Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


Life is for the living. Woody Allen
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I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman. Woody Allen
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Where did we come from? Where are we going? Is there possibility of a group discount? Woody Allen
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I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty? Woody Allen
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Some people think about sex all the time; some people think of sex some of the time; and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers. Woody Allen
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The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen
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To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer. Not to love is to suffer. Woody Allen
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As I got more confident, I was able to let actors improvise, and do long takes. It's 10%, 5% you learn and experience. The rest you just have or you don't have. Woody Allen
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Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again... I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O"Neill were laughing. Woody Allen
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My brain? That's my second favorite organ. Woody Allen
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Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. Woody Allen
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How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size? Woody Allen
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I'm sure there are people in Hollywood, whose main drive in film is to make money, who will feel that any use of the word hijacking or any reference to anything violent or remotely associated with the terrible tragedy that occurred will lose customers for them. And that will be the only criterion that will matter and so they'll force the minions that work for them to remove these things from their movies, or not make movies about that subject. Woody Allen
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I wish I was writing something much more heavy each time I did a film, and that the comedies just occasionally come out. But unfortunately you're stuck with what you're born with. Woody Allen
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I write about what I want to write about, and so the film comes out as a very personal expression even if its subject matter is totally prefabricated. Woody Allen
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I am an only child. I have one sister. Woody Allen
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Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV? Woody Allen
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The prettiest women are almost always the most boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God. Woody Allen
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What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people. Woody Allen
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Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things. Woody Allen
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A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life. Woody Allen
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There have been times when I've thought about it - but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution. Woody Allen
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Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. Woody Allen
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I can't with any conscience argue for New York with anyone. It's like Calcutta. But I love the city in an emotional, irrational way, like loving your mother or your father even though they're a drunk or a thief. I've loved the city my whole life - to me, it's like a great woman. Woody Allen
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I never thought I was doing anyone a favour by bringing children into the world. With people as cruel to each other as they are, it's a terrible proposition. The best of lives are sad and tragic. The best of them. My general conclusion is that it's not a nice thing to do. The world doesn't need it. The kid doesn't need it. Woody Allen
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When you start putting a higher value on works of art than people, you're forfeiting your humanity. Woody Allen
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Chastity is curable, if detected early. Woody Allen
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Isn't all mankind ultimately executed for a crime it never committed? Woody Allen
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I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't. Woody Allen
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The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.' Woody Allen
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Sygmnd was a poor Austrian who'd lost all the vowels in his name in a boating accident. Woody Allen
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Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. Woody Allen
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He's a politician. That's a notch below child molester. Woody Allen
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[An audience conditioned by a lifetime of television-watching is so corrupted that] their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out! Woody Allen
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I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss. Woody Allen
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Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes. Woody Allen
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I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child. Woody Allen
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Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian. Woody Allen
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. Woody Allen
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The whole thrust of science and the medical profession is to try and prevent it from happening, to try to prolong life, to keep you from dying, to keep you from getting older, to rejuvenate you. I mean, that's everybody's wish. The fountain of youth is everybody's sought-after thing. Woody Allen
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If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. Woody Allen
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Tradition is the illusion of permanance. Woody Allen
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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. Woody Allen
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I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. Woody Allen
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. Woody Allen
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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. Woody Allen
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I can levitate birds. No one cares. Woody Allen
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I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are "always on." It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain. Woody Allen
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I think [aging] has nothing to recommend it. You don't gain any wisdom as the years go by. You fall apart, is what happens. People try and put a nice varnish on it, and say, well, you mellow. You come to understand life and accept things. But you'd trade all of that for being 35 again. Woody Allen
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Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It's a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants. Woody Allen
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No, no, I'm a lowbrow. I read [Dostoevsky] more out of obligation than enjoyment. For enjoyment, for me, it's a beer and the football game. Woody Allen
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The film studios learned to our dismay but to their pleasure that if they spent $200 million making a film they could make half a billion on it. So they were not interested anymore in quality films.... They can't afford to be that risky at those prices. Consequently you're getting a lot of remakes, sequels, dopey comedies full of toilet jokes. Woody Allen
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Hey listen - I've proved a lot of things. That's how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let's not get carried away. Woody Allen
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Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here. Woody Allen
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. Woody Allen
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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. Woody Allen
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Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. Woody Allen
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words. Woody Allen
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It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen
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Notes for a ballet, The Spell: ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund is astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part woman - unfortunately, divided lengthwise. She enchants Sigmund, who is careful not to make any poultry jokes ... Woody Allen
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I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier. Woody Allen
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A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio. Woody Allen
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More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen
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I cannot say for certain that God does not exist; I think the worst thing that can be said about him is that he's a bit of an underachiever. Woody Allen
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There's something about my films; they're informed by my sensibility. I have the same preoccupations, the same interests... there's just something in the nuance, and so you always know it's a film of mine whether I sign my name to it or not. Woody Allen
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Drama, it would be as if you wrote some poetry. You'd run the risk of being embarrassed if people read it, because you're pouring your heart out and you're not mitigating it with any humor or anything. Woody Allen
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Relationships are really what interest me the most. And I think, in the end, they interest most people the most. Even when you read Tolstoy or something, basically they're about man and woman relationships. Woody Allen
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The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it! Woody Allen
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If you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life [than a non-believer]. Woody Allen
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