Terry Pratchett Quotes & Wallpapers

Terry Pratchett
Total Quotes: 1600

Man just went past with a cat on his head, Terry Pratchett

People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people. Terry Pratchett

(About a cookbook...) - What about this one? Maids of Honor? - Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts. Terry Pratchett

He'd heard that writers spent all day in their dressing gowns drinking champagne. This is, of course, absolutely true. Terry Pratchett

Everything is a test. Terry Pratchett

But that was just it - hate was exactly the right word. Hate is a force of attraction. Hate is just love with its back turned. Terry Pratchett

People needed to believe in gods, if only because it was so hard to believe in people. Terry Pratchett

Priests were metal-reinforced overshoes. They saved your soles. This is an Assassin joke. Terry Pratchett

Historical Re-creation, he thought glumly, as they picked their way across, under, over or through the boulders and insect-buzzing heaps of splintered timber, with streamlets running everywhere. Only we do it with people dressing up and running around with blunt weapons, and people selling hot dogs, and the girls all miserable because they can only dress up as wenches, wenching being the only job available to women in the olden days. Terry Pratchett

only to people!' shouted Rincewind. He drew his sword and, with a smooth overarm throw, completely failed to hit the troll. Terry Pratchett

They say that the eyes of some paintings can follow you around the room, a fact that I doubt, but I am wondering whether some music can follow you for ever. Terry Pratchett

Legends don't have to make sense. They just have to be beautiful. Or at least interesting. Terry Pratchett

Apes had it worked out. No ape would philosophize, "The mountain is, and is not." They would think, "The banana is. I will eat the banana. There is no banana. I want another banana. Terry Pratchett

If you had enough money, you could hardly commit crimes at all. You just perpetrated amusing little peccadilloes. Terry Pratchett

Cheery was aware that Commander Vimes didn't like the phrase 'The innocent have nothing to fear', believing the innocent had everything to fear, mostly from the guilty but in the longer term even more from those who say things like 'The innocent have nothing to fear'. Terry Pratchett

If you want to change a whole people, then you start with the girls. It stands to reason: they learn faster, and they pass on what they learn to their children. Terry Pratchett

It is true that words have power, and one of the things they are able to do is get out of someone's mouth before the speaker has the chance to stop them. Terry Pratchett

First Thoughts are the everyday thoughts. Everyone has those. Second Thoughts are the thoughts you think about the way you think. People who enjoy thinking have those. Third Thoughts are thoughts that watch the world and think all by themselves. They"re rare, and often troublesome. Listening to them is part of witchcraft. Terry Pratchett

I believe in reincarnation," [Bjorn] said. I KNOW. "I tried to live a good life. Does that help?" THAT"S NOT UP TO ME. Death coughed. OF COURSE... SINCE YOU BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION... YOU"LL BE BJORN AGAIN. Terry Pratchett

The thing about stories is you have to pick the ones that last. Terry Pratchett

God moves in extremely mysterious, not to say, circuitous ways. God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, ie., everybody, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time. Terry Pratchett

Cake is not the issue here. Terry Pratchett

He had never been interested in stories at any age, and had never quite understood the basic concept. He'd never read a work of fiction all the way through. He did remember, as a small boy, being really annoyed at the depiction of Hickory Dickory Dock in a rag book of nursery rhymes because the clock in the drawing was completely wrong for the period. Terry Pratchett

You are in favour of the common people?" said Dragon mildly. The common people?" said Vimes. "They're nothing special. They're no different from the rich and powerful except they've got no money or power. But the law should be there to balance things up a bit. So I suppose I've got to be on their side. Terry Pratchett

...inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened. Terry Pratchett

You're not going to tell me they built fifty-foot-high killer golems, are you?" "Only a man would think of that. It's our job," said Moist. "If you don't think of fifty-foot-high killer golems first, someone else will. Terry Pratchett

He helped the Librarian up. There was a red glow in the ape's eyes. It had tried to steal his books. This was probably the best proof any wizard could require that the trolleys were brainless. Terry Pratchett

You know, I never imagined there were he-dryads. Not even in an oak tree." One of the giants grinned at him. Druellae snorted. "Stupid! Where do you think acorns come from? Terry Pratchett

He never pays attention, he always knows the answer, and he can never tell you how he knows. We can't keep thrashing him. He is a bad example to the other pupils. There's no educating a smart boy. Terry Pratchett

Of course, Ankh-Morpork's citizens had always claimed that the river water was incredibly pure. Any water that had passed through so many kidneys, they reasoned, had to be very pure indeed. Terry Pratchett

It's no wonder most religions are born in the desert, because when men lay beneath that boundless night sky and look up at the infinite expanse of creation they have an uncontrollable urge to put something in the way . Terry Pratchett

SCIENCE: a way of finding things out and then making them work. Science explains what is happening around us the whole time. So does RELIGION, but science is better because it comes up with more understandable excuses when it's wrong. Terry Pratchett

And then you bit onto them, and learned once again that Cut-me-own-Throat Dibbler could find a use for bits of an animal that the animal didn't know it had got. Dibbler had worked out that with enough fried onions and mustard people would eat anything. Terry Pratchett

I saved a man's life once," said Granny. "Special medicine, twice a day. Boiled water with a bit of berry juice in it. Told him I'd bought it from the dwarves. That's the biggest part of doct'rin, really. Most people'll get over most things if they put their minds to it, you just have to give them an interest. Terry Pratchett

Anyway, lots of warrior tribes think that when they die, they go to a heavenly land somewhere," said the toad. "You know, where they can drink and fight and feast forever? So maybe this is theirs." "But this is a real place!" "So? That's what they believe. Besides, they're only small. Maybe the universe is a bit crowded and they have to put heavens anywhere there's room? I'm a toad, so you'll appreciate that I'm having to guess a lot here. Terry Pratchett

