Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


There is nothing more frustrating than a good example. Mark Twain
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I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop. Mark Twain
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Comparison is the death of joy. Mark Twain
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We find not much in ourselves to admire, we are always privately wanting to be like somebody else. If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes Mark Twain
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Schoolboy days are no happier than the days of afterlife, but we look back upon them regretfully because we have forgotten our punishments at school and how we grieved when our marbles were lost and our kites destroyed - because we have forgotten all the sorrows and privations of the canonized ethic and remember only its orchard robberies, its wooden-sword pageants, and its fishing holidays. Mark Twain
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Water is an individual, an animal, and is alive, remove the hydrogen and it is an animal and is alive; the remaining oxygen is also an individual, an animal, and is alive. Recapitulation: the two individuals combined, constitute a third individual-and yet each continues to be an individual....here was mute Nature explaining the sublime mystery of the Trinity so luminously that even the commonest understanding could comprehend it, whereas many a trained master of words had labored to do it with speech and failed. Mark Twain
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God was left out of the Constitution, but was furnished a front seat in this nations currency. ("In God we Trust") is a lie, this nations trust has always been with the dollar. Mark Twain
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There is no accounting for human beings. Mark Twain
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When you catch an adjective, kill it - perhaps the best possible advice for budding writers. Mark Twain
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Your friends may love you in private but your enemies will hate you in public. Mark Twain
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Greece is a bleak, unsmiling desert, without agriculture, manufactures or commerce, apparently. What supports its poverty-stricken people or its Government, is a mystery. Mark Twain
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There was worlds of reputation in it, but no money. Mark Twain
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There are some natures which never grow large enough to speak out and say a bad act is a bad act, until they have inquired into the politics or the nationality of the man who did it. Mark Twain
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It is not what a man knows, but what he thinks of in time. Mark Twain
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Heroine: Girl in a book who is saved from drowning by a hero and marries him next week, but if it was to be over again ten years later it is likely she would rather have a life-belt and he would rather have her have it. Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it. Mark Twain
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The southerner talks music. Mark Twain
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I'm all for prosperity. It's change I object to. Mark Twain
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We are all ignorant; just about different things. Mark Twain
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There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous. Mark Twain
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This is a Christian country. Why, so is hell. Inasmuch as Strait is the way and narrow is the gate, and few - few - are they that enter in thereat has had the natural effect of making hell the only really prominent Christian community in any of the worlds; but we don't brag of this and certainly it is not proper to brag and boast that America is a Christian country when we all know that certainly five-sixths of our population could not enter in at the narrow gate. Mark Twain
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One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one. From the code of morals I have been following and revising and revising for 72 years I remember one detail. All my life I have been honest - comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly - I could only lend it. Mark Twain
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All gentle cant and philosophizing to the contrary notwithstanding, no people in this world ever did achieve their freedom by goody-goody talk and moral suasion: it being immutable law that all revolutions that will succeed, must begin in blood. Mark Twain
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Man seems to be a rickety poor sort of thing, any way you take him; a kind of British Museum of infirmities and inferiorities. He is always undergoing repairs. A machine that was as unreliable as he is would have no market. Mark Twain
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Music is a good thing; and after all that soul-butter and hogwash, I never see it freshen up things so, and sound so honest and bully. Mark Twain
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Who is this Renaissance? Where did he come from? Who gave him permission to cram the Republic with his execrable daubs? Mark Twain
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Those who say truth is stranger than fiction have wasted their time on poorly written fiction. Mark Twain
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There are three kinds of lies - lies, damned lies and statistics. Mark Twain
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We write frankly and freely but then we modify' before we print. Mark Twain
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All I say is, kings is kings, and you got to make allowances. Take them all around, they're a mighty ornery lot. It's the way they're raised. Mark Twain
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Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a congressman can. Mark Twain
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing, after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place. Mark Twain
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Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg crackles as if she laid an asteroid. Mark Twain
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There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting. Mark Twain
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When one has tasted it he knows what the angels eat. Mark Twain
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Words in haste do friendships waste. Mark Twain
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When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. Mark Twain
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Wagner's music is better than it sounds. Mark Twain
