Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made proofreaders. Mark Twain
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Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and by you only regret that you didn't see him do it. Mark Twain
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Man is the Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion-several of them. Mark Twain
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We are all ignorant; just about different things. Mark Twain
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There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous. Mark Twain
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Wagner's music is better than it sounds. Mark Twain
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We write frankly and freely but then we modify' before we print. Mark Twain
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All I say is, kings is kings, and you got to make allowances. Take them all around, they're a mighty ornery lot. It's the way they're raised. Mark Twain
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Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a congressman can. Mark Twain
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing, after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place. Mark Twain
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Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg crackles as if she laid an asteroid. Mark Twain
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There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting. Mark Twain
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When one has tasted it he knows what the angels eat. Mark Twain
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Words in haste do friendships waste. Mark Twain
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When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. Mark Twain
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The vast majority of the race, whether savage or civilized, are secretly kind-hearted and shrink from inflicting pain, but in the presence of the aggressive and pitiless minority they don't dare to assert themselves. Mark Twain
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The pitifulest thing out is a mob; that's what an army is - a mob; they don't fight with courage that's born in them, but with courage that's borrowed from their mass, and from their officers. Mark Twain
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The perfection of wisdom, and the end of true philosophy is to proportion our wants to our possessions, our ambitions to our capacities, we will then be a happy and a virtuous people. Mark Twain
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Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate. Mark Twain
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The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness-your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher. Mark Twain
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Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes. Mark Twain
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All large political doctrines are rich in difficult problems - problems that are quite above the average citizen's reach. And that is not strange, since they are also above the reach of the ablest minds in the country; after all the fuss and all the talk, not one of those doctrines has been conclusively proven to be the right one and the best. Mark Twain
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I was an arden Hayes man, but that was natural, for I was pretty young at the time, I have since convinced myself that the political opinioins of a nation are of next to no value, in any case, but that what little rag of value they posess is to be found among the old, rather than among the young. Mark Twain
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I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck. Mark Twain
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Truth is stranger than fiction-to some people, but I am measurably familiar with it. Mark Twain
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There have been innumerable Temporary Seekers after the Truth-have you ever heard of a permanent one? Mark Twain
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I asked Tom if countries always apologized when they had done wrong, and he says - "Yes; the little ones does". Mark Twain
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Seventy is old enough. After that there is too much risk. Mark Twain
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The most difficult We do not deal in facts when we are contemplating ourselves. Mark Twain
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We can secure other people's approval, if we do right and try hard; but our own is worth a hundred of it, and no way has been found out of securing that. Mark Twain
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One is apt to overestimate beauty when it is rare Mark Twain
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Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. Mark Twain
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There is no security in life, only opportunity. Mark Twain
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The statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is being attacked, and every man will be glad of these conscience-soothing falsities Mark Twain
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We take a natural interest in novelties, but it is against nature to take an interest in familiar things. Mark Twain
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The world doesn't owe you anything. It was here first. Mark Twain
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Hardly a man in the world has an opinion upon morals, politics or religion which he got otherwise than through his associations and sympathies. Broadly speaking, there are none but corn-pone opinions. And broadly speaking, Corn-Pone stands for Self-Approval. Self-approval is acquired mainly from the approval of other people. The result is Conformity. Mark Twain
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The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise. Mark Twain
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It is strange the way the ignorant and inexperienced so often and so undeservedly succeed when the informed and the experienced fail. Mark Twain
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If you have no will to change it, you have no right to criticize it. Mark Twain
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Custom is petrification, nothing but dynamite can dislodge it for a century. Mark Twain
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We despise no source that can pay us a pleasing attention. Mark Twain
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Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse. Mark Twain
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Concentration of power in a political machine is bad; and an Established Church is only a political machine; it was invented for that; it is nursed, cradled, preserved for that; it is an enemy to human liberty, and does no good which it could not better do in a split-up and scattered condition. Mark Twain
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If you would beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon a neighbor at the same time. Mark Twain
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Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company! Mark Twain
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The law of work does seem utterly unfair-but there it is, and nothing can change it: the higher the pay in enjoyment the worker gets out of it, the higher shall be his pay in cash, too. Mark Twain
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Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can. Mark Twain
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Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. To live a fulfilled life, we need to keep creating the "what is next", of our lives. Without dreams and goals there is no living, only merely existing, and that is not why we are here. Mark Twain
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I can teach anybody how to get, what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want. Once you are crystal clear about the intended end result that you seek to produce, all the ways that it can become a done deal start to reveal themselves to you. There are many who have accomplished exactly what you want to achieve and could show you the way. You are not ready to ask them because you are not clear and you have not determined which questions need answers. Mark Twain
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Temperate temperance is best; intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance. Mark Twain
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There are German songs which can make a stranger to the language cry. Mark Twain
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It is often the case that a man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one. Mark Twain
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The kingly office is entitled to no respect. It was originally procured by the highwayman's methods. It remains a perpetuated crime, can never be anything but the symbol of a crime. It is no more entitled to respect than is the flag of a pirate. Mark Twain
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When I'm playful I use the meridians of longitude and parallels of latitude for a seine, and drag the Atlantic Ocean for whales. I scratch my head with the lightning and purr myself to sleep with the thunder. Mark Twain
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It is a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll have the strength to break them when you're old. Mark Twain
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One learns peoples through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect. Mark Twain
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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there. Mark Twain
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We never knew an ignorant person yet but was prejudiced. Mark Twain
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If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man. Mark Twain
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We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talents. Mark Twain
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How often we recall with regret that Napoleon once shot at a magazine editor and missed him and killed a publisher. But we remember with charity that his intentions were good. Mark Twain
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there was no crime in unconscious plagiarism; that I committed it everyday, that he committed it everyday, that every man alive on earth who writes or speaks commits it every day and not merely once or twice but every time he open his mouth... there is nothing of our own in it except some slight change born of our temperament, character, environment, teachings and associations Mark Twain
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It is sound judgment to put on a bold face and play your hand for a hundred times what it is worth; forty-nine times out of fifty nobody dares to call it, and you roll in the chips. Mark Twain
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Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it. Mark Twain
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I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't. Mark Twain
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The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. Mark Twain
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Write without pay until somebody offers to pay. Mark Twain
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The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies. Mark Twain
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Ah, that shows you the power of music, that magician of magician, who lifts his wand and says his mysterious word and all things real pass away and the phantoms of your mind walk before you clothed in flesh. Mark Twain
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