul exists without my body I am convinced all my clothes will be loose-fitting Woody Allen
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No Matter what you do there will be critics. Woody Allen
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Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. Woody Allen
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A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'. Woody Allen
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You're still in love' 'No I'm not, I'm not She'll always be a part of me, and she's an important person in my life but for the two of us something wasn't working.' 'What element?' 'We never found out Woody Allen
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It's funny. Maria Elena and I, we are meant for each other and not meant for each other, it's a contradiction. Woody Allen
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You know how you're always trying to get things to come out perfect in art because it's real difficult in life Woody Allen
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In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm. Woody Allen
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Of all human weakness obsession is the most dangerous. And the silliest. Woody Allen
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I think Bergman's films have eternal relevance, because they deal with the difficulty of personal relationships and lack of communication between people and religious aspirations and mortality, existential themes that will be relevant a thousand years from now. When many of the things that are successful and trendy today will have been long relegated to musty-looking antiques, his stuff will still be great. Woody Allen
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Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city. Woody Allen
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I don't like to reminisce much, and my walls don't have photographs of me and the actors I was with, or any of that stuff. I try and keep that disciplined, and just work. There are so many traps you can get into, and looking back on your own work is certainly one of them. Woody Allen
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My films are misinterpreted all the time. I don't mind that. Everybody's films are misinterpreted. But there's no malice or stupidity in the people that misinterpret them. You know what you do, but someone else sees it, and they want to talk about it or write about it, and so they misinterpret them. Woody Allen
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I'm a creature of the New York City streets. Woody Allen
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Eighty percent of success is showing up. Woody Allen
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