Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. Mark Twain
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The Moral Sense teaches us what is right, and how to avoid it - when unpopular. Mark Twain
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We have no permanent brains until we are forty. Then they begin to harden, presently they petrify, then business begins. Since forty I have been regular about going to bed and getting up - and that is one of the main things. Mark Twain
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A hypocritical Boston tycoon once told Mark Twain, 'Before I die I mean to make a pilgrimage to the top of Mount Sinai in the Holy Land and read the Ten Commandments aloud.' 'Why don't you stay right home in Boston,' suggested Twain, 'and keep them? Mark Twain
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Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. Mark Twain
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It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them. Mark Twain
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In a museum in Havana there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus - 'one when he was a boy and one when he was a man. Mark Twain
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Obscurity and a competence - that is a life that is best worth living. Mark Twain
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The face of the water, in time, became a wonderful book - a book that was a dead language to the uneducated passenger, but which told its mind to me without reserve, delivering its most cherished secrets as clearly as if it uttered them with a voice. Mark Twain
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The banging and slamming and booming and crashing were something beyond belief. The racking and pitiless pain of it remains stored up in my memory alongside the memory of the time that I had my teeth fixed. Mark Twain
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The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain't so. Mark Twain
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They make a mouth at you and say thank you 'most to death, but there ain't-a-going to be no core. Mark Twain
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There is no use in walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home. Mark Twain
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What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, mighty scarce. Then let us cherish her; protect her; let us give her our support, our encouragement, our sympathy, ourselves - if we get a chance. Mark Twain
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Woman is unrivaled as a wet nurse. Mark Twain
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Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to commit more. Mark Twain
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You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. That book was made by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth. Mark Twain
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We said there warn't no home like a raft, after all. Other places do seem so cramped up and smothery, but a raft don't. You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft. Mark Twain
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H'aint we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town? Mark Twain
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Before taking final leave of me, my instructor inquired concerning my physical strength, and I was able to inform him that I hadn't any. Mark Twain
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The late Bill Nye once said I have been told that Wagner's music is better than it sounds. Mark Twain
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Persons who think there is no such thing as luck-good or bad-are entitled to their opinion, although I think they ought to be shot for it. Mark Twain
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Troubles are only mental; it is the mind that manufactures them, and the mind can gorge them, banish them, abolish them. Mark Twain
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There are no accidents, all things have a deep and calculated purpose; sometimes the methods employed by Providence seem strange and incongruous, but we have only to be patient and wait for the result: then we recognize that no others would have answered the purpose, and we are rebuked and humbled. Mark Twain
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Do not offer a compliment and ask a favor at the same time. A compliment that is charged for is not valuable. Mark Twain
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Ignorance, intolerance, egotism, self-assertion, opaque perception, dense and pitiful chuckle headedness - and an almost pathetic unconsciousness of it all, that is what I was at nineteen and twenty. Mark Twain
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I believe I have had the most trouble with a portrait which I painted in installments - the head on one canvas and the bust on another. Mark Twain
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When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one. Mark Twain
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The real yellow peril: Gold. Mark Twain
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Frankenstein took some flesh and bones and blood and made a man out of them; the man ran away and fell to raping and robbing and murdering everywhere, and Frankenstein was horrified and in despair, and said, I made him, without asking his consent, and it makes me responsible for every crime he commits. I am the criminal, he is innocent. Mark Twain
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A man who is not born with the novel-writing gift has a troublesome time of it when he tries to build a novel. I know this from experience. He has no clear idea of his story; in fact he has no story. He merely has some people in his mind, and an incident or two, also a locality, and he trusts he can plunge those people into those incidents with interesting results. Mark Twain
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Who are we to create a heaven and hell for ourselves, excluding animals and plants in the bargain, just because we have the power to rationalize? Mark Twain
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Don't you know that the very thing a man dreads is the thing that always happens? Mark Twain
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Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Mark Twain
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Time spent with your children is time wisely spent. Mark Twain
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To avoid being drawn into error, keep a firm grip on the truth. Mark Twain
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A pessimist is a well-informed optimist. Mark Twain
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When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years. Mark Twain
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The only certainties in life are death and taxes. Mark Twain
