Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. Mark Twain
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Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. Mark Twain
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Mark Twain
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The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter - 'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning. Mark Twain
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Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. Mark Twain
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When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself. Mark Twain
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My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water. Mark Twain
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I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. Mark Twain
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Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others. Mark Twain
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A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar. Mark Twain
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What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce. Mark Twain
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There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy. Mark Twain
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To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal. Mark Twain
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It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so. Mark Twain
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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. Mark Twain
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The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word. Mark Twain
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Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to do? Mark Twain
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We need not worry so much about what man descends from; it's what he descends to that shames the human race. Mark Twain
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A good legible label is usually worth, for information, a ton of significant attitude and expression in a historical picture. Mark Twain
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We Americans worship the almighty dollar! Well, it is a worthier god than Heredity Privilege. Mark Twain
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To my mind that literature is best and most enduring which is characterized by a noble simplicity. Mark Twain
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Man is the only creature who has a nasty mind. Mark Twain
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Duties are not performed for duty's sake, but because their neglect would make the man uncomfortable. A man performs but one duty - the duty of contenting his spirit, the duty of making himself agreeable to himself. Mark Twain
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If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out. Mark Twain
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I wrote 'Tom Sawyer' and 'Huck Finn' for adults exclusively, and it always distressed me when I find that boys and girls have been allowed access to them. The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean. Mark Twain
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In all the ages the Roman Church has owned slaves, bought and sold slaves, authorized and encouraged her children to trade in them. . . . There were the texts; there was no mistaking their meaning; . . . she was doing in all this thing what the Bible had mapped out for her to do. So unassailable was her position that in all the centuries she had no word to say against human slavery. Mark Twain
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When the doctrine of allegiance to party can utterly up-end a man's moral constitution and make a temporary fool of him besides, what excuse are you going to offer for preaching it, teaching it, extending it, perpetuating it? Shall you say, the best good of the country demands allegiance to party? Shall you also say it demands that a man kick his truth and his conscience into the gutter, and become a mouthing lunatic, besides? Mark Twain
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I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can. Mark Twain
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It's so damned humiliating. Mark Twain
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Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it. Mark Twain
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There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages. Mark Twain
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You believe in a book that has talking animals, wizards, witches, demons, sticks turning into snakes, burning bushes, food falling from the sky, people walking on water, and all sorts of magical, absurd and primitive stories, and you say that we are the ones that need help? Mark Twain
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Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. Mark Twain
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the size of a misfortune is not determinable by an outsider's measurement of it but only by the measurements applied to it by the person specially affected by it. Mark Twain
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You have heretofore found out, by my teachings, that man is a fool; you are now aware that woman is a damned fool. Mark Twain
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Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat. Mark Twain
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The Germans have an inhuman way of cutting up their verbs. Now a verb has a hard time enough of it in this world when it's all together. It's downright inhuman to split it up. But that's just what those Germans do. They take part of a verb and put it down here, like a stake, and they take the other part of it and put it away over yonder like another stake, and between these two limits they just shovel in German. from "Disappearance of Literature Mark Twain
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The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's. Mark Twain
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Our opinions do not really blossom into fruition until we have expressed them to someone else. Mark Twain
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We catched fish, and talked, and we took a swim now and then to keep off sleepiness. It was kind of solemn, drifting down the big still river, laying on our backs looking up at the stars, and we didn't ever feel like talking loud, and it warn't often that we laughed, only a kind of low chuckle. We had mighty good weather, as a general thing, and nothing ever happened to us at all, that night, nor the next, nor the next. Mark Twain
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The writing begins when you've finished. Only then do you know what you're trying to say. Mark Twain
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I have been reading the morning paper. I do it every morning-knowing well that I shall find in it the usual depravities and basenesses and hypocrisies and cruelties that make up civilization, and cause me to put in the rest of the day pleading for the damnation of the human race. I cannot seem to get my prayers answered, yet I do not despair. Mark Twain
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There is no salvation for us but to adopt Civilization and lift ourselves down to its level. Mark Twain
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The peoples furthest from civilization are the ones where equality between man and woman are furthest apart-and we consider this one of the signs of savagery. Mark Twain
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Strip the human race, absolutely naked, and it would be a real democracy. But the introduction of even a rag of tiger skin, or a cowtail, could make a badge of distinction and be the beginning of a monarchy. Mark Twain
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The secret of making progress is to get started. Mark Twain
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Experience is an author's most valuable asset; experience is the thing that puts the muscle and the breath and the warm blood into the book he writes. Mark Twain
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Saturday morning was come, and all the summer world was bright and fresh, and brimming with life. There was a song in every heart; and if the heart was young, the music issued at the lips. There was cheer in every face and a spring in every step. The locust-trees were in bloom, and the fragrance of the blossoms filled the air. Cardiff Hill, beyond the village and above, it was green with vegetation, and it lay just far enough away to seem a Delectable Land, dreamy, reposeful, and inviting. Mark Twain
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His head was an hour-glass; it could stow an idea, but it had to do it a grain at a time, not the whole idea at once. Mark Twain
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One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke. Mark Twain
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There is nothing training can't cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. Mark Twain
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But the elastic heart of youth cannot be compressed into one constrained shape long at a time. Mark Twain
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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twain
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It is better to be alone than unwelcome. - Eve Mark Twain
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I am only human, although I regret it. Mark Twain
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I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead. Mark Twain
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Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life. Mark Twain
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A great, great deal has been said about the weather, but very little has ever been done. Mark Twain
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Don't wait the time is never just right. Mark Twain
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Love heightens all senses - except the common. Mark Twain
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Just because you're taught that something's right and everyone believes it's right, it don't make it right. Mark Twain
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The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog. Mark Twain
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Let us draw the curtain of charity over the rest of this scene Mark Twain
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. Mark Twain
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A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch. Mark Twain
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This editor is a critic. He has pulled out his carving-knife and his tomahawk and is starting after a book which he is going to have for breakfast. Mark Twain
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That is a society editor, sitting there elegantly dressed, with his legs crossed in that indolent way, observing the clothes the ladies wear, so that he can describe them for his paper and make them out finer than they are and get bribes for it and become wealthy. Mark Twain
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We have an insanity plea that would have saved Cain. Mark Twain
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You see, he knew his own laws just as other people so often know the laws: by words, not by effects. They take a meaning, and get to be very vivid, when you come to apply them to yourself. Mark Twain
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An American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi-Gras in New Orleans. Mark Twain
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