Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


If you pursue the other woman, it's a losing situation and it's not good for your relationship or your marriage. If your marriage is open and you're allowed to, that's no good either. There's no way, really in the end, to be happy unless you get very lucky. Woody Allen
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No one ever wants the whole script. I give the whole script to people who require the whole script but to those people who don't require the whole script I don't give it to them and no one cares. They're relieved not to have to read extra pages that they're not in. Woody Allen
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I'll work by myself for years and then I'll think it'll be fun to et one of my friends like Marshall Brickman or Doug McGrath into a room and not be alone for the writing of the thing; to have the pleasure of taking walks and get lunch together; its sort of a fun process and then I do it and then I get back on my own for a while until I feel the need to do it again. Woody Allen
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In 1940 I was just turning 5 years old and being taken to the movies. For those of us who were not old enough to understand the horror of war it was a very romantic era because these guys were kissing their wives and girlfriends goodbye and going off to fight and become heroes. Woody Allen
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The Jewish culture - people that are Jewish have a certain cultural habit that they've formed and one of those habits is an appreciation of theater and music - these are cultural things one does associate with values that are promulgated by Jewish families. I think that's a good thing. Woody Allen
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My relationship with death remains the same - I'm strongly against it, All I can do is wait for it, Woody Allen
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Regarding love... what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it. Woody Allen
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Sonja: Sex without love is an empty experience! Boris: Yes, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best! Woody Allen
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Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. Woody Allen
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Sex relieves tension - love causes it. Woody Allen
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There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen
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The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife-a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. Woody Allen
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Hey, don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love. Woody Allen
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It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. Woody Allen
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In the event of war, I'm a hostage. Woody Allen
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The food in this place is really terrible. Yes, and such small portions. That's essentially how I feel about life. Woody Allen
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My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst. Woody Allen
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For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up. Woody Allen
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My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite. Woody Allen
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Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo. Woody Allen
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Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything? Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes. Woody Allen
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90% of success in life is showing up Woody Allen
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I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan - I stroke! Woody Allen
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Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards. Woody Allen
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People still have existential anxiety. It just may not be expressed in Hebraic idiom. Woody Allen
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I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker. Woody Allen
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I have great faith in the actors. When they improvise, it always sounds better than the stuff I write in my bedroom. When they improvise, they make it sound alive. Woody Allen
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I don't like to meet the actor and have a lot of conferences and talk about their sub-life and their off-screen life and their back stories and all that nonsense, because it never means anything. Woody Allen
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Everyone wants to get out of living where they're living now, because life is a pretty tough proposition and not much fun. But when you think back to earlier times, you only extrapolate the nice things. Woody Allen
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Paris is a very exciting city. I learned about Paris the same way that Americans do: from the movies. Woody Allen
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I can make films. And some of them come out good, and some of them come out better, and some of them come out worse. But I've been very lucky over the years to be able to sustain the length of career that I've had. Woody Allen
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I've always been lucky in casting. The trick in casting is to hire great people, and let them do what they do, don't interfere with them too much. And then when they're great, take credit for it in the end. Woody Allen
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On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. Woody Allen
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A general philosophy of the female characters in my films is they all want something to believe in, and not having anything. Woody Allen
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I can't even make a leap of faith to believe in my own existence. Woody Allen
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I'm very old-fashioned. I believe that people should stay married for life, like pigeons and Catholics. Woody Allen
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My father owned a small piece of land. He carried it with him wherever he went. Woody Allen
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There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you. Woody Allen
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My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs. Woody Allen
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I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife Woody Allen
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I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian. Woody Allen
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I don't fear death. - I just don't want to be around when it happens. Woody Allen
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People make films for different reasons. For money. Or, they make them because something in them demands artistic expression. I do it because I enjoy the work. Woody Allen
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I never knew what Amazon was. I've never seen any of those series, even on cable. I've never seen The Sopranos, or Mad Men. I'm out every night and when I come home, I watch the end of the baseball or basketball game, and there's Charlie Rose and I go to sleep. Woody Allen
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I think Hollywood has gone in a disastrous path. It's terrible. The years of cinema that were great were the '30s, '40s, not so much the '50s...but then the foreign films took over and it was a great age of cinema as American directors were influenced by them and that fueled the '50s and '60s and '70s. Woody Allen
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I don't want to live forever through my work. I want to live forever by not dying. Woody Allen
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I don't wanna live on in my work. I wanna live on in my apartment. Woody Allen
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When you start putting a higher value on works of art than people, you're forfeiting your humanity. Woody Allen
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Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem. Woody Allen
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I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back. Woody Allen
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Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser! Woody Allen
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What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists? Woody Allen
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How wrong Emily Dickinson was! Hope is not "the thing with feathers." The thing with feathers has turned out to be my nephew. I must take him to a specialist in Zurich. Woody Allen
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If 90% of success in life is showing up, the other 10% depends on what you're showing up for. Woody Allen
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Our love, our love will last forever. It's forever but it just doesn't work. That's why it will always be romantic because it can not be complete. Woody Allen
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Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third. Woody Allen
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Taste my tuna casserole - tell me if I put in too much hot fudge. Woody Allen
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For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal. Woody Allen
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Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. Woody Allen
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Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. Woody Allen
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Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right. Woody Allen
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I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend. Woody Allen
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My grandfather had a wonderful funeral... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad. Woody Allen
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I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics. Woody Allen
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My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women. Woody Allen
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I hope you're getting this down. Woody Allen
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I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British. Woody Allen
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I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders. Woody Allen
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Once the movie's over, there's not much point. When the thing is edited, mixed, and color-corrected, and you've finished it... In my case, I never read anything about it, I never think about it. Woody Allen
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I was a smart kid and I was not understood by my parents. Woody Allen
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