Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs. Woody Allen
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Someday the lion is going to lie down with the lamb, but the lamb isn't going to get much sleep. Woody Allen
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For some reason I'm more appreciated in France than I am back home. The subtitles must be incredibly good. Woody Allen
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Some people are funny, and some people are not funny. Many people who are not funny can make a living at it. You don't have to be great to make a living at it. Just like a doctor who doesn't have to be great can still make a living out of it. Woody Allen
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The only thing that does change, to some degree, is [that] you have some life experiences, you suffer a certain amount and you incorporate that into your work. Not in the content of your work, but in the sensibility of your work. It's nothing that you try and do; it just happens. And if you're lucky, people buy tickets to see it, and if you're not lucky, [then] they don't like it. But that's all. Woody Allen
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I prefer the magic to reality, and have since I was 5 years old. Hopefully, I can continue to make films and constantly escape into them. Woody Allen
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The artist can't give you an answer that's satisfying to the dreadful reality of your existence. So the best you can do is maybe entertain people and refresh them for an hour-and-a-half. Woody Allen
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Film is more of novelty, because I've done so much theater over many years. I'm in love with making movies. Also, I find it easier to remember three minutes of dialogue than three hours. Woody Allen
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Throughout history in the theater and film people do like sarcastic characters, and they do like curmudgeons - if they're amusing, they do like them despite the fact that they're vitriolic, particularly if they're for the right thing. If you can see that the person is a decent person and is for the right thing, and is not just a nasty person with base motives, but someone who is a decent human but expresses himself. Woody Allen
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You are always a comedian by default. You are this way because you've been forced to be this way, but it is better to be the hero. So if you can be a persona, the great one of my lifetime of course was and is Marlon Brando. Woody Allen
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You are much more dependent on luck than you think. People say if you want to have a good relationship, you have to work at it. But you never hear it about anything you really like, about sailing or going to soccer games. Woody Allen
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You can be with your wife, very happily married, and then you meet some woman and you love her. But you love your wife, too. And you also love that one. Or if she's met some man and she loves the man and she loves you. And then you meet somebody else and now there are three of you. Why only one person? Woody Allen
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Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service. Woody Allen
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I bought her this handkerchief... and I didn't even know her size. Woody Allen
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Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing. Waitressing's gotta be the worst fucking job in the world. Woody Allen
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How could I not have known that there are little things the size of Planck length in the universe, which are a millionth of a billionth of a billionth of a centimeter? Imagine if you dropped one in a dark theater how hard it would be to find. Woody Allen
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I was supremely confident my flair for atmosphere and characterization would sparkle alongside the numbing mulch ground out by studio hacks. Certainly the space atop my mantel might be better festooned by a gold statuette than by the plastic dipping bird that now bobbed there ad infinitum. Woody Allen
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I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. (On the KKK) Woody Allen
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There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting. Woody Allen
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The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don't. Woody Allen
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Take the money and run. Woody Allen
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Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick. Woody Allen
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I can't with any conscience argue for New York with anyone. It's like Calcutta. But I love the city in an emotional, irrational way, like loving your mother or your father even though they're a drunk or a thief. I've loved the city my whole life - to me, it's like a great woman. Woody Allen
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He's a politician. That's a notch below child molester. Woody Allen
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[An audience conditioned by a lifetime of television-watching is so corrupted that] their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out! Woody Allen
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I am an only child. I have one sister. Woody Allen
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Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV? Woody Allen
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Sygmnd was a poor Austrian who'd lost all the vowels in his name in a boating accident. Woody Allen
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Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. Woody Allen
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The prettiest women are almost always the most boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God. Woody Allen
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What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people. Woody Allen
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I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss. Woody Allen
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I never think I feel cynical in general. Cynical is reality with an alternate spelling. I feel there's a gigantic amount of injustice and overt crime every day in the world, from emotional crimes to international crimes, and it often carries rewards. Woody Allen
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What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours. Woody Allen
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I like writing. It keeps my mind off grim subjects. It's therapeutic in the same way a patient in an institution is given fingerpaints. Woody Allen
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I never thought I was doing anyone a favour by bringing children into the world. With people as cruel to each other as they are, it's a terrible proposition. The best of lives are sad and tragic. The best of them. My general conclusion is that it's not a nice thing to do. The world doesn't need it. The kid doesn't need it. Woody Allen
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The whole thrust of science and the medical profession is to try and prevent it from happening, to try to prolong life, to keep you from dying, to keep you from getting older, to rejuvenate you. I mean, that's everybody's wish. The fountain of youth is everybody's sought-after thing. Woody Allen
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I write the script; nobody sees it, not the people that put the money in the picture. I cast who I want, and make the film. That's why I've always felt the only thing standing between me and greatness, is me. There's no excuse for me not to be great except that I'm not. Woody Allen
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To me, movies are valuable as an art form and as a wonderful means of popular entertainment. But I think movies have gone terribly wrong. Woody Allen
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Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply.' But not in those words. Woody Allen
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I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan-I stroke. Woody Allen
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It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that count, it's the quality. On the other hand, if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it. Woody Allen
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It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. Woody Allen
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. Woody Allen
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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. Woody Allen
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Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. Woody Allen
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words. Woody Allen
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It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen
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You can live to be 100 if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be 100. Woody Allen
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I don't wanna live in a city where the only cultural advantage is that you can make a right turn on a red light. Woody Allen
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Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver. Woody Allen
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The heart wants what it wants. There's no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that's that. Woody Allen
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The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty. Woody Allen
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night. Woody Allen
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My mother never had time for me. When you're the middle child in a family of five million, you don't get any attention. Woody Allen
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I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland. Woody Allen
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We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. Woody Allen
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I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable. Woody Allen
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If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. Woody Allen
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For me personally - because I do it myself - the scoring of a picture is fun. I edit the picture and when I've finished I go into my room and I have many many records - jazz, classical and popular music. And I have this all at my disposal. I don't have to get a composer. Woody Allen
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Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing. Woody Allen
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There is always the possibility that people will change. Real change is more rare. You are who you are at a certain age in life you are pretty much a variation of that your whole life. It?s conceivable that you will change but it's not likely. Woody Allen
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When a film is reviled, you open a film and people say "Oh, it's the stupidest thing, it's the worst movie." You think: oh, nobody's going to ever speak to you again. But, it doesn't happen. Nobody cares. You know, they read it and they say "Oh, they hated your film." You care, at the time. But they don't. Nobody else cares. Woody Allen
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I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves. Woody Allen
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What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb; anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage. Woody Allen
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I foresee death by culture shock. Woody Allen
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Spencer was searching for a woman interested in gold, inorganic chemistry, outdoor sex and the music of Bach. In short, he was looking for himself, only female. Woody Allen
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Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun. Woody Allen
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One man starving puts a crimp in my evening. Woody Allen
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