Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can. Mark Twain
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Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. To live a fulfilled life, we need to keep creating the "what is next", of our lives. Without dreams and goals there is no living, only merely existing, and that is not why we are here. Mark Twain
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I can teach anybody how to get, what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want. Once you are crystal clear about the intended end result that you seek to produce, all the ways that it can become a done deal start to reveal themselves to you. There are many who have accomplished exactly what you want to achieve and could show you the way. You are not ready to ask them because you are not clear and you have not determined which questions need answers. Mark Twain
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Temperate temperance is best; intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance. Mark Twain
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There are German songs which can make a stranger to the language cry. Mark Twain
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It is often the case that a man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one. Mark Twain
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The kingly office is entitled to no respect. It was originally procured by the highwayman's methods. It remains a perpetuated crime, can never be anything but the symbol of a crime. It is no more entitled to respect than is the flag of a pirate. Mark Twain
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When I'm playful I use the meridians of longitude and parallels of latitude for a seine, and drag the Atlantic Ocean for whales. I scratch my head with the lightning and purr myself to sleep with the thunder. Mark Twain
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It is a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll have the strength to break them when you're old. Mark Twain
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One learns peoples through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect. Mark Twain
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Inherently, each one of us has the substance within to achieve whatever our goals and dreams define. What is different for each of us is the training, education, knowledge and insight to utilize what we already have. Mark Twain
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Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. Fanatics will never learn that, though it be written in letters of gold across the sky. It is the prohibition that makes anything precious. Mark Twain
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Our inner strengths, experiences, and truths cannot be lost, destroyed, or taken away. Every person has an inborn worth and can contribute to the human community. We all can treat one another with dignity and respect, provide opportunities to grow toward our fullest lives and help one another discover and develop our unique gifts. We each deserve this and we all can extend it to others. Mark Twain
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There is no urge so great as for one man to edit another man's work. Mark Twain
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Most men die at 27, we just bury them at 72. Mark Twain
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Herschel removed the speckled tent-roof from the world and exposed the immeasurable deeps of space, dim-flecked with fleets of colossal suns sailing their billion-leagued remoteness. Mark Twain
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Ah, if he could only die temporarily! Mark Twain
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If Christians should vote their duty to God at the polls, they would carry every election, and do it with ease. They would elect every clean candidate in the United States, and defeat every soiled one. Their prodigious power would be quickly realized and recognized, and afterward there would be no unclean candidates upon any ticket, and graft would cease. Mark Twain
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Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first!" Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer Mark Twain
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One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques-especially to mosques. Mark Twain
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Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal... In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning. Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace; even affectionately. Mark Twain
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If one is honest there is no need to remember. Mark Twain
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A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes. Mark Twain
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I like a thin book because it will Steady a Table, a leather volume because it will Strop a Razor, and a heavy book because it can be Thrown at a Cat. Mark Twain
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I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion. Mark Twain
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Two things seemed pretty apparent to me. One was that in order to be a pilot a man had to learn more than any one man ought to learn; and the other was that he must learn it all over again in a different way every 24 hours. Mark Twain
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in order to make a man or boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain. Mark Twain
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S'pose a man was to come to you and say Pollyvoo-franzy - what would you think? Mark Twain
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The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creatures that cannot. Mark Twain
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It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive. Mark Twain
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Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just comes-none knows whence-and cannot explain itself. Mark Twain
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Some of the worst things in my life never even happened. Mark Twain
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Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size. Mark Twain
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At noon I observed a bevy of nude young native women bathing in the sea, and I went and sat down on there clothes to keep them from being stolen. Mark Twain
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To us, our house was not unsentient matter - it had a heart, and a soul, and eyes to see us with; and approvals and solicitudes and deep sympathies; it was of us, and we were in its confidence, and lived in its grace and in the peace of its benediction. Mark Twain
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I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable. Mark Twain
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As to the human race. There are many pretty and winning things about the human race. It is perhaps the poorest of all the inventions of all the gods but it has never suspected it once. There is nothing prettier than its naive and complacent appreciation of itself. It comes out frankly and proclaims without bashfulness or any sign of a blush that it is the noblest work of God. It has had a billion opportunities to know better, but all signs fail with this ass. I could say harsh things about it but I cannot bring myself to do it-it is like hitting a child. Mark Twain
