P G Wodehouse Quotes & Wallpapers

P G Wodehouse
Total Quotes: 467


...with each new book of mine I have always the feeling that this time I have picked a lemon in the garden of literature. P G Wodehouse
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Unlike the male codfish which, suddenly finding itself the parent of three million five hundred thousand little codfish, cheerfully resolves to love them all, the British aristocracy is apt to look with a somewhat jaundiced eye on its younger sons. P G Wodehouse
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Providence looks after all the chumps of this world, and personally, I'm all for it. P G Wodehouse
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What's the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don't yield to them? P G Wodehouse
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A roll and butter and a small coffee seemed the only things on the list that hadn't been specially prepared by the nastier-minded members of the Borgia family for people they had a particular grudge against, so I chose them. P G Wodehouse
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This Vladimir Brusiloff to whom I have referred was the famous Russian novelist. . . . Vladimir specialized in gray studies of hopeless misery, where nothing happened till page three hundred and eighty, when the moujik decided to commit suicide. . . . Cuthbert was an optimist at heart, and it seemed to him that, at the rate at which the inhabitants of that interesting country were murdering one another, the supply of Russian novelists must eventually give out. P G Wodehouse
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The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun. P G Wodehouse
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She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say 'when.' P G Wodehouse
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I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed I suppose. P G Wodehouse
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Few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel and a pile of bricks. P G Wodehouse
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One of the rummy things about Jeeves is that, unless you watch like a hawk, you very seldom see him come into a room. P G Wodehouse
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Alcohol is a misunderstood vitamin. P G Wodehouse
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There are three things in the world that he held in the smallest esteem - slugs, poets and caddies with hiccups. P G Wodehouse
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Confidence, of course is an admirable asset to a golfer, but it should be an unspoken confidence. It is perilous to put it into speech. The gods of golf lie in wait to chasten the presumptious. P G Wodehouse
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Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash. P G Wodehouse
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Mr Howard Saxby, literary agent, was knitting a sock. He knitted a good deal, he would tell you if you asked him, to keep himself from smoking, adding that he also smoked a good deal to keep himself from knitting. P G Wodehouse
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As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people. P G Wodehouse
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Mere abuse is no criticism. P G Wodehouse
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However devoutly a girl may worship the man of her choice, there always comes a time when she feels an irresistible urge to haul off and let him have it in the neck. P G Wodehouse
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I spent the afternoon musing on Life. If you come to think of it, what a queer thing Life is! So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean. P G Wodehouse
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When you have been just told that the girl you love is definitely betrothed to another, you begin to understand how Anarchists must feel when the bomb goes off too soon. P G Wodehouse
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He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say "when! P G Wodehouse
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Elementary, my dear Watson, elementary, murmured Psmith. P G Wodehouse
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It was one of those cold, clammy, accusing sort of eyes-the kind that makes you reach up to see if your tie is straight: and he looked at me as I were some sort of unnecessary product which Cuthbert the Cat had brought in after a ramble among the local ash-cans. P G Wodehouse
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I can't stand Paris. I hate the place. Full of people talking French, which is a thing I bar. It always seems to me so affected. P G Wodehouse
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Nature, when planning this sterling fellow, shoved in a lot more lower jaw than was absolutely necessary and made the eyes a bit too keen and piercing for one who was neither an Empire builder nor a traffic policeman. P G Wodehouse
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If Eggy wanted to get spliced, let him, was the way I looked at it. Marriage might improve him. It was difficult to think of anything that wouldn't. P G Wodehouse
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As far as the eye could reach, I found myself gazing on a surging sea of aunts. There were tall aunts, short aunts, stout aunts, thin aunts, and an aunt who was carrying on a conversation in a low voice to which nobody seemed to be paying the slightest attention. P G Wodehouse
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I agreed the shook..whivjhc the situation was sticky. Indeed, offhand it was difficult to see how it could have been more glutinous. P G Wodehouse
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I'd always thought her half-baked, but now I think they didn't even put her in the oven. P G Wodehouse
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As is so often the case with butlers, there was a good deal of Beach. Julius Caesar, who liked to have men about him who were fat, would have taken to him at once. He was a man who had made two chins grow where only one had been before, and his waistcoat swelled like the sail of a racing yacht. P G Wodehouse
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I think the success of every novel - if it's a novel of action - depends on the high spots. The thing to do is to say to yourself, 'Which are my big scenes?' and then get every drop of juice out of them. The principle I always go on in writing a novel is to think of the characters in terms of actors in a play. I say to myself, if a big name were playing this part, and if he found that after a strong first act he had practically nothing to do in the second act, he would walk out. Now, then, can I twist the story so as to give him plenty to do all the way through? P G Wodehouse
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I am strongly of the opinion that, after the age of twenty-one, a man ought not to be out of bed and awake at four in the morning. The hour breeds thought. At twenty-one, life being all future, it may be examined with impunity. But, at thirty, having become an uncomfortable mixture of future and past, it is a thing to be looked at only when the sun is high and the world full of warmth and optimism. P G Wodehouse
