Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


[I] shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. Indeed, upon second thought, I will not use it then, for it is unchristian, inelegant, and degrading-though to speak truly I do not see how house rent and taxes are going to be discussed worth a cent without it. Mark Twain
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Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already. Mark Twain
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It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. Mark Twain
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Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. Mark Twain
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The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession. Mark Twain
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Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so. Mark Twain
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To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble. Mark Twain
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Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to. Mark Twain
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They spell it da Vinci and pronounce it da Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. Mark Twain
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It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races. Mark Twain
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Water is an individual, an animal, and is alive, remove the hydrogen and it is an animal and is alive; the remaining oxygen is also an individual, an animal, and is alive. Recapitulation: the two individuals combined, constitute a third individual-and yet each continues to be an individual....here was mute Nature explaining the sublime mystery of the Trinity so luminously that even the commonest understanding could comprehend it, whereas many a trained master of words had labored to do it with speech and failed. Mark Twain
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God was left out of the Constitution, but was furnished a front seat in this nations currency. ("In God we Trust") is a lie, this nations trust has always been with the dollar. Mark Twain
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There is no accounting for human beings. Mark Twain
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When you catch an adjective, kill it - perhaps the best possible advice for budding writers. Mark Twain
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Your friends may love you in private but your enemies will hate you in public. Mark Twain
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Greece is a bleak, unsmiling desert, without agriculture, manufactures or commerce, apparently. What supports its poverty-stricken people or its Government, is a mystery. Mark Twain
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It is a time when one's spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why; when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death. It is a time when one is filled with vague longings; when one dreams of flight to peaceful islands in the remote solitudes of the sea, or folds his hands and says, What is the use of struggling, and toiling and worrying any more? let us give it all up. Mark Twain
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And so when I couldn't stand it no longer, I lit out. I got into my old rags and my sugar-hogshead again, and was free and satisfied. Mark Twain
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You have noticed that the human being is a curiosity. In times past he has had (and worn out and flung away) hundreds and hundreds of religions; today he has hundreds and hundreds of religions, and launches not fewer than three new ones every year. I could enlarge on that number and still be within the facts. Mark Twain
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It is believed by everyone that when he was in heaven he was stern, hard, resentful, jealous and cruel, but that when he came down to earth, he became the opposite... sweet, gentle merciful, forgiving. He was a thousand billion times crueler than ever he was in the Old Testament... Meek and gentle? By and by we will examine that popular sarcasm by the light of the hell which he invented. Mark Twain
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Heroine: Girl in a book who is saved from drowning by a hero and marries him next week, but if it was to be over again ten years later it is likely she would rather have a life-belt and he would rather have her have it. Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it. Mark Twain
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The southerner talks music. Mark Twain
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I'm all for prosperity. It's change I object to. Mark Twain
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There was worlds of reputation in it, but no money. Mark Twain
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There are some natures which never grow large enough to speak out and say a bad act is a bad act, until they have inquired into the politics or the nationality of the man who did it. Mark Twain
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It is not what a man knows, but what he thinks of in time. Mark Twain
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It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise. Mark Twain
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Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime. Mark Twain
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If work were so pleasant, the rich would keep it for themselves. Mark Twain
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Leaving out the gamblers, the burglars, and the plumbers, perhaps we do put our trust in God after a fashion. But, after all, it is an overstatement. If the cholera or black plague should come to these shores, perhaps the bulk of the nation would pray to be delivered from it, but the rest would put their trust in The Health Board... Mark Twain
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There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life when he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure. Mark Twain
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Stars and shadows ain't good to see by. Mark Twain
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I have no liking for novels or stories - none in the world; and so, whenever I read one - which is not oftener than once in two years, and even in these same cases I seldom read beyond the middle of the book - my distaste for the vehicle always taints my judgment of the literature itself, as a matter of course; and also of course makes my verdict valuless. Are you saying "You have written stories yourself." Quite true: but the fact that an Indian likes to scalp people is no evidence that he likes to be scalped. Mark Twain
