Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946

Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats. Woody Allen

Years ago I was on television having a discussion with Billy Graham about atheism. He was saying, even if you're right and I'm wrong, and there's nothing after, I will have had a better life than you, because I do believe there was something. And I couldn't argue with that, even though I wanted to. Woody Allen

Events unfold so unpredictably, so unfairly, human happiness does not seem to be included in the design of creation. It is only we, with our capacity to love that give meaning to the indifferent universe. And yet, most human beings seem to have the ability to keep trying and even try to find joy from simple things, like their family, their work, and from the hope that future generations might understand more. Woody Allen

I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings. Woody Allen

Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do. Woody Allen

I have a hyper-active imagination, my mind tends to jump around a little, and I have some trouble between fantasy and reality. Woody Allen

I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening. Woody Allen

The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion. Woody Allen

My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks. Woody Allen

Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors. Woody Allen

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house. Woody Allen

Show business is dog eat dog. It's worse than dog eat dog. It's dog doesn't return dog's phone calls. Woody Allen

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot Woody Allen

There's no way to prove that there is no God. You just have to take it on faith. Woody Allen

People are always talking about the dumbing down of the country. Woody Allen

You can learn technological things, you can learn about specific things, but the real problems that people deal with in any subject, existential subjects or romantic subjects, you never learn anything. So you make a fool of yourself when you're 20, you make a fool of yourself at 40, at 60 at 80. The ancient Greeks were dealing with these problems. They screwed up all the time. People do now. Woody Allen

When you make the film, it's like a chef who works on the meal. After you're working all day in the kitchen and dicing and cutting and putting the sauces on, you don't want to eat it. That's how I always feel about the films. I work on it for a year. I've written it, I've worked with the actors, I've edited, put the music in. I just never want to see it again. Woody Allen

I'm in show business. I'm not like a poor factory worker who'd been laid off. Woody Allen

If the [actors] are working, and I have a dinner engagement, I don't do 20 takes. I do five takes and go home. I want to go to dinner. Woody Allen

What I do know about physics is that to a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife. Woody Allen

I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's. Woody Allen

Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain - and this is a chance for something special. Woody Allen

That's one of the nice things about writing, or any art; if the thing's real, it just lives. Woody Allen

It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. Woody Allen

Reality may not be the best of all possible worlds, but it's still the only place where you can get a decent steak. Woody Allen

What is it about death that bothers me? Probably the hours. Woody Allen

One of the interesting things is, the most gifted people, the biggest people, have no problem taking small roles. Woody Allen

That's one of the nice things about writing, or any art; if the thing's real, it just lives. Woody Allen

How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not 'the thing with feathers.' The thing with feathers has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich. Woody Allen

Pale, nervous girls with black-rimmed glasses and blunt-cut hair lolled around on sofas, riffling Penguin Classics provocatively... But it was' just intellectual experiences. They were peddling emotional ones, too. For fifty bucks, I learned, you could "relate without getting close." For a hundred, a girl would lend you her Bartok records, have dinner, and then let you watch while she had an anxiety attack. Woody Allen

While we're waiting for a cab I'll give you your lesson for today. Don't listen to what your teachers tell ya, you know. Don't pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that's how you'll know what life is really gonna be like. Woody Allen

Fantasy is only a state of mind that you can employ when existing in a real context. Woody Allen

If you don't have fun doing the film, then the results of the film will never give you any fun. Woody Allen

If I could just hope to have a major talent, then I would rather have it in music than in any other field. Woody Allen

Raised by two mothers...wow, most of us barely survive one Woody Allen

In short, the best thing to do is behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen or under, try not to go bald. Woody Allen

We live in far too permissive a society. Never before has pornography been this rampant. And those films are so badly lit! Woody Allen

Even if God exists, he's done such a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him. Woody Allen

Is old age really so terrible? Not if you've brushed your teeth faithfully. Woody Allen

Paranoia is knowing all the facts. Woody Allen

You use sex to express every emotion except love. Woody Allen

What if the worst is true? What if there's no God, and you only go around once, and that's it? Don't you want to be a part of the experience? You know, what the hell? It's not all a drag, and I'm thinking to myself: Geez! I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get and just enjoy it while it lasts. And, you know, after-who knows? Maybe there is something, nobody really knows. I know that maybe is a very slim reed to hang your whole life on, but that's the best we have. Woody Allen

Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right. Woody Allen

There is dignity in suffering; nobility in pain; but failure is a salted wound, that burns and burns again! Woody Allen

At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings. Woody Allen

Heaven knows, we all make mistakes. That's life - and chess. Woody Allen

I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her. Woody Allen

I don't know enough to be incompetent. Woody Allen

Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses. Woody Allen

If you're born with a gift, to behave like it's an achievement is not right. Woody Allen

In life, one is entitled to a side dish of either coleslaw or potato salad, and the choice must be made in terror, with the knowledge that not only is our time on earth limited but most kitchens close at ten. Woody Allen

And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up. Woody Allen

I idolized Superman when I was younger. I thought he and I had a lot in common. He was always going into phonebooths and taking off all his clothes. Woody Allen

When a man is driving in a car and looks out the window and notices a woman with a great body, as he strains to check her face out, how does she know to keep turning so the back of her head is always toward him? Woody Allen

When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject. Woody Allen

I love baseball. You know, it does' have to mean anything. It's just very beautiful to watch. Woody Allen

It's hard for me to know. I'll think, 'I really brought off my ideas, it's great,' and no one sparks to it Woody Allen

Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve execution of anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package. Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. Woody Allen

If I can play a scene in a master shot, I always prefer it. And the actors always prefer it. It's fun to look at on the screen, the actors get a chance to sink their teeth into something substantial, and it's economically helpful. Woody Allen

The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. I think that the worst thing you could say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. After all, you know, there are worse things in life than death. Woody Allen

In order to be successful, all you've got to do is show up 80 percent of the time. Woody Allen

I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me; I want to be stuffed with crab meat. Woody Allen

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. Woody Allen

Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing Embraceable You in spats. Woody Allen

He never made the ten-most-wanted list. It's very unfair voting. It's who you know. Woody Allen

A relationship, I think, is, is like a shark, you know, it has to constantly move forward or it dies, and I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark. Woody Allen

More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one consider that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. Woody Allen

I think crime pays. The hours are good and you travel a lot. Woody Allen

The difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to make fun of you. Woody Allen

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