Woody Allen Quotes & Wallpapers

Woody Allen
Total Quotes: 946


Life is like a concentration camp... you can't leave without dying. Woody Allen
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To me nature is... spiders and bugs, and big fish eating little fish, and plants eating plans, and animals eating... It's like an enormous restaurant, that's the way I see it. Woody Allen
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Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler? Woody Allen
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When I asked my mother where babies came from, she thought I said rabies. She said you get them from being bitten by a dog. The next week, a woman on my block gave birth to triplets... I thought she'd been bitten by a Great Dane. Woody Allen
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If you are not failing now and again, its a sign you are not doing anything very innovative Woody Allen
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Love may be the answer, but even though you're watching for the solution, intercourse raises some rather interesting thoughts. Woody Allen
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If the world is a progressively realized community of interpretation, then either quadruplictity will drink procrastination or, provided that the nothing negates, boredom will ensue seldom more often than frequently. Woody Allen
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In every generation there are a few people who are authentically funny. The cosmetics change. You may not be able to articulate it, and you may laugh at them and get a certain amount of enjoyment. But when you're asleep at night, and you wake up at 3 in the morning, and you're alone in your bed, you know who's really funny. Woody Allen
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Every time you make a movie it's a new and different experience. You learn very little from the past. So, I'm a little bit better than I was when I first started. Woody Allen
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More than at any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. I speak, by the way, not with any sense of futility, but with a panicky conviction of the absolute meaninglessness of existence which could easily be misinterpreted as pessimism. It is not. It is merely a healthy concern for the predicament of modern man. Woody Allen
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I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100. Woody Allen
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Maugham then offers the greatest advice anyone could give to a young author: "At the end of an interrogation sentence, place a question mark. You'd be surprised how effective it can be. Woody Allen
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In real life I'm not the character I play in my films. I'm reasonably competent, I work very hard, I'm disciplined, I lead a very middle class life. I work in the mornings, I have lunch, I practise my clarinet, I go to the movies, I eat out in restaurants or watch ball games on television or at the ball games. Woody Allen
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To be a film director is not a democracy, it's really a tyranny. You're the head of the project, for better rather than worse. I write the film and I direct the film, I decide who's going to be in it, I decide on the editing, I put in the music from my own record collection. Woody Allen
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If I had my choice in life I would have had the gifts of Tennessee Williams or Eugene O'Neill. Unfortunately my gifts lie in comedy and so comedy comes fairly easy to me and I occasionally have an idea for a very serious piece and I do it, but the ideas don't come that readily to me. Woody Allen
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As the author you know how you want it to appear on screen and it's always the content dictating the form. Woody Allen
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I have a limitless amount of great music at my disposal and it's very, very pleasurable because when the music goes on the film it's amazing how much it livens up the film and gives it an emotional kick in the pants, sort of. Woody Allen
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Comedians have a tendency to have a limited range, they tend to do one thing and do it very well, but it's limited. Woody Allen
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I can understand that an audience, buying a ticket to see a picture of mine, wants to see something funny because they feel confident that at least I have a fighting chance to make a funny film when I make a film, whereas if I make a dramatic film there's one chance in a thousand that it's really going to come out great, so I understand how they feel about that and they're completely right. Woody Allen
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When one chooses to be a writer, psychologically there's a reason for that because you like the isolation and you like to be by yourself and you are by nature timid. Woody Allen
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I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light. Woody Allen
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Talent is luck. The important thing in life is courage. Woody Allen
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Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex. Woody Allen
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I don't want to be immortal through my works. I want to be immortal by not dying. Woody Allen
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I said this to my daughter, if you don't practice the guitar, when you get older you wouldn't be able to play it. It's that simple. If you want to play the guitar, you put a half hour in everyday, but you have to do it. Woody Allen
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My films are therapy for my debilitating depression. In institutions people weave baskets. I make films. Woody Allen
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Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh Hefner's mansion. Woody Allen
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A "Bay Area Bisexual" told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires. Woody Allen
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There's nothing like the discovery of an unknown work by a great thinker to set the intellectual community atwitter and cause academics to dart about like those things one sees when looking at a drop of water under a microscope. Woody Allen
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You always think another time would have been ideal for you . . . the reality is there was no novocaine when you went to the dentist. Woody Allen
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I'm giving [my analyst] one more year-then I'm going to Lourdes. Woody Allen
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he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something Woody Allen
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Life is short. Short, and not about anything except what you can touch and what touches you. Woody Allen
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I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm. Woody Allen
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I can't even make a leap of faith to believe in my own existence. Woody Allen
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I'm very old-fashioned. I believe that people should stay married for life, like pigeons and Catholics. Woody Allen
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My father owned a small piece of land. He carried it with him wherever he went. Woody Allen
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There are worse things than death. Many of them playing at a theater near you. Woody Allen
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My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs. Woody Allen
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I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife Woody Allen
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I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. Woody Allen
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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. Woody Allen
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Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman. Woody Allen
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Sex and death are two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous. Woody Allen
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My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers. Woody Allen
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End production today. Wrap party as usual a little sad. Slow danced with Scarlett. Broke her toe. Not my fault. When she dipped me back, I stepped on it. Penelope and Javier anxious to work with me again. Said if I ever come up with another screenplay to try and find them. Goodbye drink with Rebecca. Sentimental moment. Everyone in cast and crew chipped in and bought me a ballpoint pen. Woody Allen
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In real life, Keaton believes in God. But she also believes that the radio works because there are tiny people inside it. Woody Allen
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I can't imagine any director directing a screenplay of mine, because the great directors all have very personal styles, and the ones that don't are not very interesting directors. Woody Allen
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I've inherited the worst of each parent. I have my father's hypochondria and lack of concentration. I have his amorality. I have everything bad that he had. Then I have my mother's surly, pill-like, complaining, whining attitude. Woody Allen
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None of the arts are any good unless you really are great at them. Woody Allen
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Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. Woody Allen
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I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. Woody Allen
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I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an elevator and fly it to Cuba. Woody Allen
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History is the same thing over and over again. Woody Allen
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With films, I just scribble a couple of notes for a scene. You don't have to do any writing at all, you just have your notes for the scene, which are written with the actors and the camera in mind. The actual script is a necessity for casting and budgeting, but the end product often doesn't bear much resemblance to the script-at least in my case. Woody Allen
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She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. Woody Allen
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. Woody Allen
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Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. Woody Allen
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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. Woody Allen
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I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead. Woody Allen
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I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib. Woody Allen
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Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea. Woody Allen
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I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. Woody Allen
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Eternity is really long, especially near the end. Woody Allen
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A general philosophy of the female characters in my films is they all want something to believe in, and not having anything. Woody Allen
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The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson. Woody Allen
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I know of only six genuine comic geniuses in movie history; Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Groucho Marx & Harpo Marx, Peter Sellers, and W.C. Fields. Woody Allen
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I'm at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I'm profoundly grateful to her. Woody Allen
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People still have existential anxiety. It just may not be expressed in Hebraic idiom. Woody Allen
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I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker. Woody Allen
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