Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


He had an uncommon fondness for cats. As an old man summering in New Hampshire, Twain even rented kittens from a nearby farm to keep him company until he returned home. "If man could be crossed with the cat," said Twain, "it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat." There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends. Mark Twain
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Every improvement that is put upon the real estate is the result of an idea in somebody's head. The skyscraper is another idea; the railroad is another; the telephone and all those things are merely symbols which represent ideas. An andiron, a wash-tub, is the result of an idea that did not exist before. Mark Twain
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Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is. Mark Twain
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As a rule, we go about with masks, we go about looking honest, and we are able to conceal ourselves all through the day. Mark Twain
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Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on. Mark Twain
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Weather is a literary specialty, and no untrained hand can turn out a good article on it Mark Twain
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It is wiser to find out than to suppose. Mark Twain
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I never could do anything with figures, never had any talent for mathematics, never accomplished anything in my efforts at that rugged study, and to-day the only mathematics I know is multiplication, and the minute I get away up in that, as soon as I reach nine times seven- [He lapsed into deep thought, trying to figure nine times seven. Mr. McKelway whispered the answer to him.] I've got it now. It's eighty-four. Well, I can get that far all right with a little hesitation. After that I am uncertain, and I can't manage a statistic. Mark Twain
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Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that. Mark Twain
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The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco. Mark Twain
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The pulpit and the optimist are always talking about the human race's steady march toward ultimate perfection. As usual, they leave out the statistics. It is the pulpit's way - the optimist's way. Mark Twain
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When we think of friends, and call their faces out of the shadows, and their voices out of the echoes that faint along the corridors of memory, and do it without knowing why save that we love to do it, we content ourselves that that friendship is a Reality, and not a Fancy-that it is builded upon a rock, and not upon the sands that dissolve away with the ebbing tides and carry their monuments with them. Mark Twain
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In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing. Mark Twain
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I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly. Mark Twain
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Wheresoever she was, there was Eden. Mark Twain
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Many public-school children seem to know only two dates-1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion. Mark Twain
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I don't want no better book than what your face is. Mark Twain
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What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself. All day long, the mill of his brain is grinding, and his thoughts, not those of other things, are his history. These are his life, and they are not written. Everyday would make a whole book of 80,000 words - 365 books a year. Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man - the biography of the man himself cannot be written. Mark Twain
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. Mark Twain
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Wilson stopped and stood silent. Inattention dies a quick and sure death when a speaker does that. Mark Twain
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What a man wants with religion in these breadless times, surpasses my comprehension. Mark Twain
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I always did hate for anyone to know what my plans or hopes or prospects were?for, if I kept people in ignorance in these matters, no one could be disappointed but myself, if they were not realized. Mark Twain
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My interest in my work dies a sudden and violent death when the work is done. Mark Twain
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when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity. Mark Twain
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Persons who think there is no such thing as luck good or bad are entitled to their opinion, although I think they ought to be shot for it. Mark Twain
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He [George Washington Cable] has taught me to abhor and detest the Sabbath day and hunt up new and troublesome ways to dishonor it. Mark Twain
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It is a mystery that is hidden from me by reason that the emergency requiring the fathoming of it hath not in my life-days occurred, and so, not having no need to know this thing, I abide barren of the knowledge. Mark Twain
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None but the dead have free speech. Mark Twain
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The fact is, the king was a good deal more than a king, he was a man; and when a man is a man, you can't knock it out of him. Mark Twain
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The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money. Mark Twain
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Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. Mark Twain
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The history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal. Mark Twain
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How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it. Mark Twain
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A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.... Mark Twain
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Circumstances make man, not man circumstances. Mark Twain
