Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


December is the toughest month of the year. Others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, October, August, and February. Mark Twain
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In Austria an editor who can write well is valuable, but he is not likely to remain so unless he can handle a sabre with charm. Mark Twain
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More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the [biblical] texts that authorised them remain. Mark Twain
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If we only had some God in the country's laws, instead of being in such a sweat to get him into the Constitution, it would be better all around. Mark Twain
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Don't you know that the very thing a man dreads is the thing that always happens? Mark Twain
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Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Mark Twain
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Time spent with your children is time wisely spent. Mark Twain
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To avoid being drawn into error, keep a firm grip on the truth. Mark Twain
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A pessimist is a well-informed optimist. Mark Twain
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When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years. Mark Twain
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The only certainties in life are death and taxes. Mark Twain
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My heart goes out to anyone who is making his first appearance before an audience of human beings. Mark Twain
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The average man is what his environment and his superstitions have made him; and their function is to make him an ass. He can't add up three or four new circumstances together and perceive what they mean; it is beyond him. He is not capable of observing for himself; he has to get everything at second-hand. If what are miscalled the lower animals were as silly as man is, they would all perish from the earth in a year. Mark Twain
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Do one thing every day you don't want to do. Mark Twain
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Wagner has some great moments, but a lot of miserable half hours. Mark Twain
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A street in Constantinople is a picture which one ought to see once-not oftener. Mark Twain
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There is only one good sex. The female one. Mark Twain
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The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing, it is the thing to watch over and care for and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous. . . . Mark Twain
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Ours is the "land of the free"-nobody denies that-nobody challenges it. (Maybe it is because we won't let other people testify.) Mark Twain
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In all my travels the thing that has impressed me the most is the universal brotherhood of man-what there is of it. Mark Twain
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Forget and forgive. This is not difficult when properly understood. It means forget inconvenient duties, then forgive yourself for forgetting. By rigid practice and stern determination, it comes easy. Mark Twain
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The real yellow peril: Gold. Mark Twain
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Frankenstein took some flesh and bones and blood and made a man out of them; the man ran away and fell to raping and robbing and murdering everywhere, and Frankenstein was horrified and in despair, and said, I made him, without asking his consent, and it makes me responsible for every crime he commits. I am the criminal, he is innocent. Mark Twain
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A man who is not born with the novel-writing gift has a troublesome time of it when he tries to build a novel. I know this from experience. He has no clear idea of his story; in fact he has no story. He merely has some people in his mind, and an incident or two, also a locality, and he trusts he can plunge those people into those incidents with interesting results. Mark Twain
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Who are we to create a heaven and hell for ourselves, excluding animals and plants in the bargain, just because we have the power to rationalize? Mark Twain
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We have no permanent brains until we are forty. Then they begin to harden, presently they petrify, then business begins. Since forty I have been regular about going to bed and getting up - and that is one of the main things. Mark Twain
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A hypocritical Boston tycoon once told Mark Twain, 'Before I die I mean to make a pilgrimage to the top of Mount Sinai in the Holy Land and read the Ten Commandments aloud.' 'Why don't you stay right home in Boston,' suggested Twain, 'and keep them? Mark Twain
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Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. Mark Twain
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It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them. Mark Twain
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In a museum in Havana there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus - 'one when he was a boy and one when he was a man. Mark Twain
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Obscurity and a competence - that is a life that is best worth living. Mark Twain
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The face of the water, in time, became a wonderful book - a book that was a dead language to the uneducated passenger, but which told its mind to me without reserve, delivering its most cherished secrets as clearly as if it uttered them with a voice. Mark Twain
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The banging and slamming and booming and crashing were something beyond belief. The racking and pitiless pain of it remains stored up in my memory alongside the memory of the time that I had my teeth fixed. Mark Twain
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The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain't so. Mark Twain
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They make a mouth at you and say thank you 'most to death, but there ain't-a-going to be no core. Mark Twain
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There is no use in walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home. Mark Twain
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What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, mighty scarce. Then let us cherish her; protect her; let us give her our support, our encouragement, our sympathy, ourselves - if we get a chance. Mark Twain
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Woman is unrivaled as a wet nurse. Mark Twain
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Humanity has unquestionably one really effective weapon - laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution - these can lift at a colossal humbug - push it a little - weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. Mark Twain
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If they had not landed there would be some reason for celebrating the fact. Mark Twain
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The two Great Unknowns, the two Illustrious Conjecturabilities! They are the best known unknown persons that have ever drawn breath upon the planet. (the Devil and Shakespeare.) Mark Twain
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It's not the good that die young, it's the lucky. Mark Twain
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Simple rules for saving money: To save half, when you are fired by an eager impulse to contribute to a charity, wait and count to forty. To save three quarters, count sixty. To save all, count sixty-five. Mark Twain
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A man who chooses not to read is just as ignorant as a man who cannot read. Mark Twain
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The cost of living hasn't effected its popularity. Mark Twain
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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. Mark Twain
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The man who isn't a pessimist is a damned fool. Mark Twain
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The Bible is a wonderful book; you can prove anything you want with it. Mark Twain
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The two most important days if your life are the day you are born...and the day you find out why having multiple screens for your computer is so awesome because now reports and grants are like a billion times easier! Mark Twain
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Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
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Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain
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He is now fast rising from affluence to poverty. Mark Twain
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Loyalty to the nation all the time, loyalty to the government when it deserves it. Mark Twain
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Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to commit more. Mark Twain
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You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. That book was made by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth. Mark Twain
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We said there warn't no home like a raft, after all. Other places do seem so cramped up and smothery, but a raft don't. You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft. Mark Twain
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H'aint we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town? Mark Twain
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Before taking final leave of me, my instructor inquired concerning my physical strength, and I was able to inform him that I hadn't any. Mark Twain
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The late Bill Nye once said I have been told that Wagner's music is better than it sounds. Mark Twain
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Persons who think there is no such thing as luck-good or bad-are entitled to their opinion, although I think they ought to be shot for it. Mark Twain
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When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one. Mark Twain
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A new oath holds pretty well; but... when it is become old, and frayed out, and damaged by a dozen annual retryings of its remains, it ceases to be serviceable; any little strain will snap it. Mark Twain
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In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer. Mark Twain
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God: The most popular scapegoat for our sins. Mark Twain
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My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. Mark Twain
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But I... never could make a good impromptu speech without several hours to prepare it. Mark Twain
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All kings is mostly rapscallions. Mark Twain
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He saw nearly all things as through a glass eye, darkly. Mark Twain
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He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself, and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. Mark Twain
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Life does not consist mainly-or even largely- of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head. Mark Twain
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