Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


I am always on the side of the revolutionists, because there never was a revolution unless there were some oppressive and intolerable conditions against which to revolute. Mark Twain
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It is agreed, in this country, that if a man can arrange his religion so that it perfectly satisfies his conscience, it is not incumbent on him to care whether the arrangement is satisfactory to anyone else or not. Mark Twain
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Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expensive and nefarious kind of government ever heard of on earth Mark Twain
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If to be interesting is to be uncommonplace, it is becoming a question, with me, if there are any commonplace people Mark Twain
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I'm merely running some errands. This is now off the record. Mark Twain
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The funniest things are the forbidden. Mark Twain
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So you see, the quality of humor is not a personal or a national monopoly. It's as free as salvation, and, I am afraid, far more widely distributed. But it has its value, I think. The hard and sordid things of life are too hard and too sordid and too cruel for us to know and touch them year after year without some mitigating influence, some kindly veil to draw over them, from time to time, to blur the craggy outlines, and make the thorns less sharp and the cruelties less malignant. Mark Twain
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Information appears to stew out of me naturally, like the precious otter of roses out of the otter. Mark Twain
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What a world of trouble those who never marry escape! There are many happy matches, it is true, and sometimes "my dear," and "my love" come from the heart; but what sensible bachelor, rejoicing in his freedom and years of discretion, will run the tremendous risk? Mark Twain
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Men and women - even man and wife are foreigners. Each has reserves that the other cannot enter into, nor understand. These have the effect of frontiers. Mark Twain
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...majority Patriotism is the customary Patriotism. Mark Twain
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There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land (and work) again after a cheerful, careless voyage. Mark Twain
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As soon as a man recognizes that he has drifted into age, he gets reminiscent. He wants to talk and talk; and not about the present or the future, but about his old times. For there is where the pathos of his life lies - and the charm of it. The pathos of it is there because it was opulent with treasures that are gone, and the charm of it is in casting them up from the musty ledgers and remembering how rich and gracious they were. Mark Twain
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Man has been here 32,000 years. That it took a hundred million years to prepare the world for him is proof that that is what it was done for. I suppose it is, I dunno. If The Eiffel Tower were now to represent the world's age, the skin of paint on the pinnacle knob at its summit would represent man's share of that age; and anybody would perceive that the skin was what the tower was built for. I reckon they would, I dunno. Mark Twain
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Our Bible reveals to us the character of our god with minute and remorseless exactness... It is perhaps the most damnatory biography that exists in print anywhere. It makes Nero an angel of light and leading by contrast. Mark Twain
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The average American's simplest and commonest form of breakfast consists of coffee and beefsteak. Mark Twain
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Never let formal education get in the way of your learning. Mark Twain
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But we are all insane, anyway ... The suicides seem to be the only sane people. Mark Twain
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An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it. Mark Twain
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I am an anti-imperialist. I am opposed to having the eagle put its talons on any other land. Mark Twain
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The law of work seems unfair, but nothing can change it; the more enjoyment you get out of your work, the more money you will make. Mark Twain
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Optimist: Person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness. Mark Twain
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That is a simple rule, and easy to remember. When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane; not in all things, but in religious matters. Mark Twain
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Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth. Mark Twain
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We write frankly and freely, but then we modify before we print. Mark Twain
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Had double chins all the way down to his stomach. Mark Twain
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His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere. Mark Twain
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The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful. Mark Twain
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Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. So many look to eradicate fear from their lives, when that is an impossible task. You can certainly experience moments in absence of fear, however accept that fear will be with you whenever you are in the process of living creatively. The challenge is to go ahead regardless, simply notice the feeling and manage being courageous. Mark Twain
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All my life I have been honest-comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly-I could only lend it. Mark Twain
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Medicine has made all its progress during the past fifty years. ... How many operations that are now in use were known fifty years ago?-they were not operations, they were executions. Mark Twain
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I have been scientifically studying the traits and dispositions of the "lower animals" (so-called,) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result profoundly humiliating to me. For it obliges me to renounce my allegiance to the Darwinian theory of the Ascent of Man from the Lower Animals; since it now seems plain to me that that theory ought to be vacated in favor of a new and truer one, this new and truer one to be named the Descent of Man from the Higher Animals. Mark Twain
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Strange a God who mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness, then invented hell; who mouths morals to other people and has none Himself; who frowns upon crimes yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon Himself; and finally with altogether divine obtuseness, invites this poor, abused slave to worship Him! Mark Twain
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If you have nothing to say, say nothing. Mark Twain
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Jesus died to save men - a small thing for an immortal to do - and didn't save many, anyway. But if he had been damned for the race, that would have been act of a size proper to a god, and would have saved the whole race. Mark Twain
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You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. Mark Twain
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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. Mark Twain
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Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
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Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. Mark Twain
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Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. Mark Twain
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Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. Mark Twain
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Mark Twain
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The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter - 'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning. Mark Twain
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Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. Mark Twain
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When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself. Mark Twain
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My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water. Mark Twain
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I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. Mark Twain
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Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others. Mark Twain
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A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar. Mark Twain
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What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce. Mark Twain
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There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy. Mark Twain
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To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal. Mark Twain
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It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so. Mark Twain
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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. Mark Twain
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The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word. Mark Twain
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Our opinions do not really blossom into fruition until we have expressed them to someone else. Mark Twain
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We catched fish, and talked, and we took a swim now and then to keep off sleepiness. It was kind of solemn, drifting down the big still river, laying on our backs looking up at the stars, and we didn't ever feel like talking loud, and it warn't often that we laughed, only a kind of low chuckle. We had mighty good weather, as a general thing, and nothing ever happened to us at all, that night, nor the next, nor the next. Mark Twain
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The writing begins when you've finished. Only then do you know what you're trying to say. Mark Twain
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I have been reading the morning paper. I do it every morning-knowing well that I shall find in it the usual depravities and basenesses and hypocrisies and cruelties that make up civilization, and cause me to put in the rest of the day pleading for the damnation of the human race. I cannot seem to get my prayers answered, yet I do not despair. Mark Twain
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There is no salvation for us but to adopt Civilization and lift ourselves down to its level. Mark Twain
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The peoples furthest from civilization are the ones where equality between man and woman are furthest apart-and we consider this one of the signs of savagery. Mark Twain
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Strip the human race, absolutely naked, and it would be a real democracy. But the introduction of even a rag of tiger skin, or a cowtail, could make a badge of distinction and be the beginning of a monarchy. Mark Twain
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The secret of making progress is to get started. Mark Twain
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Experience is an author's most valuable asset; experience is the thing that puts the muscle and the breath and the warm blood into the book he writes. Mark Twain
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Saturday morning was come, and all the summer world was bright and fresh, and brimming with life. There was a song in every heart; and if the heart was young, the music issued at the lips. There was cheer in every face and a spring in every step. The locust-trees were in bloom, and the fragrance of the blossoms filled the air. Cardiff Hill, beyond the village and above, it was green with vegetation, and it lay just far enough away to seem a Delectable Land, dreamy, reposeful, and inviting. Mark Twain
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His head was an hour-glass; it could stow an idea, but it had to do it a grain at a time, not the whole idea at once. Mark Twain
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One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke. Mark Twain
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There is nothing training can't cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. Mark Twain
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But the elastic heart of youth cannot be compressed into one constrained shape long at a time. Mark Twain
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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twain
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