Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961

How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it. Mark Twain

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. Mark Twain

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded. Mark Twain

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. Mark Twain

Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it. Mark Twain

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. Mark Twain

If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat. Mark Twain

All emotion is involuntary when genuine. Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Mark Twain

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Mark Twain

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. Mark Twain

I can live for two months on a good compliment. Mark Twain

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist. Mark Twain

As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake. Mark Twain

All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure. Mark Twain

We have the best government that money can buy. Mark Twain

'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read. Mark Twain

Prosperity is the best protector of principle. Mark Twain

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. Mark Twain

Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. Mark Twain

Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish. Mark Twain

The common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the seeing eye pierces through and reads the heart and the soul, finding there capacities which the outside didn't indicate or promise, and which the other kind of eye couldn't detect. Mark Twain

If books are not good company, where shall I find it? Mark Twain

I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: "Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together. Mark Twain

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal. Mark Twain

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? Mark Twain

I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I'm not feeling so well myself. Mark Twain

Use the right word, not its second cousin. Mark Twain

Every person is a book, each year a chapter, Mark Twain

There are some few people I respect and admire, but I don't think much of the species. Mark Twain

Don't explain your author, read him right and he explains himself. Mark Twain

All kings is mostly rapscallions, as fur as I can make out. Mark Twain

Education that consists in learning things and not the meaning of them is feeding upon the husks and not the corn Mark Twain

I felt it was my duty to praise all of God's works with fervent enthusiasm. At the same time I killed flies in my house in a spirit of hatred, exasperation and contempt. My praise to God for all his works was dishonest, the act of killing the fly was honest. Mark Twain

If your only tool is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail. Mark Twain

Man is without doubt the most interesting fool there is. He concedes that God made the angels immune from pain and death, and that he could have been similarly kind to man, but denies that he was under any moral obligation to do so. Mark Twain

If there is one thing that will make a man peculiarly and insufferable self-conceited, it is to have his stomach behave itself, the first day at sea, when nearly all his comrades are seasick. Mark Twain

All the territorial possessions of all the political establishments in the earth-including America, of course- consist of pilferings from other people's wash. No tribe, howsoever insignificant, and no nation, howsoever mighty occupies a foot of land that was not stolen. Mark Twain

No one has ever seen a Republican mass meeting that was devoid of the perception of the ludicrous. Mark Twain

In prayer we call ourselves 'worms of the dust', but it is only on a sort of tacit understanding that the remark shall not be taken at par. Mark Twain

The lie, as a virtue, a principle, is eternal; the lie, as a recreation, a solace, a refuge in time of need, the fourth Grace, the tenth Muse, man's best and surest friend is immortal Mark Twain

The dreamer's valuation of a thing lost - not another man's - is the only standard to measure it by, and his grief for it makes it large and great and fine, and is worthy of our reverence in all cases. Mark Twain

Now, isn't imagination a precious thing? It peoples the earth with all manner of wonders... Mark Twain

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. Mark Twain

Information appears to stew out of me naturally, like the precious otter of roses out of the otter. Mark Twain

What a world of trouble those who never marry escape! There are many happy matches, it is true, and sometimes "my dear," and "my love" come from the heart; but what sensible bachelor, rejoicing in his freedom and years of discretion, will run the tremendous risk? Mark Twain

Men and women - even man and wife are foreigners. Each has reserves that the other cannot enter into, nor understand. These have the effect of frontiers. Mark Twain

...majority Patriotism is the customary Patriotism. Mark Twain

There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land (and work) again after a cheerful, careless voyage. Mark Twain

As soon as a man recognizes that he has drifted into age, he gets reminiscent. He wants to talk and talk; and not about the present or the future, but about his old times. For there is where the pathos of his life lies - and the charm of it. The pathos of it is there because it was opulent with treasures that are gone, and the charm of it is in casting them up from the musty ledgers and remembering how rich and gracious they were. Mark Twain

Man has been here 32,000 years. That it took a hundred million years to prepare the world for him is proof that that is what it was done for. I suppose it is, I dunno. If The Eiffel Tower were now to represent the world's age, the skin of paint on the pinnacle knob at its summit would represent man's share of that age; and anybody would perceive that the skin was what the tower was built for. I reckon they would, I dunno. Mark Twain

Our Bible reveals to us the character of our god with minute and remorseless exactness... It is perhaps the most damnatory biography that exists in print anywhere. It makes Nero an angel of light and leading by contrast. Mark Twain

The average American's simplest and commonest form of breakfast consists of coffee and beefsteak. Mark Twain

Never let formal education get in the way of your learning. Mark Twain

But we are all insane, anyway ... The suicides seem to be the only sane people. Mark Twain

An open mind leaves a chance for someone to drop a worthwhile thought in it. Mark Twain

I am an anti-imperialist. I am opposed to having the eagle put its talons on any other land. Mark Twain

The law of work seems unfair, but nothing can change it; the more enjoyment you get out of your work, the more money you will make. Mark Twain

Optimist: Person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness. Mark Twain

That is a simple rule, and easy to remember. When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane; not in all things, but in religious matters. Mark Twain

Nothing incites to money-crimes like great poverty or great wealth. Mark Twain

We write frankly and freely, but then we modify before we print. Mark Twain

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach. Mark Twain

His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere. Mark Twain

The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful. Mark Twain

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. So many look to eradicate fear from their lives, when that is an impossible task. You can certainly experience moments in absence of fear, however accept that fear will be with you whenever you are in the process of living creatively. The challenge is to go ahead regardless, simply notice the feeling and manage being courageous. Mark Twain

All my life I have been honest-comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly-I could only lend it. Mark Twain

Medicine has made all its progress during the past fifty years. ... How many operations that are now in use were known fifty years ago?-they were not operations, they were executions. Mark Twain

I have been scientifically studying the traits and dispositions of the "lower animals" (so-called,) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result profoundly humiliating to me. For it obliges me to renounce my allegiance to the Darwinian theory of the Ascent of Man from the Lower Animals; since it now seems plain to me that that theory ought to be vacated in favor of a new and truer one, this new and truer one to be named the Descent of Man from the Higher Animals. Mark Twain

Strange a God who mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness, then invented hell; who mouths morals to other people and has none Himself; who frowns upon crimes yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon Himself; and finally with altogether divine obtuseness, invites this poor, abused slave to worship Him! Mark Twain

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