Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to. Mark Twain
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Nearly all black and brown skins are beautiful, but a beautiful white skin is rare. Mark Twain
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Wagner's music is better than it sounds. Mark Twain
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It was a splendid population - for all the slow, sleepy, sluggish-brained sloths stayed at home - you never find that sort of people among pioneers - you cannot build pioneers out of that sort of material. It was that population that gave to California a name for getting up astounding enterprises and rushing them through with a magnificent dash and daring and a recklessness of cost or consequences, which she bears unto this day - and when she projects a new surprise the grave world smiles as usual and says, "Well, that is California all over. Mark Twain
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I was armed to the teeth with a pitiful little Smith & Wesson's seven-shooter, which carried a ball like a homopathic pill, and it took the whole seven to make a dose for an adult. But I thought it was grand. It appeared to me to be a dangerous weapon. It had only one fault - you could not hit anything with it. Mark Twain
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Memories which someday will become all beautiful when the last annoyance that encumbers them shall have faded out of our minds. Mark Twain
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Armor is heavy, yet it is a proud burden, and a man standeth straight in it. Mark Twain
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Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe. Mark Twain
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No one can tell me what is a good cigar-for me. I am the only judge... There are no standards-no real standards. Each man's preference is the only standard for him, the only one which he can accept, the only one which can command him. Mark Twain
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They spell it da Vinci and pronounce it da Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. Mark Twain
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It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races. Mark Twain
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Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. Mark Twain
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Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime. Mark Twain
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He said that man's heart was the only bad heart in the animal kingdom; that man was the only animal capable of feeling malice, envy, vindictiveness, revengefulness, hatred, selfishness, the only animal that loves drunkenness, almost the only animal that could endure personal uncleanliness and a filthy habitation, the sole animal in whom was fully developed the base instinct called patriotism, the sole animal that robs, persecutes, oppresses and kills members of his own tribe, the sole animal that steals and enslaves the members of any tribe. Mark Twain
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Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use. Mark Twain
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When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. Mark Twain
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Wagner's music is better than it sounds. Mark Twain
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It is a time when one's spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why; when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death. It is a time when one is filled with vague longings; when one dreams of flight to peaceful islands in the remote solitudes of the sea, or folds his hands and says, What is the use of struggling, and toiling and worrying any more? let us give it all up. Mark Twain
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April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. Mark Twain
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Of the demonstrably wise there are but two; those who commit suicide, and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied with drink. Mark Twain
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All religions issue bibles against him, and say most injurious things about him, but we never hear his side. Mark Twain
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Anywhere is better than Paris. Paris the cold, Paris the drizzly, Paris the rainy, Paris the damnable. More than a hundred years ago somebody asked Quin, 'Did you ever see such a winter in all your life before?' 'Yes,' said he, 'Last summer.' I judge he spent his summer in Paris. Mark Twain
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A pretty air in an opera is prettier there than it could be anywhere else, I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere. Mark Twain
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Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. Mark Twain
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Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? and ain't that a big enough majority in any town? Mark Twain
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In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made proofreaders. Mark Twain
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Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and by you only regret that you didn't see him do it. Mark Twain
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Man is the Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion-several of them. Mark Twain
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The vast majority of the race, whether savage or civilized, are secretly kind-hearted and shrink from inflicting pain, but in the presence of the aggressive and pitiless minority they don't dare to assert themselves. Mark Twain
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The pitifulest thing out is a mob; that's what an army is - a mob; they don't fight with courage that's born in them, but with courage that's borrowed from their mass, and from their officers. Mark Twain
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We write frankly and freely but then we modify' before we print. Mark Twain
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All I say is, kings is kings, and you got to make allowances. Take them all around, they're a mighty ornery lot. It's the way they're raised. Mark Twain
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Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a congressman can. Mark Twain
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing, after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place. Mark Twain
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Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg crackles as if she laid an asteroid. Mark Twain
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There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting. Mark Twain
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When one has tasted it he knows what the angels eat. Mark Twain
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Words in haste do friendships waste. Mark Twain
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Difference between savage and civilized man: one is painted, the other gilded. Mark Twain
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It is my custom to keep on talking until I get the audience cowed. Mark Twain
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One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one. Mark Twain
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When a person is accustomed to one hundred and thirty-eight in the shade, his ideas about cold weather are not valuable. Mark Twain
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There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages. Mark Twain
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It is not what a man knows, but what he thinks of in time. Mark Twain
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Heroine: Girl in a book who is saved from drowning by a hero and marries him next week, but if it was to be over again ten years later it is likely she would rather have a life-belt and he would rather have her have it. Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it. Mark Twain
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The southerner talks music. Mark Twain
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I'm all for prosperity. It's change I object to. Mark Twain
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Water is an individual, an animal, and is alive, remove the hydrogen and it is an animal and is alive; the remaining oxygen is also an individual, an animal, and is alive. Recapitulation: the two individuals combined, constitute a third individual-and yet each continues to be an individual....here was mute Nature explaining the sublime mystery of the Trinity so luminously that even the commonest understanding could comprehend it, whereas many a trained master of words had labored to do it with speech and failed. Mark Twain
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God was left out of the Constitution, but was furnished a front seat in this nations currency. ("In God we Trust") is a lie, this nations trust has always been with the dollar. Mark Twain
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There is no accounting for human beings. Mark Twain
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When you catch an adjective, kill it - perhaps the best possible advice for budding writers. Mark Twain
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Your friends may love you in private but your enemies will hate you in public. Mark Twain
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Greece is a bleak, unsmiling desert, without agriculture, manufactures or commerce, apparently. What supports its poverty-stricken people or its Government, is a mystery. Mark Twain
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There was worlds of reputation in it, but no money. Mark Twain
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There are some natures which never grow large enough to speak out and say a bad act is a bad act, until they have inquired into the politics or the nationality of the man who did it. Mark Twain
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Who is this Renaissance? Where did he come from? Who gave him permission to cram the Republic with his execrable daubs? Mark Twain
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Those who say truth is stranger than fiction have wasted their time on poorly written fiction. Mark Twain
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There are three kinds of lies - lies, damned lies and statistics. Mark Twain
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We are all ignorant; just about different things. Mark Twain
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There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous. Mark Twain
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This is a Christian country. Why, so is hell. Inasmuch as Strait is the way and narrow is the gate, and few - few - are they that enter in thereat has had the natural effect of making hell the only really prominent Christian community in any of the worlds; but we don't brag of this and certainly it is not proper to brag and boast that America is a Christian country when we all know that certainly five-sixths of our population could not enter in at the narrow gate. Mark Twain
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One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one. From the code of morals I have been following and revising and revising for 72 years I remember one detail. All my life I have been honest - comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly - I could only lend it. Mark Twain
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All gentle cant and philosophizing to the contrary notwithstanding, no people in this world ever did achieve their freedom by goody-goody talk and moral suasion: it being immutable law that all revolutions that will succeed, must begin in blood. Mark Twain
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Man seems to be a rickety poor sort of thing, any way you take him; a kind of British Museum of infirmities and inferiorities. He is always undergoing repairs. A machine that was as unreliable as he is would have no market. Mark Twain
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Music is a good thing; and after all that soul-butter and hogwash, I never see it freshen up things so, and sound so honest and bully. Mark Twain
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We recognize that there are no trivial occurrences in life if we get the right focus on them. Mark Twain
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There is nothing more frustrating than a good example. Mark Twain
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I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop. Mark Twain
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Comparison is the death of joy. Mark Twain
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We find not much in ourselves to admire, we are always privately wanting to be like somebody else. If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes Mark Twain
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