Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. Mark Twain

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. Mark Twain

All generalizations are false, including this one. Mark Twain

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. Mark Twain

A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation. Mark Twain

The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this. Mark Twain

Don't let schooling interfere with your education. Mark Twain

Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written. Mark Twain

A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. Mark Twain

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain. Mark Twain

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. Mark Twain

George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie. Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. Mark Twain

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours. Mark Twain

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. Mark Twain

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough. Mark Twain

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't. Mark Twain

There are lies, damned lies and statistics. Mark Twain

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid. Mark Twain

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. Mark Twain

Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned. Mark Twain

The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives. Mark Twain

The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of this world'd luxuries, king by grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took: we know it because she repented. Mark Twain

As to the adjective: when in doubt, strike it out. Mark Twain

To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement. To condense the diffused light of a page of thought into the luminous flash of a single sentence, is worthy to rank as a prize composition just by itself...Anybody can have ideas-the difficulty is to express them without squandering a quire of paper on an idea that ought to be reduced to one glittering paragraph. Mark Twain

I couldn't bear to think about it; and yet, somehow, I couldn't think about nothing else. Mark Twain

The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible. Mark Twain

No one can tell me what is a good cigar - for me. I am the only judge. People who claim to know say that I smoke the worst cigars in the world. They bring their own cigars when they come to my house. Mark Twain

For we were little Christian children and early learned the value of forbidden fruit. Mark Twain

The devil's aversion to holy water is a light matter compared with a despots dread of a newspaper that laughs. Mark Twain

The heart is the real fountain of youth. Mark Twain

Missionarying was a better thing in those days than it is in ours. All you had to do was to cure the head savage's sick daughter by a miracle- a miracle like the miracle of Lourdes in our day, for instance- and immediately that head savage was your convert, and filled to the eyes with a new convert's enthusiasm. You could sit down and make yourself easy now. He would take the ax and convert the rest of the nation himself. Mark Twain

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not. Mark Twain

Troubles are only mental; it is the mind that manufactures them, and the mind can gorge them, banish them, abolish them. Mark Twain

There are no accidents, all things have a deep and calculated purpose; sometimes the methods employed by Providence seem strange and incongruous, but we have only to be patient and wait for the result: then we recognize that no others would have answered the purpose, and we are rebuked and humbled. Mark Twain

Do not offer a compliment and ask a favor at the same time. A compliment that is charged for is not valuable. Mark Twain

Ignorance, intolerance, egotism, self-assertion, opaque perception, dense and pitiful chuckle headedness - and an almost pathetic unconsciousness of it all, that is what I was at nineteen and twenty. Mark Twain

I believe I have had the most trouble with a portrait which I painted in installments - the head on one canvas and the bust on another. Mark Twain

Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. Mark Twain

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man. Mark Twain

We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talents. Mark Twain

All schools, all colleges, have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. The theological knowledge which they conceal cannot justly be regarded as less valuable than that which they reveal. That is, when a man is buying a basket of strawberries it can profit him to know that the bottom half of it is rotten. Mark Twain

Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it. Mark Twain

If husbands could realize what large returns of profit may be gotten out of a wife by a small word of praise paid over the counter when the market is just right, they would bring matters around the way they wish them much oftener than they usually do. Arguments are unsafe with wives, because they examine them; but they do not examine compliments. One can pass upon a wife a compliment that is three-fourths base Mark Twain

Where every man in a state has a vote, brutal laws are impossible. Mark Twain

Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of. Mark Twain

If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does nowadays, because now we can't burn him. Mark Twain

I don't mind what the opposition say of me so long as they don't tell the truth about me. But when they descend to telling the truth about me I consider that this is taking an unfair advantage. Mark Twain

It is not worth while to strain one's self to tell the truth to people who habitually discount everything you tell them, whether it is true or isn't. Mark Twain

July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so Mark Twain

I find no change of consequence in grown people, I do not miss the dead. It does not surprise me to hear that this friend or that friend died at such and such a time, because I fully expected that sort of news. But somehow I had made no calculation on the infants. It never occurred to me that infants grow up...These unexpected changes, from infancy to youth, and from youth to maturity, are by far the most startling things I meet with. Mark Twain

If there is a God, he is a malign thug. Mark Twain

There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened. Mark Twain

The miracle or the power that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application and perseverance under the promptings of a brave, determined spirit. Mark Twain

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambition. Mark Twain

Look at you in war...There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war. Mark Twain

He does not care for flowers. Calls them rubbish, and cannot tell one from another, and thinks it is superior to feel like that. Mark Twain

Indeed, none but the Deity can tell what is good luck and what is bad before the returns are all in. Mark Twain

There is not a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American. Mark Twain

A friend is someone who stays in when the rest of the world has gone out. Mark Twain

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom. Mark Twain

A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law. Mark Twain

Irreverence is the champion of liberty and its only sure defense. Mark Twain

He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages. Mark Twain

There are no grades of vanity; there are only grades of ability in concealing it. Mark Twain

Throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain

If you shamefully misuse a cat once she will always maintain a dignified reserve toward you afterward. You will never get her full confidence again. Mark Twain

Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed. Mark Twain

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Overnight success is a fallacy. It is preceded by a great deal of preparation. Ask any successful person how they came to this point in their lives, and they will have a story to tell. Mark Twain

He had an uncommon fondness for cats. As an old man summering in New Hampshire, Twain even rented kittens from a nearby farm to keep him company until he returned home. "If man could be crossed with the cat," said Twain, "it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat." There's always something about your success that displeases even your best friends. Mark Twain

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