IT'S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY'RE NOT /MEANT/ TO BE SAFE. Terry Pratchett

The people of Ankh-Morpork had a straightforward, no-nonsense approach to entertainment, and while they were looking forward to seeing a dragon slain, they'd be happy to settle instead for seeing someone being baked alive in his own armour. You didn't get the chance every day to see someone baked alive in their own armour. It would be something for the children to remember. Terry Pratchett

That's why it's always worth having a few philosophers around the place. One minute it's all is truth beauty and is beauty truth, and does a falling tree in the forest make a sound if there's no one there to hear it, and then just when you think they're going to start dribbling one of 'em says, incidentally, putting a thirty-foot parabolic reflector on a high place to shoot the rays of the sun at an enemy's ships would be a very interesting demonstration of optical principles. Terry Pratchett

What do you call those things at the bottom of rivers? Frogs? Stones? Unsuccessful gangsters? Terry Pratchett

It's an old magical principle - it's even filtered down into RPG systems - that magic, while taking a lot of effort, can be 'stored' - in a staff, for example. No doubt a wizard spends a little time each day charging up his staff, although you go blind if you do it too much, of course. Terry Pratchett

So, mistletoe, in fact, symbolizes mistletoe. Terry Pratchett

Look at Satan. Created as an angel, grows up to be the Great Adversary. Hey, if you're going to go on about genetics, you might as well say the kid will grow up to be an angel. After all, his father was really big in Heaven in the old days. Saying he"ll grow up to be a demon just because his dad became one is like saying a mouse with its tail cut off will give birth to tailless mice. No. Upbringing is everything. Take it from me. Terry Pratchett

Granny knew all about bad fortune-telling. It was harder than the real thing. You needed a good imagination. Terry Pratchett

This was the definition of eternity; it was the space of time devised by the Great God Om to ensure that everyone got the punishment that was due to them. Terry Pratchett

Everyone should occasionally break the law in some small and delightful way. It's good for the hygiene of the brain. Terry Pratchett

Have a bit more patience with newbies. Of course some of them act dumb - they're often students, for heaven's sake. Terry Pratchett

Keep 'em busy. That was one of the three rules of being chief that old Grimm had passed on to him. Act confidently, never say 'I don't know,' and when all else fails, keep 'em busy. Terry Pratchett

Boot-faced cats aren't born but made, often because they've tried to outstare or occasionally rape a speeding car and have been repaired by a vet who just pulled all the bits together and stuck the stitches in where there was room. Terry Pratchett

As a boy I had a clear image of the Almighty: He had a tail coat and pinstriped trousers, black, slicked-down hair and an aquiline nose. On the whole, I was probably a rather strange child, and I wonder what my life might have been like if I'd met a decent theologian when I was nine. Terry Pratchett

Words are the litmus paper of the minds. If you find yourself in the power of someone who will use the word commence in cold blood, go somewhere else very quickly. But if they say Enter, don't stop to pack. Terry Pratchett

Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. Terry Pratchett

My agent pointed out one day that I had been quoted by a columnist in some American newspaper, and he noted with some glee that they simply identified me by name without reminding people who I was, apparently in the clear expectation that their readers would know who I am. Terry Pratchett

People aren't just people, they are people surrounded by circumstances. Terry Pratchett

...the proliferation of luminous fungi or iridescent crystals in deep caves where the torchlessly improvident hero needs to see is one of the most obvious intrusions of narrative causality into the physical universe. Terry Pratchett

They'd smash up the world if they thought it would make a pretty noise. Terry Pratchett

His progress through life was hampered by his tremendous sense of his own ignorance, a disability which affects all too few. Terry Pratchett

They may have been ugly. They may have been evil. But when it came to poetry in motion, the Things had all the grace and coordination of a deck-chair. Terry Pratchett

All I am really promoting in the books is the Golden Rule, which I hope everybody knows to be "do as you would be done by." It has one or 2 flaws, but it is a good soundbite. Evil starts when you treat other people as things. There are perhaps worse crimes, but they begin when you treat other people as things. Terry Pratchett

Generally I start writing when I have even the smallest idea of how a book is going to go, because the physical process of writing itself keeps the mind active and focused on the job at hand. Usually I write in about 5 drafts, but that simply means there are 5 definite times when I go in a linear fashion from the beginning to the end of the book. Terry Pratchett

Lessee...he'd gone off after the funeral and gotten drunk. No, not drunk, another word, ended with "er." Drunker. that was it. Terry Pratchett

This time it had been magic. And it didn't stop being magic just because you found out how it was done. Terry Pratchett

I have no use for people who have learned the limits of the possible. Terry Pratchett

Nanny's philosophy of life was to do what seemed like a good idea at the time, and do it as hard as possible. It had never let her down. Terry Pratchett

There was no himself in himself. Terry Pratchett

The point is that descriptive writing is very rarely entirely accurate and during the reign of Olaf Quimby II as Patrician of Ankh-Morpork some legislation was passed in a determined attempt to ?put a stop to this sort of thing and introduce some honest. Terry Pratchett

Either all days are holy or none are. Terry Pratchett

Mum had done everything you need to educate a kid. She made me a kid who likes books and she told me about 'Wind in the Willows' and read it and I thought this is weird, Rat, Mole, Toad and my first ever Bolshie thought - you know about 'The Wind in the Willows.' Terry Pratchett

Opera happens because a large number of things amazingly fail to go wrong. Terry Pratchett

There are some people who hate my guts. But that goes with the territory. Terry Pratchett

I think perhaps the most important problem is that we are trying to understand the fundamental workings of the universe via a language devised for telling one another when the best fruit is. Terry Pratchett

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