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This morning arrives a letter from my ancient silver-mining comrade, Calvin H. Higbie, a man whom I have not seen nor had communication with for forty-four years. . . . [Footnote: Roughing It is dedicated to Higbie.] . . . I shall allow myself the privilege of copying his punctuation and his spelling, for to me they are a part of the man. He is as honest as the day is long. He is utterly simple-minded and straightforward, and his spelling and his punctuation are as simple and honest as he is himself. He makes no apology for them, and no apology is needed. Mark Twain
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There are those who would misteach us that to stick in a rut is consistency - and a virtue, and that to climb out of the rut is inconsistency - and a vice. Mark Twain
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My idea of our civilization is that it is a shoddy, poor thing and full of cruelties, vanities, arrogances, meannesses and hypocrisies. Mark Twain
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We must put up with our clothes as they are - they have their reason for existing. They are on us to expose us - to advertise what we wear them to conceal. They are a sign; a sign of insincerity; a sign of suppressed vanity; a pretense that we desire gorgeous colors and the graces of harmony and form; and we put them on to propagate that lie and back it up. Mark Twain
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To be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth. As long as one sorely needs a certain additional amount, that man isn't rich. Mark Twain
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Genius, like gold and precious stones, is chiefly prized because of its rarity. Mark Twain
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Recipe for a long life: Only smoke while awake. Only run when being chased. Mark Twain
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Every man feels that his experience is unlike that of anybody else and therefore he should write it down- he finds also that everybody else has thought and felt on some points precisely as he has done, and therefore he should write it down. Mark Twain
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Our best built certainties are but sand-houses and subject to damage from any wind of doubt that blows Mark Twain
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Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growths Mark Twain
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The rain ...falls upon the just and the unjust alike; a thing which would not happen if I were superintending the rain's affairs. No, I would rain softly and sweetly on the just, but if I caught a sample of the unjust outdoors, I would drown him. Mark Twain
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Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it. Mark Twain
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Conformity-the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority. Mark Twain
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When you catch an adjective, kill it. Mark Twain
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Man is without doubt the most interesting fool there is. He concedes that God made the angels immune from pain and death, and that he could have been similarly kind to man, but denies that he was under any moral obligation to do so. Mark Twain
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The symbol of the race ought to be a human being carrying an ax, for every human being has one concealed about him somewhere, and is always seeking the opportunity to grind it. Mark Twain
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Damn these human beings; if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag. Mark Twain
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Make your vocation your vacation. That is the secret to success. Mark Twain
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Principles aren't of much account anyway, except at election time. After that you hang them up to let them season. Mark Twain
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Intellectual 'work' is misnamed; it is a pleasure, a dissipation, and is its own highest reward. Mark Twain
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Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom; it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic period. Mark Twain
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A person who has during all time maintained the imposing position of spiritual head of four-fifths of the human race, and political head of the whole of it, must be granted the possession of executive abilities of the loftiest order. Mark Twain
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Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has. Mark Twain
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You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft. Mark Twain
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Mine was a trained Presbyterian conscience and knew but the one duty - to hunt and harry its slave upon all pretexts and on all occasions, particularly when there was no sense nor reason in it. Mark Twain
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If true, rarely beautiful. If beautiful, rarely true. Mark Twain
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The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the life too closely examined may not be lived at all. Mark Twain
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Every man has a secret ambition: To outsmart horses, fish and women. Mark Twain
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In the small town of Hannibal, Missouri, when I was a boy, everybody was poor, but didn't know it; and everybody was comfortable and did know it. Mark Twain
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But it is a blessed provision of nature that at times like these, as soon as a man's mercury has got down to a certain point there comes a revulsion, and he rallies. Hope springs up, and cheerfulness along with it, and then he is in good shape to do something for himself, if anything can be done. Mark Twain
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Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it. Mark Twain
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Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness. Mark Twain
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What a curious kind of fool a girl is. Never been licked in school. What's a licking? Mark Twain
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You are a coward when you even seem to have backed down from a thing you openly set out to do Mark Twain
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If we had less statemanship we could get along with fewer battleships. Mark Twain
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