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It is a time when one's spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why; when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death. It is a time when one is filled with vague longings; when one dreams of flight to peaceful islands in the remote solitudes of the sea, or folds his hands and says, What is the use of struggling, and toiling and worrying any more? let us give it all up. Mark Twain
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And so when I couldn't stand it no longer, I lit out. I got into my old rags and my sugar-hogshead again, and was free and satisfied. Mark Twain
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You have noticed that the human being is a curiosity. In times past he has had (and worn out and flung away) hundreds and hundreds of religions; today he has hundreds and hundreds of religions, and launches not fewer than three new ones every year. I could enlarge on that number and still be within the facts. Mark Twain
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It is believed by everyone that when he was in heaven he was stern, hard, resentful, jealous and cruel, but that when he came down to earth, he became the opposite... sweet, gentle merciful, forgiving. He was a thousand billion times crueler than ever he was in the Old Testament... Meek and gentle? By and by we will examine that popular sarcasm by the light of the hell which he invented. Mark Twain
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Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners. Mark Twain
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The truth is a precious commodity. That's why I use it so sparingly. Mark Twain
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Wherein lies a poet's claim to originality? That he invents his incidents? No. That he was present when his episodes had their birth? No. That he was first to repeat them? No. None of these things has any value. He confers on them their only originality that has any value, and that is his way of telling them. Mark Twain
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It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise. Mark Twain
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Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime. Mark Twain
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If work were so pleasant, the rich would keep it for themselves. Mark Twain
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Leaving out the gamblers, the burglars, and the plumbers, perhaps we do put our trust in God after a fashion. But, after all, it is an overstatement. If the cholera or black plague should come to these shores, perhaps the bulk of the nation would pray to be delivered from it, but the rest would put their trust in The Health Board... Mark Twain
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I was in one of the most grand attitudes I ever struck, with my arm stretched up pointing to the sun. It was a noble effect. You could see the shudder sweep the mass like a wave. Mark Twain
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What a man misses mostly in heaven is company. Mark Twain
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There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages. Mark Twain
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In other localities certain places in the streams are much better than others, but at Niagara one place is just as good as another, for the reason that the fish do not bite anywhere. Mark Twain
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Thanksgiving Day - Let all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys, they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji. Mark Twain
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Suppose . . . burglars had made entry into this . . . [library]. Picture them seated here on this floor, pouring the light of their dark-lanterns over some books they found, and thus absorbing moral truths and getting moral uplift. The whole course of their lives would have been changed. As it was, they kept straight on in their immoral way and were sent to jail. For all I know, they may next be sent to Congress. Mark Twain
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More than one cigar at a time is excessive smoking. Mark Twain
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I will remark in the way of general information, that in California, that land of felicitous nomenclature, the literary name of this sort of stuff is "hogwash" Mark Twain
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For the majority of us, the past is a regret, the future an experiment Mark Twain
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Progressive improvement beats delayed perfection. Mark Twain
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Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane... Mark Twain
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Happiness ain't a thing in itself - it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. Mark Twain
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Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom. Mark Twain
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To get the full value of joy You must have someone to divide it with. After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. Mark Twain
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The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet. Mark Twain
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The statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is attacked, and every man will be glad of those conscience-soothing falsities, and will diligently study them, and refuse to examine any refutations of them; and thus he will by and by convince himself that the war is just, and will thank God for the better sleep he enjoys after this process of grotesque self-deception. Mark Twain
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The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy with the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity. Mark Twain
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I had longed to be a butterfly, and I was one at last. I attended private parties in sumptuous evening dress, simpered and aired my graces like a born beau, and polkaed and schoisched with a step peculiar to myself - and the kangaroo. Mark Twain
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If I had been helping the Almighty when he created man, I would have had him begin at the other end, and start human beings with old age. How much better to start old and have all the bitterness and blindness of age in the beginning! Mark Twain
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I saw men whom thirty years had changed but slightly; but their wives had grown old. These were good women; it is very wearing to be good. Mark Twain
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The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying that such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bills like everything. Mark Twain
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An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency. Mark Twain
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