Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. "It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for certain that just ain't true." Thinking that you know the future. Mark Twain
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God rewards gamblers and fools. The crucial thing, when you win, is knowing which you were. Mark Twain
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Human beings are the only creatures who blush - or who need to. Mark Twain
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Never mistake motion for progress. Mark Twain
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If we had less statemanship we could get along with fewer battleships. Mark Twain
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There is one notable thing about our Christianity: bad, bloody, merciless, money-grabbing, and predatory. The invention of hell measured by our Christianity of today, bad as it is, hypocritical as it is, empty and hollow as it is, neither the deity nor his son is a Christian, nor qualified for that moderately high place. Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilled. Mark Twain
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Mine was a trained Presbyterian conscience and knew but the one duty - to hunt and harry its slave upon all pretexts and on all occasions, particularly when there was no sense nor reason in it. Mark Twain
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If true, rarely beautiful. If beautiful, rarely true. Mark Twain
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The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the life too closely examined may not be lived at all. Mark Twain
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Every man has a secret ambition: To outsmart horses, fish and women. Mark Twain
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In the small town of Hannibal, Missouri, when I was a boy, everybody was poor, but didn't know it; and everybody was comfortable and did know it. Mark Twain
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My idea of our civilization is that it is a shoddy, poor thing and full of cruelties, vanities, arrogances, meannesses and hypocrisies. Mark Twain
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We must put up with our clothes as they are - they have their reason for existing. They are on us to expose us - to advertise what we wear them to conceal. They are a sign; a sign of insincerity; a sign of suppressed vanity; a pretense that we desire gorgeous colors and the graces of harmony and form; and we put them on to propagate that lie and back it up. Mark Twain
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To be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth. As long as one sorely needs a certain additional amount, that man isn't rich. Mark Twain
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Genius, like gold and precious stones, is chiefly prized because of its rarity. Mark Twain
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Recipe for a long life: Only smoke while awake. Only run when being chased. Mark Twain
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Every man feels that his experience is unlike that of anybody else and therefore he should write it down- he finds also that everybody else has thought and felt on some points precisely as he has done, and therefore he should write it down. Mark Twain
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Our best built certainties are but sand-houses and subject to damage from any wind of doubt that blows Mark Twain
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Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growths Mark Twain
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The rain ...falls upon the just and the unjust alike; a thing which would not happen if I were superintending the rain's affairs. No, I would rain softly and sweetly on the just, but if I caught a sample of the unjust outdoors, I would drown him. Mark Twain
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Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it. Mark Twain
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Conformity-the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority. Mark Twain
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When you catch an adjective, kill it. Mark Twain
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The symbol of the race ought to be a human being carrying an ax, for every human being has one concealed about him somewhere, and is always seeking the opportunity to grind it. Mark Twain
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Damn these human beings; if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag. Mark Twain
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Make your vocation your vacation. That is the secret to success. Mark Twain
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Principles aren't of much account anyway, except at election time. After that you hang them up to let them season. Mark Twain
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Intellectual 'work' is misnamed; it is a pleasure, a dissipation, and is its own highest reward. Mark Twain
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Often a quite assified remark becomes sanctified by use and petrified by custom; it is then a permanency, its term of activity a geologic period. Mark Twain
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A person who has during all time maintained the imposing position of spiritual head of four-fifths of the human race, and political head of the whole of it, must be granted the possession of executive abilities of the loftiest order. Mark Twain
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Oh Death where is thy sting! It has none. But life has. Mark Twain
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You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft. Mark Twain
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We wish to learn all the curious, outlandish ways of all the different countries, so that we can "show off" and astonish people when we get home. We wish to excite the envy of our untraveled friends with our strange foreign fashions which we can't shake off. Mark Twain
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The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke, and tell indelicate stories- and mainly, a yearning to paint pictures. Mark Twain
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While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats. Mark Twain
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Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. Mark Twain
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Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear-not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave; it is merely a loose application of the word. Consider the flea! - incomparably the bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage. Mark Twain
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It was the schoolboy who said, ""Faith is believing what you know ain't so."" Mark Twain
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I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me. Mark Twain
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We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true-humor. Mark Twain
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The old saw says - 'Let a sleeping dog lie.' Experience knows better; experience says, If you want to convince do it yourself. Mark Twain
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After my marriage she edited everything I wrote. And what is more, she not only edited my works, she edited me. Mark Twain
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You can have brilliant ideas, but if you can't get them across, your ideas won't get you anywhere. Lee Iacocca Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. Mark Twain
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A powerful agent is the right word: it lights the reader's way and makes it plain. Mark Twain
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Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat. Mark Twain
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The Germans have an inhuman way of cutting up their verbs. Now a verb has a hard time enough of it in this world when it's all together. It's downright inhuman to split it up. But that's just what those Germans do. They take part of a verb and put it down here, like a stake, and they take the other part of it and put it away over yonder like another stake, and between these two limits they just shovel in German. from "Disappearance of Literature Mark Twain
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The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's. Mark Twain
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Learning softeneth the heart and breedeth gentleness and charity. Mark Twain
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The less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it Mark Twain
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The writing begins when you've finished. Only then do you know what you're trying to say. Mark Twain
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Unused talents gives you no advantage over someone who has no talent at all. Mark Twain
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That's the difference between governments and individuals. Governments don't care, individuals do. Mark Twain
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Just because you're taught that something's right and everyone believes it's right, it don't make it right. Mark Twain
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The funniest things are the forbidden. Mark Twain
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So you see, the quality of humor is not a personal or a national monopoly. It's as free as salvation, and, I am afraid, far more widely distributed. But it has its value, I think. The hard and sordid things of life are too hard and too sordid and too cruel for us to know and touch them year after year without some mitigating influence, some kindly veil to draw over them, from time to time, to blur the craggy outlines, and make the thorns less sharp and the cruelties less malignant. Mark Twain
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Information appears to stew out of me naturally, like the precious otter of roses out of the otter. Mark Twain
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What a world of trouble those who never marry escape! There are many happy matches, it is true, and sometimes "my dear," and "my love" come from the heart; but what sensible bachelor, rejoicing in his freedom and years of discretion, will run the tremendous risk? Mark Twain
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Men and women - even man and wife are foreigners. Each has reserves that the other cannot enter into, nor understand. These have the effect of frontiers. Mark Twain
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...majority Patriotism is the customary Patriotism. Mark Twain
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There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land (and work) again after a cheerful, careless voyage. Mark Twain
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Sacred cows make the best hamburger. Mark Twain
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That optimist of yours is always ready to turn hell's backyard into a play-ground. Mark Twain
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Experience, the only logic sure to convince a diseased imagination and restore it to rugged health. Mark Twain
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As one boy said, 'I was thinking all these horrible thoughts about my parents when suddenly it hit me-if they're all that bad, how come I'm so wonderful' Mark Twain
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Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. Mark Twain
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There is only one expert who is qualified to examine the souls and the life of a people and make a valuable report - the native novelist. ... And when a thousand able novels have been written, there you have the soul of the people; and not anywhere else can these be had. Mark Twain
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It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him. Mark Twain
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If the bubble reputation can be obtained only at the cannon's mouth, I am willing to go there for it, provided the cannon is empty. If it is loaded my immortal and inflexible purpose is to get over the fence and go home. My invariable practice in war has been to bring out of every fight two-thirds more men than when I went in. This seems to me Napoleonic in its grandeur. Mark Twain
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It is no use to keep private information which you can't show off. Mark Twain
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A railroad is like a lie you have to keep building it to make it stand. Mark Twain
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