P. J. O'Rourke Quotes & Wallpapers

P. J. O'Rourke
Total Quotes: 735


In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a 'learning experience.' It makes me feel less stupid. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

We need a government, alas, because of the nature of humans. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

In case we have to shoot Democrats. It happened during the Civil War, and it could happen again. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

The preamble to the Constitution states: "We, the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquillity, provide for the common defence, promote the general welfare..." It doesn't say "guarantee the general welfare." And it certainly doesn't say "give welfare benefits to all the people in the country who aren't doing so well even if the reason they aren't doing so well is because they're sitting on their butts in front of the TV". P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

America is not a wily, sneaky nation. We don't think that way. We don't think much at all, thank God. Start thinking and pretty soon you get ideas, and then you get idealism, and the next thing you know you've got ideology, with millions dead in concentration camps and gulags. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

I've always figured that if God wanted us to go to church a lot He'd have given us bigger behinds to sit on and smaller heads to think with. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and we can fix that." P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit. A politician is anyone who asks individuals to surrender part of their liberty - their power and privilege - to State, Masses, Mankind, Planet Earth, or whatever. This state, those masses, that mankind, and the planet will then be run by ... politicians. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Who does Bill Clinton think got off the boat and stepped on Plymouth Rock? Peace Corps volunteers? P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

When government does, occasionally, work, it works in an elitist fashion. That is, government is most easily manipulated by people who have money and power already. This is why government benefits usually go to people who don't need benefits from government. Government may make some environmental improvements, but these will be improvements for rich bird-watchers. And no one in government will remember that when poor people go bird-watching they do it at Kentucky Fried Chicken. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Money is preferable to politics. It is the difference between being free to be anybody you want and to vote for anybody you want. And money is more effective than politics both in solving problems and in providing individual independence. To rid ourselves of all the trouble in the world, we need to make money. And to make money, we need to be free. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

There is that kind of happiness. There is the love and marriage and family kind of happiness, which is exceedingly boring to describe but nonetheless is important to have and dreadful not to have, P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Never do anything to a clitoris with your teeth that you wouldn't do to an expensive waterproof wristwatch. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Some people are better imagined in one's bed than found there in the morning. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

When a couple decides to divorce, they should inform both sets of parents before having a party and telling all their friends. This is not only courteous but practical. Parents may be very willing to pitch in with comments, criticism, and malicious gossip of their own to help the divorce along. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Most of us had never seen a sober redneck before, and we have the Reagan Landslide to testify that none of us ever wants to see one again. It was a horrifying apparition. And ever since Jimmy Carter, all of us rednecks have had to be very careful to be drunk rednecks lest we turn into some kind of awful creature with big buck teeth and a State Department full of human-rights yahoos. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

That happy sense of purpose people have when standing up for a principle they haven't really been knocked down for yet. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Then there's politics. Just imagine politics with its dumbbell element subtracted. There would be no Republican candidates. There would be no Democratic voters. The whole system would collapse. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Everybody in 15th century Spain was wrong about where China was and as a result, Columbus discovered Caribbean vacations. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

The problem isn't a Congress that won't cut spending or a president who won't raise taxes. The problem is an American public with a bottomless sense of entitlement to federal money. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

If we do our deficit spending on weapons, at least we get weapons. Then if we need weapons, we have them. If we don't need them, no harm is done. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Humor is, by its nature, more truthful than factual. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock? P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Mankind has invested more than four million years of evolution in the attempt to avoid physical exertion. Now a group of backward-thinking atavists mounted on foot-powered pairs of Hula-Hoops would have us pumping our legs, gritting our teeth, and searing our lungs as though we were being chased across the Pleistocene savanna by saber-toothed tigers. Think of the hopes, the dreams, the effort, the brilliance, the pure force of will that, over the eons, has gone into the creation of the Cadillac Coupe de Ville. Bicycle riders would have us throw all this on the ash heap of history. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Iran and Iraq have been at war for five years now. The traditional present for a fifth anniversary is wood. Here's a gift suggestion: a big stick to beat some goddamned sense into their heads. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

