Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961

A new oath holds pretty well; but... when it is become old, and frayed out, and damaged by a dozen annual retryings of its remains, it ceases to be serviceable; any little strain will snap it. Mark Twain

In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer. Mark Twain

God: The most popular scapegoat for our sins. Mark Twain

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. Mark Twain

But I... never could make a good impromptu speech without several hours to prepare it. Mark Twain

All kings is mostly rapscallions. Mark Twain

He saw nearly all things as through a glass eye, darkly. Mark Twain

He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself, and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. Mark Twain

Life does not consist mainly-or even largely- of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head. Mark Twain

There isn't a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American. Mark Twain

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear-not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave. Mark Twain

The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. Mark Twain

The Moral Sense teaches us what is right, and how to avoid it - when unpopular. Mark Twain

Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain

He is now fast rising from affluence to poverty. Mark Twain

Loyalty to the nation all the time, loyalty to the government when it deserves it. Mark Twain

Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to commit more. Mark Twain

You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. That book was made by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth. Mark Twain

We said there warn't no home like a raft, after all. Other places do seem so cramped up and smothery, but a raft don't. You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft. Mark Twain

H'aint we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town? Mark Twain

Before taking final leave of me, my instructor inquired concerning my physical strength, and I was able to inform him that I hadn't any. Mark Twain

The late Bill Nye once said I have been told that Wagner's music is better than it sounds. Mark Twain

Persons who think there is no such thing as luck-good or bad-are entitled to their opinion, although I think they ought to be shot for it. Mark Twain

We have no permanent brains until we are forty. Then they begin to harden, presently they petrify, then business begins. Since forty I have been regular about going to bed and getting up - and that is one of the main things. Mark Twain

A hypocritical Boston tycoon once told Mark Twain, 'Before I die I mean to make a pilgrimage to the top of Mount Sinai in the Holy Land and read the Ten Commandments aloud.' 'Why don't you stay right home in Boston,' suggested Twain, 'and keep them? Mark Twain

Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. Mark Twain

It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them. Mark Twain

In a museum in Havana there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus - 'one when he was a boy and one when he was a man. Mark Twain

Obscurity and a competence - that is a life that is best worth living. Mark Twain

The face of the water, in time, became a wonderful book - a book that was a dead language to the uneducated passenger, but which told its mind to me without reserve, delivering its most cherished secrets as clearly as if it uttered them with a voice. Mark Twain

The banging and slamming and booming and crashing were something beyond belief. The racking and pitiless pain of it remains stored up in my memory alongside the memory of the time that I had my teeth fixed. Mark Twain

The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain't so. Mark Twain

They make a mouth at you and say thank you 'most to death, but there ain't-a-going to be no core. Mark Twain

There is no use in walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home. Mark Twain

What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, mighty scarce. Then let us cherish her; protect her; let us give her our support, our encouragement, our sympathy, ourselves - if we get a chance. Mark Twain

Woman is unrivaled as a wet nurse. Mark Twain

Tom appeared on the sidewalk with a bucket of whitewash and a long-handled brush. He surveyed the fence, and all gladness left him and a deep melancholy settled down upon his spirit. Thirty yards of board fence nine feet high. Life to him seemed hollow, and existence but a burden. Mark Twain

In Austria an editor who can write well is valuable, but he is not likely to remain so unless he can handle a sabre with charm. Mark Twain

More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the [biblical] texts that authorised them remain. Mark Twain

If we only had some God in the country's laws, instead of being in such a sweat to get him into the Constitution, it would be better all around. Mark Twain

The perfection of wisdom, and the end of true philosophy is to proportion our wants to our possessions, our ambitions to our capacities, we will then be a happy and a virtuous people. Mark Twain

Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate. Mark Twain

The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness-your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher. Mark Twain

Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes. Mark Twain

How often we recall with regret that Napoleon once shot at a magazine editor and missed him and killed a publisher. But we remember with charity that his intentions were good. Mark Twain

there was no crime in unconscious plagiarism; that I committed it everyday, that he committed it everyday, that every man alive on earth who writes or speaks commits it every day and not merely once or twice but every time he open his mouth... there is nothing of our own in it except some slight change born of our temperament, character, environment, teachings and associations Mark Twain

It is sound judgment to put on a bold face and play your hand for a hundred times what it is worth; forty-nine times out of fifty nobody dares to call it, and you roll in the chips. Mark Twain

Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it. Mark Twain

I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't. Mark Twain

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. Mark Twain

Write without pay until somebody offers to pay. Mark Twain

The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies. Mark Twain

Ah, that shows you the power of music, that magician of magician, who lifts his wand and says his mysterious word and all things real pass away and the phantoms of your mind walk before you clothed in flesh. Mark Twain

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand. Mark Twain

A sincere compliment is always grateful to a lady, so long as you don't try to knock her down with it. Mark Twain

I said nothing of the sort. Mark Twain

When in doubt tell the truth. It will confound your enemies and astound your friends. Mark Twain

I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two million dollars. Mark Twain

It is poison - rank poison - to knuckle down to care and hardships. They must come to us all, albeit in different shapes, and we may not escape them. It is not possible. But we may swindle them out of half of their puissance with a stiff upper lip. Mark Twain

Is not this insanity plea becoming rather common? Is it not so common that the reader confidently expects to see it offered in every criminal case that comes before the courts?... Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity. Mark Twain

Men are easily dealt with-but when you get the women started, you are in for it, you know. Mark Twain

In my experience, previously counted chickens never do hatch. Mark Twain

As I slowly grow wise I briskly grow cautious. Mark Twain

Words are only painted fire, a look is the fire itself. She gave that look, and carried it away to the treasury of heaven, where all things that are divine belong. Mark Twain

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him. Mark Twain

There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry. Mark Twain

Every time you stop a school, you will have to build a jail. What you gain at one end you lose at the other. It's like feeding a dog on his own tail. It won't fatten the dog. Mark Twain

Distance lends enchantment to the view. Mark Twain

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. Mark Twain

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