Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961

Do not undervalue the headache. While it is at its sharpest it seems a bad investment; but when relief begins, the unexpired remainder is worth $4 a minute. Mark Twain

Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection. Mark Twain

The moral of it is this: If you are of any account, stay at home and make your way by faithful diligence; but if you are 'no account,' go away from home, and then you will have to work, whether you want to or not. Thus you become a blessing to your friends by ceasing to be a nuisance to them-if the people you go among suffer by the operation. Mark Twain

We consider that any man who can fiddle all through one of those Virginia Reels without losing his grip may be depended upon in any kind of musical emergency. Mark Twain

I have no liking for novels or stories - none in the world; and so, whenever I read one - which is not oftener than once in two years, and even in these same cases I seldom read beyond the middle of the book - my distaste for the vehicle always taints my judgment of the literature itself, as a matter of course; and also of course makes my verdict valuless. Are you saying "You have written stories yourself." Quite true: but the fact that an Indian likes to scalp people is no evidence that he likes to be scalped. Mark Twain

I never write "metropolis" for seven cents when I can write "city" and get paid the same. Mark Twain

Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful. Mark Twain

Literature is well enough, as a time-passer, and for the improvement and general elevation and purification of mankind, but it has no practical value. Mark Twain

If all men were rich, all men would be poor. Mark Twain

We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles. Mark Twain

In other localities certain places in the streams are much better than others, but at Niagara one place is just as good as another, for the reason that the fish do not bite anywhere. Mark Twain

Thanksgiving Day - Let all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys, they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji. Mark Twain

I will remark in the way of general information, that in California, that land of felicitous nomenclature, the literary name of this sort of stuff is "hogwash" Mark Twain

For the majority of us, the past is a regret, the future an experiment Mark Twain

Progressive improvement beats delayed perfection. Mark Twain

Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane... Mark Twain

I was in one of the most grand attitudes I ever struck, with my arm stretched up pointing to the sun. It was a noble effect. You could see the shudder sweep the mass like a wave. Mark Twain

I was armed to the teeth with a pitiful little Smith & Wesson's seven-shooter, which carried a ball like a homopathic pill, and it took the whole seven to make a dose for an adult. But I thought it was grand. It appeared to me to be a dangerous weapon. It had only one fault - you could not hit anything with it. Mark Twain

Memories which someday will become all beautiful when the last annoyance that encumbers them shall have faded out of our minds. Mark Twain

Armor is heavy, yet it is a proud burden, and a man standeth straight in it. Mark Twain

Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe. Mark Twain

No one can tell me what is a good cigar-for me. I am the only judge... There are no standards-no real standards. Each man's preference is the only standard for him, the only one which he can accept, the only one which can command him. Mark Twain

There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages. Mark Twain

We find not much in ourselves to admire, we are always privately wanting to be like somebody else. If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes Mark Twain

The ancients stole all our ideas from us. Mark Twain

No one can write perfect English and keep it up through a stretch of ten chapters. It has never been done. Mark Twain

Additional problems are the offspring of poor solutions. Mark Twain

It is not what a man knows, but what he thinks of in time. Mark Twain

Heroine: Girl in a book who is saved from drowning by a hero and marries him next week, but if it was to be over again ten years later it is likely she would rather have a life-belt and he would rather have her have it. Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it. Mark Twain

The southerner talks music. Mark Twain

I'm all for prosperity. It's change I object to. Mark Twain

Water is an individual, an animal, and is alive, remove the hydrogen and it is an animal and is alive; the remaining oxygen is also an individual, an animal, and is alive. Recapitulation: the two individuals combined, constitute a third individual-and yet each continues to be an was mute Nature explaining the sublime mystery of the Trinity so luminously that even the commonest understanding could comprehend it, whereas many a trained master of words had labored to do it with speech and failed. Mark Twain

God was left out of the Constitution, but was furnished a front seat in this nations currency. ("In God we Trust") is a lie, this nations trust has always been with the dollar. Mark Twain