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I am not always good and noble. I am the hero of this story, but I have my off moments. P G Wodehouse
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There's too much of that where-every-prospect-pleases-and-only-man-is-vile stuff buzzing around for my taste. P G Wodehouse
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I mean to say, I know perfectly well that I've got, roughly speaking, half the amount of brain a normal bloke ought to possess. And when a girl comes along who has about twice the regular allowance, she too often makes a bee line for me with the love light in her eyes. I don't know how to account for it, but it is so." "It may be Nature's provision for maintaining the balance of the species, sir. P G Wodehouse
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There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine. P G Wodehouse
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It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought. P G Wodehouse
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The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. P G Wodehouse
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She gave me another of those long keen looks, and I could see that she was again asking herself if her favourite nephew wasn't steeped to the tonsils in the juice of the grape. P G Wodehouse
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Slice him where you like, a hellhound is always a hellhound. P G Wodehouse
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One prefers, of course, on all occasions to be stainless and above reproach, but, failing that, the next best thing is unquestionably to have got rid of the body. P G Wodehouse
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A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour. P G Wodehouse
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At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies. P G Wodehouse
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So always look for the silver lining And try to find the sunny side of life. P G Wodehouse
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He's like one of those weird birds in India who dissolve themselves into thin air and nip through space in a sort of disembodied way and assemble the parts again just where they want them. I've got a cousin who's what they call a Theosophist, and he says he's often nearly worked the thing himself, but couldn't quite bring it off, probably owing to having fed in his boyhood on the flesh of animals slain in anger and pie. P G Wodehouse
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He enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes to its maximum only to the man who has given up golf. P G Wodehouse
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They were real golfers, for real golf is a thing of the spirit, not of mere mechanical excellence of stroke. P G Wodehouse
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The test of a great golfer is his ability to recover from a bad start. P G Wodehouse
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My motto is 'Love and let love' - with the one stipulation that people who love in glass-houses should breathe on the windows. P G Wodehouse
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If you could call the thing a horse. If it hadn't shown a flash of speed in the straight, it would have got mixed up with the next race. P G Wodehouse
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Half a league Half a league Half a league onward With a hey-nonny-nonny And a hot cha-cha. P G Wodehouse
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A girl who bonnets a policeman with an ashcan full of bottles is obviously good wife-and-mother timber. P G Wodehouse
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He felt like a man who, chasing rainbows, has had one of them suddenly turn and bite him in the leg. P G Wodehouse
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I never was interested in politics. I'm quite unable to work up any kind of belligerent feeling. Just as I'm about to feel belligerent about some country I meet a decent sort of chap. We go out together and lose any fighting thoughts or feelings. P G Wodehouse
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It is not mere technical skill that makes a man a golfer, it is the golfing soul. P G Wodehouse
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Sober or blotto, this is your motto: keep muddling through. P G Wodehouse
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You know how it is with some girls. They seem to take the stuffing right out of you. I mean to say, there is something about their personality that paralyses the vocal cords and reduces the contents of the brain to cauliflower. P G Wodehouse
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The stationmaster's whiskers are of a Victorian bushiness and give the impression of having been grown under glass. P G Wodehouse
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If it were not for quotations, conversations between gentlemen would consist of an endless series of 'what-ho!'s. P G Wodehouse
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Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and plays his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. P G Wodehouse
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...there occurred to me the simple epitaph which, when I am no more, I intend to have inscribed on my tombstone. It was this: "He was a man who acted from the best motives. There is one born every minute. P G Wodehouse
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She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when. P G Wodehouse
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We Woosters do not lightly forget. At least, we do - some things - appointments, and people's birthdays, and letters to post, and all that - but not an absolutely bally insult like the above. P G Wodehouse
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She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season P G Wodehouse
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It's a funny thing about looking for things. If you hunt for a needle in a haystack you don't find it. If you don't give a darn whether you ever see the needle or not it runs into you the first time you lean against the stack. P G Wodehouse
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She's one of those soppy girls, riddled from head to foot with whimsy. She holds the view that the stars are God's daisy chain, that rabbits are gnomes in attendance on the Fairy Queen, and that every time a fairy blows its wee nose a baby is born, which, as we know, is not the case. She's a drooper. P G Wodehouse
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A lesser moustache, under the impact of that quick, agonised expulsion of breath, would have worked loose at the roots. P G Wodehouse
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Now, I am a mixer. I can't help it. It's my nature. I like men. I like the taste of their shoes, the smell of their legs, the sound of their voices. It may be weak of me, but a man has only to speak to me, and a sort of thrill goes down my spine and sets my tail wagging. P G Wodehouse
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Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.'. P G Wodehouse
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