Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


Every person is a book, each year a chapter, Mark Twain
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There are some few people I respect and admire, but I don't think much of the species. Mark Twain
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Don't explain your author, read him right and he explains himself. Mark Twain
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All kings is mostly rapscallions, as fur as I can make out. Mark Twain
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Education that consists in learning things and not the meaning of them is feeding upon the husks and not the corn Mark Twain
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I felt it was my duty to praise all of God's works with fervent enthusiasm. At the same time I killed flies in my house in a spirit of hatred, exasperation and contempt. My praise to God for all his works was dishonest, the act of killing the fly was honest. Mark Twain
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If your only tool is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail. Mark Twain
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The trouble with the world is not that people know too little; it's that they know so many things that just aren't so. Mark Twain
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Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs one step at a time. Mark Twain
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The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one. Mark Twain
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Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. Mark Twain
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Solomon, who was one of the Deity's favorites, had a copulation cabinet composed of seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. To save his life he could not have kept two of these young creatures satisfactorily refreshed, even if he had fifteen experts to help him. Necessarily almost the entire thousand had to go hungry for years and years on a stretch. Conceive of a man hardhearted enough to look daily upon all that suffering and not be moved to mitigate it. Mark Twain
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It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want-oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so! Mark Twain
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You cant reach old age by another man's road, my habits protect my life but they would assassinate you Mark Twain
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But it is a blessed provision of nature that at times like these, as soon as a man's mercury has got down to a certain point there comes a revulsion, and he rallies. Hope springs up, and cheerfulness along with it, and then he is in good shape to do something for himself, if anything can be done. Mark Twain
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Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it. Mark Twain
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Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness. Mark Twain
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What a curious kind of fool a girl is. Never been licked in school. What's a licking? Mark Twain
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Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwcp is pronounced Jackson. Mark Twain
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You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does - but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use. Mark Twain
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The true pioneer of civilization is not the newspaper, not religion, not the railroad - but whiskey! Mark Twain
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By common consent of all the nations and all the ages the most valuable thing in this world is the homage of men, whether deserved or undeserved. Mark Twain
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Switzerland would me a mighty big place if it were ironed flat. Mark Twain
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One must travel, to learn. Every day, now, old Scriptural phrases that never possessed any significance for me before, take to themselves a meaning. Mark Twain
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Conscience, man's moral medicine chest. Mark Twain
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Do something everyday that you don't want to do. Mark Twain
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The darling mispronunciations of childhood! - dear me, there's no music that can touch it; and how one grieves when it wastes away and dissolves into correctness, knowing it will never visit his bereaved ear again. Mark Twain
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The joy of killing! the joy of seeing killing done - these are traits of the human race at large. Mark Twain
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Good judgment comes from experience. And where does experience come from? Experience comes from bad judgment. Mark Twain
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The easy part of being an artist is figuring out the message that everyone else is ready to hear. The hard part is waiting for the proper lull to make the announcement. Mark Twain
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The Mississippi River will always have its own way; no engineering skill can persuade it to do otherwise... Mark Twain
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My idea of our civilization is that it is a shoddy, poor thing and full of cruelties, vanities, arrogances, meannesses and hypocrisies. Mark Twain
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We must put up with our clothes as they are - they have their reason for existing. They are on us to expose us - to advertise what we wear them to conceal. They are a sign; a sign of insincerity; a sign of suppressed vanity; a pretense that we desire gorgeous colors and the graces of harmony and form; and we put them on to propagate that lie and back it up. Mark Twain
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To be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth. As long as one sorely needs a certain additional amount, that man isn't rich. Mark Twain
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Genius, like gold and precious stones, is chiefly prized because of its rarity. Mark Twain
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Recipe for a long life: Only smoke while awake. Only run when being chased. Mark Twain
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Every man feels that his experience is unlike that of anybody else and therefore he should write it down- he finds also that everybody else has thought and felt on some points precisely as he has done, and therefore he should write it down. Mark Twain