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We all belong to the nasty stinking little human race, & of course it is not nice for God's beloved vermin to scoff at each other... Oh, we are a nasty little lot-& to think there are people who would like to save us & continue us. It won't happen if I have any influence. Mark Twain
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Wit and Humor - if any difference, it is in duration - lightning and electric light. Same material, apparently; but one is vivid, and can do damage - the other fools along and enjoys elaboration. Mark Twain
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I am a democrat only on principle, not by instinct, nobody is that. Doubtless some people say they are, but this world is grievously given to lying. Mark Twain
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Out of the unconscious lips of babes and sucklings are we satirized. Mark Twain
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Let me make the superstitions of a nation and I care not who makes its laws or its songs either. Mark Twain
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An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth. Mark Twain
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When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down; it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss. Mark Twain
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The people of those foreign countries are very, very ignorant. They looked curiously at the costumes we had brought from the wilds of America. They observed that we talked loudly at table sometimes. They noticed that we looked out for expenses and got what we conveniently could out of a franc, and wondered where in the mischief we came from. In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language. Mark Twain
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I am admonished in many ways that time is pushing me inexorably along. I am approaching the threshold of age; in 1977 I shall be 142. This is no time to be flitting about the earth. I must cease from the activities proper to youth and begin to take on the dignities and gravities and inertia proper to that season of honorable senility which is on its way. Mark Twain
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A myriad of men are born; they labor and sweat and struggle; ...they squabble and scold and fight; they scramble for little mean advantages over each other; age creeps upon them; infirmities follow; ...those they love are taken from them, and the joy of life is turned to aching grief. It comes at last-the only unpoisoned gift earth ever had for them-and they vanish from a world where they were of no consequence, ...a world which will lament them a day and forget them forever. Mark Twain
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Nations do not think, they only feel. They get their feelings at second hand through their temperaments, not their brains. A nation can be brought - by force of circumstances, not argument - to reconcile itself to any kind of government or religion that can be devised; in time it will fit itself to the required conditions; later it will prefer them and will fiercely fight for them. Mark Twain
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Switzerland is simply a large, lumpy, solid rock with a thin skin of grass stretched over it. Mark Twain
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There are only two types of speakers in the world. 1. The nervous and 2. Liars. Mark Twain
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If all the fools in this world should die, lordly God how lonely I should be. Mark Twain
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I am personally acquainted with hundreds of journalists, and the opinion of the majority of them would not be worth tuppence in private, but when they speak in print it is the newspaper that is talking (the pygmy scribe is not visible) and then their utterances shake the community like the thunders of prophecy. Mark Twain
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Let us consider that we are all insane. It will explain us to each other. It will unriddle many riddles Mark Twain
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You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. That book was made by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth. That is nothing. I never seen anybody but lied one time or another, without it was Aunt Polly, or the widow, or maybe Mary. Aunt Polly-Tom's Aunt Polly, she is-and Mary, and the Widow Douglas is all told about in that book, which is mostly a true book, with some stretchers, as I said before. Mark Twain
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Figures don't lie, but liars figure. Mark Twain
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Sing like no one is listening, LOVE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HURT, dance like nobody's watcbing, and live like it's heaven on earth. Mark Twain
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Never let the truth get in the way of a good story. Mark Twain
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We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read- Mark Twain
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The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without bursting one's clothes. Mark Twain
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Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience - 4000 critics. Mark Twain
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I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time. Mark Twain
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I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again. Mark Twain
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Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it. Mark Twain
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Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old and weary and broken of heart. Mark Twain
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A few fly bites cannot stop a spirited horse. Mark Twain
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Training- training is everything; training is all there is to a person. We speak of nature; it is folly; there is no such thing as nature; what we call by that misleading name is merely heredity and training. We have no thoughts of our own, no opinions of our own; they are transmitted to us, trained into us. Mark Twain
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Would it not be prudent to get our civilization tools together, and see how much stock is left on hand in the way of Glass Beads and Theology, and Maxim Guns and Hymn Books, and Trade Gin and Torches of Progress and Enlightenment (patent adjustable ones, good to fire villages with, upon occasion), and balance the books, and arrive at the profit and loss, so that we may intelligently decide whether to continue the business or sellout the property and start a new Civilization Scheme on the proceeds. Mark Twain
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There is probably no pleasure equal to the pleasure of climbing a dangerous Alp; but it is a pleasure which is confined strictly to people who can find pleasure in it. Mark Twain
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Human beings can be awful cruel to one another. Mark Twain
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I cherish the dreams of yesterday and dare not dwell on the err's of my past whose fate has been long decided, and effect I can not change. For the dreams of yesterday are the challenges of today, and the hope for tomorrow. Mark Twain
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