Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961

Every improvement that is put upon the real estate is the result of an idea in somebody's head. The skyscraper is another idea; the railroad is another; the telephone and all those things are merely symbols which represent ideas. An andiron, a wash-tub, is the result of an idea that did not exist before. Mark Twain

Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is. Mark Twain

As a rule, we go about with masks, we go about looking honest, and we are able to conceal ourselves all through the day. Mark Twain

Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on. Mark Twain

Weather is a literary specialty, and no untrained hand can turn out a good article on it Mark Twain

It is wiser to find out than to suppose. Mark Twain

I never could do anything with figures, never had any talent for mathematics, never accomplished anything in my efforts at that rugged study, and to-day the only mathematics I know is multiplication, and the minute I get away up in that, as soon as I reach nine times seven- [He lapsed into deep thought, trying to figure nine times seven. Mr. McKelway whispered the answer to him.] I've got it now. It's eighty-four. Well, I can get that far all right with a little hesitation. After that I am uncertain, and I can't manage a statistic. Mark Twain

Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that. Mark Twain

There is one notable thing about our Christianity: bad, bloody, merciless, money-grabbing, and predatory. The invention of hell measured by our Christianity of today, bad as it is, hypocritical as it is, empty and hollow as it is, neither the deity nor his son is a Christian, nor qualified for that moderately high place. Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilled. Mark Twain

Mine was a trained Presbyterian conscience and knew but the one duty - to hunt and harry its slave upon all pretexts and on all occasions, particularly when there was no sense nor reason in it. Mark Twain

If true, rarely beautiful. If beautiful, rarely true. Mark Twain

The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the life too closely examined may not be lived at all. Mark Twain

Every man has a secret ambition: To outsmart horses, fish and women. Mark Twain

In the small town of Hannibal, Missouri, when I was a boy, everybody was poor, but didn't know it; and everybody was comfortable and did know it. Mark Twain

Good judgment comes from experience. And where does experience come from? Experience comes from bad judgment. Mark Twain

The easy part of being an artist is figuring out the message that everyone else is ready to hear. The hard part is waiting for the proper lull to make the announcement. Mark Twain

The Mississippi River will always have its own way; no engineering skill can persuade it to do otherwise... Mark Twain

My idea of our civilization is that it is a shoddy, poor thing and full of cruelties, vanities, arrogances, meannesses and hypocrisies. Mark Twain

We must put up with our clothes as they are - they have their reason for existing. They are on us to expose us - to advertise what we wear them to conceal. They are a sign; a sign of insincerity; a sign of suppressed vanity; a pretense that we desire gorgeous colors and the graces of harmony and form; and we put them on to propagate that lie and back it up. Mark Twain

To be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth. As long as one sorely needs a certain additional amount, that man isn't rich. Mark Twain

Genius, like gold and precious stones, is chiefly prized because of its rarity. Mark Twain

Recipe for a long life: Only smoke while awake. Only run when being chased. Mark Twain

Every man feels that his experience is unlike that of anybody else and therefore he should write it down- he finds also that everybody else has thought and felt on some points precisely as he has done, and therefore he should write it down. Mark Twain

Our best built certainties are but sand-houses and subject to damage from any wind of doubt that blows Mark Twain

Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growths Mark Twain

The rain ...falls upon the just and the unjust alike; a thing which would not happen if I were superintending the rain's affairs. No, I would rain softly and sweetly on the just, but if I caught a sample of the unjust outdoors, I would drown him. Mark Twain

Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it. Mark Twain

Conformity-the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority. Mark Twain

When you catch an adjective, kill it. Mark Twain

Never mistake motion for progress. Mark Twain

If we had less statemanship we could get along with fewer battleships. Mark Twain