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Our best built certainties are but sand-houses and subject to damage from any wind of doubt that blows Mark Twain
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Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growths Mark Twain
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The rain ...falls upon the just and the unjust alike; a thing which would not happen if I were superintending the rain's affairs. No, I would rain softly and sweetly on the just, but if I caught a sample of the unjust outdoors, I would drown him. Mark Twain
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Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it. Mark Twain
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Conformity-the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority. Mark Twain
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When you catch an adjective, kill it. Mark Twain
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We wish to learn all the curious, outlandish ways of all the different countries, so that we can "show off" and astonish people when we get home. We wish to excite the envy of our untraveled friends with our strange foreign fashions which we can't shake off. Mark Twain
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The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke, and tell indelicate stories- and mainly, a yearning to paint pictures. Mark Twain
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Man is without doubt the most interesting fool there is. He concedes that God made the angels immune from pain and death, and that he could have been similarly kind to man, but denies that he was under any moral obligation to do so. Mark Twain
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If there is one thing that will make a man peculiarly and insufferable self-conceited, it is to have his stomach behave itself, the first day at sea, when nearly all his comrades are seasick. Mark Twain
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All the territorial possessions of all the political establishments in the earth-including America, of course- consist of pilferings from other people's wash. No tribe, howsoever insignificant, and no nation, howsoever mighty occupies a foot of land that was not stolen. Mark Twain
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No one has ever seen a Republican mass meeting that was devoid of the perception of the ludicrous. Mark Twain
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In prayer we call ourselves 'worms of the dust', but it is only on a sort of tacit understanding that the remark shall not be taken at par. Mark Twain
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The lie, as a virtue, a principle, is eternal; the lie, as a recreation, a solace, a refuge in time of need, the fourth Grace, the tenth Muse, man's best and surest friend is immortal Mark Twain
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The dreamer's valuation of a thing lost - not another man's - is the only standard to measure it by, and his grief for it makes it large and great and fine, and is worthy of our reverence in all cases. Mark Twain
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Now, isn't imagination a precious thing? It peoples the earth with all manner of wonders... Mark Twain
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Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. Mark Twain
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I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering, and that was the fact that it is past-can't be restored. Mark Twain
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All schools, all colleges, have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. The theological knowledge which they conceal cannot justly be regarded as less valuable than that which they reveal. That is, when a man is buying a basket of strawberries it can profit him to know that the bottom half of it is rotten. Mark Twain
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Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it. Mark Twain
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If husbands could realize what large returns of profit may be gotten out of a wife by a small word of praise paid over the counter when the market is just right, they would bring matters around the way they wish them much oftener than they usually do. Arguments are unsafe with wives, because they examine them; but they do not examine compliments. One can pass upon a wife a compliment that is three-fourths base Mark Twain
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Where every man in a state has a vote, brutal laws are impossible. Mark Twain
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Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of. Mark Twain
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If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does nowadays, because now we can't burn him. Mark Twain
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I don't mind what the opposition say of me so long as they don't tell the truth about me. But when they descend to telling the truth about me I consider that this is taking an unfair advantage. Mark Twain
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It is not worth while to strain one's self to tell the truth to people who habitually discount everything you tell them, whether it is true or isn't. Mark Twain
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July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so Mark Twain
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I find no change of consequence in grown people, I do not miss the dead. It does not surprise me to hear that this friend or that friend died at such and such a time, because I fully expected that sort of news. But somehow I had made no calculation on the infants. It never occurred to me that infants grow up...These unexpected changes, from infancy to youth, and from youth to maturity, are by far the most startling things I meet with. Mark Twain
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If there is a God, he is a malign thug. Mark Twain
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There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened. Mark Twain
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The miracle or the power that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application and perseverance under the promptings of a brave, determined spirit. Mark Twain
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Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambition. Mark Twain
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Look at you in war...There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war. Mark Twain
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