Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


Regarding love... what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it. Woody Allen
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Sonja: Sex without love is an empty experience! Boris: Yes, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best! Woody Allen
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Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. Woody Allen
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In the event of war, I'm a hostage. Woody Allen
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The food in this place is really terrible. Yes, and such small portions. That's essentially how I feel about life. Woody Allen
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My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst. Woody Allen
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For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up. Woody Allen
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My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite. Woody Allen
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Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo. Woody Allen
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Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything? Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes. Woody Allen
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I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan - I stroke! Woody Allen
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My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films. Woody Allen
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Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh Hefner's mansion. Woody Allen
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Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage. Woody Allen
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I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. Woody Allen
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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. Woody Allen
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Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman. Woody Allen
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Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex. Woody Allen
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Sex and death are two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous. Woody Allen
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A "Bay Area Bisexual" told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires. Woody Allen
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There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope. Woody Allen
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You always think another time would have been ideal for you . . . the reality is there was no novocaine when you went to the dentist. Woody Allen
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I'm giving [my analyst] one more year-then I'm going to Lourdes. Woody Allen
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he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something Woody Allen
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In real life, Keaton believes in God. But she also believes that the radio works because there are tiny people inside it. Woody Allen
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I can't imagine any director directing a screenplay of mine, because the great directors all have very personal styles, and the ones that don't are not very interesting directors. Woody Allen
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I've inherited the worst of each parent. I have my father's hypochondria and lack of concentration. I have his amorality. I have everything bad that he had. Then I have my mother's surly, pill-like, complaining, whining attitude. Woody Allen
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None of the arts are any good unless you really are great at them. Woody Allen
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The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson. Woody Allen
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People make films for different reasons. For money. Or, they make them because something in them demands artistic expression. I do it because I enjoy the work. Woody Allen
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I never knew what Amazon was. I've never seen any of those series, even on cable. I've never seen The Sopranos, or Mad Men. I'm out every night and when I come home, I watch the end of the baseball or basketball game, and there's Charlie Rose and I go to sleep. Woody Allen
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I think Hollywood has gone in a disastrous path. It's terrible. The years of cinema that were great were the '30s, '40s, not so much the '50s...but then the foreign films took over and it was a great age of cinema as American directors were influenced by them and that fueled the '50s and '60s and '70s. Woody Allen
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I don't want to live forever through my work. I want to live forever by not dying. Woody Allen
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I don't wanna live on in my work. I wanna live on in my apartment. Woody Allen
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Sex relieves tension - love causes it. Woody Allen
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There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen
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The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife-a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. Woody Allen
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When you start putting a higher value on works of art than people, you're forfeiting your humanity. Woody Allen
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. Woody Allen
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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. Woody Allen
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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. Woody Allen
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead. Woody Allen
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I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib. Woody Allen
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Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea. Woody Allen
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I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. Woody Allen
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The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is. Woody Allen
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Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love. Woody Allen
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Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards. Woody Allen
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My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women. Woody Allen
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You will notice that what we are aiming at when we fall in love is a very strange paradox. The paradox consists of the fact that, when we fall in love, we are seeking to re-find all or some of the people to whom we were attached as children. On the other hand, we ask our beloved to correct all of the wrongs that these early parents or siblings inflicted upon us. So that love contains in it the contradiction: The attempt to return to the past and the attempt to undo the past. Woody Allen
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I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic. Woody Allen
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There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. Woody Allen
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? Woody Allen
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The content dictates the style all the time. That's the way it is. If the content of the film is highly jagged, neurotic, fast-paced, it just called for that kind of shooting, editing and performance. Woody Allen
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Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem. Woody Allen
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I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back. Woody Allen
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Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser! Woody Allen
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This is my perspective and has always been my perspective on life: I have a very grim, pessimistic view of it. I always have, since I was a little boy. It hasn't gotten worse with age or anything. I do feel that it's a grim, painful, nightmarish, meaningless experience, and that the only way that you can be happy is if you tell yourself some lies and deceive yourself. Woody Allen
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I think that the tendency for most people is to fall back on a comic interpretation of things because things are so sad, so terrible. If you didn't laugh you'd kill yourself. But the truth of the matter is that existence in general is very very tragic, very very sad, very brutal and very unhappy. Woody Allen
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[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent. Woody Allen
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You're so good looking I can barely keep my eyes on the meter. Woody Allen
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I wonder if Socrates and Plato took a house on Crete during the summer. Woody Allen
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In formulating any philosophy the first consideration must always be: What can we know? That is, what can we be sure we know, or sure that we know we knew it, if indeed it is at all knowable. Or have we simply forgotten it and are too embarrassed to say anything? Descartes hinted at the problem when he wrote, 'My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs. Woody Allen
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I hope you're getting this down. Woody Allen
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I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British. Woody Allen
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What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists? Woody Allen
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How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not "the thing with feathers." The thing with feathers has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich. Woody Allen
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A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings. Woody Allen
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Just because youre paranoid doesnt mean they arent out to get you Woody Allen
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All literature is a footnote to Faust. I have no idea what I mean by that. Woody Allen
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