Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. Woody Allen
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Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. Woody Allen
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If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. Woody Allen
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He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian. Woody Allen
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On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down . Woody Allen
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Marriage is the death of hope. Woody Allen
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Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. Woody Allen
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Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there. Woody Allen
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The chief problem about death ... is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought. Woody Allen
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Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats. Woody Allen
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Years ago I was on television having a discussion with Billy Graham about atheism. He was saying, even if you're right and I'm wrong, and there's nothing after, I will have had a better life than you, because I do believe there was something. And I couldn't argue with that, even though I wanted to. Woody Allen
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Events unfold so unpredictably, so unfairly, human happiness does not seem to be included in the design of creation. It is only we, with our capacity to love that give meaning to the indifferent universe. And yet, most human beings seem to have the ability to keep trying and even try to find joy from simple things, like their family, their work, and from the hope that future generations might understand more. Woody Allen
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I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings. Woody Allen
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Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do. Woody Allen
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I have a hyper-active imagination, my mind tends to jump around a little, and I have some trouble between fantasy and reality. Woody Allen
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I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening. Woody Allen
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The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion. Woody Allen
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My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks. Woody Allen
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Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors. Woody Allen
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The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house. Woody Allen
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Show business is dog eat dog. It's worse than dog eat dog. It's dog doesn't return dog's phone calls. Woody Allen
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I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot Woody Allen
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There's no way to prove that there is no God. You just have to take it on faith. Woody Allen
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People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country. Woody Allen
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You can learn technological things, you can learn about specific things, but the real problems that people deal with in any subject, existential subjects or romantic subjects, you never learn anything. So you make a fool of yourself when you're 20, you make a fool of yourself at 40, at 60 at 80. The ancient Greeks were dealing with these problems. They screwed up all the time. People do now. Woody Allen
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When you make the film, it's like a chef who works on the meal. After you're working all day in the kitchen and dicing and cutting and putting the sauces on, you don't want to eat it. That's how I always feel about the films. I work on it for a year. I've written it, I've worked with the actors, I've edited, put the music in. I just never want to see it again. Woody Allen
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I'm in show business. I'm not like a poor factory worker who'd been laid off. Woody Allen
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If the [actors] are working, and I have a dinner engagement, I don't do 20 takes. I do five takes and go home. I want to go to dinner. Woody Allen
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What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife. Woody Allen
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I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's. Woody Allen
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Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain - and this is a chance for something special. Woody Allen
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That's one of the nice things about writing, or any art; if the thing's real, it just lives. Woody Allen
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It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. Woody Allen
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Reality may not be the best of all possible worlds, but it's still the only place where you can get a decent steak. Woody Allen
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What is it about death that bothers me? Probably the hours. Woody Allen
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One of the interesting things is, the most gifted people, the biggest people, have no problem taking small roles. Woody Allen
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That's one of the nice things about writing, or any art; if the thing's real, it just lives. Woody Allen
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How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not 'the thing with feathers.' The thing with feathers has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich. Woody Allen
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Pale, nervous girls with black-rimmed glasses and blunt-cut hair lolled around on sofas, riffling Penguin Classics provocatively... But it was' just intellectual experiences. They were peddling emotional ones, too. For fifty bucks, I learned, you could "relate without getting close." For a hundred, a girl would lend you her Bartok records, have dinner, and then let you watch while she had an anxiety attack. Woody Allen
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To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. Woody Allen
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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? Woody Allen
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I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen
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I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. Woody Allen
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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue. Woody Allen
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While we're waiting for a cab I'll give you your lesson for today. Don't listen to what your teachers tell ya, you know. Don't pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that's how you'll know what life is really gonna be like. Woody Allen
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Fantasy is only a state of mind that you can employ when existing in a real context. Woody Allen
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If you don't have fun doing the film, then the results of the film will never give you any fun. Woody Allen
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If I could just hope to have a major talent, then I would rather have it in music than in any other field. Woody Allen
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I never ever see a film of mine after I release it to the public. I see it when I shoot it in my dailies and while I'm editing it, re-editing it and reshooting it and all that. By the time it's finished I never want to see it again. Woody Allen
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I can do a limited amount of things and that's what I do and I feel comfortable doing it and I have no particular desire to do anything else as an actor. Woody Allen
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God is silent. Now if only man would shut up. Woody Allen
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See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they're self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them. Woody Allen
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The history of the world is like: He kills me, I kill him, only with different cosmetics and different castings. So in 2001, some fanatics killed some Americans, and now some Americans are killing some Iraqis. And in my childhood, some Nazis killed Jews. And now, some Jewish people and some Palestinians are killing each other. Woody Allen
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There's no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It's whatever seems right at the time. Woody Allen
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You can't ride two horses with one behind. Woody Allen
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Raised by two mothers...wow, most of us barely survive one Woody Allen
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In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald. Woody Allen
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We live in far too permissive a society. Never before has pornography been this rampant. And those films are so badly lit! Woody Allen
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Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him. Woody Allen
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Is old age really so terrible? Not if you've brushed your teeth faithfully. Woody Allen
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Paranoia is knowing all the facts. Woody Allen
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You use sex to express every emotion except love. Woody Allen
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What if the worst is true? What if there's no God, and you only go around once, and that's it? Don't you want to be a part of the experience? You know, what the hell? It's not all a drag, and I'm thinking to myself: Geez! I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get and just enjoy it while it lasts. And, you know, after-who knows? Maybe there is something, nobody really knows. I know that maybe is a very slim reed to hang your whole life on, but that's the best we have. Woody Allen
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Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right. Woody Allen
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There is dignity in suffering; nobility in pain; but failure is a salted wound, that burns and burns again! Woody Allen
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At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings. Woody Allen
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Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess. Woody Allen
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I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her. Woody Allen
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I don't know enough to be incompetent. Woody Allen
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Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses. Woody Allen
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