Ogden Nash Quotes & Wallpapers

Ogden Nash
Total Quotes: 355


Why did the Lord give use so much quickness unless it was to avoid responsibility? Ogden Nash

It is common knowledge to every schoolboy and even every Bachelor of Arts, That all sin is divided into two parts. One kind of sin is called a sin of commission, and that is very important Ogden Nash

A lady is known by the product she endorses. Ogden Nash

When there are monsters there are miracles. Ogden Nash

The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk. Ogden Nash

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up. Ogden Nash

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. Ogden Nash

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window. Ogden Nash

There is one fault that I must find With the twentieth century. And I'll put it in a couple of words; Too adventury. What I'd like would be some nice dull monotony If anyone's gotony. Ogden Nash

Here lies my past, Goodbye I have kissed it; Thank you kids, I wouldn't have missed it. Ogden Nash

The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile. Ogden Nash

It is my duty, gentlemen, to inform you that women are dictators all, and I recommend to you this moral: In real life it takes only one to make a quarrel. Ogden Nash

Time is timelessness for you; Calendars for the human; What's a year, or thirty, to Loveliness made woman? Ogden Nash

Life has a tendency to obfuscate and bewilder, Such as fating us to spend the first part of our lives being embarrassed by our parents and the last part being embarrassed by our childer. Ogden Nash

Nobody agrees with anybody else anyhow, but adults conceal it and infants show it. Ogden Nash

O thrice unhappy home Whose master doesn't know the difference between a watt and an ohm! Ogden Nash

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. Ogden Nash

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it. Ogden Nash

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. Ogden Nash

I think in terms of rhyme, and have since I was six years old, Ogden Nash

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control. Ogden Nash

Humor is the best means of surviving in a difficult world. Ogden Nash

The song of canaries Never varies, And when they're moulting They're pretty revolting. Ogden Nash

The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher, Were each of them once a kiddie. A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature. Do I want one? God Forbiddie! Ogden Nash

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money? Ogden Nash

There is something about a martini, Ere the dining and dancing begin, And to tell you the truth, It is not the vermouth- I think that perhaps it's the gin. Ogden Nash

How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge! Ogden Nash

The only way I can distinguish proper from improper fractions is by their actions Ogden Nash

And you stagger down to break your fast. Greasy bacon and lacquered eggs And coffee composed of frigid dregs. Ogden Nash

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. Ogden Nash

The trouble with a kitten is that it eventually beomes a cat. Ogden Nash

Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You're sunk from a riot of relaxation. Ogden Nash

The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Supplies us sausage, ham, and Bacon. Let others say his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig. Ogden Nash

Remorse is violent dyspepsia of the mind. Ogden Nash

There was a young man of Herne Bay who was making some fireworks one day: but he dropped his cigar in the gunpowder jar. There was a young man of Herne Bay. Ogden Nash

Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as forward as hives or goiters, And where it is least desired, it loiters. Ogden Nash

I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all. Ogden Nash

No, you never get any fun Out of the things you haven't done. Ogden Nash

I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it. Ogden Nash

She took those pills from the pill concocter, And Isabel calmly cured the doctor. Ogden Nash

Any hound a porcupine nudges Can't be blamed for harboring grudges. I know one hound that laughed all winter At a porcupine that sat on a splinter. Ogden Nash

The giant was hairy, the giant was horrid, He had one eye in the middle of his forehead. Ogden Nash

Senator Smoot is an institute Not to be bribed with pelf; He guards our homes from erotic tomes By reading them all himself. Ogden Nash

It is an indication that my mental buttery is butterless and my mental larder lardless, And it consists not of Stop me if you've heard this one, but of I know you've heard this one because I told it to you myself, but I'm going to tell it to you again regardless... Ogden Nash

Now the name of the little black kitten was Ink, And the little gray mouse, she called him Blink, And the little yellow dog was sharp as Mustard, But the dragon was a coward, and she called him Custard. Ogden Nash

Belinda was as brave as a barrel full of bears, And Ink and Blink chased lions down the stairs, Mustard was as brave as a tiger in a rage, But Custard cried for a nice safe cage. Ogden Nash

I've earned repose to heal the ravages Of these angelic-looking savages. Oh, progeny playing by itself Is a lonely little elf, But progeny in roistering batches Would drive St. francis from here to Natchez. Ogden Nash

Fear not the thunder, little one. It's weather, simply weather; It's friendly giants full of fun Clapping their hands together. Ogden Nash

Whales have calves, Cats have kittens Bears have Cubs, Bats have bittens, Swans have cygnets, Seals have puppies, But guppies just have little guppies. Ogden Nash

Bankers Are Just Like Anybody Else, Except Richer. Ogden Nash

Beneath this slab John Brown is stowed. He watched the ads, And not the road. Ogden Nash

I test my bath before I sit, And I'm always moved to wonderment That what chills the finger not a bit Is so frigid upon the fundament. Ogden Nash

Senescence begins And middle age ends The day your descendents Out-number your friends. Ogden Nash

One bliss for which There is no match Is when you itch To up and scratch. Ogden Nash

Tell me, O Octopus, I begs, Is those things arms, or is they legs? I marvel at thee, Octopus; If I were thou, I'd call me Us. Ogden Nash

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. Ogden Nash

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. Ogden Nash

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all. Ogden Nash

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is. Ogden Nash

Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long. Ogden Nash

Beneath this slab John Brown is stowed. He watched the ads, And not the road. Ogden Nash

O thrice unhappy home Whose master doesn't know the difference between a watt and an ohm! Ogden Nash

Then blessings on thee, my afternoon torpor Thou makest a prince of a mental porpor. Ogden Nash

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. Ogden Nash

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs. Ogden Nash

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is. Ogden Nash

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up. Ogden Nash

Shake and shake The catsup bottle. None will come, And then a lot'll. Ogden Nash

I have an idea that the phrase weaker sex was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm. Ogden Nash

Abracadabra, thus we learn The more you create, the less you earn. The less you earn, the more you're given, The less you lead, the more you're driven, The more destroyed, the more they feed, The more you pay, the more they need, The more you earn, the less you keep, And now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to take If the tax-collector hasn't got it before I wake. Ogden Nash



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