Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946

We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices... Woody Allen

He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion... no, make that: he - he romanticized it all out of proportion. Yes. To him, no matter what the season was, this was still a town that existed in black and white and pulsated to the great tunes of George Gershwin. Woody Allen

I like filming in New York a lot myself, but London is accommodating to me; the weather's very good there and the conditions for shooting and the financial conditions, the artistic conditions are good, so it's a pleasant place to shoot. Woody Allen

I never start editing a film until it's completely shot; I don't edit along the way, ever. When it's finished I come in here and we start with reel one, scene one and start editing shot by shot by shot until we're finished. Woody Allen

The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down. Woody Allen

Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could not blink my eyes in unison." - "If The Impressionists Had Been Dentists Woody Allen

Spencer was searching for a woman interested in gold, inorganic chemistry, outdoor sex and the music of Bach. In short, he was looking for himself, only female. Woody Allen

Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun. Woody Allen

One man starving puts a crimp in my evening. Woody Allen

The true test of maturity is not how old a person is but how he reacts to awakening in the mid-town area in his shorts. Woody Allen

How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket? Woody Allen

How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can-opener works. Woody Allen

The man who said 'I'd rather be lucky than good' saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net and for a split second it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck it goes forward and you win. Or maybe it doesn't and you lose. Woody Allen

Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning. Woody Allen

In a relationship, it is better to be the leaver than the leavee. Woody Allen

Achilles only had an Achilles heel. I have an entire Achilles body. Woody Allen

I do occasionally envy the person who is religious naturally, without being brainwashed into it or suckered into it by all the organized hustles. Woody Allen

Believing would be easier if God would show himself by depositing a million dollars in a Swiss bank account in my name Woody Allen

The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right. Woody Allen

She had been critical of his new torch song, "A Side Order of Heartache, Please," suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder. Woody Allen

Death should not be seen as the end but as a very effective way to cut down expenses. Woody Allen

They were doing the Dying Swan at the ballet. And there was a rumor that some bookmarkers had drifted into town from upstate New York and that they had fixed the bullet. There was a lot of money bet on the swan to live. Woody Allen

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. Woody Allen

The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you. Woody Allen

In New York State they have a strange law that says you can't get a divorce unless you can prove adultery - and it's weird, because the Ten Commandments say 'Thou shalt not commit adultery.' But New York State says you have to. Well, finally, what happened was that my wife committed adultery for me. She's always been more mechanically inclined than I have. Woody Allen

Should I marry W? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. And what about her career? How can I ask a woman of her beauty to give up the Roller Derby? Decisions... Woody Allen

The only thing standing between me and greatness is me. Woody Allen

When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch. Woody Allen

The great question of philosophy remains: If life is meaningless, what can be done about alphabet soup? Woody Allen

Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake? Woody Allen

My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist. Woody Allen

I don't mind dying... as long as I don't have to be there when it happens. Woody Allen

I've had bad luck in my two previous marriages. The first wife left me, and the second did not. Woody Allen

Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale? Woody Allen

I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm 237 years old, I should be collecting social security. Woody Allen

Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete. Woody Allen

After 60, all of us belong to the weaker sex. Woody Allen

I'm twelve years old. I run into a synagogue. I ask the rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life but he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons. Woody Allen

Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing. Woody Allen

My relationship with American audiences is the exact same as it always has been. They never came to see my films, and they don't come now. Woody Allen

That's one of the nice things about writing, or any art; if the thing's real, it just lives. All the attendant hoopla about it, the success over it or the critical rejection-none of that really matters. In the end, the thing will survive or not on its own merits. Not that immortality via art is any big deal. Truffaut died, and we all felt awful about it, and there were the appropriate eulogies, and his wonderful films live on. But it's not much help to Truffaut. Woody Allen

I'm trying to arrange my life so I don't have to be present. Woody Allen

Every success is built on the ability to do better than good enough. As you climb the ladder of success, be sure it's leaning against the right building. Eighty percent of success is showing up. Woody Allen

There are two important things in the world, the first is sex. The other isn't all that important. Woody Allen

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman. Woody Allen

He [the psychiatrist] said, well, do I think that sex is dirty and I said: 'It is if you're doing it right.' Woody Allen

I don't want to live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light. Woody Allen

You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only... only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert. Woody Allen

The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic. Woody Allen

I recently turned 60 years old. Practically a third of my life is over. Woody Allen

There have been times when I've thought of suicide but with my luck it'd probably be a temporary solution. Woody Allen

I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. Woody Allen

80 percent of success is showing up Woody Allen

Can we actually know the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown. Woody Allen

Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends. Woody Allen

They called me mad... But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics! Woody Allen

Countess: You are a great lover! Boris: I practice a lot when I'm alone. Woody Allen

A lot of things have happened in my private life recently that I thought we could review tonight. Woody Allen

With that, he scribbled in an additional ninety thousand dollars on the estimate, which had waxed to the girth of the Talmud while rivaling it in possible interpretations. Woody Allen

Magic has always been of a great interest of mine. I was an amateur magician when I was young. I used to practice and read up on it a lot. I'm well-aware of the history of magic. Woody Allen

One of the wonderful things about making a film of any genre is that you have dialogue. You can take up a position. If you want to say something about your position, you can just say it. You don't have to spend massive amounts of screen time. Woody Allen

You make a film and always hope you're going make "Citizen Kane" or "The Bicycle Thief." You make the film, and for one reason or another, one clicks and one doesn't, but it's out of your control completely. Woody Allen

I think it's my job or the artist's job, to try and find some solution or some reason to accept things. But given the grimmest reality, I feel the grimmest facts are the real facts, the true facts: that you're born, you die, you suffer, it's to no purpose, and you're gone forever, ever, ever, and that's it. Woody Allen

It's important to control yourself because life gets too complicated if you don't, but the impulse is often there for people. Some say society should be more open. That doesn't work either. Woody Allen

You make films whether they're dramas or comedies about neurotic people. Flawed people. Interesting personality traits. To make them about calm, stable untroubled people isn't interesting. Woody Allen

I wish my parents had raised me in Manhattan because I think it's the greatest thing you can do for a kid is to raise them in New York City. I can see this with my own children. Woody Allen

I wouldn't necessarily want to be a big muscular guy. It's nice to be gorgeous whether you're male or female assuming you don't lose whatever else you have. Woody Allen

If I could change the structure of existence I would do it. I could see a better way to live for everybody. Woody Allen

It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic. Woody Allen

For me personally - because I do it myself - the scoring of a picture is fun. I edit the picture and when I've finished I go into my room and I have many many records - jazz, classical and popular music. And I have this all at my disposal. I don't have to get a composer. Woody Allen

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