Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. Mark Twain
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Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? and ain't that a big enough majority in any town? Mark Twain
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In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made proofreaders. Mark Twain
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Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and by you only regret that you didn't see him do it. Mark Twain
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Man is the Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion-several of them. Mark Twain
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The vast majority of the race, whether savage or civilized, are secretly kind-hearted and shrink from inflicting pain, but in the presence of the aggressive and pitiless minority they don't dare to assert themselves. Mark Twain
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The pitifulest thing out is a mob; that's what an army is - a mob; they don't fight with courage that's born in them, but with courage that's borrowed from their mass, and from their officers. Mark Twain
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We write frankly and freely but then we modify' before we print. Mark Twain
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All I say is, kings is kings, and you got to make allowances. Take them all around, they're a mighty ornery lot. It's the way they're raised. Mark Twain
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Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a congressman can. Mark Twain
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing, after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place. Mark Twain
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Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg crackles as if she laid an asteroid. Mark Twain
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There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting. Mark Twain
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When one has tasted it he knows what the angels eat. Mark Twain
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Words in haste do friendships waste. Mark Twain
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Happiness ain't a thing in itself - it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. Mark Twain
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Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom. Mark Twain
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All large political doctrines are rich in difficult problems - problems that are quite above the average citizen's reach. And that is not strange, since they are also above the reach of the ablest minds in the country; after all the fuss and all the talk, not one of those doctrines has been conclusively proven to be the right one and the best. Mark Twain
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I was an arden Hayes man, but that was natural, for I was pretty young at the time, I have since convinced myself that the political opinioins of a nation are of next to no value, in any case, but that what little rag of value they posess is to be found among the old, rather than among the young. Mark Twain
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I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck. Mark Twain
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Truth is stranger than fiction-to some people, but I am measurably familiar with it. Mark Twain
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There have been innumerable Temporary Seekers after the Truth-have you ever heard of a permanent one? Mark Twain
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I asked Tom if countries always apologized when they had done wrong, and he says - "Yes; the little ones does". Mark Twain
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Seventy is old enough. After that there is too much risk. Mark Twain
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The most difficult We do not deal in facts when we are contemplating ourselves. Mark Twain
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We can secure other people's approval, if we do right and try hard; but our own is worth a hundred of it, and no way has been found out of securing that. Mark Twain
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One is apt to overestimate beauty when it is rare Mark Twain
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Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. Mark Twain
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There is no security in life, only opportunity. Mark Twain
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The statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is being attacked, and every man will be glad of these conscience-soothing falsities Mark Twain
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We take a natural interest in novelties, but it is against nature to take an interest in familiar things. Mark Twain
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The world doesn't owe you anything. It was here first. Mark Twain
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Hardly a man in the world has an opinion upon morals, politics or religion which he got otherwise than through his associations and sympathies. Broadly speaking, there are none but corn-pone opinions. And broadly speaking, Corn-Pone stands for Self-Approval. Self-approval is acquired mainly from the approval of other people. The result is Conformity. Mark Twain
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The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise. Mark Twain
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It is strange the way the ignorant and inexperienced so often and so undeservedly succeed when the informed and the experienced fail. Mark Twain
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If you have no will to change it, you have no right to criticize it. Mark Twain
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Custom is petrification, nothing but dynamite can dislodge it for a century. Mark Twain
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We despise no source that can pay us a pleasing attention. Mark Twain
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Germany, the diseased world's bathhouse. Mark Twain
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Concentration of power in a political machine is bad; and an Established Church is only a political machine; it was invented for that; it is nursed, cradled, preserved for that; it is an enemy to human liberty, and does no good which it could not better do in a split-up and scattered condition. Mark Twain
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If you would beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon a neighbor at the same time. Mark Twain
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Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company! Mark Twain