There is no accounting for human beings. Mark Twain

When you catch an adjective, kill it - perhaps the best possible advice for budding writers. Mark Twain

Your friends may love you in private but your enemies will hate you in public. Mark Twain

Greece is a bleak, unsmiling desert, without agriculture, manufactures or commerce, apparently. What supports its poverty-stricken people or its Government, is a mystery. Mark Twain

There was worlds of reputation in it, but no money. Mark Twain

There are some natures which never grow large enough to speak out and say a bad act is a bad act, until they have inquired into the politics or the nationality of the man who did it. Mark Twain

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. Mark Twain

Of the demonstrably wise there are but two; those who commit suicide, and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied with drink. Mark Twain

All religions issue bibles against him, and say most injurious things about him, but we never hear his side. Mark Twain

Anywhere is better than Paris. Paris the cold, Paris the drizzly, Paris the rainy, Paris the damnable. More than a hundred years ago somebody asked Quin, 'Did you ever see such a winter in all your life before?' 'Yes,' said he, 'Last summer.' I judge he spent his summer in Paris. Mark Twain

A pretty air in an opera is prettier there than it could be anywhere else, I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere. Mark Twain

Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. Mark Twain

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? and ain't that a big enough majority in any town? Mark Twain

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made proofreaders. Mark Twain

Even popularity can be overdone. In Rome, along at first, you are full of regrets that Michelangelo died; but by and by you only regret that you didn't see him do it. Mark Twain

Man is the Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion-several of them. Mark Twain

The vast majority of the race, whether savage or civilized, are secretly kind-hearted and shrink from inflicting pain, but in the presence of the aggressive and pitiless minority they don't dare to assert themselves. Mark Twain

The pitifulest thing out is a mob; that's what an army is - a mob; they don't fight with courage that's born in them, but with courage that's borrowed from their mass, and from their officers. Mark Twain

We write frankly and freely but then we modify' before we print. Mark Twain

All I say is, kings is kings, and you got to make allowances. Take them all around, they're a mighty ornery lot. It's the way they're raised. Mark Twain

Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a congressman can. Mark Twain

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing, after all. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations and resentments flit away, and a sunny spirit takes their place. Mark Twain

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg crackles as if she laid an asteroid. Mark Twain

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting. Mark Twain

When one has tasted it he knows what the angels eat. Mark Twain

Words in haste do friendships waste. Mark Twain

Happiness ain't a thing in itself - it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. Mark Twain

Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom. Mark Twain

He said that man's heart was the only bad heart in the animal kingdom; that man was the only animal capable of feeling malice, envy, vindictiveness, revengefulness, hatred, selfishness, the only animal that loves drunkenness, almost the only animal that could endure personal uncleanliness and a filthy habitation, the sole animal in whom was fully developed the base instinct called patriotism, the sole animal that robs, persecutes, oppresses and kills members of his own tribe, the sole animal that steals and enslaves the members of any tribe. Mark Twain

Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use. Mark Twain

The wise thing is for us diligently to train ourselves to lie thoughtfully, judiciously; to lie with a good object, and not an evil one; to lie for others' advantage, and not our own; to lie healingly, charitably, humanely, not cruelly, hurtfully, maliciously; to lie gracefully and graciously, not awkwardly and clumsily; to lie firmly, frankly, squarely, with head erect, not haltingly, tortuously, with pusillanimous mien, as being ashamed of our high calling. Mark Twain

Nearly all black and brown skins are beautiful, but a beautiful white skin is rare. Mark Twain

Wagner's music is better than it sounds. Mark Twain

It was a splendid population - for all the slow, sleepy, sluggish-brained sloths stayed at home - you never find that sort of people among pioneers - you cannot build pioneers out of that sort of material. It was that population that gave to California a name for getting up astounding enterprises and rushing them through with a magnificent dash and daring and a recklessness of cost or consequences, which she bears unto this day - and when she projects a new surprise the grave world smiles as usual and says, "Well, that is California all over. Mark Twain

It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. Mark Twain

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. Mark Twain

The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession. Mark Twain

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