Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


What's the use you learning to do right , when it's troublesome to do right and it ain't no trouble to do wrong, and the wages is just the same? Mark Twain
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For instance, take this sample: he has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights, the one ecstasy that stands first and foremost in the heart of every individual of his race - and of ours - sexual intercourse!It is as if a lost and perishing person in a roasting desert should be told by a rescuer he might choose and have all longed-for things but one, and he should elect to leave out water! Mark Twain
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Eventually, I sickened of people, myself included, who didn't think enough of themselves to make something of themselves- people who did only what they had to and never what they could have done. I learned from them the infected loneliness that comes at the end of every misspent day. I knew I could do better. Mark Twain
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I saw a startling sight today, a politician with his hands in his own pockets. Mark Twain
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He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces. Mark Twain
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Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that but the really great make you feel that you too can become great. When you are seeking to bring big plans to fruition it is important with whom you regularly associate. Hang out with friends who are like-minded and who are also designing purpose-filled lives. Similarly be that kind of a friend for your friends. Mark Twain
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If you want to change the future, you must change what you're doing in the present. Mark Twain
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I was born with Halley's Comet and I expect to die upon its return Mark Twain
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Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself. Mark Twain
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We had the sky up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made, or only just happened - Jim he allowed they was made, but I allowed they happened; I judged it would have took too long to make so many. Jim said the moon could a laid them; well that looked kind of reasonable, so I didn't say nothing against it, because I've seen a frog lay most as many, so of course It could be done. Mark Twain
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A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch. Mark Twain
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The secret of getting ahead is getting started Mark Twain
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I admire him, I frankly confess it; and when his time is come I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake. Mark Twain
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Supposing is good, but finding out is better. Mark Twain
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When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat. Mark Twain
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We adore titles and heredities in our hearts and ridicule them with our mouths. This is our democratic privilege. Mark Twain
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All gods are better than their reputation. Mark Twain
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More than once I have been humiliated by my resemblance to God the father; He is always longing for the love of His children and trying to get it on the cheapest and laziest terms He can invent. Mark Twain
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It's my opinion that every one I know has morals, though I wouldn't like to ask. I know I have. But I'd rather teach them than practice them any day. "Give them to others"-that's my motto. Mark Twain
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It has always been a peculiarity of the human race that it keeps two sets of morals in stock-the private and the real, and the public and the artificial. Mark Twain
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It is not best to use our morals weekdays, it gets them out of repair for Sunday. Mark Twain
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In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language. Mark Twain
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Never knew before what eternity was made for. It is to give some of us a chance to learn German. Mark Twain
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I would not rob you of your food or your clothes or your umbrella, but if I caught your German out I would take it. But I don't study any more,- I have given it up. Mark Twain
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I can understand German as well as the maniac that invented it, but I talk it best through an interpreter. Mark Twain
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It is not like studying German, where you mull along, in a groping, uncertain way, for thirty years; and at last, just as you think you've got it, they spring the subjunctive on you, and there you are. No- and I see now plainly enough, that the great pity about the German language is, that you can't fall off it and hurt yourself. There is nothing like that feature to make you attend strictly to business. Mark Twain
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[On Dutch flat poetry]: It is too smooth and blubbery; it reads like butter-milk gurgling from a jug. Mark Twain
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A man's house burns down. The smoking wreckage represents only a ruined home that was dear through years of use and pleasant associations. By and by, as the days and weeks go on, first he misses this, then that, then the other thing. And when he casts about for it he finds that it was in that house. Always it is an essential - here was but one of its kind. It cannot be replaced. It was in that house. It is irrevocably lost...It will be years before the tale of lost essentials is complete, and not till then can he truly know the magnitude of his disaster. Mark Twain
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A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversation. Mark Twain
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Humor is man's greatest blessing. Mark Twain
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I am always on the side of the revolutionists, because there never was a revolution unless there were some oppressive and intolerable conditions against which to revolute. Mark Twain
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It is agreed, in this country, that if a man can arrange his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his conscience, it is not incumbent on him to care whether the arrangement is satisfactory to anyone else or not. Mark Twain
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Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expensive and nefarious kind of government ever heard of on earth Mark Twain