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The law of work does seem utterly unfair-but there it is, and nothing can change it: the higher the pay in enjoyment the worker gets out of it, the higher shall be his pay in cash, too. Mark Twain
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Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can. Mark Twain
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Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. To live a fulfilled life, we need to keep creating the "what is next", of our lives. Without dreams and goals there is no living, only merely existing, and that is not why we are here. Mark Twain
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I can teach anybody how to get, what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want. Once you are crystal clear about the intended end result that you seek to produce, all the ways that it can become a done deal start to reveal themselves to you. There are many who have accomplished exactly what you want to achieve and could show you the way. You are not ready to ask them because you are not clear and you have not determined which questions need answers. Mark Twain
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Temperate temperance is best; intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance. Mark Twain
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There are German songs which can make a stranger to the language cry. Mark Twain
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It is often the case that a man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one. Mark Twain
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The kingly office is entitled to no respect. It was originally procured by the highwayman's methods. It remains a perpetuated crime, can never be anything but the symbol of a crime. It is no more entitled to respect than is the flag of a pirate. Mark Twain
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When I'm playful I use the meridians of longitude and parallels of latitude for a seine, and drag the Atlantic Ocean for whales. I scratch my head with the lightning and purr myself to sleep with the thunder. Mark Twain
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It is a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll have the strength to break them when you're old. Mark Twain
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One learns peoples through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect. Mark Twain
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I was born modest, but it didn't last. Mark Twain
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It is easy to see that the inventor of the heaven did not originate the idea, but copied it from the show-ceremonies of some sorry little sovereign State up in the back settlements of the Orient somewhere. Mark Twain
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The choir always tittered and whispered all through the service. There was once a church choir that was not ill-bred, but I have forgotten where it was. Mark Twain
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Look at the mother of Washington! She raised a boy that could not tell a lie-could not tell a lie! But he never had any chance. It might have been different if he had belonged to the Washington Newspaper Correspondents' Club Mark Twain
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It is the will of God that we must have critics, and missionaries, and Congressmen, and humorists, and we must bear the burden. Meantime, I seem to have been drifting into criticism myself. But that is nothing. At the worst, criticism is nothing more than a crime, and I am not unused to that. Mark Twain
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Sometimes I lifted a chicken that warn't roosting comfortable, and took him along. Pap always said, take a chicken when you get achance, because if you don't want him yourself you can easy find somebody that does, and a good deed ain't ever forgot. I never see papa when he didn't want the chicken himself, but that is what he used to say, anyway. Mark Twain
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I have at last, after several months' experience, made up my mind that [New York] is a splendid desert-a domed and steepled solitude, where the stranger is lonely in the midst of a million of his race. Mark Twain
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A few fly bites cannot stop a spirited horse. Mark Twain
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Training- training is everything; training is all there is to a person. We speak of nature; it is folly; there is no such thing as nature; what we call by that misleading name is merely heredity and training. We have no thoughts of our own, no opinions of our own; they are transmitted to us, trained into us. Mark Twain
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Would it not be prudent to get our civilization tools together, and see how much stock is left on hand in the way of Glass Beads and Theology, and Maxim Guns and Hymn Books, and Trade Gin and Torches of Progress and Enlightenment (patent adjustable ones, good to fire villages with, upon occasion), and balance the books, and arrive at the profit and loss, so that we may intelligently decide whether to continue the business or sellout the property and start a new Civilization Scheme on the proceeds. Mark Twain
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There is probably no pleasure equal to the pleasure of climbing a dangerous Alp; but it is a pleasure which is confined strictly to people who can find pleasure in it. Mark Twain
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Human beings can be awful cruel to one another. Mark Twain
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I cherish the dreams of yesterday and dare not dwell on the err's of my past whose fate has been long decided, and effect I can not change. For the dreams of yesterday are the challenges of today, and the hope for tomorrow. Mark Twain
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I hate to hear people say this Judge will vote so and so, because he is a Democrat - and this one so and so because he is a Republican. It is shameful. The Judges have the Constitution for their guidance; they have no right to any politics save the politics of rigid right and justice when they are sitting in judgment upon the great matters that come before them. Mark Twain
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Yes, always avoid violence. In this age of charity and kindliness, the time has gone by for such things. Leave dynamite to the low and unrefined. Mark Twain
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When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them-then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are far apart. Mark Twain
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If it is a Miracle, any sort of evidence will answer, but if it is a Fact, proof is necessary Mark Twain
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