Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light. Woody Allen
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You can't control life. It doesn't wind up perfectly. Only-only art you can control. Art and masturbation. Two areas in which I am an absolute expert. Woody Allen
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Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. Woody Allen
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The only love that lasts is unrequited love. Woody Allen
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Your still searching for me in every woman. You'll always seek to duplicate what we had. You know it. Woody Allen
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Is Knowledge knowable? If not, how do we know? Woody Allen
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All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates. Woody Allen
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Some of the best memories of my childhood that I have are the times that I played hooky from school so I could spend my days in the public library reading all the wonderful books at my disposal. Woody Allen
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But it was I, yes I, who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics! Woody Allen
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Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF. Woody Allen
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If you aren't failing every now and then, you're probably playing it too safe. Woody Allen
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The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants. Woody Allen
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I was in analysis for years because of a traumatic childhood; I was breast-fed through falsies. Woody Allen
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It's easier to direct. If you direct something poorly and re-shoot it the next day, stage it better, make it work better, you have a lot of possibilities. You can edit it in certain ways so that it works, but there's no getting around weaknesses of the script. Woody Allen
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New York is my home and I have a particular fondness for it. I think it's a place where you can generate any kind of story wonderfully. But I also would be very happy to make a film in Paris or Rome. Woody Allen
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My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. Woody Allen
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When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. Woody Allen
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Men learn to love the woman they are attracted to. Women learn to become attracted to the man they fall in love with. Woody Allen
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I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts. Woody Allen
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It figures you've got to hate yourself if you've got any integrity at all. Woody Allen
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Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka. Woody Allen
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I'm not anti-social. I'm just not social. Woody Allen
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Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine. Woody Allen
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The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty. Woody Allen
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Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once. Woody Allen
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Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. Woody Allen
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I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. Woody Allen
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Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun. Woody Allen
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My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker. Woody Allen
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It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. Woody Allen
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I am two with nature. Woody Allen
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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. Woody Allen
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I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys. Woody Allen
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I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her. Woody Allen
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It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel. Woody Allen
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When I am in New York, I want to be in Europe, and when I am in Europe, I want to be in New York. Woody Allen
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I've often felt that life is a hard deal and it's unrelentingly tragic and an uphill fight. Woody Allen
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My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done. Woody Allen
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When I naturally write a story and I feel that the guy (is) sitting across the table from the girl and flirting with her... I think, 'God, that can't be me' because I'm just too old for that part. You need a 30-year-old or a 35-year-old for that part. And so I've given myself less and less roles. Woody Allen
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I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying. Woody Allen
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It has become harder and harder in the United States to make films unhampered by outside influences. I've always been able to steer clear of that and keep the business people out of my hair completely. Woody Allen
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I always feel the cynicism is reality with maybe an alternate spelling or something because I feel that I have real perspective on this particular issue of punishment in society. Woody Allen
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It seems to me that making escapist films might be a better service to people than making intellectual ones and making films that deal with issues. It might be better to just make escapist comedies that don't touch on any issues. The people just get a cool lemonade, and then they go out refreshed, they enjoy themselves, they forget how awful things are and it helps them - it strengthens them to get through the day. Woody Allen
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I can't understand why more people aren't bisexual. It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night. Woody Allen
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Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables. Woody Allen
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When I started out, I was a television writer, and we wrote a television show that was on live every week. And you didn't have the luxury of coming in and waiting to be inspired. You came in and you had to write. And you wrote, because it was going to be live on the air. So I can do that. Woody Allen
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I've had a very productive life. I've worked very hard, I've never fallen prey to depression. I'm not sure I could have done all of that without being in psychoanalysis. Woody Allen
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There are drawbacks in being famous too, but you can live with those. They're not life-threatening. If the paparazzi are outside your restaurant or your house - and actors make such a big thing of it and scurry into cars and drape things - you think they're going to be crucified or something. It's not a big deal. You can get used to that. It's not so terrible. Woody Allen
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Retirement is a very subjective thing. There are guys I know who retire and they're very happy and they never miss work at all. I can't see myself retiring and fondling a dog every day. I like to get up and work and go out. I have too much energy or too much nervous anxiety or something. So I don't see myself retiring. Maybe I will suddenly get a stroke or a heart attack and I will be forced to retire, but if my health holds out I don't expect to retire. Woody Allen
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[Stanley] Kubrick was a great artist and a perfectionist. He always wanted the exact right thing. He did a million takes. Everything had to be perfect. I'm an imperfectionist. I don't really care that much about the work. I write quickly. I'm careless. I shoot carelessly. Woody Allen
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American films, it's a money-making industry. And in France, you can find great respect for cinema as art. Woody Allen
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I don't rely on anybody except my own judgment. I don't get much input. I don't know if that's helped me or if I would be better off if I did rely on someone. Woody Allen
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I don't think my film style has changed. I'm doing the same kind of jokes I did when I was younger. Woody Allen
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Some guy hit my car fender the other day, and I said unto him, Be fruitful and multiply. But not in those words. Woody Allen
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Boris: Nothingness. Non-existence. Black emptiness. Sonja: What did you say? Boris: Oh, I was just planning my future. Woody Allen
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. Woody Allen
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Agathon: But all that talk about death being the same as sleep. Socrates: Yes, the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, Everybody up, it's morning, it's very hard to find your slippers. Woody Allen
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I'd rather she grew up here than grew up as an orphan, you know I can tolerate anybody's orphans but my own. Woody Allen
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I feel sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. Woody Allen
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As we know, for centuries Rome regarded the Open Hot Turkey Sandwich as the height of licentiousness. Woody Allen
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Some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all, you know, they become lawyers. Woody Allen
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Love is the answer but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some good questions. Woody Allen
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The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep. Woody Allen
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If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be? Woody Allen
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Me and nature are two. Woody Allen
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If I could only see one miracle, just one miracle. Like a burning bush, or the seas part, or my uncle Sasha pick up a check. Woody Allen
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Why ruin a good story with the truth? Woody Allen
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Psychoanalyses is like music lessons, for 5 years you do not notice any progress and suddenly you can play the piano. Woody Allen
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Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come. Woody Allen
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I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants. Woody Allen
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