Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


But it was I, yes I, who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics! Woody Allen
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People think I'm an artist because my films lose money. Woody Allen
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The key point about a demonstration is that it must be seen. Hence the term "demonstration." If a person demonstrates privately in his own home, this is not technically a demonstration but merely "acting silly" or "behaving like an ass. Woody Allen
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More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. I speak, by the way, not with any sense of futility, but with a panicky conviction of the absolute meaninglessness of existence which could easily be misinterpreted as pessimism. It is not. It is merely a healthy concern for the predicament of modern man. Woody Allen
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To me there's no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They're all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful. Woody Allen
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I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die. Woody Allen
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I love baseball. You know, it doesn't have to mean anything. It's just very beautiful to watch. Woody Allen
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What people who don't write don't understand is that they think you make up the line consciously - but you don't. It proceeds from your unconscious. So it's the same surprise to you when it emerges as it is to the audience when the comic says it. I don't think of the joke and then say it. I say it and then realize what I've said. And I laugh at it, because I'm hearing it for the first time myself. Woody Allen
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I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling. Woody Allen
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I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light. Woody Allen
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You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert. Woody Allen
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I've often felt that life is a hard deal and it's unrelentingly tragic and an uphill fight. Woody Allen
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My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done. Woody Allen
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When I naturally write a story and I feel that the guy (is) sitting across the table from the girl and flirting with her... I think, 'God, that can't be me' because I'm just too old for that part. You need a 30-year-old or a 35-year-old for that part. And so I've given myself less and less roles. Woody Allen
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I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying. Woody Allen
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It has become harder and harder in the United States to make films unhampered by outside influences. I've always been able to steer clear of that and keep the business people out of my hair completely. Woody Allen
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I always feel the cynicism is reality with maybe an alternate spelling or something because I feel that I have real perspective on this particular issue of punishment in society. Woody Allen
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It seems to me that making escapist films might be a better service to people than making intellectual ones and making films that deal with issues. It might be better to just make escapist comedies that don't touch on any issues. The people just get a cool lemonade, and then they go out refreshed, they enjoy themselves, they forget how awful things are and it helps them - it strengthens them to get through the day. Woody Allen
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Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer. Woody Allen
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There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. Woody Allen
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Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables. Woody Allen
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When I started out, I was a television writer, and we wrote a television show that was on live every week. And you didn't have the luxury of coming in and waiting to be inspired. You came in and you had to write. And you wrote, because it was going to be live on the air. So I can do that. Woody Allen
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I've had a very productive life. I've worked very hard, I've never fallen prey to depression. I'm not sure I could have done all of that without being in psychoanalysis. Woody Allen
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There are drawbacks in being famous too, but you can live with those. They're not life-threatening. If the paparazzi are outside your restaurant or your house - and actors make such a big thing of it and scurry into cars and drape things - you think they're going to be crucified or something. It's not a big deal. You can get used to that. It's not so terrible. Woody Allen
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Retirement is a very subjective thing. There are guys I know who retire and they're very happy and they never miss work at all. I can't see myself retiring and fondling a dog every day. I like to get up and work and go out. I have too much energy or too much nervous anxiety or something. So I don't see myself retiring. Maybe I will suddenly get a stroke or a heart attack and I will be forced to retire, but if my health holds out I don't expect to retire. Woody Allen
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[Stanley] Kubrick was a great artist and a perfectionist. He always wanted the exact right thing. He did a million takes. Everything had to be perfect. I'm an imperfectionist. I don't really care that much about the work. I write quickly. I'm careless. I shoot carelessly. Woody Allen
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American films, it's a money-making industry. And in France, you can find great respect for cinema as art. Woody Allen
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I don't rely on anybody except my own judgment. I don't get much input. I don't know if that's helped me or if I would be better off if I did rely on someone. Woody Allen
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Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF. Woody Allen
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If you aren't failing every now and then, you're probably playing it too safe. Woody Allen
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The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants. Woody Allen
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I was in analysis for years because of a traumatic childhood; I was breast-fed through falsies. Woody Allen
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. Woody Allen
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When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. Woody Allen
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To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer. Not to love is to suffer. Woody Allen
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I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty? Woody Allen
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As I got more confident, I was able to let actors improvise, and do long takes. It's 10%, 5% you learn and experience. The rest you just have or you don't have. Woody Allen
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I don't think my film style has changed. I'm doing the same kind of jokes I did when I was younger. Woody Allen
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Some guy hit my car fender the other day, and I said unto him, Be fruitful and multiply. But not in those words. Woody Allen
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Boris: Nothingness. Non-existence. Black emptiness. Sonja: What did you say? Boris: Oh, I was just planning my future. Woody Allen
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. Woody Allen
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Agathon: But all that talk about death being the same as sleep. Socrates: Yes, the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, Everybody up, it's morning, it's very hard to find your slippers. Woody Allen
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I'd rather she grew up here than grew up as an orphan, you know I can tolerate anybody's orphans but my own. Woody Allen
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I feel sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. Woody Allen
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As we know, for centuries Rome regarded the Open Hot Turkey Sandwich as the height of licentiousness. Woody Allen
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Why ruin a good story with the truth? Woody Allen
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Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano. Woody Allen
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Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come. Woody Allen
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I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants. Woody Allen
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Life is for the living. Woody Allen
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I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman. Woody Allen
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Where did we come from? Where are we going? Is there possibility of a group discount? Woody Allen
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All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates. Woody Allen
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Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue. Woody Allen
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Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime. Woody Allen
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The only love that lasts is unrequited love. Woody Allen
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Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. Woody Allen
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My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign Woody Allen
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Your still searching for me in every woman. You'll always seek to duplicate what we had. You know it. Woody Allen
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Is Knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know? Woody Allen
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We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth. Woody Allen
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It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to. Woody Allen
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Me and nature are two. Woody Allen
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If I could only see one miracle, just one miracle. Like a burning bush, or the seas part, or my uncle Sasha pick up a check. Woody Allen
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I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me. Woody Allen
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It's easier to direct. If you direct something poorly and re-shoot it the next day, stage it better, make it work better, you have a lot of possibilities. You can edit it in certain ways so that it works, but there's no getting around weaknesses of the script. Woody Allen
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New York is my home and I have a particular fondness for it. I think it's a place where you can generate any kind of story wonderfully. But I also would be very happy to make a film in Paris or Rome. Woody Allen
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I can't understand why more people aren't bisexual. It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night. Woody Allen
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Some people think about sex all the time; some people think of sex some of the time; and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers. Woody Allen
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Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all, you know, they become lawyers. Woody Allen
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