Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said rabies. She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets... I thought she'd been bitten by a Great Dane. Woody Allen
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Love may be the answer, but even though you're watching for the solution, intercourse raises some rather interesting thoughts. Woody Allen
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If the world is a progressively realized community of interpretation, then either quadruplictity will drink procrastination or, provided that the nothing negates, boredom will ensue seldom more often than frequently. Woody Allen
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If you are not failing now and again, its a sign you are not doing anything very innovative Woody Allen
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Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of course, I refer to romantic love - the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters. Woody Allen
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I've always been interested in being in other people's movies. I never get any offers. Woody Allen
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Change is almost always negative. Things degenerate. Woody Allen
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People always tease me. They say, look at you, you went for so much psychoanalysis and you're so neurotic, you wind up marrying a girl so much younger than you. Woody Allen
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As I've gotten older, the parts have diminished. I liked it when I was younger, I could always play the lead in the movie and I could do all the romantic scenes with the women, and it was fun and I liked to play that. Now, I'm older and I'm reduced to playing the backstage doorman or the uncle or something. I don't really love that so occasionally, when a part comes up, I'll play it. Woody Allen
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I like broad comedy. If I had an idea tomorrow for a film that was all slapstick and broad comedy, and it was an idea that interested me, I would not hesitate to do it because I enjoy watching these kinds of film. Woody Allen
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Sometimes some of the best moments are contributed by the actors being creative, with their own improvisations. Woody Allen
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I do feel it's important to have some kind of faith in something, but [it is] impossible for many of us. I personally don't have any faith in anything, but it's great if you can. Woody Allen
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I never considered myself an artist. I aspire to be an artist, but I never thought I had the depth or substance or gift to be an artist. I do think I have some talent, but it doesn't go as far as being an artist. Woody Allen
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I never have an alter ego in the movies. That's a fiction that the press has made up over the years, and it's fun to write that. It gives them something to write. Woody Allen
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My parents were very Old World. They come from Brooklyn, which is the heart of the Old World. Their values in life are God and carpeting. Woody Allen
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I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery. Woody Allen
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If God exists, I hope he has a good excuse. Woody Allen
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All i have in my life is my imagination Woody Allen
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Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one. Woody Allen
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Subjectivity is objective. Woody Allen
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I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba. Woody Allen
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he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something Woody Allen
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I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light. Woody Allen
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Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage. Woody Allen
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Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex. Woody Allen
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I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. Woody Allen
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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. Woody Allen
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Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman. Woody Allen
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Sex and death are two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous. Woody Allen
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The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson. Woody Allen
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I know of only six genuine comic geniuses in movie history; Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Groucho Marx & Harpo Marx, Peter Sellers, and W.C. Fields. Woody Allen
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I'm at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I'm profoundly grateful to her. Woody Allen
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My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films. Woody Allen
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Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh Hefner's mansion. Woody Allen
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A "Bay Area Bisexual" told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires. Woody Allen
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There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope. Woody Allen
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You always think another time would have been ideal for you . . . the reality is there was no novocaine when you went to the dentist. Woody Allen
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The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is. Woody Allen
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I don't want to be immortal through my works. I want to be immortal by not dying. Woody Allen
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I said this to my daughter, if you don't practice the guitar, when you get older you wouldn't be able to play it. It's that simple. If you want to play the guitar, you put a half hour in everyday, but you have to do it. Woody Allen
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Eternity is really long, especially near the end. Woody Allen
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End production today. Wrap party as usual a little sad. Slow danced with Scarlett. Broke her toe. Not my fault. When she dipped me back, I stepped on it. Penelope and Javier anxious to work with me again. Said if I ever come up with another screenplay to try and find them. Goodbye drink with Rebecca. Sentimental moment. Everyone in cast and crew chipped in and bought me a ballpoint pen. Woody Allen
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In real life, Keaton believes in God. But she also believes that the radio works because there are tiny people inside it. Woody Allen
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I can't imagine any director directing a screenplay of mine, because the great directors all have very personal styles, and the ones that don't are not very interesting directors. Woody Allen
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I've inherited the worst of each parent. I have my father's hypochondria and lack of concentration. I have his amorality. I have everything bad that he had. Then I have my mother's surly, pill-like, complaining, whining attitude. Woody Allen
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None of the arts are any good unless you really are great at them. Woody Allen
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I'm giving [my analyst] one more year-then I'm going to Lourdes. Woody Allen
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Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. Woody Allen
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I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. Woody Allen
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History is the same thing over and over again. Woody Allen
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With films, I just scribble a couple of notes for a scene. You don't have to do any writing at all, you just have your notes for the scene, which are written with the actors and the camera in mind. The actual script is a necessity for casting and budgeting, but the end product often doesn't bear much resemblance to the script-at least in my case. Woody Allen
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She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. Woody Allen
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I've been lucky because my films have consistently made a profit, almost all of them have made a profit. Never a huge profit, but nobody gets hurt. And therefore I get a lot of freedom. Woody Allen
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My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers. Woody Allen
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Life is short. Short, and not about anything except what you can touch and what touches you. Woody Allen
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I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm. Woody Allen
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To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. Woody Allen
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. Woody Allen
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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. Woody Allen
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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. Woody Allen
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead. Woody Allen
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I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib. Woody Allen
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Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea. Woody Allen
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I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. Woody Allen
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Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate. Woody Allen
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I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy. Woody Allen
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As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions. Woody Allen
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Sometimes the critics will like a film, and the public doesn't come. Sometimes the critics won't like the film, and the public will come. It's completely spontaneous. It's a hazard. Woody Allen
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In certain areas I don't function well and in other areas I function very well. I'm very good professionally. I have good discipline, I'm able to write every day and do films and not go six times over the budget. I mean I'm a coherent person, but I also don't like to go through tunnels when I travel. I'm claustrophobic. Woody Allen
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I have a number of symptoms that are neurotic and are constricting in the sense that if I had a brilliant idea for a film that had to be shot in Tulsa, OK I would tear it up and throw it away. Anything outside of New York, 'cause I can't exist in a hotel outside of my own home, I have to be in my own home and my own environment. This is a neurotic symptom that is constricting to my work even. Woody Allen
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