Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


I like filming in New York a lot myself, but London is accommodating to me; the weather's very good there and the conditions for shooting and the financial conditions, the artistic conditions are good, so it's a pleasant place to shoot. Woody Allen
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I never start editing a film until it's completely shot; I don't edit along the way, ever. When it's finished I come in here and we start with reel one, scene one and start editing shot by shot by shot until we're finished. Woody Allen
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Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman. Woody Allen
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He [the psychiatrist] said, well, do I think that sex is dirty and I said: 'It is if you're doing it right.' Woody Allen
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I don't want to live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light. Woody Allen
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You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only... only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert. Woody Allen
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The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic. Woody Allen
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I recently turned 60 years old. Practically a third of my life is over. Woody Allen
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It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic. Woody Allen
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I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Woody Allen
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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. Woody Allen
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When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back. Woody Allen
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I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. Woody Allen
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Every success is built on the ability to do better than good enough. As you climb the ladder of success, be sure it's leaning against the right building. Eighty percent of success is showing up. Woody Allen
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There are two important things in the world, the first is sex. The other isn't all that important. Woody Allen
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Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate. Woody Allen
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I sued American Apparel because they calculatingly took my name, my likeness and image and used them publicly to promote their business. Woody Allen
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Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either. Woody Allen
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What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop? Woody Allen
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I'm generally not a social dramatist or comedy writer. My interests have always been more in psychological stories or personal relations and comic ideas. Woody Allen
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There's a tacit agreement between myself and the audience that I will entertain them when they buy their ticket, and I've been the one that has screwed that up. Once in while I indulge myself and try something else, and I keep my fingers crossed that it will come out good and there'll be enough people who will enjoy it, but that doesn't often happen. Woody Allen
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I'm going to kill myself. I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. I'll be dead. you know, in fact, if I get the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier, which would be perfect. Or wait a minute. It - with the time change, I could be alive for six hours in New York but dead three hours in Paris. I could get things done, and I could also be dead. Woody Allen
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Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym. Woody Allen
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People always ask me, Do you ever think you'll wake up one morning and not be funny? That thought would never occur to me-it's an odd thought and not realistic. Because funny and me are not separate. We're one. Woody Allen
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I know what I think but I don't know how to put it into words. Maybe I could get a little bit drunk and dance it for you. Woody Allen
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God, you Jews are truly exotic." Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set. Woody Allen
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I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points? Woody Allen
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The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence. Woody Allen
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I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm. Woody Allen
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If you're not failing, you're not trying anything. Woody Allen
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Showing up is 80 percent of life. Woody Allen
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I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member. Woody Allen
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Geez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts. Woody Allen
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That's one of the nice things about writing, or any art; if the thing's real, it just lives. All the attendant hoopla about it, the success over it or the critical rejection-none of that really matters. In the end, the thing will survive or not on its own merits. Not that immortality via art is any big deal. Truffaut died, and we all felt awful about it, and there were the appropriate eulogies, and his wonderful films live on. But it's not much help to Truffaut. Woody Allen
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As an artist, you are always striving toward an ultimate achievement but never seem to reach it. You shoot a film, and the result could have always been better. You try again, and fail once more. In some ways I find it enjoyable. You never lose sight of your goal. I don't do my job to make money or to break box office records, I simply try things out. What would happen if I were to achieve perfection at some point? What would I do then? Woody Allen
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Yes, but the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, 'Everybody up, it's morning,' it's very hard to find your slippers. Woody Allen
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Basically I am a low-culture person. I prefer watching baseball with a beer and some meatballs. Woody Allen
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If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?... Woody Allen
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I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon, Woody Allen
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Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety Woody Allen
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When I'm writing something, if there's a part that's good for me, then I'll play it. Otherwise, I don't. And I notice that there are less and less parts for me in my own writing. Woody Allen
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I usually want to crawl into the ground after I make a film, almost invariably. Woody Allen
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And Nietzche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. He said that the life we lived we're going to live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again. Woody Allen
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Human existence is a brutal experience to me... it's a brutal, meaningless experience - an agonizing, meaningless experience with some oases, delight, some charm and peace, but these are just small oases. Overall, it is a brutal, terrible experience, and so it [salvation] is what can you do to alleviate the agony of the human condition, the human predicament? That is what interests me the most. Woody Allen
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You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on. Woody Allen
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I am plagued by doubts. Woody Allen
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Sylvia Plath. Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college-girl mentality. Woody Allen
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The best an idea gets is when its in your head. Woody Allen
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Sentence structure is innate, but whining is acquired. Woody Allen
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I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect, but I still love him. Woody Allen
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I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them. Woody Allen
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When you travel around the country, you see what a tough town New York is: rude, competitive, a town where good, logical ideas are ignored in favor of unworkable ones. And yet, all these other towns are so dead and boring compared to New York. Woody Allen
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Life is tough and it's tough whether you're famous or not famous. And in the end it's probably better to be famous because the perks are better. You get better seats at the basketball game, and you get better tables and reservations places. If I call a doctor on Saturday morning I can get him. There's a lot of things, indulgences that you don't get, if you're not famous. Now I'm not saying it's fair. But I can't say that I don't enjoy it. Woody Allen
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I've never been satisfied or even pleased with a film that I've done. I make them, I'm finished, I've never looked at one after. I don't like them because there's a big gap between what you conceive in your mind when you're writing and you don't have to meet the test of reality. You're home, you write and it's funny and beautiful and romantic and dramatic, and then you have to show up on a cold morning, and you don't have enough of this and this goes wrong and you make the wrong choice on something and you screwed up and you can't go back. Woody Allen
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You can't anticipate in the room the riches of what you encounter when you're location hunting for a movie. Woody Allen
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I didn't go to Paris until I was a grown-up in 1965. And when I went to Paris, it was the Paris I knew only from American movies. Woody Allen
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When I first started, there were writers that I looked up to that I felt very influenced by and very respectful toward their work and their opinion of my work. Woody Allen
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I consider myself a completely lucky filmmaker. I've had nothing but good luck. Everything I've needed has come my way. Woody Allen
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The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have. Woody Allen
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height. Woody Allen
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I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. Woody Allen
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Woody Allen
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I never wanted to or expected to make a film outside of New York. New York became very, very expensive. The same $18 million spent in Barcelona or Rome goes much further there. Woody Allen
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I've always liked, someday the lamb will lay by the lion.... but it won't get much sleep. Woody Allen
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Until you've been kissed on a rainy Parisian afternoon - you've never been kissed. Woody Allen
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I am told the settlement of $5 million I am being paid is the largest amount ever paid under the New York right to privacy law Woody Allen
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I have a great admiration for English actors and actresses and have used them at every opportunity over the years, but now I won't have to import them to New York Woody Allen
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We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice. Woody Allen
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I carry a bullet in my breast pocket. Once, a crazy evangelist threw a bible at me, which would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for the bullet. Woody Allen
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Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down. Woody Allen
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