Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants. Woody Allen
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I was in analysis for years because of a traumatic childhood; I was breast-fed through falsies. Woody Allen
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It's easier to direct. If you direct something poorly and re-shoot it the next day, stage it better, make it work better, you have a lot of possibilities. You can edit it in certain ways so that it works, but there's no getting around weaknesses of the script. Woody Allen
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New York is my home and I have a particular fondness for it. I think it's a place where you can generate any kind of story wonderfully. But I also would be very happy to make a film in Paris or Rome. Woody Allen
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Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once. Woody Allen
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Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. Woody Allen
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I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. Woody Allen
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Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun. Woody Allen
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My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker. Woody Allen
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It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. Woody Allen
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I am two with nature. Woody Allen
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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen
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I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys. Woody Allen
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I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her. Woody Allen
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. Woody Allen
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When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. Woody Allen
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People think I'm an artist because my films lose money. Woody Allen
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The key point about a demonstration is that it must be seen. Hence the term "demonstration." If a person demonstrates privately in his own home, this is not technically a demonstration but merely "acting silly" or "behaving like an ass. Woody Allen
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More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. I speak, by the way, not with any sense of futility, but with a panicky conviction of the absolute meaninglessness of existence which could easily be misinterpreted as pessimism. It is not. It is merely a healthy concern for the predicament of modern man. Woody Allen
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To me there's no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They're all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful. Woody Allen
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I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die. Woody Allen
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I love baseball. You know, it doesn't have to mean anything. It's just very beautiful to watch. Woody Allen
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What people who don't write don't understand is that they think you make up the line consciously - but you don't. It proceeds from your unconscious. So it's the same surprise to you when it emerges as it is to the audience when the comic says it. I don't think of the joke and then say it. I say it and then realize what I've said. And I laugh at it, because I'm hearing it for the first time myself. Woody Allen
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I think universal harmony is a pipedream and it may be more productive to focus on more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling. Woody Allen
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I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light. Woody Allen
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You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert. Woody Allen
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Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. Woody Allen
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The only love that lasts is unrequited love. Woody Allen
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It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel. Woody Allen
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My brain? That's my second favorite organ. Woody Allen
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Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. Woody Allen
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How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size? Woody Allen
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I'm sure there are people in Hollywood, whose main drive in film is to make money, who will feel that any use of the word hijacking or any reference to anything violent or remotely associated with the terrible tragedy that occurred will lose customers for them. And that will be the only criterion that will matter and so they'll force the minions that work for them to remove these things from their movies, or not make movies about that subject. Woody Allen
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I wish I was writing something much more heavy each time I did a film, and that the comedies just occasionally come out. But unfortunately you're stuck with what you're born with. Woody Allen
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I write about what I want to write about, and so the film comes out as a very personal expression even if its subject matter is totally prefabricated. Woody Allen
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Some of the best memories of my childhood that I have are the times that I played hooky from school so I could spend my days in the public library reading all the wonderful books at my disposal. Woody Allen
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But it was I, yes I, who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics! Woody Allen
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Your still searching for me in every woman. You'll always seek to duplicate what we had. You know it. Woody Allen
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Is Knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know? Woody Allen
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All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates. Woody Allen
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To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer. Not to love is to suffer. Woody Allen
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Why ruin a good story with the truth? Woody Allen
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Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano. Woody Allen
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Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come. Woody Allen
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I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants. Woody Allen
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Life is for the living. Woody Allen
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I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman. Woody Allen
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Where did we come from? Where are we going? Is there possibility of a group discount? Woody Allen
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I've often felt that life is a hard deal and it's unrelentingly tragic and an uphill fight. Woody Allen
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My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done. Woody Allen
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When I naturally write a story and I feel that the guy (is) sitting across the table from the girl and flirting with her... I think, 'God, that can't be me' because I'm just too old for that part. You need a 30-year-old or a 35-year-old for that part. And so I've given myself less and less roles. Woody Allen
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I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying. Woody Allen
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It has become harder and harder in the United States to make films unhampered by outside influences. I've always been able to steer clear of that and keep the business people out of my hair completely. Woody Allen
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I always feel the cynicism is reality with maybe an alternate spelling or something because I feel that I have real perspective on this particular issue of punishment in society. Woody Allen
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It seems to me that making escapist films might be a better service to people than making intellectual ones and making films that deal with issues. It might be better to just make escapist comedies that don't touch on any issues. The people just get a cool lemonade, and then they go out refreshed, they enjoy themselves, they forget how awful things are and it helps them - it strengthens them to get through the day. Woody Allen
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When I started out, I was a television writer, and we wrote a television show that was on live every week. And you didn't have the luxury of coming in and waiting to be inspired. You came in and you had to write. And you wrote, because it was going to be live on the air. So I can do that. Woody Allen
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I've had a very productive life. I've worked very hard, I've never fallen prey to depression. I'm not sure I could have done all of that without being in psychoanalysis. Woody Allen
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There are drawbacks in being famous too, but you can live with those. They're not life-threatening. If the paparazzi are outside your restaurant or your house - and actors make such a big thing of it and scurry into cars and drape things - you think they're going to be crucified or something. It's not a big deal. You can get used to that. It's not so terrible. Woody Allen
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Retirement is a very subjective thing. There are guys I know who retire and they're very happy and they never miss work at all. I can't see myself retiring and fondling a dog every day. I like to get up and work and go out. I have too much energy or too much nervous anxiety or something. So I don't see myself retiring. Maybe I will suddenly get a stroke or a heart attack and I will be forced to retire, but if my health holds out I don't expect to retire. Woody Allen
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[Stanley] Kubrick was a great artist and a perfectionist. He always wanted the exact right thing. He did a million takes. Everything had to be perfect. I'm an imperfectionist. I don't really care that much about the work. I write quickly. I'm careless. I shoot carelessly. Woody Allen
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American films, it's a money-making industry. And in France, you can find great respect for cinema as art. Woody Allen
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I don't rely on anybody except my own judgment. I don't get much input. I don't know if that's helped me or if I would be better off if I did rely on someone. Woody Allen
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Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again... I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O"Neill were laughing. Woody Allen
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I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty? Woody Allen
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Some people think about sex all the time; some people think of sex some of the time; and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers. Woody Allen
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As I got more confident, I was able to let actors improvise, and do long takes. It's 10%, 5% you learn and experience. The rest you just have or you don't have. Woody Allen
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I don't think my film style has changed. I'm doing the same kind of jokes I did when I was younger. Woody Allen
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Some guy hit my car fender the other day, and I said unto him, Be fruitful and multiply. But not in those words. Woody Allen
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Boris: Nothingness. Non-existence. Black emptiness. Sonja: What did you say? Boris: Oh, I was just planning my future. Woody Allen
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. Woody Allen
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