Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


I never thought I was doing anyone a favour by bringing children into the world. With people as cruel to each other as they are, it's a terrible proposition. The best of lives are sad and tragic. The best of them. My general conclusion is that it's not a nice thing to do. The world doesn't need it. The kid doesn't need it. Woody Allen
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I never think I feel cynical in general. Cynical is reality with an alternate spelling. I feel there's a gigantic amount of injustice and overt crime every day in the world, from emotional crimes to international crimes, and it often carries rewards. Woody Allen
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What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours. Woody Allen
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I like writing. It keeps my mind off grim subjects. It's therapeutic in the same way a patient in an institution is given fingerpaints. Woody Allen
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Notes for a ballet, The Spell: ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund is astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part woman - unfortunately, divided lengthwise. She enchants Sigmund, who is careful not to make any poultry jokes ... Woody Allen
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Isn't all mankind ultimately executed for a crime it never committed? Woody Allen
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I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't. Woody Allen
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The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.' Woody Allen
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I am an only child. I have one sister. Woody Allen
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Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV? Woody Allen
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The prettiest women are almost always the most boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God. Woody Allen
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What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people. Woody Allen
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He's a politician. That's a notch below child molester. Woody Allen
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[An audience conditioned by a lifetime of television-watching is so corrupted that] their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out! Woody Allen
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Sygmnd was a poor Austrian who'd lost all the vowels in his name in a boating accident. Woody Allen
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Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. Woody Allen
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This stuff tastes awful; I could have made a fortune selling it in my health-food store. Woody Allen
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When you start putting a higher value on works of art than people, you're forfeiting your humanity. Woody Allen
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Chastity is curable, if detected early. Woody Allen
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I read in self-defense. Woody Allen
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I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier. Woody Allen
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A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio. Woody Allen
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More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen
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The heart wants what it wants. Woody Allen
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I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. (On the KKK) Woody Allen
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There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting. Woody Allen
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The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don't. Woody Allen
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Take the money and run. Woody Allen
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Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick. Woody Allen
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It's all through the actors; I cannot write in that idiom Woody Allen
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It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to. Writing is very pleasurable, very seductive, and very therapeutic. Time passes very fast when I'm writing-really fast. I'm puzzling over something, and time just flies by. It's an exhilarating feeling. How bad can it be? It's sitting alone with fictional characters. You're escaping from the world in your own way and that's fine. Why not? Woody Allen
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Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver. Woody Allen
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Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply.' But not in those words. Woody Allen
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I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan-I stroke. Woody Allen
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It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that count, it's the quality. On the other hand, if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it. Woody Allen
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You can live to be 100 if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be 100. Woody Allen
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I don't wanna live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light. Woody Allen
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Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service. Woody Allen
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I bought her this handkerchief... and I didn't even know her size. Woody Allen
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Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing. Waitressing's gotta be the worst fucking job in the world. Woody Allen
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How could I not have known that there are little things the size of Planck length in the universe, which are a millionth of a billionth of a billionth of a centimeter? Imagine if you dropped one in a dark theater how hard it would be to find. Woody Allen
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I was supremely confident my flair for atmosphere and characterization would sparkle alongside the numbing mulch ground out by studio hacks. Certainly the space atop my mantel might be better festooned by a gold statuette than by the plastic dipping bird that now bobbed there ad infinitum. Woody Allen
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Some people are funny, and some people are not funny. Many people who are not funny can make a living at it. You don't have to be great to make a living at it. Just like a doctor who doesn't have to be great can still make a living out of it. Woody Allen
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The only thing that does change, to some degree, is [that] you have some life experiences, you suffer a certain amount and you incorporate that into your work. Not in the content of your work, but in the sensibility of your work. It's nothing that you try and do; it just happens. And if you're lucky, people buy tickets to see it, and if you're not lucky, [then] they don't like it. But that's all. Woody Allen
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I prefer the magic to reality, and have since I was 5 years old. Hopefully, I can continue to make films and constantly escape into them. Woody Allen
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The artist can't give you an answer that's satisfying to the dreadful reality of your existence. So the best you can do is maybe entertain people and refresh them for an hour-and-a-half. Woody Allen
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Film is more of novelty, because I've done so much theater over many years. I'm in love with making movies. Also, I find it easier to remember three minutes of dialogue than three hours. Woody Allen
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Throughout history in the theater and film people do like sarcastic characters, and they do like curmudgeons - if they're amusing, they do like them despite the fact that they're vitriolic, particularly if they're for the right thing. If you can see that the person is a decent person and is for the right thing, and is not just a nasty person with base motives, but someone who is a decent human but expresses himself. Woody Allen
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You are always a comedian by default. You are this way because you've been forced to be this way, but it is better to be the hero. So if you can be a persona, the great one of my lifetime of course was and is Marlon Brando. Woody Allen
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You are much more dependent on luck than you think. People say if you want to have a good relationship, you have to work at it. But you never hear it about anything you really like, about sailing or going to soccer games. Woody Allen
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You can be with your wife, very happily married, and then you meet some woman and you love her. But you love your wife, too. And you also love that one. Or if she's met some man and she loves the man and she loves you. And then you meet somebody else and now there are three of you. Why only one person? Woody Allen
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It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. Woody Allen
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I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. Woody Allen
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Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. Woody Allen
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When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back. Woody Allen
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I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. Woody Allen
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The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that. Woody Allen
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The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty. Woody Allen
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night. Woody Allen
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My mother never had time for me. When you're the middle child in a family of five million, you don't get any attention. Woody Allen
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When I was young, I wanted to be a dramatic writer, a writer of tragedy. Nothing would've pleased me more than if I could have written like Eugene O'Neil or Tennessee Williams. Woody Allen
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The comedies are not a million laughs on the set. Its business and the dramas are business as well, really. When I'm writing it I struggle more with drama because I started out in comedy. Woody Allen
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I always felt that the problems of the world would never ever be solved until people came to terms with the deeper issues [spiritual] - that there would be an aimless reshuffling of world leaders and governments and programs. Woody Allen
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When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be. Woody Allen
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What' s the matter with me? Why can't I be cool? Woody Allen
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Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty. Woody Allen
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I, interestingly, had dated a woman in the Eisenhower Administration briefly, and it was ironic to me 'cause I was trying to do toher what Eisenhower has been doing to the country for the last eight years. Woody Allen
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What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb; anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage. Woody Allen
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I foresee death by culture shock. Woody Allen
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Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib. Woody Allen
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