Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants. Woody Allen

I was in analysis for years because of a traumatic childhood; I was breast-fed through falsies. Woody Allen

Me and nature are two. Woody Allen

If I could only see one miracle, just one miracle. Like a burning bush, or the seas part, or my uncle Sasha pick up a check. Woody Allen

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once. Woody Allen

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. Woody Allen

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. Woody Allen

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun. Woody Allen

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker. Woody Allen

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. Woody Allen

I am two with nature. Woody Allen

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys. Woody Allen

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her. Woody Allen

It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel. Woody Allen

Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things. Woody Allen

A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life. Woody Allen

There have been times when I've thought about it - but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution. Woody Allen

Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. Woody Allen

I cannot say for certain that God does not exist; I think the worst thing that can be said about him is that he's a bit of an underachiever. Woody Allen

There's something about my films; they're informed by my sensibility. I have the same preoccupations, the same interests... there's just something in the nuance, and so you always know it's a film of mine whether I sign my name to it or not. Woody Allen

Drama, it would be as if you wrote some poetry. You'd run the risk of being embarrassed if people read it, because you're pouring your heart out and you're not mitigating it with any humor or anything. Woody Allen

Relationships are really what interest me the most. And I think, in the end, they interest most people the most. Even when you read Tolstoy or something, basically they're about man and woman relationships. Woody Allen

The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it! Woody Allen

If you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life [than a non-believer]. Woody Allen

There is no justice, there is no rational structure to it [life]. That is just the way it is, and each person figures out some way to cope with it... Woody Allen

See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics. Woody Allen

I had an IQ test. The results came back negative. Woody Allen

Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all ... you know, they become lawyers. Woody Allen

Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes. Woody Allen

Regarding love what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it. Woody Allen

When you write the script, you're home in a room by yourself, and you're writing, and there's no connection with the real performing world. So you get a lot of things wrong and make a lot of mistakes and make a lot of bad choices. Woody Allen

Paris is particularly beautiful in the rain. It was just a nice experience for me, a pleasant experience, and I was able to present it to the world through my eyes, very subjectively - not realistically, but subjectively. Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. Woody Allen

I can't with any conscience argue for New York with anyone. It's like Calcutta. But I love the city in an emotional, irrational way, like loving your mother or your father even though they're a drunk or a thief. I've loved the city my whole life - to me, it's like a great woman. Woody Allen

Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs. Woody Allen

Someday the lion is going to lie down with the lamb, but the lamb isn't going to get much sleep. Woody Allen

For some reason I'm more appreciated in France than I am back home. The subtitles must be incredibly good. Woody Allen

I write the script; nobody sees it, not the people that put the money in the picture. I cast who I want, and make the film. That's why I've always felt the only thing standing between me and greatness, is me. There's no excuse for me not to be great except that I'm not. Woody Allen

To me, movies are valuable as an art form and as a wonderful means of popular entertainment. But I think movies have gone terribly wrong. Woody Allen

I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss. Woody Allen

The man has an axe. There's two of us. There'll be four of us in no time. Woody Allen

Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian. Woody Allen

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. Woody Allen

The whole thrust of science and the medical profession is to try and prevent it from happening, to try to prolong life, to keep you from dying, to keep you from getting older, to rejuvenate you. I mean, that's everybody's wish. The fountain of youth is everybody's sought-after thing. Woody Allen

I never thought I was doing anyone a favour by bringing children into the world. With people as cruel to each other as they are, it's a terrible proposition. The best of lives are sad and tragic. The best of them. My general conclusion is that it's not a nice thing to do. The world doesn't need it. The kid doesn't need it. Woody Allen

Isn't all mankind ultimately executed for a crime it never committed? Woody Allen

I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't. Woody Allen

The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.' Woody Allen

I am an only child. I have one sister. Woody Allen

Does art imitate life, or does life imitate TV? Woody Allen

The prettiest women are almost always the most boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God. Woody Allen

What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people. Woody Allen

He's a politician. That's a notch below child molester. Woody Allen

[An audience conditioned by a lifetime of television-watching is so corrupted that] their standards have been systematically lowered over the years. These guys sit in front of their sets and the gamma rays eat the white cells of their brains out! Woody Allen

Sygmnd was a poor Austrian who'd lost all the vowels in his name in a boating accident. Woody Allen

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. Woody Allen

This stuff tastes awful; I could have made a fortune selling it in my health-food store. Woody Allen

When you start putting a higher value on works of art than people, you're forfeiting your humanity. Woody Allen

Chastity is curable, if detected early. Woody Allen

I read in self-defense. Woody Allen

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. (On the KKK) Woody Allen

There are three things Jewish people worship-God, Chinese food and wall-to-wall carpeting. Woody Allen

The whole concept of awards is silly. I cannot abide by the judgment of other people, because if you accept it when they say you deserve an award, then you have to accept it when they say you don't. Woody Allen

Take the money and run. Woody Allen

Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick. Woody Allen

It's all through the actors; I cannot write in that idiom Woody Allen

It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to. Writing is very pleasurable, very seductive, and very therapeutic. Time passes very fast when I'm writing-really fast. I'm puzzling over something, and time just flies by. It's an exhilarating feeling. How bad can it be? It's sitting alone with fictional characters. You're escaping from the world in your own way and that's fine. Why not? Woody Allen

Enthusiasm is a good engine, but it needs intelligence for a driver. Woody Allen

Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful, and multiply.' But not in those words. Woody Allen



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