Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961

I do not wish any reward but to know I have done the right thing. Mark Twain

the more I know about people, the better I like my dogs. Mark Twain

The difference between fiction and nonfiction is that fiction must be absolutely believable. Mark Twain

There is no such thing as an ordinary life. Mark Twain

Well enough for old folks to rise early, because they have done so many mean things all their lives they can't sleep anyhow. Mark Twain

I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off; it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn't break my bonds. Mark Twain

The best of us would rather be popular than right. Mark Twain

Circumstance - which moves by laws of its own, regardless of parties and policies, and whose decrees are final and must be obeyed by all - and will be Mark Twain

I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. Exercise is loathsome. And it cannot be any benefit when you are tired; and I was always tired. Mark Twain

When all is said and done, the one sole condition that makes spiritual happiness and preserves it is the absence of doubt. Mark Twain

Herschel removed the speckled tent-roof from the world and exposed the immeasurable deeps of space, dim-flecked with fleets of colossal suns sailing their billion-leagued remoteness. Mark Twain

Ah, if he could only die temporarily! Mark Twain

If Christians should vote their duty to God at the polls, they would carry every election, and do it with ease. They would elect every clean candidate in the United States, and defeat every soiled one. Their prodigious power would be quickly realized and recognized, and afterward there would be no unclean candidates upon any ticket, and graft would cease. Mark Twain

Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first!" Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer Mark Twain

One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques-especially to mosques. Mark Twain

Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal... In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning. Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace; even affectionately. Mark Twain

If one is honest there is no need to remember. Mark Twain

A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes. Mark Twain

I like a thin book because it will Steady a Table, a leather volume because it will Strop a Razor, and a heavy book because it can be Thrown at a Cat. Mark Twain

I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion. Mark Twain

Simple rules for saving money: To save half, when you are fired by an eager impulse to contribute to a charity, wait and count to forty. To save three quarters, count sixty. To save all, count sixty-five. Mark Twain

A man who chooses not to read is just as ignorant as a man who cannot read. Mark Twain

The cost of living hasn't effected its popularity. Mark Twain

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. Mark Twain

The man who isn't a pessimist is a damned fool. Mark Twain

The Bible is a wonderful book; you can prove anything you want with it. Mark Twain

The two most important days if your life are the day you are born...and the day you find out why having multiple screens for your computer is so awesome because now reports and grants are like a billion times easier! Mark Twain

Figures don't lie, but liars figure. Mark Twain

Sing like no one is listening, LOVE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HURT, dance like nobody's watcbing, and live like it's heaven on earth. Mark Twain

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story. Mark Twain

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read- Mark Twain

The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without bursting one's clothes. Mark Twain

Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience - 4000 critics. Mark Twain

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time. Mark Twain

I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again. Mark Twain

Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it. Mark Twain

Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old and weary and broken of heart. Mark Twain

Humanity has unquestionably one really effective weapon - laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution - these can lift at a colossal humbug - push it a little - weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. Mark Twain

If they had not landed there would be some reason for celebrating the fact. Mark Twain

The two Great Unknowns, the two Illustrious Conjecturabilities! They are the best known unknown persons that have ever drawn breath upon the planet. (the Devil and Shakespeare.) Mark Twain

It's not the good that die young, it's the lucky. Mark Twain

How superbly brave is the Englishman in the presence of the awfulest forms of danger and death; and how abject in the presence of any and all forms of hereditary rank. Mark Twain

A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt Mark Twain

December is the toughest month of the year. Others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, October, August, and February. Mark Twain

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. Mark Twain

Two things seemed pretty apparent to me. One was that in order to be a pilot a man had to learn more than any one man ought to learn; and the other was that he must learn it all over again in a different way every 24 hours. Mark Twain

in order to make a man or boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain. Mark Twain

S'pose a man was to come to you and say Pollyvoo-franzy - what would you think? Mark Twain

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creatures that cannot. Mark Twain

It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive. Mark Twain

As to the human race. There are many pretty and winning things about the human race. It is perhaps the poorest of all the inventions of all the gods but it has never suspected it once. There is nothing prettier than its naive and complacent appreciation of itself. It comes out frankly and proclaims without bashfulness or any sign of a blush that it is the noblest work of God. It has had a billion opportunities to know better, but all signs fail with this ass. I could say harsh things about it but I cannot bring myself to do it-it is like hitting a child. Mark Twain

We all belong to the nasty stinking little human race, & of course it is not nice for God's beloved vermin to scoff at each other... Oh, we are a nasty little lot-& to think there are people who would like to save us & continue us. It won't happen if I have any influence. Mark Twain

Wit and Humor - if any difference, it is in duration - lightning and electric light. Same material, apparently; but one is vivid, and can do damage - the other fools along and enjoys elaboration. Mark Twain

I am a democrat only on principle, not by instinct, nobody is that. Doubtless some people say they are, but this world is grievously given to lying. Mark Twain

Out of the unconscious lips of babes and sucklings are we satirized. Mark Twain

Let me make the superstitions of a nation and I care not who makes its laws or its songs either. Mark Twain

An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth. Mark Twain

When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down; it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss. Mark Twain

The people of those foreign countries are very, very ignorant. They looked curiously at the costumes we had brought from the wilds of America. They observed that we talked loudly at table sometimes. They noticed that we looked out for expenses and got what we conveniently could out of a franc, and wondered where in the mischief we came from. In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language. Mark Twain

I am admonished in many ways that time is pushing me inexorably along. I am approaching the threshold of age; in 1977 I shall be 142. This is no time to be flitting about the earth. I must cease from the activities proper to youth and begin to take on the dignities and gravities and inertia proper to that season of honorable senility which is on its way. Mark Twain

A myriad of men are born; they labor and sweat and struggle; ...they squabble and scold and fight; they scramble for little mean advantages over each other; age creeps upon them; infirmities follow; ...those they love are taken from them, and the joy of life is turned to aching grief. It comes at last-the only unpoisoned gift earth ever had for them-and they vanish from a world where they were of no consequence, ...a world which will lament them a day and forget them forever. Mark Twain

Nations do not think, they only feel. They get their feelings at second hand through their temperaments, not their brains. A nation can be brought - by force of circumstances, not argument - to reconcile itself to any kind of government or religion that can be devised; in time it will fit itself to the required conditions; later it will prefer them and will fiercely fight for them. Mark Twain

Switzerland is simply a large, lumpy, solid rock with a thin skin of grass stretched over it. Mark Twain

India has two million gods, and worships them all. In religion all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire. Mark Twain

I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that, my art is not above the ordinary. Mark Twain

The true charm of pedestrianism does not lie in the walking, or in the scenery, but in the talking. The walking is good to time the movement of the tongue by, and to keep the blood and the brain stirred up and active; the scenery and the woodsy smells are good to bear in upon a man an unconscious and unobtrusive charm and solace to eye and soul and sense; but the supreme pleasure comes from the talk. Mark Twain

Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least. Mark Twain

Happiness ain't a thing in itself -it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain't happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh. Mark Twain

The master minds of all nations, in all ages, have sprung in affluent multitude from the mass of the nations, and from the mass of the nation only-not from its privileged classes. Mark Twain

Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Mark Twain

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