Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


Love is the answer but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some good questions. Woody Allen
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Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again... I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O"Neill were laughing. Woody Allen
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Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once. Woody Allen
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Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. Woody Allen
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I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. Woody Allen
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Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun. Woody Allen
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My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker. Woody Allen
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It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. Woody Allen
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I am two with nature. Woody Allen
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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen
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I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys. Woody Allen
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I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her. Woody Allen
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The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep. Woody Allen
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If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be? Woody Allen
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The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen
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Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things. Woody Allen
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A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life. Woody Allen
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There have been times when I've thought about it - but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution. Woody Allen
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Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. Woody Allen
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I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier. Woody Allen
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A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio. Woody Allen
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More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen
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For some reason it gives people pleasure to equate the life of certain movie actors or actresses with their actual lives. Woody Allen
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Since I was a kid, I could make up stories, I could make up funny jokes and I could always do it. When I'm walking down the street or having dinner, ideas will hit me, and I write them down on matchbooks or napkins and throw them in the draw. Woody Allen
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The audience is making the film and not the film-maker. Woody Allen
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If I was to see any of my films now I would feel, oh god you know it's awful I could do that so much better now. Look at all the terrible things I did and all the mistakes and all the compromises and all the blunders I made, and it would be such a terrible experience for me to see them. So it's better that I put it out and move on to the next thing and make it history as quickly as possible. Woody Allen
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I can levitate birds. No one cares. Woody Allen
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I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are "always on." It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain. Woody Allen
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I think [aging] has nothing to recommend it. You don't gain any wisdom as the years go by. You fall apart, is what happens. People try and put a nice varnish on it, and say, well, you mellow. You come to understand life and accept things. But you'd trade all of that for being 35 again. Woody Allen
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Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It's a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants. Woody Allen
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No, no, I'm a lowbrow. I read [Dostoevsky] more out of obligation than enjoyment. For enjoyment, for me, it's a beer and the football game. Woody Allen
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The film studios learned to our dismay but to their pleasure that if they spent $200 million making a film they could make half a billion on it. So they were not interested anymore in quality films.... They can't afford to be that risky at those prices. Consequently you're getting a lot of remakes, sequels, dopey comedies full of toilet jokes. Woody Allen
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Hey listen - I've proved a lot of things. That's how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let's not get carried away. Woody Allen
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Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here. Woody Allen
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Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes. Woody Allen
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I read in self-defense. Woody Allen
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Isn't all mankind ultimately executed for a crime it never committed? Woody Allen
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I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't. Woody Allen
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The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.' Woody Allen
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I cannot say for certain that God does not exist; I think the worst thing that can be said about him is that he's a bit of an underachiever. Woody Allen
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There's something about my films; they're informed by my sensibility. I have the same preoccupations, the same interests... there's just something in the nuance, and so you always know it's a film of mine whether I sign my name to it or not. Woody Allen
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Drama, it would be as if you wrote some poetry. You'd run the risk of being embarrassed if people read it, because you're pouring your heart out and you're not mitigating it with any humor or anything. Woody Allen
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Relationships are really what interest me the most. And I think, in the end, they interest most people the most. Even when you read Tolstoy or something, basically they're about man and woman relationships. Woody Allen
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The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it! Woody Allen
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If you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life [than a non-believer]. Woody Allen
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There is no justice, there is no rational structure to it [life]. That is just the way it is, and each person figures out some way to cope with it... Woody Allen
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See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics. Woody Allen
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I had an IQ test. The results came back negative. Woody Allen
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Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all ... you know, they become lawyers. Woody Allen
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Regarding love what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it. Woody Allen
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When you start putting a higher value on works of art than people, you're forfeiting your humanity. Woody Allen
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Chastity is curable, if detected early. Woody Allen
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This stuff tastes awful; I could have made a fortune selling it in my health-food store. Woody Allen
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When you write the script, you're home in a room by yourself, and you're writing, and there's no connection with the real performing world. So you get a lot of things wrong and make a lot of mistakes and make a lot of bad choices. Woody Allen
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Paris is particularly beautiful in the rain. It was just a nice experience for me, a pleasant experience, and I was able to present it to the world through my eyes, very subjectively - not realistically, but subjectively. Woody Allen
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. Woody Allen
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I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child. Woody Allen
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Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian. Woody Allen
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. Woody Allen
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If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. Woody Allen
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Tradition is the illusion of permanance. Woody Allen
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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. Woody Allen
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I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. Woody Allen
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. Woody Allen
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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. Woody Allen
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Notes for a ballet, The Spell: ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund is astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part woman - unfortunately, divided lengthwise. She enchants Sigmund, who is careful not to make any poultry jokes ... Woody Allen
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The heart wants what it wants. Woody Allen
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It's all through the actors; I cannot write in that idiom Woody Allen
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It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to. Writing is very pleasurable, very seductive, and very therapeutic. Time passes very fast when I'm writing-really fast. I'm puzzling over something, and time just flies by. It's an exhilarating feeling. How bad can it be? It's sitting alone with fictional characters. You're escaping from the world in your own way and that's fine. Why not? Woody Allen
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The man has an axe. There's two of us. There'll be four of us in no time. Woody Allen
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