Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses. Woody Allen
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If you're born with a gift, to behave like it's an achievement is not right. Woody Allen
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While we're waiting for a cab I'll give you your lesson for today. Don't listen to what your teachers tell ya, you know. Don't pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that's how you'll know what life is really gonna be like. Woody Allen
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Fantasy is only a state of mind that you can employ when existing in a real context. Woody Allen
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If you don't have fun doing the film, then the results of the film will never give you any fun. Woody Allen
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If I could just hope to have a major talent, then I would rather have it in music than in any other field. Woody Allen
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See, I will always have this penchant for what I call kamikaze women. I call them kamikazes because they, you know they crash their plane, they're self-destructive. But they crash into you, and you die along with them. Woody Allen
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The history of the world is like: He kills me, I kill him, only with different cosmetics and different castings. So in 2001, some fanatics killed some Americans, and now some Americans are killing some Iraqis. And in my childhood, some Nazis killed Jews. And now, some Jewish people and some Palestinians are killing each other. Woody Allen
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There's no rhyme or reason to anything that I do. It's whatever seems right at the time. Woody Allen
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You can't ride two horses with one behind. Woody Allen
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I think, on both sides of the camera or the novel: Distraction. I'm obsessed with: Can I get this actress or my third act to work? I'm distracted. I'm interested in that so I don't sit home and think, "Gee, life is meaningless. We're all going to die. The universe is pulling apart at breakneck speed." Woody Allen
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I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No. Woody Allen
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Years ago I was on television having a discussion with Billy Graham about atheism. He was saying, even if you're right and I'm wrong, and there's nothing after, I will have had a better life than you, because I do believe there was something. And I couldn't argue with that, even though I wanted to. Woody Allen
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Events unfold so unpredictably, so unfairly, human happiness does not seem to be included in the design of creation. It is only we, with our capacity to love that give meaning to the indifferent universe. And yet, most human beings seem to have the ability to keep trying and even try to find joy from simple things, like their family, their work, and from the hope that future generations might understand more. Woody Allen
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I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings. Woody Allen
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Life is horrible, but it is not relentlessly black from wire to wire. You can sit down and hear a Mozart symphony, or you can watch the Marx Brothers, and this will give you a pleasant escape for a while. And that is about the best that you can do. Woody Allen
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I have a hyper-active imagination, my mind tends to jump around a little, and I have some trouble between fantasy and reality. Woody Allen
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I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening. Woody Allen
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The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion. Woody Allen
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My grammy never gave gifts, you know. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks. Woody Allen
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Life is a concentration camp. You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors. Woody Allen
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Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain - and this is a chance for something special. Woody Allen
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That's one of the nice things about writing, or any art; if the thing's real, it just lives. Woody Allen
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It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. Woody Allen
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The difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to make fun of you. Woody Allen
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Eternal nothingness is O.K. if you're dressed for it. Woody Allen
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Where did you go to finishing school? On a pirate ship? Woody Allen
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Hey, I may hate myself, but not because I'm Jewish. Woody Allen
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Bidnick gorges himself on Viagra, but the dosage makes him hallucinate and causes him to imagine he is Pliny the Elder. Woody Allen
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To a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat - especially if the man on the boat is with his wife. Woody Allen
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Your audience teaches you how to be funny. Woody Allen
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When I get up in the morning, I go and I work with beautiful women and charming men and funny comedians and dramatic artists. And I'm presented with costumes and great music to choose from and sets. I travel a certain amount of places, so I've been living in a bubble. And I like it. Woody Allen
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Over the years I've never written or made movies about political themes 'cause while they do have current critical importance, in the large, large scheme of things, only the big questions matter and the answers to those big questions are very, very depressing. Woody Allen
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Visually I've always liked the 20s 30s for film. I do these because I like the music. I like the clothes. I like the way the women and the guys look. There are soldiers and sailors and gangsters with the machine guns in their violin cases. It's a very colorful era of New York, full of great theater and great nightclubs and great jazz. Woody Allen
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Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things. Woody Allen
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Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing Embraceable You in spats. Woody Allen
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He never made the ten-most-wanted list. It's very unfair voting. It's who you know. Woody Allen
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A relationship, I think, is, is like a shark, you know, it has to constantly move forward or it dies, and I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark. Woody Allen
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More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly. Woody Allen
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Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one consider that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. Woody Allen
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I think crime pays. The hours are good and you travel a lot. Woody Allen
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If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. Woody Allen
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. Woody Allen
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You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. Woody Allen
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Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. Woody Allen
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If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. Woody Allen
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He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian. Woody Allen
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On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down . Woody Allen
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Marriage is the death of hope. Woody Allen
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Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. Woody Allen
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Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there. Woody Allen
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I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member. Woody Allen
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I never ever see a film of mine after I release it to the public. I see it when I shoot it in my dailies and while I'm editing it, re-editing it and reshooting it and all that. By the time it's finished I never want to see it again. Woody Allen
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I can do a limited amount of things and that's what I do and I feel comfortable doing it and I have no particular desire to do anything else as an actor. Woody Allen
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God is silent. Now if only man would shut up. Woody Allen
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Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK? It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday Woody Allen
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I came home one night, some month ago, and I went to the closet in my bedroom...and a moth ate my sports jacket. He was laying on the floor, nauseous, y'know. Woody Allen
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To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. Woody Allen
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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? Woody Allen
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I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen
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I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. Woody Allen
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Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue. Woody Allen
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The chief problem about death ... is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought. Woody Allen
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Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats. Woody Allen
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There is dignity in suffering; nobility in pain; but failure is a salted wound, that burns and burns again! Woody Allen
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At the trial Stubbs chose to act as his own lawyer, but a conflict over his fee led to ill feelings. Woody Allen
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What if the worst is true? What if there's no God, and you only go around once, and that's it? Don't you want to be a part of the experience? You know, what the hell? It's not all a drag, and I'm thinking to myself: Geez! I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get and just enjoy it while it lasts. And, you know, after-who knows? Maybe there is something, nobody really knows. I know that maybe is a very slim reed to hang your whole life on, but that's the best we have. Woody Allen
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Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right. Woody Allen
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In life, one is entitled to a side dish of either coleslaw or potato salad, and the choice must be made in terror, with the knowledge that not only is our time on earth limited but most kitchens close at ten. Woody Allen
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And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up. Woody Allen
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