Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


Eternal nothingness is O.K. if you're dressed for it. Woody Allen

Where did you go to finishing school? On a pirate ship? Woody Allen

Hey, I may hate myself, but not because I'm Jewish. Woody Allen

Bidnick gorges himself on Viagra, but the dosage makes him hallucinate and causes him to imagine he is Pliny the Elder. Woody Allen

To a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife. Woody Allen

Your audience teaches you how to be funny. Woody Allen

When I get up in the morning, I go and I work with beautiful women and charming men and funny comedians and dramatic artists. And I'm presented with costumes and great music to choose from and sets. I travel a certain amount of places, so I've been living in a bubble. And I like it. Woody Allen

Over the years I've never written or made movies about political themes 'cause while they do have current critical importance, in the large, large scheme of things, only the big questions matter and the answers to those big questions are very, very depressing. Woody Allen

Visually I've always liked the 20s 30s for film. I do these because I like the music. I like the clothes. I like the way the women and the guys look. There are soldiers and sailors and gangsters with the machine guns in their violin cases. It's a very colorful era of New York, full of great theater and great nightclubs and great jazz. Woody Allen

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things. Woody Allen

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member. Woody Allen

I never ever see a film of mine after I release it to the public. I see it when I shoot it in my dailies and while I'm editing it, re-editing it and reshooting it and all that. By the time it's finished I never want to see it again. Woody Allen

I can do a limited amount of things and that's what I do and I feel comfortable doing it and I have no particular desire to do anything else as an actor. Woody Allen

God is silent. Now if only man would shut up. Woody Allen

See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they're self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them. Woody Allen

The history of the world is like: He kills me, I kill him, only with different cosmetics and different castings. So in 2001, some fanatics killed some Americans, and now some Americans are killing some Iraqis. And in my childhood, some Nazis killed Jews. And now, some Jewish people and some Palestinians are killing each other. Woody Allen

There's no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It's whatever seems right at the time. Woody Allen

You can't ride two horses with one behind. Woody Allen

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. Woody Allen

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? Woody Allen

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. Woody Allen

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue. Woody Allen

I think, on both sides of the camera or the novel: Distraction. I'm obsessed with: Can I get this actress or my third act to work? I'm distracted. I'm interested in that so I don't sit home and think, "Gee, life is meaningless. We're all going to die. The universe is pulling apart at breakneck speed." Woody Allen

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No. Woody Allen

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. Woody Allen

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. Woody Allen

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. Woody Allen

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. Woody Allen

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian. Woody Allen

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down . Woody Allen

Marriage is the death of hope. Woody Allen

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. Woody Allen

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there. Woody Allen

Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK? It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday Woody Allen

I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know. Woody Allen

I feel that humor, just like Fred Astaire dance numbers or these lightweight musicals, gives you a little oasis. You are in this horrible world and for an hour and a half you duck into a dark room and it's air-conditioned and the sun is not blinding you and you leave the terror of the universe behind and you are completely transported into an escapist situation. The women are beautiful, the men are witty and heroic, nobody has terrible problems and this is a delightful escapist thing, and you leave the theater refreshed. Woody Allen

Some women feel power is important, some women feel that looks are important, tenderness, intelligence...but sense of humor seems to permeate all of them. Woody Allen

I think Frank Capra was a much craftier filmmaker, a wonderful filmmaker. He had enormous technique, and he knew how to manipulate the public quite brilliantly. Woody Allen

These were always obsessions of mine, even as a very young child. These were things that interested me as the years went on. My friends were more preoccupied with social issues - issues such as abortion, racial discrimination, and Communism - and those issues just never caught my interest. Of course they mattered to me as a citizen to some degree...but they never really caught my attention artistically. Woody Allen

There's no point in looking back, because there's nothing you can really do to improve the film. You can only aggravate and wish you had done stuff better. Woody Allen

The movie is usually, for me, something organic that grows all the time. I sit home and write it, and I'm in an isolated, four-walled environment, and I don't know what's going on. I just write it, and it's appearing in my head in some idealized way where every single moment works, and every little thing is perfect, because it's in my head. Woody Allen

Usually, you hire people that you think are wonderful. Woody Allen



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