Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. Woody Allen
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Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? Woody Allen
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I hope you're getting this down. Woody Allen
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I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British. Woody Allen
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You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The paradox consists of the fact that, when we fall in love, we are seeking to re-find all or some of the people to whom we were attached as children. On the other hand, we ask our beloved to correct all of the wrongs that these early parents or siblings inflicted upon us. So that love contains in it the contradiction: The attempt to return to the past and the attempt to undo the past. Woody Allen
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I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic. Woody Allen
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There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. Woody Allen
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? Woody Allen
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The content dictates the style all the time. That's the way it is. If the content of the film is highly jagged, neurotic, fast-paced, it just called for that kind of shooting, editing and performance. Woody Allen
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Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem. Woody Allen
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I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back. Woody Allen
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Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser! Woody Allen
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This is my perspective and has always been my perspective on life: I have a very grim, pessimistic view of it. I always have, since I was a little boy. It hasn't gotten worse with age or anything. I do feel that it's a grim, painful, nightmarish, meaningless experience, and that the only way that you can be happy is if you tell yourself some lies and deceive yourself. Woody Allen
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I think that the tendency for most people is to fall back on a comic interpretation of things because things are so sad, so terrible. If you didn't laugh you'd kill yourself. But the truth of the matter is that existence in general is very very tragic, very very sad, very brutal and very unhappy. Woody Allen
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[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent. Woody Allen
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You're so good looking I can barely keep my eyes on the meter. Woody Allen
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I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer. Woody Allen
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In formulating any philosophy the first consideration must always be: What can we know? That is, what can we be sure we know, or sure that we know we knew it, if indeed it is at all knowable. Or have we simply forgotten it and are too embarrassed to say anything? Descartes hinted at the problem when he wrote, 'My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs. Woody Allen
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By now they had mastered my own language, but they still made simple mistakes, like using 'hermeneutics,' when they meant 'heuristic'. Woody Allen
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I have no regard for that kind of ceremony. I just don't think they know what they're doing. When you see who wins those things-or who doesn't win them-you can see how meaningless this Oscar thing is. Woody Allen
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With me; it's just a genetic dissatisfaction with everything. Woody Allen
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Where I grew up in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide. Everyone was too unhappy. Woody Allen
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God is either cruel or incompetent. Woody Allen
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When I'm not working, I think and I think when I get depressed. Woody Allen
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Man was made in God`s image. Do you really think God has red hair and glasses? Woody Allen
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I'm a teleological, existential agnostic. Woody Allen
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All the crap they tell you about... getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe. Woody Allen
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I always thought that as long as man is mortal, he will never be relaxed. Woody Allen
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It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography. Woody Allen
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90 per cent of success is turning up. Woody Allen
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As an artist, you are always striving toward an ultimate achievement but never seem to reach it. You shoot a film, and the result could have always been better. You try again, and fail once more. In some ways I find it enjoyable. You never lose sight of your goal. I do' do my job to make money or to break box office records, I simply try things out. What would happen if I were to achieve perfection at some point? What would I do then? Woody Allen
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I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me. Woody Allen
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If you aren't failing, you aren't trying. Woody Allen
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I don't own a computer. I've never seen anything online at all - nothing. I don't own a word processor. I have none of that stuff. It's not an act of rebellion. I'm just not a gadget person. Woody Allen
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The best things in life are censored. Woody Allen
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I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself. Woody Allen
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I could turn on my radio in the morning when I was getting dressed for school and hear Frank Sinatra and Duke Ellington and Benny Goodman and think this is the music. Now that music is art. Ellington is art. At that time it was just what you heard on the radio. Cole Porter was just a guy who wrote pretty songs and Billie Holliday would sing them. Woody Allen
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I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts. Woody Allen
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The key is, to not think of death as an end, but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses. Woody Allen
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Death is a state of non-being. That which is not, does not exist. Therefore death does not exist. Only truth exists. Truth and beauty. Each is interchangeable, but are aspects of themselves. Er, what specifically did they say they had in mind for me? Woody Allen
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...years of insanity have made this guy crazy! Woody Allen
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You think the President of the United States wants to fuck every woman he meets?... Well, bad example. Woody Allen
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Tradition is the illusion of permanence. Woody Allen
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All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it. Woody Allen
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I'm not a drinker - my body will not tolerate spirits. I had two Martinis on New Year's Eve and I tried to hijack an elevator and fly it to Cuba. Woody Allen
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I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. Woody Allen
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I don't inhale because it gives you cancer, but I look so incredibly handsome with a cigarette that I can't not hold one. Woody Allen
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I can't minimize the terror factor. As you get older you get more and more frightened because the terrible indignities of old age become closer to you. Woody Allen
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If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out. Woody Allen
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Death is an acquired trait. Woody Allen
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I see the glass half full...but of poison. Woody Allen
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I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics. Woody Allen
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I see no advantages in aging whatsoever. You become shriveled. You become decrepit. You lose your faculties. Your peer group passes away. You sit in a room gumming your porridge. I don't see any advantage in this whatsoever. Woody Allen
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All over the world, relationships between men and women are very, very tricky and very difficult and you don't learn anything. It's not an exact science, so you can't learn anything. You're always going by instinct and your instinct betrays you because you want what you want when you want it. Woody Allen
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If I just got up in the morning and had no place to go and was retired or something, I would sit there and I would be thinking, "Gee, what is the purpose of life? Why are we all finite? Why do we get old and die? Is there nothing out there? Why is it so tragic? Why do our loved ones perish? Why do we generate?" So who wants to think about that stuff? Woody Allen
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When you work from city to city or country to country, you work the same way; the working method is the same. Woody Allen
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It is impossible to experience one's own death objectively and still carry a tune. Woody Allen
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Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college, Woody Allen
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If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for. Woody Allen
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I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend. Woody Allen
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My grandfather had a wonderful funeral... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad. Woody Allen
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Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third. Woody Allen
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Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge. Woody Allen
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I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders. Woody Allen
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Once the movie's over, there's not much point. When the thing is edited, mixed, and color-corrected, and you've finished it... In my case, I never read anything about it, I never think about it. Woody Allen
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I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents. Woody Allen
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There's nothing good about getting older-absolutely nothing-because the amount of wisdom and experience you gain is negligible compared to what you lose. You do gain a couple of things-you gain a little bittersweet and sour wisdom from your heartbreaks and failures and things-but what you lose is so catastrophic in every way. Woody Allen
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I don't get depressed; I grow a tumor instead. Woody Allen
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Sex on Twitter can't hurt you - unless you fall off. Woody Allen
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The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house. Woody Allen
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