Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


When I am in New York, I want to be in Europe, and when I am in Europe, I want to be in New York. Woody Allen

Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue. Woody Allen

We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth. Woody Allen

It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to. Woody Allen

I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty? Woody Allen

Some people think about sex all the time; some people think of sex some of the time; and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers. Woody Allen

All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates. Woody Allen

Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again... I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O"Neill were laughing. Woody Allen

It's easier to direct. If you direct something poorly and re-shoot it the next day, stage it better, make it work better, you have a lot of possibilities. You can edit it in certain ways so that it works, but there's no getting around weaknesses of the script. Woody Allen

New York is my home and I have a particular fondness for it. I think it's a place where you can generate any kind of story wonderfully. But I also would be very happy to make a film in Paris or Rome. Woody Allen

I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me. Woody Allen

People think I'm an artist because my films lose money. Woody Allen

The key point about a demonstration is that it must be seen. Hence the term "demonstration." If a person demonstrates privately in his own home, this is not technically a demonstration but merely "acting silly" or "behaving like an ass. Woody Allen

More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. I speak, by the way, not with any sense of futility, but with a panicky conviction of the absolute meaninglessness of existence which could easily be misinterpreted as pessimism. It is not. It is merely a healthy concern for the predicament of modern man. Woody Allen

To me there's no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They're all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful. Woody Allen

I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die. Woody Allen

I love baseball. You know, it doesn't have to mean anything. It's just very beautiful to watch. Woody Allen

What people who don't write don't understand is that they think you make up the line consciously - but you don't. It proceeds from your unconscious. So it's the same surprise to you when it emerges as it is to the audience when the comic says it. I don't think of the joke and then say it. I say it and then realize what I've said. And I laugh at it, because I'm hearing it for the first time myself. Woody Allen

I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling. Woody Allen

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light. Woody Allen

You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert. Woody Allen

My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign Woody Allen

Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime. Woody Allen

The only love that lasts is unrequited love. Woody Allen

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. Woody Allen

Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables. Woody Allen

I can't understand why more people aren't bisexual. It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night. Woody Allen

Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer. Woody Allen

There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. Woody Allen

Your still searching for me in every woman. You'll always seek to duplicate what we had. You know it. Woody Allen

Is Knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know? Woody Allen

Why ruin a good story with the truth? Woody Allen

Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano. Woody Allen

Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come. Woody Allen

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants. Woody Allen

Life is for the living. Woody Allen

I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman. Woody Allen

Where did we come from? Where are we going? Is there possibility of a group discount? Woody Allen

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer. Not to love is to suffer. Woody Allen

The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen

Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all, you know, they become lawyers. Woody Allen

Love is the answer but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some good questions. Woody Allen

The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep. Woody Allen

If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be? Woody Allen

Some guy hit my car fender the other day, and I said unto him, Be fruitful and multiply. But not in those words. Woody Allen

Boris: Nothingness. Non-existence. Black emptiness. Sonja: What did you say? Boris: Oh, I was just planning my future. Woody Allen

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. Woody Allen

Agathon: But all that talk about death being the same as sleep. Socrates: Yes, the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, Everybody up, it's morning, it's very hard to find your slippers. Woody Allen

I'd rather she grew up here than grew up as an orphan, you know I can tolerate anybody's orphans but my own. Woody Allen

I feel sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. Woody Allen

As we know, for centuries Rome regarded the Open Hot Turkey Sandwich as the height of licentiousness. Woody Allen

As I got more confident, I was able to let actors improvise, and do long takes. It's 10%, 5% you learn and experience. The rest you just have or you don't have. Woody Allen

I don't think my film style has changed. I'm doing the same kind of jokes I did when I was younger. Woody Allen

My brain? That's my second favorite organ. Woody Allen

Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. Woody Allen

How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size? Woody Allen

I'm sure there are people in Hollywood, whose main drive in film is to make money, who will feel that any use of the word hijacking or any reference to anything violent or remotely associated with the terrible tragedy that occurred will lose customers for them. And that will be the only criterion that will matter and so they'll force the minions that work for them to remove these things from their movies, or not make movies about that subject. Woody Allen

I wish I was writing something much more heavy each time I did a film, and that the comedies just occasionally come out. But unfortunately you're stuck with what you're born with. Woody Allen

I write about what I want to write about, and so the film comes out as a very personal expression even if its subject matter is totally prefabricated. Woody Allen

Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with. Woody Allen

I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts. Woody Allen

It figures you've got to hate yourself if you've got any integrity at all. Woody Allen

Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka. Woody Allen

I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social. Woody Allen

Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine. Woody Allen

The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty. Woody Allen

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. Woody Allen

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. Woody Allen

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF. Woody Allen

If you aren't failing every now and then, you're probably playing it too safe. Woody Allen



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