A steady job is at least as deleterious to the spirit of bachelorhood as a steady date. Some jobs are worse than actual wives. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Biotechnology is a worry. What if they take genetic material from wet noodles and blowfish and splice it into politician chromosomes and create a Clinton administration? P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Think of what big governments have gotten up to in this century : not one, but two world wars, the gulag, the holocaust, aerial bombing of civilian population centers, the Berlin Wall, nuclear explosions, the post office. A wicked individual might want these, but he wouldn't have the cash and connections to get them. A villainous corporation could afford them but has to market the products. The Vietnam draft would be a tough sell for even the most fiendish businessmen. "Get shot! Get killed! Get diseases from foreign women who despise you in their hearts!" P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Government conspiracy? They can't even deliver our mail and it's got our address on it and everything! P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

It remains to be seen which program will cause greater societal damage: China's one-child policy or America's one-parent policy. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

El Salvador has the scenery of northern California and the climate of southern California plus - and this was a relief - no Californians. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

The complexity of economics can be calculated mathematically. Write out the algebraic equation that is the human heart and multiply each unknown by the population of the world. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

The great thing about starting golf in your forties is that you can start golf in your forties. You can start other things in your forties but generally your wife makes you stop them, as Bill Clinton found out. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Lust, Pride, Sloth, and Gluttony, or, as we call them these days, "getting in touch with your sexuality," "raising your self-esteem," "relaxation therapy," and "being a recovered bulimic." P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Never fight an inanimate object. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent! P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Whatever it is that the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government does it to somebody else. This is the idea behind foreign policy. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Crazy old people are our entire source of polling information. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

There isn't much room for an outsider point of view in print any more. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

You don't despair about something like the Middle East, you just do the best you can. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

You may be surprised to discover you're rich, especially if you're broke. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

People are always angry at America. They're absolutely certain that America either caused their problems or is deliberately not fixing their problems. But the anger is always directed at America and never at Americans. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

You can learn all about the human condition from covering the crime beat in a big city - you don't need to go to Beirut for that - but a foreign correspondent begins to understand poverty from a different perspective. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Because of their cuisine, Germans don't consider farting rude. They'd certainly be out of luck if they did. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

In the end we beat them with Levi 501 jeans. Seventy-two years of Communist indoctrination and propaganda was drowned out by a three-ounce Sony Walkman. A huge totalitarian system has been brought to its knees because nobody wants to wear Bulgarian shoes. Now they're lunch, and we're number one on the planet. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

There are just two rules of governance in a free society: Mind your own business. Keep your hands to yourself. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Each American embassy comes with two permanent features - a giant anti-American demonstration and a giant line for American visas. Most demonstrators spend half their time burning Old Glory and the other half waiting for green cards. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

The sky was so clear that the starlight cast shadows, and so many sparkles and glitters and glints appeared above us that it looked like something really expensive had been dropped and shattered in heaven - God's Steuben ashtray, maybe. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

The Russians could have some (warheads) aimed at Japan, so if we act up they can destroy our economy. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Now majority rule is a precious, sacred thing worth dying for. But like other precious, sacred things .... it's not only worth dying for; it can make you wish you were dead. Imagine if all life were determined by majority rule. Every meal would be a pizza. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults as rotten SOB's given to fistfights, gunplay, and other mayhem. Kids who believe this about grownups aren't likely to argue about bedtime. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Coffee and cigarettes are much better if you want an instant breakfast. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Well the planet I've got a chance to visit is Earth, and Earth's principal features are chaos and war. I think I'd be a fool to spend years here and never have a look. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Automobiles are free of egotism, passion, prejudice and stupid ideas about where to have dinner. They are, literally, selfless. A world designed for automobiles instead of people would have wider streets, larger dining rooms, fewer stairs to climb and no smelly, dangerous subway stations. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Anyone who thinks he has a better idea of what's good for people than people do is a swine. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Fretting about overpopulation, is a perfect guilt-free- indeed, sanctimonious- way for progressives to be racists. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

Haitians weren't screwed-up, but everything political, intellectual, and material around them is. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

In Japan people drive on the left. In China people drive on the right. In Vietnam it doesn't matter. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:

War will exist as long as there's a food chain. P. J. O'Rourke
Download Wallpaper:



Page 1 of 11 | NEXT PAGE >
1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10   11  


RELATED TOPICS

A. P. J. Abdul Kalam Quotes, J. Cole Quotes, Jessie J Quotes, Joker, Journal, J Cole Inspirational Quotes, J Dilla Inspirational Quotes, J Edgar Hoover Quotes, J Lo Inspirational Quotes, J R Tolkien Quotes, J. C. Ryle Quotes,