A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.... Mark Twain

Circumstances make man, not man circumstances. Mark Twain

This morning arrives a letter from my ancient silver-mining comrade, Calvin H. Higbie, a man whom I have not seen nor had communication with for forty-four years. . . . [Footnote: Roughing It is dedicated to Higbie.] . . . I shall allow myself the privilege of copying his punctuation and his spelling, for to me they are a part of the man. He is as honest as the day is long. He is utterly simple-minded and straightforward, and his spelling and his punctuation are as simple and honest as he is himself. He makes no apology for them, and no apology is needed. Mark Twain

There are those who would misteach us that to stick in a rut is consistency - and a virtue, and that to climb out of the rut is inconsistency - and a vice. Mark Twain

The true pioneer of civilization is not the newspaper, not religion, not the railroad - but whiskey! Mark Twain

By common consent of all the nations and all the ages the most valuable thing in this world is the homage of men, whether deserved or undeserved. Mark Twain

Switzerland would me a mighty big place if it were ironed flat. Mark Twain

One must travel, to learn. Every day, now, old Scriptural phrases that never possessed any significance for me before, take to themselves a meaning. Mark Twain

Conscience, man's moral medicine chest. Mark Twain

Do something everyday that you don't want to do. Mark Twain

The darling mispronunciations of childhood! - dear me, there's no music that can touch it; and how one grieves when it wastes away and dissolves into correctness, knowing it will never visit his bereaved ear again. Mark Twain

The joy of killing! the joy of seeing killing done - these are traits of the human race at large. Mark Twain

The old saw says - 'Let a sleeping dog lie.' Experience knows better; experience says, If you want to convince do it yourself. Mark Twain

After my marriage she edited everything I wrote. And what is more, she not only edited my works, she edited me. Mark Twain

You can have brilliant ideas, but if you can't get them across, your ideas won't get you anywhere. Lee Iacocca Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. Mark Twain

A powerful agent is the right word: it lights the reader's way and makes it plain. Mark Twain

We wish to learn all the curious, outlandish ways of all the different countries, so that we can "show off" and astonish people when we get home. We wish to excite the envy of our untraveled friends with our strange foreign fashions which we can't shake off. Mark Twain

The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke, and tell indelicate stories- and mainly, a yearning to paint pictures. Mark Twain

While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats. Mark Twain

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. Mark Twain

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear-not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave; it is merely a loose application of the word. Consider the flea! - incomparably the bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage. Mark Twain

It was the schoolboy who said, ""Faith is believing what you know ain't so."" Mark Twain

I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me. Mark Twain

We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true-humor. Mark Twain

So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldn't find honest employment. Mark Twain

History may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme a lot. Mark Twain

The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people but if we tried to shut up the insane we would run out of building materials. Mark Twain

The trouble with the world is not that people know too little; it's that they know so many things that just aren't so. Mark Twain

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs one step at a time. Mark Twain

The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one. Mark Twain

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. Mark Twain

Solomon, who was one of the Deity's favorites, had a copulation cabinet composed of seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. To save his life he could not have kept two of these young creatures satisfactorily refreshed, even if he had fifteen experts to help him. Necessarily almost the entire thousand had to go hungry for years and years on a stretch. Conceive of a man hardhearted enough to look daily upon all that suffering and not be moved to mitigate it. Mark Twain

It's spring fever. That is what the name of it is. And when you've got it, you want-oh, you don't quite know what it is you do want, but it just fairly makes your heart ache, you want it so! Mark Twain

You cant reach old age by another man's road, my habits protect my life but they would assassinate you Mark Twain

The symbol of the race ought to be a human being carrying an ax, for every human being has one concealed about him somewhere, and is always seeking the opportunity to grind it. Mark Twain

Damn these human beings; if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag. Mark Twain

Make your vocation your vacation. That is the secret to success. Mark Twain

Principles aren't of much account anyway, except at election time. After that you hang them up to let them season. Mark Twain

Intellectual 'work' is misnamed; it is a pleasure, a dissipation, and is its own highest reward. Mark Twain

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