Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


Geological time is not money. Mark Twain
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We can't always have the beautiful aspect of things. Let us make the most of our sights that are beautiful and let the others go Mark Twain
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All men have heard of the Mormon Bible, but few except the "elect" have seen it, or, at least, taken the trouble to read it. I brought away a copy from Salt Lake. The book is a curiosity to me, it is such a pretentious affair, and yet so "slow," so sleepy; such an insipid mess of inspiration. It is chloroform in print. If Joseph Smith composed this book, the act was a miracle - keeping awake while he did it was, at any rate. Mark Twain
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There is no such thing as a new idea. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. Mark Twain
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Every generalization is dangerous, especially this one. Mark Twain
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There's plenty of boys that will come hankering and gruvvelling around when you've got an apple, and beg the core off you; but when they're got one, and you beg for the core, and remind them how you give them a core one time, they take a mouth at you, and say thank you 'most to death, but there ain't a-going to be no core. Mark Twain
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The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right. Mark Twain
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Everybody lies...every day, every hour, awake, asleep, in his dreams, in his joy, in his mourning. If he keeps his tongue still his hands, his feet, his eyes, his attitude will convey deception. Mark Twain
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You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. Mark Twain
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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. Mark Twain
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Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
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Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. Mark Twain
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Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. Mark Twain
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Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. Mark Twain
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Mark Twain
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The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter - 'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning. Mark Twain
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Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. Mark Twain
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When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself. Mark Twain
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My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water. Mark Twain
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I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. Mark Twain
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Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others. Mark Twain
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A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar. Mark Twain
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What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce. Mark Twain
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There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy. Mark Twain
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To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal. Mark Twain
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It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so. Mark Twain
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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. Mark Twain
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The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word. Mark Twain
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... all the modern inconveniences ... Mark Twain
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If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be-a Christian. Mark Twain
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My kind of loyalty was loyalty to one's country, not to its institutions or its officeholders. The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing; it is the thing to watch over, and care for, and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous, they are its mere clothing, and clothing can wear out, become ragged, cease to be comfortable, cease to protect the body from winter, disease, and death. Mark Twain
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This editor is a critic. He has pulled out his carving-knife and his tomahawk and is starting after a book which he is going to have for breakfast. Mark Twain
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That is a society editor, sitting there elegantly dressed, with his legs crossed in that indolent way, observing the clothes the ladies wear, so that he can describe them for his paper and make them out finer than they are and get bribes for it and become wealthy. Mark Twain
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We have an insanity plea that would have saved Cain. Mark Twain
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You see, he knew his own laws just as other people so often know the laws: by words, not by effects. They take a meaning, and get to be very vivid, when you come to apply them to yourself. Mark Twain
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An American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi-Gras in New Orleans. Mark Twain
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The cigar-box which the European calls a 'lift' needs but to be compared with our elevators to be appreciated. The lift stops to reflect between floors. That is all right in a hearse, but not in elevators. The American elevator acts like a man's patent purge-it works. Mark Twain
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Braveness is resistance to concern, mastery of panic - not absense of anxiety. Mark Twain
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If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present One lacks... He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when He could have made him happy with the same effort and He would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy. Mark Twain
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I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself. Mark Twain
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To be vested with enormous authority is a fine thing; but to have the on-looking world consent to it is finer. Mark Twain
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When angry, count to a hundred. Mark Twain
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Reputation is a hall-mark: it can remove doubt from pure silver, and it can also make the plated article pass for pure. Mark Twain
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I will gradually drop this subject of graveyards. I have been trying all I could to get down to the sentimental part of it, but I cannot accomplish it. I think there is no genuinely sentimental part to it. It is all grotesque, ghastly, horrible. Mark Twain
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There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press. Mark Twain
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Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and a body ai' got no business doing wrong when he ai' ignorant and knows better. Mark Twain
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But we love the Old Travelers. We love to hear them prate and drivel and lie. Mark Twain
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Don't just sit there and worry. Be proactive. Do something - anything - about what's worrying you so you can gain information, focus and control over the situation. I've suffered a great many catastrophes in my life. Most of them never happened. Mark Twain
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Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are. Mark Twain
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Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. Mark Twain
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The Public is merely a multiplied "me. Mark Twain
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The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter-'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning. Mark Twain
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To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology. Mark Twain
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You tell me whar a man gits his corn pone, en I'll tell you what his 'pinions is. Mark Twain
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They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. Mark Twain
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Pilgrim's Progress, about a man that left his family, it didn't say why. I read considerable in it now and then. The statements was interesting, but tough. Mark Twain
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There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a Dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And You are but a Thought - a vagrant Thought, a useless Thought, a homeless Thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities. Mark Twain
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The bicycle had what is called the 'wabbles', and had them very badly. In order to keep my position, a good many things were required of me, and in every instance the thing required was against nature. Against nature, but not against the laws of nature. Mark Twain
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The self-taught man seldom knows anything accurately, and he does not know a tenth as much as he could have known if he had worked under teachers; Mark Twain
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I started out alone to seek adventures. You don't really have to seek them-that is nothing but a phrase-they come to you. Mark Twain
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First catch your Boer, then kick him. Mark Twain
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Golden rule: Made of hard metal so it could stand severe wear, it not being known at that time that butter would answer. Mark Twain
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Honesty is often the best policy, but sometimes the appearance of it is worth six of it. Mark Twain
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It is hard enough luck being a monarch, without being a target also. Mark Twain
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The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh. Mark Twain
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There is this trouble about special providences namely, there is so often a doubt as to which party was intended to be the beneficiary. In the case of the children, the bears, and the prophet, the bears got more real satisfaction out of the episode than the prophet did, because they got the children. Mark Twain
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If science exterminates a disease which has been working for God, it is God that gets the credit and all the pulpits break into grateful advertising-raptures and call attention to how good he is. Yes, he has done it. Perhaps he waited a thousand years before doing it. They forget to say that he is the slowest mover in the universe, that his Eye That Never Sleeps, might as well, since it takes a century to see what any other eye can see in a week. Mark Twain
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Learn from the mistakes of others - you won't live long enough to make them all yourself. He's opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer him the position. Mark Twain
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There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one: keep from telling their happinesses to the unhappy. Mark Twain
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There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular is providence. Mark Twain
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