Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


The artist can't give you an answer that's satisfying to the dreadful reality of your existence. So the best you can do is maybe entertain people and refresh them for an hour-and-a-half. Woody Allen
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Film is more of novelty, because I've done so much theater over many years. I'm in love with making movies. Also, I find it easier to remember three minutes of dialogue than three hours. Woody Allen
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Throughout history in the theater and film people do like sarcastic characters, and they do like curmudgeons - if they're amusing, they do like them despite the fact that they're vitriolic, particularly if they're for the right thing. If you can see that the person is a decent person and is for the right thing, and is not just a nasty person with base motives, but someone who is a decent human but expresses himself. Woody Allen
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You are always a comedian by default. You are this way because you've been forced to be this way, but it is better to be the hero. So if you can be a persona, the great one of my lifetime of course was and is Marlon Brando. Woody Allen
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You are much more dependent on luck than you think. People say if you want to have a good relationship, you have to work at it. But you never hear it about anything you really like, about sailing or going to soccer games. Woody Allen
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You can be with your wife, very happily married, and then you meet some woman and you love her. But you love your wife, too. And you also love that one. Or if she's met some man and she loves the man and she loves you. And then you meet somebody else and now there are three of you. Why only one person? Woody Allen
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Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service. Woody Allen
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I bought her this handkerchief... and I didn't even know her size. Woody Allen
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Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing. Waitressing's gotta be the worst fucking job in the world. Woody Allen
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How could I not have known that there are little things the size of Planck length in the universe, which are a millionth of a billionth of a billionth of a centimeter? Imagine if you dropped one in a dark theater how hard it would be to find. Woody Allen
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I was supremely confident my flair for atmosphere and characterization would sparkle alongside the numbing mulch ground out by studio hacks. Certainly the space atop my mantel might be better festooned by a gold statuette than by the plastic dipping bird that now bobbed there ad infinitum. Woody Allen
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Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply.' But not in those words. Woody Allen
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I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan-I stroke. Woody Allen
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It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that count, it's the quality. On the other hand, if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it. Woody Allen
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You can live to be 100 if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be 100. Woody Allen
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I don't wanna live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light. Woody Allen
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It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. Woody Allen
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I never think I feel cynical in general. Cynical is reality with an alternate spelling. I feel there's a gigantic amount of injustice and overt crime every day in the world, from emotional crimes to international crimes, and it often carries rewards. Woody Allen
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What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours. Woody Allen
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I like writing. It keeps my mind off grim subjects. It's therapeutic in the same way a patient in an institution is given fingerpaints. Woody Allen
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I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. (On the KKK) Woody Allen
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There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting. Woody Allen
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The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don't. Woody Allen
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Take the money and run. Woody Allen
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Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick. Woody Allen
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It's all through the actors; I cannot write in that idiom Woody Allen
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It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to. Writing is very pleasurable, very seductive, and very therapeutic. Time passes very fast when I'm writing-really fast. I'm puzzling over something, and time just flies by. It's an exhilarating feeling. How bad can it be? It's sitting alone with fictional characters. You're escaping from the world in your own way and that's fine. Why not? Woody Allen
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Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver. Woody Allen
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Regarding love what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it. Woody Allen
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When you write the script, you're home in a room by yourself, and you're writing, and there's no connection with the real performing world. So you get a lot of things wrong and make a lot of mistakes and make a lot of bad choices. Woody Allen
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Paris is particularly beautiful in the rain. It was just a nice experience for me, a pleasant experience, and I was able to present it to the world through my eyes, very subjectively - not realistically, but subjectively. Woody Allen
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. Woody Allen
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I cannot say for certain that God does not exist; I think the worst thing that can be said about him is that he's a bit of an underachiever. Woody Allen
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There's something about my films; they're informed by my sensibility. I have the same preoccupations, the same interests... there's just something in the nuance, and so you always know it's a film of mine whether I sign my name to it or not. Woody Allen
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Drama, it would be as if you wrote some poetry. You'd run the risk of being embarrassed if people read it, because you're pouring your heart out and you're not mitigating it with any humor or anything. Woody Allen
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Relationships are really what interest me the most. And I think, in the end, they interest most people the most. Even when you read Tolstoy or something, basically they're about man and woman relationships. Woody Allen
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The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it! Woody Allen
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If you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life [than a non-believer]. Woody Allen
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There is no justice, there is no rational structure to it [life]. That is just the way it is, and each person figures out some way to cope with it... Woody Allen
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See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics. Woody Allen
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I had an IQ test. The results came back negative. Woody Allen
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Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all ... you know, they become lawyers. Woody Allen
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I read in self-defense. Woody Allen
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Isn't all mankind ultimately executed for a crime it never committed? Woody Allen
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I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't. Woody Allen
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The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.' Woody Allen
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I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss. Woody Allen
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Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs. Woody Allen
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Someday the lion is going to lie down with the lamb, but the lamb isn't going to get much sleep. Woody Allen
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For some reason I'm more appreciated in France than I am back home. The subtitles must be incredibly good. Woody Allen
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I write the script; nobody sees it, not the people that put the money in the picture. I cast who I want, and make the film. That's why I've always felt the only thing standing between me and greatness, is me. There's no excuse for me not to be great except that I'm not. Woody Allen
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To me, movies are valuable as an art form and as a wonderful means of popular entertainment. But I think movies have gone terribly wrong. Woody Allen
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We Are The Sum Total Of Our Choices... Woody Allen
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She had been critical of his new torch song, "A Side Order of Heartache, Please," suggesting it could be used as a good way to break in their new paper shredder. Woody Allen
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Death should not be seen as the end but as a very effective way to cut down expenses. Woody Allen
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The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right. Woody Allen
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I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. Woody Allen
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The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you. Woody Allen
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They were doing the Dying Swan at the ballet. And there was a rumor that some bookmarkers had drifted into town from upstate New York and that they had fixed the bullet. There was a lot of money bet on the swan to live. Woody Allen
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In New York State they have a strange law that says you can't get a divorce unless you can prove adultery - and it's weird, because the Ten Commandments say 'Thou shalt not commit adultery.' But New York State says you have to. Well, finally, what happened was that my wife committed adultery for me. She's always been more mechanically inclined than I have. Woody Allen
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Should I marry W? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. And what about her career? How can I ask a woman of her beauty to give up the Roller Derby? Decisions... Woody Allen
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He adored New York City. He idolized it all out of proportion... no, make that: he - he romanticized it all out of proportion. Yes. To him, no matter what the season was, this was still a town that existed in black and white and pulsated to the great tunes of George Gershwin. Woody Allen
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The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that. Woody Allen
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The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty. Woody Allen
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night. Woody Allen
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My mother never had time for me. When you're the middle child in a family of five million, you don't get any attention. Woody Allen
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Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could not blink my eyes in unison." - "If The Impressionists Had Been Dentists Woody Allen
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I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. Woody Allen
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Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing. Woody Allen
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There is always the possibility that people will change. Real change is more rare. You are who you are at a certain age in life you are pretty much a variation of that your whole life. It?s conceivable that you will change but it's not likely. Woody Allen
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