Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


God rewards gamblers and fools. The crucial thing, when you win, is knowing which you were. Mark Twain

Human beings are the only creatures who blush - or who need to. Mark Twain

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. Mark Twain

In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination. Mark Twain

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read. Mark Twain

I asked tom if countries always apologize when they had done wrong, and he says, 'Yes, the little one does. Mark Twain

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. Mark Twain

In the matter of intellect the ant must be a strangely overrated bird. During many summers, now, I have watched him, when I ought to have been in better business, and I have not yet come across a living ant that seemed to have any more sense than a dead one. I refer to the ordinary ant, of course; I have had no experience of those wonderful Swiss and African ones which vote, keep drilled armies, hold slaves, and dispute about religion. Mark Twain

Adam was but human-this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent: then he would have eaten the serpent. Mark Twain

Thanksgiving Day. Let us all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys; they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji. Mark Twain

There is no such thing as 'the Queen's English.' The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares! Mark Twain

There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford to, and when he can. Mark Twain

[Man] has imagined a heaven, and has left entirely out of it the supremest of all his delights, the one ecstasy that stands first and foremost in the heart of every individual of his race- and of ours-sexual intercourse! It is as if a lost and perishing person in a roasting desert should be told by a rescuer he might choose and have all longed for things but one, and he should elect to leave out water! Mark Twain

Twenty-four years ago I was strangely handsome; in San Francisco in the rainy season I was often mistaken for fair weather. Mark Twain

We [Americans] are the lavishest and showiest and most luxury-loving people on the earth; and at our masthead we fly one true and honest symbol, the gaudiest flag the world has ever seen. Mark Twain

A person [Satan] who has during all time maintained the imposing position of spiritual head of fourfifths of the human race, and political head of the whole of it, must be granted the possession of executive abilities of the loftiest order. Mark Twain

Enthusiasm is caught, not taught. Mark Twain

Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read. Mark Twain

It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse-races. Mark Twain

Formerly, if you killed a man, it was possible that you were insane-but now, if you, having friends and money, kill a man, it is evidence that you are a lunatic. Mark Twain

An experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite picturesque liar. Mark Twain

Definition of a classic - something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. Mark Twain

A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or a newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt. Mark Twain

I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it. I studied a minute, sort of holding my breath, and then says to myself, All right, then, I'll GO to hell. Mark Twain

The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them. Mark Twain

Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all - the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved. Mark Twain

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. Mark Twain

Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave; it is merely a loose application of the word. Consider the flea! - incomparably the bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage. Mark Twain

There is nothing you can say in answer to a compliment. I have been complimented myself a great many times, and they always embarrass me - I always feel that they have not said enough. Mark Twain

O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded... Mark Twain

Don't you worry, and don't you hurry.'I know that phrase by heart, and if all other music should perish out of the world it would still sing to me. Mark Twain

A coin, sleeve button, or a collar button dropped in a bedroom will hide itself and be hard to find. A handkerchief in bed 'can't' be found. Mark Twain

Adam was the luckiest man; he had no mother-in-law. Mark Twain

I am a democrat only on principle, not by instinct - nobody is that. Doubtless some people say they are, but this world is grievously given to lying. Mark Twain

He had had much experience of physicians, and said, the only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. Mark Twain

If to be interesting is to be uncommonplace, it is becoming a question, with me, if there are any commonplace people. Mark Twain

Man is a museum of diseases, a home of impurities; he comes today and is gone tomorrow; he begins as dirt and departs as stench. Mark Twain

My advice to women is: First, don't smoke - to excess; Second, don't drink - to excess; Third, don't marry - to excess. Mark Twain

Nothing helps scenery like ham and eggs. Mark Twain

Modesty antedates clothes and will be resumed when clothes are no more. Modesty died when clothes were born. Modesty died when false modesty was born. Mark Twain

Pilgrim's Progress, about a man who left his family, it didn't say why. The statements was interesting, but tough. Mark Twain

Rail-splitting produced an unparalleled president in Lincoln. But gold hasn't produced even a good A-1 congressman. Mark Twain

The only way to stay healthy is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. Mark Twain

There is a great deal of human nature in people. Mark Twain

Tonight I appear for the first time before a Boston audience - 4000 critics. Mark Twain

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain

We owe a deep debt of gratitude to Adam, the first great benefactor of the human race: he brought death into the world. Mark Twain

When a man's dog turns against him it is time for a wife to pack her trunk and go home to mama. Mark Twain

I said there was but one solitary thing about the past worth remembering, and that was the fact that it is past-can't be restored. Mark Twain

When we think of friends, and call their faces out of the shadows, and their voices out of the echoes that faint along the corridors of memory, and do it without knowing why save that we love to do it, we content ourselves that that friendship is a Reality, and not a Fancy-that it is builded upon a rock, and not upon the sands that dissolve away with the ebbing tides and carry their monuments with them. Mark Twain

In religion and politics people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing. Mark Twain

I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly. Mark Twain

Wheresoever she was, there was Eden. Mark Twain

Many public-school children seem to know only two dates-1492 and 4th of July; and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion. Mark Twain

I don't want no better book than what your face is. Mark Twain

What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself. All day long, the mill of his brain is grinding, and his thoughts, not those of other things, are his history. These are his life, and they are not written. Everyday would make a whole book of 80,000 words - 365 books a year. Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man - the biography of the man himself cannot be written. Mark Twain

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. Mark Twain

Wilson stopped and stood silent. Inattention dies a quick and sure death when a speaker does that. Mark Twain

What a man wants with religion in these breadless times, surpasses my comprehension. Mark Twain

I always did hate for anyone to know what my plans or hopes or prospects were?for, if I kept people in ignorance in these matters, no one could be disappointed but myself, if they were not realized. Mark Twain

My interest in my work dies a sudden and violent death when the work is done. Mark Twain

when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity. Mark Twain

Persons who think there is no such thing as luck good or bad are entitled to their opinion, although I think they ought to be shot for it. Mark Twain

He [George Washington Cable] has taught me to abhor and detest the Sabbath day and hunt up new and troublesome ways to dishonor it. Mark Twain

It is a mystery that is hidden from me by reason that the emergency requiring the fathoming of it hath not in my life-days occurred, and so, not having no need to know this thing, I abide barren of the knowledge. Mark Twain

None but the dead have free speech. Mark Twain

The fact is, the king was a good deal more than a king, he was a man; and when a man is a man, you can't knock it out of him. Mark Twain

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money. Mark Twain

Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. Mark Twain

The history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal. Mark Twain



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