Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake. Mark Twain
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All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure. Mark Twain
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We have the best government that money can buy. Mark Twain
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'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read. Mark Twain
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Prosperity is the best protector of principle. Mark Twain
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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. Mark Twain
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Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. Mark Twain
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Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish. Mark Twain
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The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal. Mark Twain
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Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? Mark Twain
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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I'm not feeling so well myself. Mark Twain
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Use the right word, not its second cousin. Mark Twain
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Every person is a book, each year a chapter, Mark Twain
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There are some few people I respect and admire, but I don't think much of the species. Mark Twain
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Don't explain your author, read him right and he explains himself. Mark Twain
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All kings is mostly rapscallions, as fur as I can make out. Mark Twain
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Education that consists in learning things and not the meaning of them is feeding upon the husks and not the corn Mark Twain
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I felt it was my duty to praise all of God's works with fervent enthusiasm. At the same time I killed flies in my house in a spirit of hatred, exasperation and contempt. My praise to God for all his works was dishonest, the act of killing the fly was honest. Mark Twain
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If your only tool is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail. Mark Twain
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The trouble with the world is not that people know too little; it's that they know so many things that just aren't so. Mark Twain
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In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing. Mark Twain
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I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly. Mark Twain
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Wheresoever she was, there was Eden. Mark Twain
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Many public-school children seem to know only two dates-1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion. Mark Twain
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I don't want no better book than what your face is. Mark Twain
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What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself. All day long, the mill of his brain is grinding, and his thoughts, not those of other things, are his history. These are his life, and they are not written. Everyday would make a whole book of 80,000 words - 365 books a year. Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man - the biography of the man himself cannot be written. Mark Twain
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. Mark Twain
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Wilson stopped and stood silent. Inattention dies a quick and sure death when a speaker does that. Mark Twain
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What a man wants with religion in these breadless times, surpasses my comprehension. Mark Twain
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I always did hate for anyone to know what my plans or hopes or prospects were?for, if I kept people in ignorance in these matters, no one could be disappointed but myself, if they were not realized. Mark Twain
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My interest in my work dies a sudden and violent death when the work is done. Mark Twain
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when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity. Mark Twain
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Persons who think there is no such thing as luck good or bad are entitled to their opinion, although I think they ought to be shot for it. Mark Twain
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He [George Washington Cable] has taught me to abhor and detest the Sabbath day and hunt up new and troublesome ways to dishonor it. Mark Twain
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It is a mystery that is hidden from me by reason that the emergency requiring the fathoming of it hath not in my life-days occurred, and so, not having no need to know this thing, I abide barren of the knowledge. Mark Twain
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None but the dead have free speech. Mark Twain
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The fact is, the king was a good deal more than a king, he was a man; and when a man is a man, you can't knock it out of him. Mark Twain
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The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money. Mark Twain
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Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. Mark Twain
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The history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal. Mark Twain
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How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it. Mark Twain
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Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs one step at a time. Mark Twain
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The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one. Mark Twain
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Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. Mark Twain
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Solomon, who was one of the Deity's favorites, had a copulation cabinet composed of seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. To save his life he could not have kept two of these young creatures satisfactorily refreshed, even if he had fifteen experts to help him. Necessarily almost the entire thousand had to go hungry for years and years on a stretch. Conceive of a man hardhearted enough to look daily upon all that suffering and not be moved to mitigate it. Mark Twain
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It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want-oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so! Mark Twain
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You cant reach old age by another man's road, my habits protect my life but they would assassinate you Mark Twain
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If there is one thing that will make a man peculiarly and insufferable self-conceited, it is to have his stomach behave itself, the first day at sea, when nearly all his comrades are seasick. Mark Twain
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All the territorial possessions of all the political establishments in the earth-including America, of course- consist of pilferings from other people's wash. No tribe, howsoever insignificant, and no nation, howsoever mighty occupies a foot of land that was not stolen. Mark Twain
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No one has ever seen a Republican mass meeting that was devoid of the perception of the ludicrous. Mark Twain
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In prayer we call ourselves 'worms of the dust', but it is only on a sort of tacit understanding that the remark shall not be taken at par. Mark Twain
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The lie, as a virtue, a principle, is eternal; the lie, as a recreation, a solace, a refuge in time of need, the fourth Grace, the tenth Muse, man's best and surest friend is immortal Mark Twain
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The dreamer's valuation of a thing lost - not another man's - is the only standard to measure it by, and his grief for it makes it large and great and fine, and is worthy of our reverence in all cases. Mark Twain
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Now, isn't imagination a precious thing? It peoples the earth with all manner of wonders... Mark Twain
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Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. Mark Twain
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The symbol of the race ought to be a human being carrying an ax, for every human being has one concealed about him somewhere, and is always seeking the opportunity to grind it. Mark Twain
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Damn these human beings; if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag. Mark Twain
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Make your vocation your vacation. That is the secret to success. Mark Twain
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Principles aren't of much account anyway, except at election time. After that you hang them up to let them season. Mark Twain
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Intellectual 'work' is misnamed; it is a pleasure, a dissipation, and is its own highest reward. Mark Twain
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Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom; it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic period. Mark Twain
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A person who has during all time maintained the imposing position of spiritual head of four-fifths of the human race, and political head of the whole of it, must be granted the possession of executive abilities of the loftiest order. Mark Twain
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Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has. Mark Twain
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You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft. Mark Twain
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I should have been glad to acquire some sort of idea of Hindu theology, ... but the difficulties were too great. Mark Twain
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Morals consist of political morals, commercial morals, ecclesiastical morals, and morals. Mark Twain
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We get our morals from books. I didn't get mine from books, but I know that morals do come from books- theoretically at least. Mark Twain
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The Church worked hard at it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged, and burned whole hordes and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their foul blood. Then it was discovered that there was no such thing as witches, and never had been. One doesn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Who discovered that there was no such thing as a witch - the priest, the parson? No, these never discover anything. Mark Twain
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A monarch, when good, is entitled to the consideration which we accord to a pirate who keeps Sunday School between crimes; when bad, he is entitled to none at all. Mark Twain
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I am trying to get the hang of this new fangled writing machine, but I am not making a shining success of it. However, this is the first attempt I have ever made & yet I perceive I shall soon & easily acquire a fine facility in its use. ... The machine has several virtues. I believe it will print faster than I can write. One may lean back in his chair & work it. It piles an awful stack of words on one page. It don't muss things or scatter ink blots around. Of course it saves paper. Mark Twain
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