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I never write "metropolis" for seven cents when I can write "city" and get paid the same. Mark Twain
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Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful. Mark Twain
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If all men were rich, all men would be poor. Mark Twain
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We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles. Mark Twain
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Literature is well enough, as a time-passer, and for the improvement and general elevation and purification of mankind, but it has no practical value. Mark Twain
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It is easier for a cannibal to enter the Kingdom of Heaven through the eye of a rich man's needle that it is for any other foreigner to read the terrible German script. Mark Twain
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By reading keep in a state of excited igorance, like a blind man in a house afire; flounder around, immensely but unintelligently interested; don't know how I got in and can't find the way out, but I'm having a booming time all to myself.Don't know what a Schelgesetzentwurf is, but I keep as excited over it and as worried about it as if it were my own child. I simply live on the Sch.; it is my daily bread. I wouldn't have the question settled for anything in the world. Mark Twain
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Do not undervalue the headache. While it is at its sharpest it seems a bad investment; but when relief begins, the unexpired remainder is worth $4 a minute. Mark Twain
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Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection. Mark Twain
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The moral of it is this: If you are of any account, stay at home and make your way by faithful diligence; but if you are 'no account,' go away from home, and then you will have to work, whether you want to or not. Thus you become a blessing to your friends by ceasing to be a nuisance to them-if the people you go among suffer by the operation. Mark Twain
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Great things can happen when you don't care who gets the credit. Mark Twain
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Schoolboy days are no happier than the days of afterlife, but we look back upon them regretfully because we have forgotten our punishments at school and how we grieved when our marbles were lost and our kites destroyed - because we have forgotten all the sorrows and privations of the canonized ethic and remember only its orchard robberies, its wooden-sword pageants, and its fishing holidays. Mark Twain
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Authorship is not a trade, it is an inspiration; authorship does not keep an office, its habitation is all out under the sky, and everywhere the winds are blowing and the sun is shining and the creatures of God are free. Mark Twain
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I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever. Mark Twain
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You thunder and lightning too much; the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by. Mark Twain
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Difference between savage and civilized man: one is painted, the other gilded. Mark Twain
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It is my custom to keep on talking until I get the audience cowed. Mark Twain
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One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one. Mark Twain
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When a person is accustomed to one hundred and thirty-eight in the shade, his ideas about cold weather are not valuable. Mark Twain
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The ancients stole all our ideas from us. Mark Twain
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No one can write perfect English and keep it up through a stretch of ten chapters. It has never been done. Mark Twain
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Additional problems are the offspring of poor solutions. Mark Twain
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For the majority of us, the past is a regret, the future an experiment Mark Twain
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Progressive improvement beats delayed perfection. Mark Twain
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Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane... Mark Twain
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I was in one of the most grand attitudes I ever struck, with my arm stretched up pointing to the sun. It was a noble effect. You could see the shudder sweep the mass like a wave. Mark Twain
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Who is this Renaissance? Where did he come from? Who gave him permission to cram the Republic with his execrable daubs? Mark Twain
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Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners. Mark Twain
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The truth is a precious commodity. That's why I use it so sparingly. Mark Twain
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Wherein lies a poet's claim to originality? That he invents his incidents? No. That he was present when his episodes had their birth? No. That he was first to repeat them? No. None of these things has any value. He confers on them their only originality that has any value, and that is his way of telling them. Mark Twain
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April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. Mark Twain
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Of the demonstrably wise there are but two; those who commit suicide, and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied with drink. Mark Twain
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All religions issue bibles against him, and say most injurious things about him, but we never hear his side. Mark Twain
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Anywhere is better than Paris. Paris the cold, Paris the drizzly, Paris the rainy, Paris the damnable. More than a hundred years ago somebody asked Quin, 'Did you ever see such a winter in all your life before?' 'Yes,' said he, 'Last summer.' I judge he spent his summer in Paris. Mark Twain
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A pretty air in an opera is prettier there than it could be anywhere else, I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere. Mark Twain
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Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. Mark Twain
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Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? and ain't that a big enough majority in any town? Mark Twain
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