Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination. Mark Twain
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We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read. Mark Twain
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I asked tom if countries always apologize when they had done wrong, and he says, 'Yes, the little one does. Mark Twain
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When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. Mark Twain
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In the matter of intellect the ant must be a strangely overrated bird. During many summers, now, I have watched him, when I ought to have been in better business, and I have not yet come across a living ant that seemed to have any more sense than a dead one. I refer to the ordinary ant, of course; I have had no experience of those wonderful Swiss and African ones which vote, keep drilled armies, hold slaves, and dispute about religion. Mark Twain
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Adam was but human-this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent: then he would have eaten the serpent. Mark Twain
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Thanksgiving Day. Let us all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys; they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji. Mark Twain
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There is no such thing as 'the Queen's English.' The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares! Mark Twain
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There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford to, and when he can. Mark Twain
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[Man] has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights, the one ecstasy that stands first and foremost in the heart of every individual of his race- and of ours-sexual intercourse! It is as if a lost and perishing person in a roasting desert should be told by a rescuer he might choose and have all longed for things but one, and he should elect to leave out water! Mark Twain
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Twenty-four years ago I was strangely handsome; in San Francisco in the rainy season I was often mistaken for fair weather. Mark Twain
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We [Americans] are the lavishest and showiest and most luxury-loving people on the earth; and at our masthead we fly one true and honest symbol, the gaudiest flag the world has ever seen. Mark Twain
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A person [Satan] who has during all time maintained the imposing position of spiritual head of fourfifths of the human race, and political head of the whole of it, must be granted the possession of executive abilities of the loftiest order. Mark Twain
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There is one notable thing about our Christianity: bad, bloody, merciless, money-grabbing, and predatory. The invention of hell measured by our Christianity of today, bad as it is, hypocritical as it is, empty and hollow as it is, neither the deity nor his son is a Christian, nor qualified for that moderately high place. Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilled. Mark Twain
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Mine was a trained Presbyterian conscience and knew but the one duty - to hunt and harry its slave upon all pretexts and on all occasions, particularly when there was no sense nor reason in it. Mark Twain
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If true, rarely beautiful. If beautiful, rarely true. Mark Twain
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The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the life too closely examined may not be lived at all. Mark Twain
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Every man has a secret ambition: To outsmart horses, fish and women. Mark Twain
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In the small town of Hannibal, Missouri, when I was a boy, everybody was poor, but didn't know it; and everybody was comfortable and did know it. Mark Twain
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Switzerland would me a mighty big place if it were ironed flat. Mark Twain
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One must travel, to learn. Every day, now, old Scriptural phrases that never possessed any significance for me before, take to themselves a meaning. Mark Twain
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Conscience, man's moral medicine chest. Mark Twain
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Do something everyday that you don't want to do. Mark Twain
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The darling mispronunciations of childhood! - dear me, there's no music that can touch it; and how one grieves when it wastes away and dissolves into correctness, knowing it will never visit his bereaved ear again. Mark Twain
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The joy of killing! the joy of seeing killing done - these are traits of the human race at large. Mark Twain
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Never mistake motion for progress. Mark Twain
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If we had less statemanship we could get along with fewer battleships. Mark Twain
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Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it. Mark Twain
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Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness. Mark Twain
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What a curious kind of fool a girl is. Never been licked in school. What's a licking? Mark Twain
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Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwcp is pronounced Jackson. Mark Twain
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You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does - but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use. Mark Twain
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The true pioneer of civilization is not the newspaper, not religion, not the railroad - but whiskey! Mark Twain
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By common consent of all the nations and all the ages the most valuable thing in this world is the homage of men, whether deserved or undeserved. Mark Twain
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You are a coward when you even seem to have backed down from a thing you openly set out to do Mark Twain
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A sin takes on a new and real terror when there seems a chance that it is going to be found out. Mark Twain
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The silent colossal National Lie that is the support and confederate of all the tyrannies and shams and inequalities and unfairnesses that afflict the peoples - that is the one to throw bricks and sermons at. Mark Twain
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History has tried hard to teach us that we can't have good government under politicians. Now, to go and stick one at the very head of the government couldn't be wise. Mark Twain
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Love your enemy, it will scare the hell out of them. Mark Twain
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Priapism is what happens when someone gets strangulated to the point of hypoxia. Mark Twain
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I am the entire human race compacted together. I have found that there is no ingredient of the race which I do not possess in either a small way or a large way. Mark Twain
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A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase. Mark Twain
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It is more trouble to make a maxim than it is to do right. Mark Twain
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There is not a single celebrated Southern name in any of the departments of human industry except those of war, assassination, lynching, murder, the duel, repudiation, & massacre. Mark Twain
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Our opinions do not really blossom into fruition until we have expressed them to someone else. Mark Twain
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We catched fish, and talked, and we took a swim now and then to keep off sleepiness. It was kind of solemn, drifting down the big still river, laying on our backs looking up at the stars, and we didn't ever feel like talking loud, and it warn't often that we laughed, only a kind of low chuckle. We had mighty good weather, as a general thing, and nothing ever happened to us at all, that night, nor the next, nor the next. Mark Twain
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The writing begins when you've finished. Only then do you know what you're trying to say. Mark Twain
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I have been reading the morning paper. I do it every morning-knowing well that I shall find in it the usual depravities and basenesses and hypocrisies and cruelties that make up civilization, and cause me to put in the rest of the day pleading for the damnation of the human race. I cannot seem to get my prayers answered, yet I do not despair. Mark Twain
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There is no salvation for us but to adopt Civilization and lift ourselves down to its level. Mark Twain
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The peoples furthest from civilization are the ones where equality between man and woman are furthest apart-and we consider this one of the signs of savagery. Mark Twain
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Strip the human race, absolutely naked, and it would be a real democracy. But the introduction of even a rag of tiger skin, or a cowtail, could make a badge of distinction and be the beginning of a monarchy. Mark Twain
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The secret of making progress is to get started. Mark Twain
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Experience is an author's most valuable asset; experience is the thing that puts the muscle and the breath and the warm blood into the book he writes. Mark Twain
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Saturday morning was come, and all the summer world was bright and fresh, and brimming with life. There was a song in every heart; and if the heart was young, the music issued at the lips. There was cheer in every face and a spring in every step. The locust-trees were in bloom, and the fragrance of the blossoms filled the air. Cardiff Hill, beyond the village and above, it was green with vegetation, and it lay just far enough away to seem a Delectable Land, dreamy, reposeful, and inviting. Mark Twain
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His head was an hour-glass; it could stow an idea, but it had to do it a grain at a time, not the whole idea at once. Mark Twain
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One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke. Mark Twain
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There is nothing training can't cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. Mark Twain
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But the elastic heart of youth cannot be compressed into one constrained shape long at a time. Mark Twain
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Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Mark Twain
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It is better to be alone than unwelcome. - Eve Mark Twain
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I am only human, although I regret it. Mark Twain
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I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead. Mark Twain
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Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life. Mark Twain
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A great, great deal has been said about the weather, but very little has ever been done. Mark Twain
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Don't wait the time is never just right. Mark Twain
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Love heightens all senses - except the common. Mark Twain
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Just because you're taught that something's right and everyone believes it's right, it don't make it right. Mark Twain
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The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog. Mark Twain
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Let us draw the curtain of charity over the rest of this scene Mark Twain
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. Mark Twain
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