Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


Ah, if he could only die temporarily! Mark Twain
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If Christians should vote their duty to God at the polls, they would carry every election, and do it with ease. They would elect every clean candidate in the United States, and defeat every soiled one. Their prodigious power would be quickly realized and recognized, and afterward there would be no unclean candidates upon any ticket, and graft would cease. Mark Twain
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Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first!" Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer Mark Twain
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One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques-especially to mosques. Mark Twain
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Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal... In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning. Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace; even affectionately. Mark Twain
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If one is honest there is no need to remember. Mark Twain
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A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes. Mark Twain
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I like a thin book because it will Steady a Table, a leather volume because it will Strop a Razor, and a heavy book because it can be Thrown at a Cat. Mark Twain
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I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion. Mark Twain
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Never let the truth get in the way of a good story. Mark Twain
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We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read- Mark Twain
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The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without bursting one's clothes. Mark Twain
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Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience - 4000 critics. Mark Twain
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I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time. Mark Twain
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I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again. Mark Twain
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Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it. Mark Twain
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Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old and weary and broken of heart. Mark Twain
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Happiness ain't a thing in itself -it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain't happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh. Mark Twain
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The master minds of all nations, in all ages, have sprung in affluent multitude from the mass of the nations, and from the mass of the nation only-not from its privileged classes. Mark Twain
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Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Mark Twain
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The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad. Mark Twain
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I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself. Mark Twain
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I have learned that human existence is essentially tragic. It is only the love of God, disclosed and enacted in Christ, that redeems the human tragedy and makes it tolerable. No, more than tolerable. Wonderful. Mark Twain
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Hunger is the handmaid of genius Mark Twain
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What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it. Mark Twain
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When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma. Mark Twain
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What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth. No smallest atom of our moral, mental, or physical structure can stand still a year. It grows - it must grow; nothing can prevent it. Mark Twain
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I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it. Mark Twain
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Every man is a moon; he has a side no one sees. Mark Twain
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The very "marks" on the bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering ecstasy. Mark Twain
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My brother had just been appointed Secretary of Nevada Territory-an office of such majesty that it concentrated in itself the duties and dignities of Treasurer, Comptroller, Secretary of State, and Acting Governor in the Governor's absence. A salary of eighteen hundred dollars a year and the title of "Mr. Secretary," gave to the great position an air of wild and imposing grandeur. I was young and ignorant, and I envied my brother. Mark Twain
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It was in 1590-winter. Austria was far away from the world, and asleep; it was still the Middle Ages in Austria, and promised to remain so forever. Some even set it away back centuries upon centuries and said that by the mental and spiritual clock it was still the Age of Belief in Austria. But they meant it as a compliment, not a slur, and it was so taken, and we were all proud of it. I remember it well, although I was only a boy; and I remember, too, the pleasure it gave me. Mark Twain
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I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off; it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn't break my bonds. Mark Twain
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The best of us would rather be popular than right. Mark Twain
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Circumstance - which moves by laws of its own, regardless of parties and policies, and whose decrees are final and must be obeyed by all - and will be Mark Twain
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I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. Exercise is loathsome. And it cannot be any benefit when you are tired; and I was always tired. Mark Twain
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Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
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Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain
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He is now fast rising from affluence to poverty. Mark Twain
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Loyalty to the nation all the time, loyalty to the government when it deserves it. Mark Twain
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Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to commit more. Mark Twain
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You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. That book was made by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth. Mark Twain
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We said there warn't no home like a raft, after all. Other places do seem so cramped up and smothery, but a raft don't. You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft. Mark Twain
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H'aint we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town? Mark Twain
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Before taking final leave of me, my instructor inquired concerning my physical strength, and I was able to inform him that I hadn't any. Mark Twain
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The late Bill Nye once said I have been told that Wagner's music is better than it sounds. Mark Twain
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Persons who think there is no such thing as luck-good or bad-are entitled to their opinion, although I think they ought to be shot for it. Mark Twain
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When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one. Mark Twain
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A new oath holds pretty well; but... when it is become old, and frayed out, and damaged by a dozen annual retryings of its remains, it ceases to be serviceable; any little strain will snap it. Mark Twain
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In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer. Mark Twain
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God: The most popular scapegoat for our sins. Mark Twain
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My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. Mark Twain
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But I... never could make a good impromptu speech without several hours to prepare it. Mark Twain
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All kings is mostly rapscallions. Mark Twain
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He saw nearly all things as through a glass eye, darkly. Mark Twain
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He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself, and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. Mark Twain
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Life does not consist mainly-or even largely- of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head. Mark Twain
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There isn't a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American. Mark Twain
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Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear-not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave. Mark Twain
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The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. Mark Twain
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The Moral Sense teaches us what is right, and how to avoid it - when unpopular. Mark Twain
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We have no permanent brains until we are forty. Then they begin to harden, presently they petrify, then business begins. Since forty I have been regular about going to bed and getting up - and that is one of the main things. Mark Twain
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A hypocritical Boston tycoon once told Mark Twain, 'Before I die I mean to make a pilgrimage to the top of Mount Sinai in the Holy Land and read the Ten Commandments aloud.' 'Why don't you stay right home in Boston,' suggested Twain, 'and keep them? Mark Twain
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Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. Mark Twain
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It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them. Mark Twain
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In a museum in Havana there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus - 'one when he was a boy and one when he was a man. Mark Twain
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Obscurity and a competence - that is a life that is best worth living. Mark Twain
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The face of the water, in time, became a wonderful book - a book that was a dead language to the uneducated passenger, but which told its mind to me without reserve, delivering its most cherished secrets as clearly as if it uttered them with a voice. Mark Twain
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The banging and slamming and booming and crashing were something beyond belief. The racking and pitiless pain of it remains stored up in my memory alongside the memory of the time that I had my teeth fixed. Mark Twain
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The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain't so. Mark Twain
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