Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


The cigar-box which the European calls a 'lift' needs but to be compared with our elevators to be appreciated. The lift stops to reflect between floors. That is all right in a hearse, but not in elevators. The American elevator acts like a man's patent purge-it works. Mark Twain
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Braveness is resistance to concern, mastery of panic - not absense of anxiety. Mark Twain
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If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present One lacks... He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when He could have made him happy with the same effort and He would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy. Mark Twain
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I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself. Mark Twain
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To be vested with enormous authority is a fine thing; but to have the on-looking world consent to it is finer. Mark Twain
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When angry, count to a hundred. Mark Twain
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Reputation is a hall-mark: it can remove doubt from pure silver, and it can also make the plated article pass for pure. Mark Twain
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I will gradually drop this subject of graveyards. I have been trying all I could to get down to the sentimental part of it, but I cannot accomplish it. I think there is no genuinely sentimental part to it. It is all grotesque, ghastly, horrible. Mark Twain
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There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one: keep from telling their happinesses to the unhappy. Mark Twain
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There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular is providence. Mark Twain
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Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find she did it with a knife; but if you take simply the aspect of the pencil, you will say that she did it with her teeth. Mark Twain
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One gains at least two to three times more experience grabbing the tiger by the tail than reading about it in a book. Mark Twain
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God cures and the doctor sends the bill. Mark Twain
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Ignorance is not, not knowing something. It is knowing what isn't so. Mark Twain
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To gnaw on is human, towards digest, divine. Mark Twain
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If ever you've been down in the dumps, hear these iconic authors share with you more than their writing wisdom. Mark Twain
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Of all the creatures that were made, man is the most detestable. Of the entire brood he is the only one-the solitary one-that possesses malice. That is the basest of all instincts, passions, vices-the most hateful. He is the only creature that has pain for sport, knowing it to be pain. Also-in all the list he is the only creature that has a nasty mind. Mark Twain
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All say, How hard it is that we have to die - a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live. Mark Twain
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New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. Mark Twain
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Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made [man] is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one... that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain. Mark Twain
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The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something that can be learned in no other way. Mark Twain
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Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessaries. Mark Twain
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If we should deal out justice only, in this world, who would escape? No, it is better to be generous, and in the end more profitable, for it gains gratitude for us, and love. Mark Twain
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When a German dives into a sentence, you won't see him again until he emerges at the other end with the verb between his teeth. Mark Twain
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The difference between the almost-right word & the right word is really a large matter-it's the difference between the lightning-bug & the lightning. Mark Twain
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October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February. Mark Twain
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I asked Tom if countries always apologized when they had done wrong, and he says: 'Yes; the little ones does. Mark Twain
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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it-and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again-and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more. Mark Twain
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[To his wife Olivia, who had repeated his swearing:] You got the words right, Livy, but you don't know the tune. Mark Twain
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A lawyer one day spoke to him [Mark Twain] with his hands in his pockets. 'Is it not a curious sight to see a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets?' remarked the humorist in his quiet drawl. Mark Twain
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A man can seldom - very, very, seldom - fight a winning fight against his training: the odds are too heavy. Mark Twain
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Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are. Mark Twain
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Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. Mark Twain
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The Public is merely a multiplied "me. Mark Twain
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The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter-'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning. Mark Twain
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To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology. Mark Twain
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You tell me whar a man gits his corn pone, en I'll tell you what his 'pinions is. Mark Twain
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They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. Mark Twain
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Pilgrim's Progress, about a man that left his family, it didn't say why. I read considerable in it now and then. The statements was interesting, but tough. Mark Twain
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There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a Dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And You are but a Thought - a vagrant Thought, a useless Thought, a homeless Thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities. Mark Twain
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The bicycle had what is called the 'wabbles', and had them very badly. In order to keep my position, a good many things were required of me, and in every instance the thing required was against nature. Against nature, but not against the laws of nature. Mark Twain
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The self-taught man seldom knows anything accurately, and he does not know a tenth as much as he could have known if he had worked under teachers; Mark Twain
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I started out alone to seek adventures. You don't really have to seek them-that is nothing but a phrase-they come to you. Mark Twain
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In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing. Mark Twain
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Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him. Mark Twain
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It is not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that make horseraces. Mark Twain
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India has 2,000,000 gods, and worships them all. In religion other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire. Mark Twain
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Only kings, editors, and people with tapeworm have the right to use the editorial we. Mark Twain
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I reverently believe that the Maker who made us all makes everything in New England but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be raw apprentices in the weather-clerk's factory... Mark Twain
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As a thinker and planner the ant is the equal of any savage race of men; as a self-educated specialist in several arts she is the superior of any savage race of men; and in one or two high mental qualities she is above the reach of any man... Mark Twain
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To do something, say something, see something, before anybody else - these are things that confer a pleasure compared with which other pleasures are tame and commonplace, other ecstacies cheap and trivial. Mark Twain
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An ethical man is a Christian holding four aces. Mark Twain
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He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be be under it, inspiring the cabbages. Mark Twain
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I find that the further I go back, the better things, whether they happened or not. Mark Twain
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I'm glad that the old masters are all dead, and I only wish they had died sooner. Mark Twain
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It is nobler to be good, and it is nobler to teach others to be good - and less trouble! Mark Twain
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Most people are bothered by scripture they don't understand, but what bothers me are those I do understand. Mark Twain
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It was the schoolboy who said, Faith is believing what you know ain't so. Mark Twain
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Now, what I contend is that my body is my own, at least I have always so regarded it. If I do harm through my experimenting with it, it is I who suffer, not the state. Mark Twain
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The Pause; that impressive silence, that eloquent silence, that geometrically progressive silence which often achieves a desired effect where no combination of words, however so felicitous, could accomplish it. Mark Twain
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The miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application, and perseverance under the promptings of a brave, determined spirit. Mark Twain
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Wit, by itself, is of little account. It becomes a moment only when grounded on wisdom. Mark Twain
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This editor is a critic. He has pulled out his carving-knife and his tomahawk and is starting after a book which he is going to have for breakfast. Mark Twain
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That is a society editor, sitting there elegantly dressed, with his legs crossed in that indolent way, observing the clothes the ladies wear, so that he can describe them for his paper and make them out finer than they are and get bribes for it and become wealthy. Mark Twain
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We have an insanity plea that would have saved Cain. Mark Twain
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You see, he knew his own laws just as other people so often know the laws: by words, not by effects. They take a meaning, and get to be very vivid, when you come to apply them to yourself. Mark Twain
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An American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi-Gras in New Orleans. Mark Twain
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The funniest things are the forbidden. Mark Twain
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So you see, the quality of humor is not a personal or a national monopoly. It's as free as salvation, and, I am afraid, far more widely distributed. But it has its value, I think. The hard and sordid things of life are too hard and too sordid and too cruel for us to know and touch them year after year without some mitigating influence, some kindly veil to draw over them, from time to time, to blur the craggy outlines, and make the thorns less sharp and the cruelties less malignant. Mark Twain
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For all the talk you hear about knowledge being such a wonderful thing, instinct is worth forty of it for real unerringness. Mark Twain
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