Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer. Not to love is to suffer. Woody Allen
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The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen
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Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all, you know, they become lawyers. Woody Allen
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Love is the answer but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some good questions. Woody Allen
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The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep. Woody Allen
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If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be? Woody Allen
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Some guy hit my car fender the other day, and I said unto him, Be fruitful and multiply. But not in those words. Woody Allen
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Boris: Nothingness. Non-existence. Black emptiness. Sonja: What did you say? Boris: Oh, I was just planning my future. Woody Allen
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. Woody Allen
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Agathon: But all that talk about death being the same as sleep. Socrates: Yes, the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, Everybody up, it's morning, it's very hard to find your slippers. Woody Allen
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I'd rather she grew up here than grew up as an orphan, you know I can tolerate anybody's orphans but my own. Woody Allen
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I feel sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. Woody Allen
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As we know, for centuries Rome regarded the Open Hot Turkey Sandwich as the height of licentiousness. Woody Allen
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As I got more confident, I was able to let actors improvise, and do long takes. It's 10%, 5% you learn and experience. The rest you just have or you don't have. Woody Allen
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I don't think my film style has changed. I'm doing the same kind of jokes I did when I was younger. Woody Allen
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It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. Woody Allen
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I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. Woody Allen
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Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. Woody Allen
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Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words. Woody Allen
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It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen
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Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things. Woody Allen
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A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life. Woody Allen
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There have been times when I've thought about it - but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution. Woody Allen
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Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge. Others only gargle. Woody Allen
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I cannot say for certain that God does not exist; I think the worst thing that can be said about him is that he's a bit of an underachiever. Woody Allen
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There's something about my films; they're informed by my sensibility. I have the same preoccupations, the same interests... there's just something in the nuance, and so you always know it's a film of mine whether I sign my name to it or not. Woody Allen
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Drama, it would be as if you wrote some poetry. You'd run the risk of being embarrassed if people read it, because you're pouring your heart out and you're not mitigating it with any humor or anything. Woody Allen
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Relationships are really what interest me the most. And I think, in the end, they interest most people the most. Even when you read Tolstoy or something, basically they're about man and woman relationships. Woody Allen
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The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it! Woody Allen
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If you can delude yourself by believing that there is some kind of Santa Claus out there who is going to bail you out in the end, then it will help you get through. Even if you are proven wrong in the end, you would have had a better life [than a non-believer]. Woody Allen
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There is no justice, there is no rational structure to it [life]. That is just the way it is, and each person figures out some way to cope with it... Woody Allen
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See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics. Woody Allen
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I had an IQ test. The results came back negative. Woody Allen
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Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all ... you know, they become lawyers. Woody Allen
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Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes. Woody Allen
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Regarding love what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it. Woody Allen
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When you write the script, you're home in a room by yourself, and you're writing, and there's no connection with the real performing world. So you get a lot of things wrong and make a lot of mistakes and make a lot of bad choices. Woody Allen
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Paris is particularly beautiful in the rain. It was just a nice experience for me, a pleasant experience, and I was able to present it to the world through my eyes, very subjectively - not realistically, but subjectively. Woody Allen
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank. Woody Allen
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I can't with any conscience argue for New York with anyone. It's like Calcutta. But I love the city in an emotional, irrational way, like loving your mother or your father even though they're a drunk or a thief. I've loved the city my whole life - to me, it's like a great woman. Woody Allen
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Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs. Woody Allen
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Someday the lion is going to lie down with the lamb, but the lamb isn't going to get much sleep. Woody Allen
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For some reason I'm more appreciated in France than I am back home. The subtitles must be incredibly good. Woody Allen
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I write the script; nobody sees it, not the people that put the money in the picture. I cast who I want, and make the film. That's why I've always felt the only thing standing between me and greatness, is me. There's no excuse for me not to be great except that I'm not. Woody Allen
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To me, movies are valuable as an art form and as a wonderful means of popular entertainment. But I think movies have gone terribly wrong. Woody Allen
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I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss. Woody Allen
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The man has an axe. There's two of us. There'll be four of us in no time. Woody Allen
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If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. Woody Allen
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Tradition is the illusion of permanance. Woody Allen
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What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. Woody Allen
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I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. Woody Allen
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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. Woody Allen
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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. Woody Allen
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I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child. Woody Allen
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Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian. Woody Allen
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. Woody Allen
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The whole thrust of science and the medical profession is to try and prevent it from happening, to try to prolong life, to keep you from dying, to keep you from getting older, to rejuvenate you. I mean, that's everybody's wish. The fountain of youth is everybody's sought-after thing. Woody Allen
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For some reason it gives people pleasure to equate the life of certain movie actors or actresses with their actual lives. Woody Allen
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Since I was a kid, I could make up stories, I could make up funny jokes and I could always do it. When I'm walking down the street or having dinner, ideas will hit me, and I write them down on matchbooks or napkins and throw them in the draw. Woody Allen
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The audience is making the film and not the film-maker. Woody Allen
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If I was to see any of my films now I would feel, oh god you know it's awful I could do that so much better now. Look at all the terrible things I did and all the mistakes and all the compromises and all the blunders I made, and it would be such a terrible experience for me to see them. So it's better that I put it out and move on to the next thing and make it history as quickly as possible. Woody Allen
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I can levitate birds. No one cares. Woody Allen
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I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a way of coping in the short term, but has no long term effect and requires constant, endless renewal. Hence people talk of comics who are "always on." It's like constantly drugging your sensibility so you can get by with less pain. Woody Allen
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I think [aging] has nothing to recommend it. You don't gain any wisdom as the years go by. You fall apart, is what happens. People try and put a nice varnish on it, and say, well, you mellow. You come to understand life and accept things. But you'd trade all of that for being 35 again. Woody Allen
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Science is an intellectual dead end, you know? It's a lot of little guys in tweed suits cutting up frogs on foundation grants. Woody Allen
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No, no, I'm a lowbrow. I read [Dostoevsky] more out of obligation than enjoyment. For enjoyment, for me, it's a beer and the football game. Woody Allen
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The film studios learned to our dismay but to their pleasure that if they spent $200 million making a film they could make half a billion on it. So they were not interested anymore in quality films.... They can't afford to be that risky at those prices. Consequently you're getting a lot of remakes, sequels, dopey comedies full of toilet jokes. Woody Allen
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Hey listen - I've proved a lot of things. That's how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let's not get carried away. Woody Allen
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Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here. Woody Allen
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