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If to be interesting is to be uncommonplace, it is becoming a question, with me, if there are any commonplace people Mark Twain
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I'm merely running some errands. This is now off the record. Mark Twain
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In all the ages the Roman Church has owned slaves, bought and sold slaves, authorized and encouraged her children to trade in them. . . . There were the texts; there was no mistaking their meaning; . . . she was doing in all this thing what the Bible had mapped out for her to do. So unassailable was her position that in all the centuries she had no word to say against human slavery. Mark Twain
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When the doctrine of allegiance to party can utterly up-end a man's moral constitution and make a temporary fool of him besides, what excuse are you going to offer for preaching it, teaching it, extending it, perpetuating it? Shall you say, the best good of the country demands allegiance to party? Shall you also say it demands that a man kick his truth and his conscience into the gutter, and become a mouthing lunatic, besides? Mark Twain
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I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can. Mark Twain
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It's so damned humiliating. Mark Twain
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Pessimist: The optimist who didn't arrive. Mark Twain
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Men think they think upon the great political questions, and they do; but they think with their party, not independently; they read its literature, but not that of the other side Mark Twain
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But we are all insane, anyway. Note the mountain-climbers. Mark Twain
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No one is sane, straight along, year in and year out, and we all know it. Our insanities are of varying sorts, and express themselves in varying forms-fortunately harmless forms as a rule. Mark Twain
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My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess; second, don't drink - to excess; third, don't marry - to excess. Mark Twain
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Every generalization is dangerous, especially this one. Mark Twain
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There's plenty of boys that will come hankering and gruvvelling around when you've got an apple, and beg the core off you; but when they're got one, and you beg for the core, and remind them how you give them a core one time, they take a mouth at you, and say thank you 'most to death, but there ain't a-going to be no core. Mark Twain
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Be good and you'll be lonesome Mark Twain
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Do your duty today and repent tomorrow. Mark Twain
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Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are. Mark Twain
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Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. Mark Twain
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The Public is merely a multiplied "me. Mark Twain
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The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter-'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning. Mark Twain
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To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology. Mark Twain
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You tell me whar a man gits his corn pone, en I'll tell you what his 'pinions is. Mark Twain
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They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. Mark Twain
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Pilgrim's Progress, about a man that left his family, it didn't say why. I read considerable in it now and then. The statements was interesting, but tough. Mark Twain
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There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a Dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And You are but a Thought - a vagrant Thought, a useless Thought, a homeless Thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities. Mark Twain
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The bicycle had what is called the 'wabbles', and had them very badly. In order to keep my position, a good many things were required of me, and in every instance the thing required was against nature. Against nature, but not against the laws of nature. Mark Twain
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The self-taught man seldom knows anything accurately, and he does not know a tenth as much as he could have known if he had worked under teachers; Mark Twain
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I started out alone to seek adventures. You don't really have to seek them-that is nothing but a phrase-they come to you. Mark Twain
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Of all the creatures that were made, man is the most detestable. Of the entire brood he is the only one-the solitary one-that possesses malice. That is the basest of all instincts, passions, vices-the most hateful. He is the only creature that has pain for sport, knowing it to be pain. Also-in all the list he is the only creature that has a nasty mind. Mark Twain
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All say, How hard it is that we have to die - a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live. Mark Twain
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New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. Mark Twain
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Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made [man] is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one... that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain. Mark Twain
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The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something that can be learned in no other way. Mark Twain
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Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessaries. Mark Twain
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If we should deal out justice only, in this world, who would escape? No, it is better to be generous, and in the end more profitable, for it gains gratitude for us, and love. Mark Twain
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When a German dives into a sentence, you won't see him again until he emerges at the other end with the verb between his teeth. Mark Twain
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The difference between the almost-right word & the right word is really a large matter-it's the difference between the lightning-bug & the lightning. Mark Twain
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October. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February. Mark Twain
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