Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


There is nothing in the world like persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus. Mark Twain
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I'm merely running some errands. This is now off the record. Mark Twain
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If you want to change the future, you must change what you're doing in the present. Mark Twain
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I was born with Halley's Comet and I expect to die upon its return Mark Twain
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Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself. Mark Twain
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We had the sky up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made, or only just happened - Jim he allowed they was made, but I allowed they happened; I judged it would have took too long to make so many. Jim said the moon could a laid them; well that looked kind of reasonable, so I didn't say nothing against it, because I've seen a frog lay most as many, so of course It could be done. Mark Twain
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The average American's simplest and commonest form of breakfast consists of coffee and beefsteak. Mark Twain
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Never let formal education get in the way of your learning. Mark Twain
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But we are all insane, anyway ... The suicides seem to be the only sane people. Mark Twain
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An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it. Mark Twain
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Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are. Mark Twain
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Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. Mark Twain
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The Public is merely a multiplied "me. Mark Twain
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The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter-'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning. Mark Twain
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To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology. Mark Twain
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You tell me whar a man gits his corn pone, en I'll tell you what his 'pinions is. Mark Twain
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They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. Mark Twain
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Pilgrim's Progress, about a man that left his family, it didn't say why. I read considerable in it now and then. The statements was interesting, but tough. Mark Twain
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There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a Dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And You are but a Thought - a vagrant Thought, a useless Thought, a homeless Thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities. Mark Twain
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The bicycle had what is called the 'wabbles', and had them very badly. In order to keep my position, a good many things were required of me, and in every instance the thing required was against nature. Against nature, but not against the laws of nature. Mark Twain
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The self-taught man seldom knows anything accurately, and he does not know a tenth as much as he could have known if he had worked under teachers; Mark Twain
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I started out alone to seek adventures. You don't really have to seek them-that is nothing but a phrase-they come to you. Mark Twain
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Every generalization is dangerous, especially this one. Mark Twain
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There's plenty of boys that will come hankering and gruvvelling around when you've got an apple, and beg the core off you; but when they're got one, and you beg for the core, and remind them how you give them a core one time, they take a mouth at you, and say thank you 'most to death, but there ain't a-going to be no core. Mark Twain
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Be good and you'll be lonesome Mark Twain
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Pessimist: The optimist who didn't arrive. Mark Twain
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Men think they think upon the great political questions, and they do; but they think with their party, not independently; they read its literature, but not that of the other side Mark Twain
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But we are all insane, anyway. Note the mountain-climbers. Mark Twain
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No one is sane, straight along, year in and year out, and we all know it. Our insanities are of varying sorts, and express themselves in varying forms-fortunately harmless forms as a rule. Mark Twain
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My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess; second, don't drink - to excess; third, don't marry - to excess. Mark Twain
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The funniest things are the forbidden. Mark Twain
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So you see, the quality of humor is not a personal or a national monopoly. It's as free as salvation, and, I am afraid, far more widely distributed. But it has its value, I think. The hard and sordid things of life are too hard and too sordid and too cruel for us to know and touch them year after year without some mitigating influence, some kindly veil to draw over them, from time to time, to blur the craggy outlines, and make the thorns less sharp and the cruelties less malignant. Mark Twain
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Information appears to stew out of me naturally, like the precious otter of roses out of the otter. Mark Twain
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What a world of trouble those who never marry escape! There are many happy matches, it is true, and sometimes "my dear," and "my love" come from the heart; but what sensible bachelor, rejoicing in his freedom and years of discretion, will run the tremendous risk? Mark Twain
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Men and women - even man and wife are foreigners. Each has reserves that the other cannot enter into, nor understand. These have the effect of frontiers. Mark Twain
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...majority Patriotism is the customary Patriotism. Mark Twain
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There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land (and work) again after a cheerful, careless voyage. Mark Twain
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As soon as a man recognizes that he has drifted into age, he gets reminiscent. He wants to talk and talk; and not about the present or the future, but about his old times. For there is where the pathos of his life lies - and the charm of it. The pathos of it is there because it was opulent with treasures that are gone, and the charm of it is in casting them up from the musty ledgers and remembering how rich and gracious they were. Mark Twain
