Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


The law is a system that protects everybody who can afford to hire a good lawyer. Mark Twain
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First catch your Boer, then kick him. Mark Twain
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Golden rule: Made of hard metal so it could stand severe wear, it not being known at that time that butter would answer. Mark Twain
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Honesty is often the best policy, but sometimes the appearance of it is worth six of it. Mark Twain
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It is hard enough luck being a monarch, without being a target also. Mark Twain
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The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh. Mark Twain
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There is this trouble about special providences namely, there is so often a doubt as to which party was intended to be the beneficiary. In the case of the children, the bears, and the prophet, the bears got more real satisfaction out of the episode than the prophet did, because they got the children. Mark Twain
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If science exterminates a disease which has been working for God, it is God that gets the credit and all the pulpits break into grateful advertising-raptures and call attention to how good he is. Yes, he has done it. Perhaps he waited a thousand years before doing it. They forget to say that he is the slowest mover in the universe, that his Eye That Never Sleeps, might as well, since it takes a century to see what any other eye can see in a week. Mark Twain
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Learn from the mistakes of others - you won't live long enough to make them all yourself. He's opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer him the position. Mark Twain
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The only people who should use the possessive 'we' are kings, newspaper editors, and persons with tapeworms. Mark Twain
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But we love the Old Travelers. We love to hear them prate and drivel and lie. Mark Twain
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Don't just sit there and worry. Be proactive. Do something - anything - about what's worrying you so you can gain information, focus and control over the situation. I've suffered a great many catastrophes in my life. Most of them never happened. Mark Twain
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When your opinions start to coincide with those of the majority, it is time to reconsider your opinions. Mark Twain
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I was educated once - it took me years to get over it. Mark Twain
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The writing begins when you"ve finished. Only then do you know what you're trying to say. Mark Twain
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In our day we don't allow a hundred and thirty years to elapse between glimpses of a marvel. If somebody should discover a creek in the county next to the one that the North Pole is in, Europe and America would start fifteen costly expeditions thither; one to explore the creek, and the other fourteen to hunt for each other. Mark Twain
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God cures and the doctor sends the bill. Mark Twain
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Ignorance is not, not knowing something. It is knowing what isn't so. Mark Twain
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To gnaw on is human, towards digest, divine. Mark Twain
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If ever you've been down in the dumps, hear these iconic authors share with you more than their writing wisdom. Mark Twain
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Braveness is resistance to concern, mastery of panic - not absense of anxiety. Mark Twain
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If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present One lacks... He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when He could have made him happy with the same effort and He would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy. Mark Twain
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I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself. Mark Twain
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To be vested with enormous authority is a fine thing; but to have the on-looking world consent to it is finer. Mark Twain
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When angry, count to a hundred. Mark Twain
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Reputation is a hall-mark: it can remove doubt from pure silver, and it can also make the plated article pass for pure. Mark Twain
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I will gradually drop this subject of graveyards. I have been trying all I could to get down to the sentimental part of it, but I cannot accomplish it. I think there is no genuinely sentimental part to it. It is all grotesque, ghastly, horrible. Mark Twain
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There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one: keep from telling their happinesses to the unhappy. Mark Twain
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There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular is providence. Mark Twain
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Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find she did it with a knife; but if you take simply the aspect of the pencil, you will say that she did it with her teeth. Mark Twain
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One gains at least two to three times more experience grabbing the tiger by the tail than reading about it in a book. Mark Twain
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This editor is a critic. He has pulled out his carving-knife and his tomahawk and is starting after a book which he is going to have for breakfast. Mark Twain
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That is a society editor, sitting there elegantly dressed, with his legs crossed in that indolent way, observing the clothes the ladies wear, so that he can describe them for his paper and make them out finer than they are and get bribes for it and become wealthy. Mark Twain
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We have an insanity plea that would have saved Cain. Mark Twain
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You see, he knew his own laws just as other people so often know the laws: by words, not by effects. They take a meaning, and get to be very vivid, when you come to apply them to yourself. Mark Twain
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An American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi-Gras in New Orleans. Mark Twain
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The cigar-box which the European calls a 'lift' needs but to be compared with our elevators to be appreciated. The lift stops to reflect between floors. That is all right in a hearse, but not in elevators. The American elevator acts like a man's patent purge-it works. Mark Twain
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Don't wait the time is never just right. Mark Twain
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Love heightens all senses - except the common. Mark Twain
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Lump the whole thing! say that the Creator made Italy from designs by Michel Angelo! Mark Twain
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There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press. Mark Twain
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Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and a body ai' got no business doing wrong when he ai' ignorant and knows better. Mark Twain
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In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing. Mark Twain
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Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him. Mark Twain
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It is not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that make horseraces. Mark Twain
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India has 2,000,000 gods, and worships them all. In religion other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire. Mark Twain
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Only kings, editors, and people with tapeworm have the right to use the editorial we. Mark Twain
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I reverently believe that the Maker who made us all makes everything in New England but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be raw apprentices in the weather-clerk's factory... Mark Twain
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As a thinker and planner the ant is the equal of any savage race of men; as a self-educated specialist in several arts she is the superior of any savage race of men; and in one or two high mental qualities she is above the reach of any man... Mark Twain
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To do something, say something, see something, before anybody else - these are things that confer a pleasure compared with which other pleasures are tame and commonplace, other ecstacies cheap and trivial. Mark Twain
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An ethical man is a Christian holding four aces. Mark Twain
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He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be be under it, inspiring the cabbages. Mark Twain
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I find that the further I go back, the better things, whether they happened or not. Mark Twain
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I'm glad that the old masters are all dead, and I only wish they had died sooner. Mark Twain
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It is nobler to be good, and it is nobler to teach others to be good - and less trouble! Mark Twain
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Most people are bothered by scripture they don't understand, but what bothers me are those I do understand. Mark Twain
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It was the schoolboy who said, Faith is believing what you know ain't so. Mark Twain
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Now, what I contend is that my body is my own, at least I have always so regarded it. If I do harm through my experimenting with it, it is I who suffer, not the state. Mark Twain
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The Pause; that impressive silence, that eloquent silence, that geometrically progressive silence which often achieves a desired effect where no combination of words, however so felicitous, could accomplish it. Mark Twain
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The miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application, and perseverance under the promptings of a brave, determined spirit. Mark Twain
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Wit, by itself, is of little account. It becomes a moment only when grounded on wisdom. Mark Twain
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Few sinners are saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon. Mark Twain
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Obscurity and competence: That is the life that is worth living. Mark Twain
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A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razor strap. A thin book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat. Mark Twain
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We had the sky up there, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss whether they was made or just happened. Mark Twain
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My kind of loyalty was loyalty to one's country, not to its institutions or its officeholders. The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing; it is the thing to watch over, and care for, and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous, they are its mere clothing, and clothing can wear out, become ragged, cease to be comfortable, cease to protect the body from winter, disease, and death. Mark Twain
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the size of a misfortune is not determinable by an outsider's measurement of it but only by the measurements applied to it by the person specially affected by it. Mark Twain
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You have heretofore found out, by my teachings, that man is a fool; you are now aware that woman is a damned fool. Mark Twain
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Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat. Mark Twain
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There will never be a "perfect" time to quit smoking. A time when you don't have any distractions or stress... If you had started today one year ago, this would not even be an issue for you today! Don't waste another year! Mark Twain
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