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My heart goes out to anyone who is making his first appearance before an audience of human beings. Mark Twain
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The average man is what his environment and his superstitions have made him; and their function is to make him an ass. He can't add up three or four new circumstances together and perceive what they mean; it is beyond him. He is not capable of observing for himself; he has to get everything at second-hand. If what are miscalled the lower animals were as silly as man is, they would all perish from the earth in a year. Mark Twain
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Do one thing every day you don't want to do. Mark Twain
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Wagner has some great moments, but a lot of miserable half hours. Mark Twain
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A street in Constantinople is a picture which one ought to see once-not oftener. Mark Twain
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There is only one good sex. The female one. Mark Twain
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The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing, it is the thing to watch over and care for and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous. . . . Mark Twain
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Ours is the "land of the free"-nobody denies that-nobody challenges it. (Maybe it is because we won't let other people testify.) Mark Twain
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In all my travels the thing that has impressed me the most is the universal brotherhood of man-what there is of it. Mark Twain
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Forget and forgive. This is not difficult when properly understood. It means forget inconvenient duties, then forgive yourself for forgetting. By rigid practice and stern determination, it comes easy. Mark Twain
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Always obey your parents. When they are present. This is the best policy in the long run. Because if you don't, they will make you. Most parents think they know better than you do, and you can generally make more by humoring that superstition than you can by acting on your own better judgment. Mark Twain
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I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off; it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn't break my bonds. Mark Twain
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The best of us would rather be popular than right. Mark Twain
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Circumstance - which moves by laws of its own, regardless of parties and policies, and whose decrees are final and must be obeyed by all - and will be Mark Twain
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I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. Exercise is loathsome. And it cannot be any benefit when you are tired; and I was always tired. Mark Twain
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I was born modest, but it didn't last. Mark Twain
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It is easy to see that the inventor of the heaven did not originate the idea, but copied it from the show-ceremonies of some sorry little sovereign State up in the back settlements of the Orient somewhere. Mark Twain
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The choir always tittered and whispered all through the service. There was once a church choir that was not ill-bred, but I have forgotten where it was. Mark Twain
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Look at the mother of Washington! She raised a boy that could not tell a lie-could not tell a lie! But he never had any chance. It might have been different if he had belonged to the Washington Newspaper Correspondents' Club Mark Twain
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It is the will of God that we must have critics, and missionaries, and Congressmen, and humorists, and we must bear the burden. Meantime, I seem to have been drifting into criticism myself. But that is nothing. At the worst, criticism is nothing more than a crime, and I am not unused to that. Mark Twain
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Sometimes I lifted a chicken that warn't roosting comfortable, and took him along. Pap always said, take a chicken when you get achance, because if you don't want him yourself you can easy find somebody that does, and a good deed ain't ever forgot. I never see papa when he didn't want the chicken himself, but that is what he used to say, anyway. Mark Twain
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I have at last, after several months' experience, made up my mind that [New York] is a splendid desert-a domed and steepled solitude, where the stranger is lonely in the midst of a million of his race. Mark Twain
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Would it not be prudent to get our civilization tools together, and see how much stock is left on hand in the way of Glass Beads and Theology, and Maxim Guns and Hymn Books, and Trade Gin and Torches of Progress and Enlightenment (patent adjustable ones, good to fire villages with, upon occasion), and balance the books, and arrive at the profit and loss, so that we may intelligently decide whether to continue the business or sellout the property and start a new Civilization Scheme on the proceeds. Mark Twain
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There is probably no pleasure equal to the pleasure of climbing a dangerous Alp; but it is a pleasure which is confined strictly to people who can find pleasure in it. Mark Twain
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Human beings can be awful cruel to one another. Mark Twain
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I cherish the dreams of yesterday and dare not dwell on the err's of my past whose fate has been long decided, and effect I can not change. For the dreams of yesterday are the challenges of today, and the hope for tomorrow. Mark Twain
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I hate to hear people say this Judge will vote so and so, because he is a Democrat - and this one so and so because he is a Republican. It is shameful. The Judges have the Constitution for their guidance; they have no right to any politics save the politics of rigid right and justice when they are sitting in judgment upon the great matters that come before them. Mark Twain
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Yes, always avoid violence. In this age of charity and kindliness, the time has gone by for such things. Leave dynamite to the low and unrefined. Mark Twain
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When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them-then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are far apart. Mark Twain
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If it is a Miracle, any sort of evidence will answer, but if it is a Fact, proof is necessary Mark Twain
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I do not wish any reward but to know I have done the right thing. Mark Twain
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