Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


Cynicism is reality with an alternate spelling. Woody Allen
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Let's say there was a burning building and you could rush in and you could save only one thing: either the last known copy of Shakespeare's plays or some anonymous human being. What would you do? Woody Allen
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Money is not everything, but it is better than having one's health. Woody Allen
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My relationship with death remains the same - I'm strongly against it. Woody Allen
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I can't minimize the terror factor. As you get older you get more and more frightened because the terrible indignities of old age become closer to you. Woody Allen
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If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out. Woody Allen
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Death is an acquired trait. Woody Allen
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I see the glass half full...but of poison. Woody Allen
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Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college, Woody Allen
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I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend. Woody Allen
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My grandfather had a wonderful funeral... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad. Woody Allen
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I see no advantages in aging whatsoever. You become shriveled. You become decrepit. You lose your faculties. Your peer group passes away. You sit in a room gumming your porridge. I don't see any advantage in this whatsoever. Woody Allen
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All over the world, relationships between men and women are very, very tricky and very difficult and you don't learn anything. It's not an exact science, so you can't learn anything. You're always going by instinct and your instinct betrays you because you want what you want when you want it. Woody Allen
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If I just got up in the morning and had no place to go and was retired or something, I would sit there and I would be thinking, "Gee, what is the purpose of life? Why are we all finite? Why do we get old and die? Is there nothing out there? Why is it so tragic? Why do our loved ones perish? Why do we generate?" So who wants to think about that stuff? Woody Allen
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When you work from city to city or country to country, you work the same way; the working method is the same. Woody Allen
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It is impossible to experience one's own death objectively and still carry a tune. Woody Allen
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Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. Woody Allen
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What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Woody Allen
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Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. Woody Allen
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By now they had mastered my own language, but they still made simple mistakes, like using 'hermeneutics,' when they meant 'heuristic'. Woody Allen
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I have no regard for that kind of ceremony. I just don't think they know what they're doing. When you see who wins those things-or who doesn't win them-you can see how meaningless this Oscar thing is. Woody Allen
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If you aren't failing, you aren't trying. Woody Allen
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I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself. Woody Allen
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I could turn on my radio in the morning when I was getting dressed for school and hear Frank Sinatra and Duke Ellington and Benny Goodman and think this is the music. Now that music is art. Ellington is art. At that time it was just what you heard on the radio. Cole Porter was just a guy who wrote pretty songs and Billie Holliday would sing them. Woody Allen
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I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts. Woody Allen
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The key is, to not think of death as an end, but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses. Woody Allen
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Death is a state of non-being. That which is not, does not exist. Therefore death does not exist. Only truth exists. Truth and beauty. Each is interchangeable, but are aspects of themselves. Er, what specifically did they say they had in mind for me? Woody Allen
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...years of insanity have made this guy crazy! Woody Allen
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You think the President of the United States wants to fuck every woman he meets?... Well, bad example. Woody Allen
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Tradition is the illusion of permanence. Woody Allen
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All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it. Woody Allen
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I'm not a drinker - my body will not tolerate spirits. I had two Martinis on New Year's Eve and I tried to hijack an elevator and fly it to Cuba. Woody Allen
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Where I grew up in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide. Everyone was too unhappy. Woody Allen
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God is either cruel or incompetent. Woody Allen
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When I'm not working, I think and I think when I get depressed. Woody Allen
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Man was made in God`s image. Do you really think God has red hair and glasses? Woody Allen
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I'm a teleological, existential agnostic. Woody Allen
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All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe. Woody Allen
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I always thought that as long as man is mortal, he will never be relaxed. Woody Allen
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It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography. Woody Allen
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90 per cent of success is turning up. Woody Allen
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As an artist, you are always striving toward an ultimate achievement but never seem to reach it. You shoot a film, and the result could have always been better. You try again, and fail once more. In some ways I find it enjoyable. You never lose sight of your goal. I do' do my job to make money or to break box office records, I simply try things out. What would happen if I were to achieve perfection at some point? What would I do then? Woody Allen
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With me; it's just a genetic dissatisfaction with everything. Woody Allen
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My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one Woody Allen
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Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third. Woody Allen
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For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal. Woody Allen
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Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. Woody Allen
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Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. Woody Allen
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Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right. Woody Allen
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Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge. Woody Allen
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Our love, our love will last forever. It's forever but it just doesn't work. That's why it will always be romantic because it can not be complete. Woody Allen
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In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly. Woody Allen
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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door. Woody Allen
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I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics. Woody Allen
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Music has always helped my films. In 'The Curse Of The Jade Scorpion,' you can hear 'Sunrise' by Glenn Miller, an idol of my childhood, in the surprise ending. I like mixing comedy with suspense and action. Woody Allen
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If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for. Woody Allen
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I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders. Woody Allen
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Once the movie's over, there's not much point. When the thing is edited, mixed, and color-corrected, and you've finished it... In my case, I never read anything about it, I never think about it. Woody Allen
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I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents. Woody Allen
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There's nothing good about getting older-absolutely nothing-because the amount of wisdom and experience you gain is negligible compared to what you lose. You do gain a couple of things-you gain a little bittersweet and sour wisdom from your heartbreaks and failures and things-but what you lose is so catastrophic in every way. Woody Allen
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I don't own a computer. I've never seen anything online at all - nothing. I don't own a word processor. I have none of that stuff. It's not an act of rebellion. I'm just not a gadget person. Woody Allen
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The best things in life are censored. Woody Allen
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I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. Woody Allen
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I don't inhale because it gives you cancer, but I look so incredibly handsome with a cigarette that I can't not hold one. Woody Allen
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I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me. Woody Allen
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In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. Woody Allen
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Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? Woody Allen
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I don't get depressed; I grow a tumor instead. Woody Allen
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Sex on Twitter can't hurt you - unless you fall off. Woody Allen
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The chief problem about death ... is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought. Woody Allen
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