Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


I would not like to live in the past because you don't get anesthetic when you go to the dentist. You don't get antibiotics. You don't get the things that you are used to now, cell phones and televisions and things that are very convenient. You don't want that. But, it would be fun if you could, every now and then, just meet a friend for lunch at Maxim's in Paris in 1900, or go back to 1870 just for a couple of hours, take a walk in the park, and then come right back to Broadway. Woody Allen
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Real life is generally much duller and inevitably sadder, most of the time. In film, you control everything that's going on, so you can indulge the most fantastic, romantic, escapist feelings and fantasies. You can do anything you want. That's why it's very seductive and pleasurable to earn your living making movies because you're not living in the real world. Woody Allen
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I myself don't like to speak to the actors at all. I like to hire great people and let them do their thing. I don't like to speak to them. I don't like to have lunch with them. I don't like to socialize with them. I don't like to hear their ideas. Woody Allen
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The less I speak to the actors, the better. And I always hire great people, and I don't want to impose my pre-conceived notions on them. They know how to play it. Woody Allen
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We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices... Woody Allen
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He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion... no, make that: he - he romanticized it all out of proportion. Yes. To him, no matter what the season was, this was still a town that existed in black and white and pulsated to the great tunes of George Gershwin. Woody Allen
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I like filming in New York a lot myself, but London is accommodating to me; the weather's very good there and the conditions for shooting and the financial conditions, the artistic conditions are good, so it's a pleasant place to shoot. Woody Allen
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I never start editing a film until it's completely shot; I don't edit along the way, ever. When it's finished I come in here and we start with reel one, scene one and start editing shot by shot by shot until we're finished. Woody Allen
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The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down. Woody Allen
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I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. Woody Allen
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Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could not blink my eyes in unison." - "If The Impressionists Had Been Dentists Woody Allen
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For me personally - because I do it myself - the scoring of a picture is fun. I edit the picture and when I've finished I go into my room and I have many many records - jazz, classical and popular music. And I have this all at my disposal. I don't have to get a composer. Woody Allen
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Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing. Woody Allen
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There is always the possibility that people will change. Real change is more rare. You are who you are at a certain age in life you are pretty much a variation of that your whole life. It?s conceivable that you will change but it's not likely. Woody Allen
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When a film is reviled, you open a film and people say "Oh, it's the stupidest thing, it's the worst movie." You think: oh, nobody's going to ever speak to you again. But, it doesn't happen. Nobody cares. You know, they read it and they say "Oh, they hated your film." You care, at the time. But they don't. Nobody else cares. Woody Allen
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I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves. Woody Allen
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Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again. Woody Allen
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Spencer was searching for a woman interested in gold, inorganic chemistry, outdoor sex and the music of Bach. In short, he was looking for himself, only female. Woody Allen
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Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun. Woody Allen
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One man starving puts a crimp in my evening. Woody Allen
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The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts. Woody Allen
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How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket? Woody Allen
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How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can-opener works. Woody Allen
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The man who said 'I'd rather be lucky than good' saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net and for a split second it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck it goes forward and you win. Or maybe it doesn't and you lose. Woody Allen
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Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning. Woody Allen
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In a relationship, it is better to be the leaver than the leavee. Woody Allen
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Achilles only had an Achilles heel. I have an entire Achilles body. Woody Allen
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I do occasionally envy the person who is religious naturally, without being brainwashed into it or suckered into it by all the organized hustles. Woody Allen
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Believing would be easier if God would show himself by depositing a million dollars in a Swiss bank account in my name Woody Allen
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The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right. Woody Allen
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She had been critical of his new torch song, "A Side Order of Heartache, Please," suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder. Woody Allen
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Death should not be seen as the end but as a very effective way to cut down expenses. Woody Allen
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They were doing the Dying Swan at the ballet. And there was a rumor that some bookmarkers had drifted into town from upstate New York and that they had fixed the bullet. There was a lot of money bet on the swan to live. Woody Allen
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I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. Woody Allen
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The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you. Woody Allen
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In New York State they have a strange law that says you can't get a divorce unless you can prove adultery - and it's weird, because the Ten Commandments say 'Thou shalt not commit adultery.' But New York State says you have to. Well, finally, what happened was that my wife committed adultery for me. She's always been more mechanically inclined than I have. Woody Allen
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Should I marry W? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. And what about her career? How can I ask a woman of her beauty to give up the Roller Derby? Decisions... Woody Allen
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The only thing standing between me and greatness is me. Woody Allen
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I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland. Woody Allen
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We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. Woody Allen
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I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable. Woody Allen
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If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. Woody Allen
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And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room. Woody Allen
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When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch. Woody Allen
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The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup? Woody Allen
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Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake? Woody Allen
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My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist. Woody Allen
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I don't mind dying... as long as I don't have to be there when it happens. Woody Allen
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I've had bad luck in my two previous marriages. The first wife left me, and the second did not. Woody Allen
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Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale? Woody Allen
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I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm 237 years old, I should be collecting social security. Woody Allen
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Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete. Woody Allen
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After 60, all of us belong to the weaker sex. Woody Allen
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I'm twelve years old. I run into a synagogue. I ask the rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life but he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons. Woody Allen
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Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing. Woody Allen
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My relationship with American audiences is the exact same as it always has been. They never came to see my films, and they don't come now. Woody Allen
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That's one of the nice things about writing, or any art; if the thing's real, it just lives. All the attendant hoopla about it, the success over it or the critical rejection-none of that really matters. In the end, the thing will survive or not on its own merits. Not that immortality via art is any big deal. Truffaut died, and we all felt awful about it, and there were the appropriate eulogies, and his wonderful films live on. But it's not much help to Truffaut. Woody Allen
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I'm trying to arrange my life so I don't have to be present. Woody Allen
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Every success is built on the ability to do better than good enough. As you climb the ladder of success, be sure it's leaning against the right building. Eighty percent of success is showing up. Woody Allen
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There are two important things in the world, the first is sex. The other isn't all that important. Woody Allen
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Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman. Woody Allen
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He [the psychiatrist] said, well, do I think that sex is dirty and I said: 'It is if you're doing it right.' Woody Allen
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I don't want to live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light. Woody Allen
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You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only... only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert. Woody Allen
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The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic. Woody Allen
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I recently turned 60 years old. Practically a third of my life is over. Woody Allen
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There have been times when I've thought of suicide but with my luck it'd probably be a temporary solution. Woody Allen
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I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. Woody Allen
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80 percent of success is showing up Woody Allen
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Can we actually know the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown. Woody Allen
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