Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it. Mark Twain
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Every man is a moon; he has a side no one sees. Mark Twain
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I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off; it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn't break my bonds. Mark Twain
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The best of us would rather be popular than right. Mark Twain
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Circumstance - which moves by laws of its own, regardless of parties and policies, and whose decrees are final and must be obeyed by all - and will be Mark Twain
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The man who isn't a pessimist is a damned fool. Mark Twain
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The Bible is a wonderful book; you can prove anything you want with it. Mark Twain
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The two most important days if your life are the day you are born...and the day you find out why having multiple screens for your computer is so awesome because now reports and grants are like a billion times easier! Mark Twain
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When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one. Mark Twain
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A new oath holds pretty well; but... when it is become old, and frayed out, and damaged by a dozen annual retryings of its remains, it ceases to be serviceable; any little strain will snap it. Mark Twain
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In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer. Mark Twain
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God: The most popular scapegoat for our sins. Mark Twain
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My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. Mark Twain
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But I... never could make a good impromptu speech without several hours to prepare it. Mark Twain
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All kings is mostly rapscallions. Mark Twain
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He saw nearly all things as through a glass eye, darkly. Mark Twain
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He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself, and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. Mark Twain
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Life does not consist mainly-or even largely- of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head. Mark Twain
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The two Great Unknowns, the two Illustrious Conjecturabilities! They are the best known unknown persons that have ever drawn breath upon the planet. (the Devil and Shakespeare.) Mark Twain
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We have no permanent brains until we are forty. Then they begin to harden, presently they petrify, then business begins. Since forty I have been regular about going to bed and getting up - and that is one of the main things. Mark Twain
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A hypocritical Boston tycoon once told Mark Twain, 'Before I die I mean to make a pilgrimage to the top of Mount Sinai in the Holy Land and read the Ten Commandments aloud.' 'Why don't you stay right home in Boston,' suggested Twain, 'and keep them? Mark Twain
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Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. Mark Twain
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It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them. Mark Twain
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In a museum in Havana there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus - 'one when he was a boy and one when he was a man. Mark Twain
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Obscurity and a competence - that is a life that is best worth living. Mark Twain
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The face of the water, in time, became a wonderful book - a book that was a dead language to the uneducated passenger, but which told its mind to me without reserve, delivering its most cherished secrets as clearly as if it uttered them with a voice. Mark Twain
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The banging and slamming and booming and crashing were something beyond belief. The racking and pitiless pain of it remains stored up in my memory alongside the memory of the time that I had my teeth fixed. Mark Twain
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The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain't so. Mark Twain
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They make a mouth at you and say thank you 'most to death, but there ain't-a-going to be no core. Mark Twain
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There is no use in walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home. Mark Twain
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What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, mighty scarce. Then let us cherish her; protect her; let us give her our support, our encouragement, our sympathy, ourselves - if we get a chance. Mark Twain
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Woman is unrivaled as a wet nurse. Mark Twain
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Humanity has unquestionably one really effective weapon - laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution - these can lift at a colossal humbug - push it a little - weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. Mark Twain
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If they had not landed there would be some reason for celebrating the fact. Mark Twain
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Tom appeared on the sidewalk with a bucket of whitewash and a long-handled brush. He surveyed the fence, and all gladness left him and a deep melancholy settled down upon his spirit. Thirty yards of board fence nine feet high. Life to him seemed hollow, and existence but a burden. Mark Twain
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There isn't a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American. Mark Twain
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Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear-not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave. Mark Twain
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The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. Mark Twain
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The Moral Sense teaches us what is right, and how to avoid it - when unpopular. Mark Twain
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Our lives, our liberty, and our property are never in greater danger than when Congress is in session. Mark Twain
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Always obey your parents. When they are present. This is the best policy in the long run. Because if you don't, they will make you. Most parents think they know better than you do, and you can generally make more by humoring that superstition than you can by acting on your own better judgment. Mark Twain
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I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering, and that was the fact that it is past-can't be restored. Mark Twain
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All schools, all colleges, have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal, valuable knowledge. The theological knowledge which they conceal cannot justly be regarded as less valuable than that which they reveal. That is, when a man is buying a basket of strawberries it can profit him to know that the bottom half of it is rotten. Mark Twain
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Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it. Mark Twain
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If husbands could realize what large returns of profit may be gotten out of a wife by a small word of praise paid over the counter when the market is just right, they would bring matters around the way they wish them much oftener than they usually do. Arguments are unsafe with wives, because they examine them; but they do not examine compliments. One can pass upon a wife a compliment that is three-fourths base Mark Twain
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Where every man in a state has a vote, brutal laws are impossible. Mark Twain
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Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of. Mark Twain
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If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does nowadays, because now we can't burn him. Mark Twain
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I don't mind what the opposition say of me so long as they don't tell the truth about me. But when they descend to telling the truth about me I consider that this is taking an unfair advantage. Mark Twain
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It is not worth while to strain one's self to tell the truth to people who habitually discount everything you tell them, whether it is true or isn't. Mark Twain
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July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so Mark Twain
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I find no change of consequence in grown people, I do not miss the dead. It does not surprise me to hear that this friend or that friend died at such and such a time, because I fully expected that sort of news. But somehow I had made no calculation on the infants. It never occurred to me that infants grow up...These unexpected changes, from infancy to youth, and from youth to maturity, are by far the most startling things I meet with. Mark Twain
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If there is a God, he is a malign thug. Mark Twain
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There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened. Mark Twain
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The miracle or the power that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application and perseverance under the promptings of a brave, determined spirit. Mark Twain
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Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambition. Mark Twain
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Look at you in war...There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war. Mark Twain
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He does not care for flowers. Calls them rubbish, and cannot tell one from another, and thinks it is superior to feel like that. Mark Twain
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Indeed, none but the Deity can tell what is good luck and what is bad before the returns are all in. Mark Twain
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There is not a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American. Mark Twain
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A friend is someone who stays in when the rest of the world has gone out. Mark Twain
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Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom. Mark Twain
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A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law. Mark Twain
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Irreverence is the champion of liberty and its only sure defense. Mark Twain
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He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages. Mark Twain
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There are no grades of vanity; there are only grades of ability in concealing it. Mark Twain
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Throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain
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If you shamefully misuse a cat once she will always maintain a dignified reserve toward you afterward. You will never get her full confidence again. Mark Twain
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Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed. Mark Twain
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It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Overnight success is a fallacy. It is preceded by a great deal of preparation. Ask any successful person how they came to this point in their lives, and they will have a story to tell. Mark Twain
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