Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible. Mark Twain
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No one can tell me what is a good cigar - for me. I am the only judge. People who claim to know say that I smoke the worst cigars in the world. They bring their own cigars when they come to my house. Mark Twain
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For we were little Christian children and early learned the value of forbidden fruit. Mark Twain
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The devil's aversion to holy water is a light matter compared with a despots dread of a newspaper that laughs. Mark Twain
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The heart is the real fountain of youth. Mark Twain
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How superbly brave is the Englishman in the presence of the awfulest forms of danger and death; and how abject in the presence of any and all forms of hereditary rank. Mark Twain
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Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. Mark Twain
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. Mark Twain
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Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. Mark Twain
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All generalizations are false, including this one. Mark Twain
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It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. Mark Twain
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A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation. Mark Twain
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The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this. Mark Twain
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Don't let schooling interfere with your education. Mark Twain
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Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written. Mark Twain
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A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. Mark Twain
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Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain. Mark Twain
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Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. Mark Twain
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George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie. Mark Twain
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The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. Mark Twain
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In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours. Mark Twain
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Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. Mark Twain
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I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough. Mark Twain
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Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't. Mark Twain
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There are lies, damned lies and statistics. Mark Twain
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Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid. Mark Twain
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I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. Mark Twain
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Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned. Mark Twain
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The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives. Mark Twain
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Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. Mark Twain
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The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of this world'd luxuries, king by grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took: we know it because she repented. Mark Twain
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In Austria an editor who can write well is valuable, but he is not likely to remain so unless he can handle a sabre with charm. Mark Twain
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More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the [biblical] texts that authorised them remain. Mark Twain
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If we only had some God in the country's laws, instead of being in such a sweat to get him into the Constitution, it would be better all around. Mark Twain
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Don't you know that the very thing a man dreads is the thing that always happens? Mark Twain
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Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Mark Twain
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Time spent with your children is time wisely spent. Mark Twain
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To avoid being drawn into error, keep a firm grip on the truth. Mark Twain
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A pessimist is a well-informed optimist. Mark Twain
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When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years. Mark Twain
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The only certainties in life are death and taxes. Mark Twain
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My heart goes out to anyone who is making his first appearance before an audience of human beings. Mark Twain
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The average man is what his environment and his superstitions have made him; and their function is to make him an ass. He can't add up three or four new circumstances together and perceive what they mean; it is beyond him. He is not capable of observing for himself; he has to get everything at second-hand. If what are miscalled the lower animals were as silly as man is, they would all perish from the earth in a year. Mark Twain
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Do one thing every day you don't want to do. Mark Twain
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Wagner has some great moments, but a lot of miserable half hours. Mark Twain
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A street in Constantinople is a picture which one ought to see once-not oftener. Mark Twain
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There is only one good sex. The female one. Mark Twain
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The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing, it is the thing to watch over and care for and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous. . . . Mark Twain
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Ours is the "land of the free"-nobody denies that-nobody challenges it. (Maybe it is because we won't let other people testify.) Mark Twain
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In all my travels the thing that has impressed me the most is the universal brotherhood of man-what there is of it. Mark Twain
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It's not the good that die young, it's the lucky. Mark Twain
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Simple rules for saving money: To save half, when you are fired by an eager impulse to contribute to a charity, wait and count to forty. To save three quarters, count sixty. To save all, count sixty-five. Mark Twain
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A man who chooses not to read is just as ignorant as a man who cannot read. Mark Twain
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The cost of living hasn't effected its popularity. Mark Twain
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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. Mark Twain
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Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
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Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain
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He is now fast rising from affluence to poverty. Mark Twain
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Loyalty to the nation all the time, loyalty to the government when it deserves it. Mark Twain
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Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to commit more. Mark Twain
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You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. That book was made by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth. Mark Twain
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We said there warn't no home like a raft, after all. Other places do seem so cramped up and smothery, but a raft don't. You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft. Mark Twain
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H'aint we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town? Mark Twain
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Before taking final leave of me, my instructor inquired concerning my physical strength, and I was able to inform him that I hadn't any. Mark Twain
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The late Bill Nye once said I have been told that Wagner's music is better than it sounds. Mark Twain
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Persons who think there is no such thing as luck-good or bad-are entitled to their opinion, although I think they ought to be shot for it. Mark Twain
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The real yellow peril: Gold. Mark Twain
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Frankenstein took some flesh and bones and blood and made a man out of them; the man ran away and fell to raping and robbing and murdering everywhere, and Frankenstein was horrified and in despair, and said, I made him, without asking his consent, and it makes me responsible for every crime he commits. I am the criminal, he is innocent. Mark Twain
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A man who is not born with the novel-writing gift has a troublesome time of it when he tries to build a novel. I know this from experience. He has no clear idea of his story; in fact he has no story. He merely has some people in his mind, and an incident or two, also a locality, and he trusts he can plunge those people into those incidents with interesting results. Mark Twain
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Who are we to create a heaven and hell for ourselves, excluding animals and plants in the bargain, just because we have the power to rationalize? Mark Twain
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