Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


Culturally speaking, I was raised in a Jewish household. In addition to the religious side of it, I was taught respect for books and learning and the higher professions like medicine and law and teaching. Woody Allen
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I always feel, I guess being a product of the movies of the 40s where movies were the greatest things and screens were big and palaces were palaces and stars were larger than life that reality was so much inferior to what we felt was conceivably possible from what we had seen in the movies. Woody Allen
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Sgt: Next week, we leave for the front. The object will be to kill as many Frenchmen as possible. Naturally, they are going to try and kill as many Russians as possible. If we kill more Frenchmen, we win. If they kill more Russians, they win. Boris: What do we win? Sgt: What do we win, private? Woody Allen
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Boris: (a) Socrates is a man.(b) All men are mortal.(c) All men are Socrates. That means all men are homosexuals. I'm not a homosexual. Once, some Cossacks whistled at me. I happen to have the kind of body that excites both persuasions. Woody Allen
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Boris: I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If he was a carpenter, I wondered what he charged for bookshelves. Woody Allen
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Of all the famous men who ever lived, the one I would most like to have been was Socrates. Not just because he was a great thinker, because I have been known to have some reasonably profound insights myself, although mine invariably revolve around a Swedish airline stewardess and some handcuffs. Woody Allen
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A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said no. Woody Allen
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And how does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket? Woody Allen
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I have also reviewed my own financial obligations, which have puffed up recently like a hammered thumb. Woody Allen
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Men would make love with any number of women ... even total strangers, while females were selective. They were catering to the demands of one small egg. While males had millions of frantic sperms screaming: "Let us out, let us out!". Woody Allen
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I call that mind free which jealously guards its intellectual rights and powers, which calls no man master, which does not content itself with a passive or hereditary faith, [and] receives new truth as an angel from Heaven. Woody Allen
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I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier. Woody Allen
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If I had my life to live over, I wish I could be a great pianist or something. Woody Allen
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If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips. Woody Allen
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You mellow too much you ripen and rot. Woody Allen
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For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have. Woody Allen
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Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy. Woody Allen
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That was the most fun I ever had without laughing. Woody Allen
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If you are not failing now and again, its a sign you are not doing anything very innovative Woody Allen
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I'm giving [my analyst] one more year-then I'm going to Lourdes. Woody Allen
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he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something Woody Allen
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Life is short. Short, and not about anything except what you can touch and what touches you. Woody Allen
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I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm. Woody Allen
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My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films. Woody Allen
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I don't want to be immortal through my works. I want to be immortal by not dying. Woody Allen
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I said this to my daughter, if you don't practice the guitar, when you get older you wouldn't be able to play it. It's that simple. If you want to play the guitar, you put a half hour in everyday, but you have to do it. Woody Allen
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I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light. Woody Allen
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Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage. Woody Allen
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History is the same thing over and over again. Woody Allen
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With films, I just scribble a couple of notes for a scene. You don't have to do any writing at all, you just have your notes for the scene, which are written with the actors and the camera in mind. The actual script is a necessity for casting and budgeting, but the end product often doesn't bear much resemblance to the script-at least in my case. Woody Allen
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She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. Woody Allen
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I've been lucky because my films have consistently made a profit, almost all of them have made a profit. Never a huge profit, but nobody gets hurt. And therefore I get a lot of freedom. Woody Allen
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My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers. Woody Allen
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End production today. Wrap party as usual a little sad. Slow danced with Scarlett. Broke her toe. Not my fault. When she dipped me back, I stepped on it. Penelope and Javier anxious to work with me again. Said if I ever come up with another screenplay to try and find them. Goodbye drink with Rebecca. Sentimental moment. Everyone in cast and crew chipped in and bought me a ballpoint pen. Woody Allen
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In real life, Keaton believes in God. But she also believes that the radio works because there are tiny people inside it. Woody Allen
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I can't imagine any director directing a screenplay of mine, because the great directors all have very personal styles, and the ones that don't are not very interesting directors. Woody Allen
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I've inherited the worst of each parent. I have my father's hypochondria and lack of concentration. I have his amorality. I have everything bad that he had. Then I have my mother's surly, pill-like, complaining, whining attitude. Woody Allen
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None of the arts are any good unless you really are great at them. Woody Allen
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. Woody Allen
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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. Woody Allen
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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. Woody Allen
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead. Woody Allen
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I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib. Woody Allen
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Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea. Woody Allen
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I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. Woody Allen
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Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. Woody Allen
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I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. Woody Allen
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I can't even make a leap of faith to believe in my own existence. Woody Allen
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I'm very old-fashioned. I believe that people should stay married for life, like pigeons and Catholics. Woody Allen
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My father owned a small piece of land. He carried it with him wherever he went. Woody Allen
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There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you. Woody Allen
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My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs. Woody Allen
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I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife Woody Allen
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I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. Woody Allen
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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. Woody Allen
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Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman. Woody Allen
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To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. Woody Allen
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I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba. Woody Allen
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The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is. Woody Allen
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90% of success in life is showing up Woody Allen
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I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan - I stroke! Woody Allen
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In the event of war, I'm a hostage. Woody Allen
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The food in this place is really terrible. Yes, and such small portions. That's essentially how I feel about life. Woody Allen
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My analyst warned me, but you were so beautiful I got another analyst. Woody Allen
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For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up. Woody Allen
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My parents stayed together for forty years. But that was out of spite. Woody Allen
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Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo. Woody Allen
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Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything? Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes. Woody Allen
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A general philosophy of the female characters in my films is they all want something to believe in, and not having anything. Woody Allen
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