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Man has been here 32,000 years. That it took a hundred million years to prepare the world for him is proof that that is what it was done for. I suppose it is, I dunno. If The Eiffel Tower were now to represent the world's age, the skin of paint on the pinnacle knob at its summit would represent man's share of that age; and anybody would perceive that the skin was what the tower was built for. I reckon they would, I dunno. Mark Twain
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Our Bible reveals to us the character of our god with minute and remorseless exactness... It is perhaps the most damnatory biography that exists in print anywhere. It makes Nero an angel of light and leading by contrast. Mark Twain
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What's the use you learning to do right , when it's troublesome to do right and it ain't no trouble to do wrong, and the wages is just the same? Mark Twain
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For instance, take this sample: he has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights, the one ecstasy that stands first and foremost in the heart of every individual of his race - and of ours - sexual intercourse!It is as if a lost and perishing person in a roasting desert should be told by a rescuer he might choose and have all longed-for things but one, and he should elect to leave out water! Mark Twain
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Eventually, I sickened of people, myself included, who didn't think enough of themselves to make something of themselves- people who did only what they had to and never what they could have done. I learned from them the infected loneliness that comes at the end of every misspent day. I knew I could do better. Mark Twain
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I saw a startling sight today, a politician with his hands in his own pockets. Mark Twain
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He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces. Mark Twain
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Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that but the really great make you feel that you too can become great. When you are seeking to bring big plans to fruition it is important with whom you regularly associate. Hang out with friends who are like-minded and who are also designing purpose-filled lives. Similarly be that kind of a friend for your friends. Mark Twain
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Of all the creatures that were made, man is the most detestable. Of the entire brood he is the only one-the solitary one-that possesses malice. That is the basest of all instincts, passions, vices-the most hateful. He is the only creature that has pain for sport, knowing it to be pain. Also-in all the list he is the only creature that has a nasty mind. Mark Twain
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All say, How hard it is that we have to die - a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live. Mark Twain
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New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. Mark Twain
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Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made [man] is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one... that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain. Mark Twain
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The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something that can be learned in no other way. Mark Twain
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Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessaries. Mark Twain
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If we should deal out justice only, in this world, who would escape? No, it is better to be generous, and in the end more profitable, for it gains gratitude for us, and love. Mark Twain
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When a German dives into a sentence, you won't see him again until he emerges at the other end with the verb between his teeth. Mark Twain
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The difference between the almost-right word & the right word is really a large matter-it's the difference between the lightning-bug & the lightning. Mark Twain
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October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February. Mark Twain
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I asked Tom if countries always apologized when they had done wrong, and he says: 'Yes; the little ones does. Mark Twain
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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it-and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again-and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more. Mark Twain
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[To his wife Olivia, who had repeated his swearing:] You got the words right, Livy, but you don't know the tune. Mark Twain
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A lawyer one day spoke to him [Mark Twain] with his hands in his pockets. 'Is it not a curious sight to see a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets?' remarked the humorist in his quiet drawl. Mark Twain
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A man can seldom - very, very, seldom - fight a winning fight against his training: the odds are too heavy. Mark Twain
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But old fools is the biggest fools there is. Mark Twain
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God cures and the doctor sends the bill. Mark Twain
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Ignorance is not, not knowing something. It is knowing what isn't so. Mark Twain
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To gnaw on is human, towards digest, divine. Mark Twain
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If ever you've been down in the dumps, hear these iconic authors share with you more than their writing wisdom. Mark Twain
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In religion, India is the only millionaire... the One land that all men desire to see, and having seen once, by even a glimpse, would not give that glimpse for all the shows of all the rest of the globe combined. Mark Twain
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Each man is afraid of his neighbor's disapproval - a thing which, to the general run of the human race, is more dreaded than wolves and death. Mark Twain
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The only people who should use the possessive 'we' are kings, newspaper editors, and persons with tapeworms. Mark Twain
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It's not the good that die young, it's the lucky. Mark Twain
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