Phyllis Diller Quotes & Wallpapers

Phyllis Diller
Total Quotes: 223


Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea. Phyllis Diller
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I do' want to sound like I'm on dope, but that hour is a high; it's as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power. Phyllis Diller
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit. Phyllis Diller
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This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head. Phyllis Diller
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush. Phyllis Diller
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate. Phyllis Diller
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball. Phyllis Diller
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough. Phyllis Diller
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are. Phyllis Diller
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead. Phyllis Diller
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone. Phyllis Diller
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag. Phyllis Diller
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition. Phyllis Diller
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