Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946

Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing. Woody Allen

There is always the possibility that people will change. Real change is more rare. You are who you are at a certain age in life you are pretty much a variation of that your whole life. It?s conceivable that you will change but it's not likely. Woody Allen

When a film is reviled, you open a film and people say "Oh, it's the stupidest thing, it's the worst movie." You think: oh, nobody's going to ever speak to you again. But, it doesn't happen. Nobody cares. You know, they read it and they say "Oh, they hated your film." You care, at the time. But they don't. Nobody else cares. Woody Allen

I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves. Woody Allen

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. Woody Allen

And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room. Woody Allen

Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again. Woody Allen

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Woody Allen

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. Woody Allen

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back. Woody Allen

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. Woody Allen

I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland. Woody Allen

We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. Woody Allen

I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable. Woody Allen

If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. Woody Allen

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate. Woody Allen

I sued American Apparel because they calculatingly took my name, my likeness and image and used them publicly to promote their business. Woody Allen

Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either. Woody Allen

What is so fascinating about sitting around watching a bunch of pituitary cases stuff a ball through a hoop? Woody Allen

When I'm writing something, if there's a part that's good for me, then I'll play it. Otherwise, I don't. And I notice that there are less and less parts for me in my own writing. Woody Allen

I usually want to crawl into the ground after I make a film, almost invariably. Woody Allen

And Nietzche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. He said that the life we lived we're going to live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again. Woody Allen

Human existence is a brutal experience to me... it's a brutal, meaningless experience - an agonizing, meaningless experience with some oases, delight, some charm and peace, but these are just small oases. Overall, it is a brutal, terrible experience, and so it [salvation] is what can you do to alleviate the agony of the human condition, the human predicament? That is what interests me the most. Woody Allen

You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant and have no idea what's going on. Woody Allen

I am plagued by doubts. Woody Allen

Sylvia Plath. Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide was misinterpreted as romantic by the college-girl mentality. Woody Allen

The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence. Woody Allen

I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm. Woody Allen

I've always had an easy time directing actors because I always hire ones that are great before I get my hands on them. Woody Allen

When you travel around the country, you see what a tough town New York is: rude, competitive, a town where good, logical ideas are ignored in favor of unworkable ones. And yet, all these other towns are so dead and boring compared to New York. Woody Allen

Life is tough and it's tough whether you're famous or not famous. And in the end it's probably better to be famous because the perks are better. You get better seats at the basketball game, and you get better tables and reservations places. If I call a doctor on Saturday morning I can get him. There's a lot of things, indulgences that you don't get, if you're not famous. Now I'm not saying it's fair. But I can't say that I don't enjoy it. Woody Allen

I've never been satisfied or even pleased with a film that I've done. I make them, I'm finished, I've never looked at one after. I don't like them because there's a big gap between what you conceive in your mind when you're writing and you don't have to meet the test of reality. You're home, you write and it's funny and beautiful and romantic and dramatic, and then you have to show up on a cold morning, and you don't have enough of this and this goes wrong and you make the wrong choice on something and you screwed up and you can't go back. Woody Allen

You can't anticipate in the room the riches of what you encounter when you're location hunting for a movie. Woody Allen

I didn't go to Paris until I was a grown-up in 1965. And when I went to Paris, it was the Paris I knew only from American movies. Woody Allen

When I first started, there were writers that I looked up to that I felt very influenced by and very respectful toward their work and their opinion of my work. Woody Allen

I consider myself a completely lucky filmmaker. I've had nothing but good luck. Everything I've needed has come my way. Woody Allen

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it. Woody Allen

Meanwhile, the minute you put on the dotted line your Sam Hancock - and before a notary - you'll not only get the negative but Elsie makes a wonderful stuffed cabbage which we'll include gratis a few portions but return the jars please. Woody Allen

[...] I've come to the conclusion that the artist can not justify life or come up with a cogent reason as to why life is meaningful, but the artist can provide you with a cold glass of water on a hot day. Woody Allen

Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed. Woody Allen

Do I believe in God? I did until Mother's accident. She fell on some meat loaf and it penetrated her spleen. Woody Allen

I believe in sex and death- two experiences that come once in a lifetime. Woody Allen

The two biggest myths about me are that I'm an intellectual, because I wear these glasses, and that I'm an artist because my films lose money. Those two myths have been prevalent for many years. Woody Allen

I can live in Paris for four months or London or, you know, Barcelona. These are places that are like New York. But I don't think I could live in many places. When I had to make a film in the United States I picked San Francisco because to me it's one of the great cities of America. Woody Allen

I enjoy the making of the film and it's something for me to do. If nobody ever comes to my films, if people don't want to give me money to make films, that will stop me. But as long as people come all over the world and I have an audience and I have ideas for films, I will do them for as long as I enjoy the process. And I like the whole process of making a film. Woody Allen

Man cannot live by bread alone. Every once in awhile he needs a salad. Woody Allen

I don't know what I want, but I know what I don't want Woody Allen

It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock. Woody Allen

You know what my philosophy of life is? That it's important to have some laughs, but you got to suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point to life. Woody Allen

Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it. Woody Allen

My experience creatively is different than my experience in life, for, as my father would say, the simple reason that you can't get hurt when everything goes wrong creatively. Woody Allen

I do believe that reality is dreadful and that you are forced to choose it in the end or go crazy, but that it kills you. Woody Allen

This year I'm a star, but what will I be next year? A black hole? Woody Allen

If you're not failing, you're not trying anything. Woody Allen

Showing up is 80 percent of life. Woody Allen

I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member. Woody Allen

Geez, I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts. Woody Allen

That's one of the nice things about writing, or any art; if the thing's real, it just lives. All the attendant hoopla about it, the success over it or the critical rejection-none of that really matters. In the end, the thing will survive or not on its own merits. Not that immortality via art is any big deal. Truffaut died, and we all felt awful about it, and there were the appropriate eulogies, and his wonderful films live on. But it's not much help to Truffaut. Woody Allen

As an artist, you are always striving toward an ultimate achievement but never seem to reach it. You shoot a film, and the result could have always been better. You try again, and fail once more. In some ways I find it enjoyable. You never lose sight of your goal. I don't do my job to make money or to break box office records, I simply try things out. What would happen if I were to achieve perfection at some point? What would I do then? Woody Allen

Yes, but the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, 'Everybody up, it's morning,' it's very hard to find your slippers. Woody Allen

Basically I am a low-culture person. I prefer watching baseball with a beer and some meatballs. Woody Allen

If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?... Woody Allen

I learned a few things on my own since, and modified some of the things he taught me, but everything, unequivocally, that I learned about comedy writing I learned from Danny Simon, Woody Allen

Early in life, I was visited by the bluebird of anxiety Woody Allen

I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot. Woody Allen

No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck. Woody Allen

Skeptic that I was as an adolescent, I had recently come to believe in a Supreme Being after thumbing through a Victoria's Secret catalogue. Woody Allen

Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love. Woody Allen

I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect, but I still love him. Woody Allen

The best an idea gets is when its in your head. Woody Allen

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