Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


Sometimes I lifted a chicken that warn't roosting comfortable, and took him along. Pap always said, take a chicken when you get achance, because if you don't want him yourself you can easy find somebody that does, and a good deed ain't ever forgot. I never see papa when he didn't want the chicken himself, but that is what he used to say, anyway. Mark Twain
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I have at last, after several months' experience, made up my mind that [New York] is a splendid desert-a domed and steepled solitude, where the stranger is lonely in the midst of a million of his race. Mark Twain
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Ah, if he could only die temporarily! Mark Twain
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If Christians should vote their duty to God at the polls, they would carry every election, and do it with ease. They would elect every clean candidate in the United States, and defeat every soiled one. Their prodigious power would be quickly realized and recognized, and afterward there would be no unclean candidates upon any ticket, and graft would cease. Mark Twain
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Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first!" Aunt Polly about Tom Sawyer Mark Twain
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One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques-especially to mosques. Mark Twain
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Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal... In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning. Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace; even affectionately. Mark Twain
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If one is honest there is no need to remember. Mark Twain
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A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes. Mark Twain
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I like a thin book because it will Steady a Table, a leather volume because it will Strop a Razor, and a heavy book because it can be Thrown at a Cat. Mark Twain
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I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion. Mark Twain
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Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
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Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. Mark Twain
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He is now fast rising from affluence to poverty. Mark Twain
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Loyalty to the nation all the time, loyalty to the government when it deserves it. Mark Twain
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Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to commit more. Mark Twain
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You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. That book was made by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth. Mark Twain
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We said there warn't no home like a raft, after all. Other places do seem so cramped up and smothery, but a raft don't. You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft. Mark Twain
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H'aint we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town? Mark Twain
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Before taking final leave of me, my instructor inquired concerning my physical strength, and I was able to inform him that I hadn't any. Mark Twain
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The late Bill Nye once said I have been told that Wagner's music is better than it sounds. Mark Twain
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Persons who think there is no such thing as luck-good or bad-are entitled to their opinion, although I think they ought to be shot for it. Mark Twain
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We have no permanent brains until we are forty. Then they begin to harden, presently they petrify, then business begins. Since forty I have been regular about going to bed and getting up - and that is one of the main things. Mark Twain
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A hypocritical Boston tycoon once told Mark Twain, 'Before I die I mean to make a pilgrimage to the top of Mount Sinai in the Holy Land and read the Ten Commandments aloud.' 'Why don't you stay right home in Boston,' suggested Twain, 'and keep them? Mark Twain
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Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. Mark Twain
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It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them. Mark Twain
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In a museum in Havana there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus - 'one when he was a boy and one when he was a man. Mark Twain
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Obscurity and a competence - that is a life that is best worth living. Mark Twain
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The face of the water, in time, became a wonderful book - a book that was a dead language to the uneducated passenger, but which told its mind to me without reserve, delivering its most cherished secrets as clearly as if it uttered them with a voice. Mark Twain
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The banging and slamming and booming and crashing were something beyond belief. The racking and pitiless pain of it remains stored up in my memory alongside the memory of the time that I had my teeth fixed. Mark Twain
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The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain't so. Mark Twain
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They make a mouth at you and say thank you 'most to death, but there ain't-a-going to be no core. Mark Twain
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There is no use in walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home. Mark Twain
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What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, mighty scarce. Then let us cherish her; protect her; let us give her our support, our encouragement, our sympathy, ourselves - if we get a chance. Mark Twain
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Woman is unrivaled as a wet nurse. Mark Twain
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Humanity has unquestionably one really effective weapon - laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution - these can lift at a colossal humbug - push it a little - weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. Mark Twain
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If they had not landed there would be some reason for celebrating the fact. Mark Twain
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The two Great Unknowns, the two Illustrious Conjecturabilities! They are the best known unknown persons that have ever drawn breath upon the planet. (the Devil and Shakespeare.) Mark Twain
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A new oath holds pretty well; but... when it is become old, and frayed out, and damaged by a dozen annual retryings of its remains, it ceases to be serviceable; any little strain will snap it. Mark Twain
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In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer. Mark Twain
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God: The most popular scapegoat for our sins. Mark Twain
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My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. Mark Twain
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But I... never could make a good impromptu speech without several hours to prepare it. Mark Twain
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All kings is mostly rapscallions. Mark Twain
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He saw nearly all things as through a glass eye, darkly. Mark Twain
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He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself, and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. Mark Twain
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Life does not consist mainly-or even largely- of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head. Mark Twain
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There isn't a single human characteristic that can be safely labeled as American. Mark Twain
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Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear-not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave. Mark Twain
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The very ink with which all history is written is merely fluid prejudice. Mark Twain
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The Moral Sense teaches us what is right, and how to avoid it - when unpopular. Mark Twain
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When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one. Mark Twain
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Inherently, each one of us has the substance within to achieve whatever our goals and dreams define. What is different for each of us is the training, education, knowledge and insight to utilize what we already have. Mark Twain
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Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. Fanatics will never learn that, though it be written in letters of gold across the sky. It is the prohibition that makes anything precious. Mark Twain
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Our inner strengths, experiences, and truths cannot be lost, destroyed, or taken away. Every person has an inborn worth and can contribute to the human community. We all can treat one another with dignity and respect, provide opportunities to grow toward our fullest lives and help one another discover and develop our unique gifts. We each deserve this and we all can extend it to others. Mark Twain
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There is no urge so great as for one man to edit another man's work. Mark Twain
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Most men die at 27, we just bury them at 72. Mark Twain
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Herschel removed the speckled tent-roof from the world and exposed the immeasurable deeps of space, dim-flecked with fleets of colossal suns sailing their billion-leagued remoteness. Mark Twain
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Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. Mark Twain
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How often we recall with regret that Napoleon once shot at a magazine editor and missed him and killed a publisher. But we remember with charity that his intentions were good. Mark Twain
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there was no crime in unconscious plagiarism; that I committed it everyday, that he committed it everyday, that every man alive on earth who writes or speaks commits it every day and not merely once or twice but every time he open his mouth... there is nothing of our own in it except some slight change born of our temperament, character, environment, teachings and associations Mark Twain
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It is sound judgment to put on a bold face and play your hand for a hundred times what it is worth; forty-nine times out of fifty nobody dares to call it, and you roll in the chips. Mark Twain
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Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it. Mark Twain
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I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't. Mark Twain
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The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. Mark Twain
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Write without pay until somebody offers to pay. Mark Twain
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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man. Mark Twain
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We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talents. Mark Twain
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Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. Mark Twain
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. Mark Twain
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