Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


All religions issue bibles again Satan, and say the most injurious things against him, but we never hear his side. Mark Twain
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It is sound statesmanship to add two battleships every time our neighbour adds one and two stories to our skyscrapers every time he piles a new one on top of his to threaten our light. There is no limit to this soundness but the sky. Mark Twain
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Wherefore being all of one mind, we do highly resolve that government of the grafted by the grafter for the grafter shall not perish from the earth. Mark Twain
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I am able to say that while I am not ruggedly well, I am not ill enough to excite an undertaker. Mark Twain
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You ought never to sass old people- unless they sass you first. Mark Twain
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Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. "It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for certain that just ain't true." Thinking that you know the future. Mark Twain
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God rewards gamblers and fools. The crucial thing, when you win, is knowing which you were. Mark Twain
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Human beings are the only creatures who blush - or who need to. Mark Twain
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Definite speech means clarity of mind. Mark Twain
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In my schoolboy days I had no aversion to slavery. I was not aware there was anything wrong about it. No-one arraigned it in my hearing; the local papers said nothing against it; the local pulpit taught us that God approved it, that it was a holy thing, and that the doubter need only look in the Bible if he wished to settle his mind. Mark Twain
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God was left out of the Constitution but was furnished a front seat on the coins of the country. Mark Twain
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I am dead to adverbs; they cannot excite me. To misplace an adverb is a thing which I am able to do with frozen indifference; it can never give me a pang. There are subtleties which I cannot master at all - they confuse me, they mean absolutely nothing to me - and this adverb plague is one of them. Mark Twain
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I'm the only person who has ever found the right way to build an autobiography. Mark Twain
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Perfect grammar - persistent, continuous, sustained - is the fourth dimension, so to speak; many have sought it, but none has found it. Mark Twain
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We had an abundance of mangoes, papaias and bananas here, but the pride of the islands, the most delicious fruit known to men, cherimoya, was not in season. It has a soft pulp, like a pawpaw, and is eaten with a spoon. Mark Twain
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Hotels are the only proper places for lecturers. When I am ill-natured I so enjoy the freedom of a hotel where I can ring up a domestic and give him a quarter and then break furniture over him. Mark Twain
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There is one notable thing about our Christianity: bad, bloody, merciless, money-grabbing, and predatory. The invention of hell measured by our Christianity of today, bad as it is, hypocritical as it is, empty and hollow as it is, neither the deity nor his son is a Christian, nor qualified for that moderately high place. Ours is a terrible religion. The fleets of the world could swim in spacious comfort in the innocent blood it has spilled. Mark Twain
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Mine was a trained Presbyterian conscience and knew but the one duty - to hunt and harry its slave upon all pretexts and on all occasions, particularly when there was no sense nor reason in it. Mark Twain
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If true, rarely beautiful. If beautiful, rarely true. Mark Twain
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The unexamined life may not be worth living, but the life too closely examined may not be lived at all. Mark Twain
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Every man has a secret ambition: To outsmart horses, fish and women. Mark Twain
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In the small town of Hannibal, Missouri, when I was a boy, everybody was poor, but didn't know it; and everybody was comfortable and did know it. Mark Twain
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Never mistake motion for progress. Mark Twain
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If we had less statemanship we could get along with fewer battleships. Mark Twain
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Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave; it is merely a loose application of the word. Consider the flea! - incomparably the bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage. Mark Twain
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There is nothing you can say in answer to a compliment. I have been complimented myself a great many times, and they always embarrass me - I always feel that they have not said enough. Mark Twain
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O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded... Mark Twain
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Don't you worry, and don't you hurry.'I know that phrase by heart, and if all other music should perish out of the world it would still sing to me. Mark Twain
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A coin, sleeve button, or a collar button dropped in a bedroom will hide itself and be hard to find. A handkerchief in bed 'can't' be found. Mark Twain
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Adam was the luckiest man; he had no mother-in-law. Mark Twain
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I am a democrat only on principle, not by instinct - nobody is that. Doubtless some people say they are, but this world is grievously given to lying. Mark Twain
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He had had much experience of physicians, and said, the only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. Mark Twain
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If to be interesting is to be uncommonplace, it is becoming a question, with me, if there are any commonplace people. Mark Twain
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Man is a museum of diseases, a home of impurities; he comes today and is gone tomorrow; he begins as dirt and departs as stench. Mark Twain
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My advice to women is: First, don't smoke - to excess; Second, don't drink - to excess; Third, don't marry - to excess. Mark Twain
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Nothing helps scenery like ham and eggs. Mark Twain
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Modesty antedates clothes and will be resumed when clothes are no more. Modesty died when clothes were born. Modesty died when false modesty was born. Mark Twain
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Pilgrim's Progress, about a man who left his family, it didn't say why. The statements was interesting, but tough. Mark Twain
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Rail-splitting produced an unparalleled president in Lincoln. But gold hasn't produced even a good A-1 congressman. Mark Twain
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The only way to stay healthy is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. Mark Twain
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There is a great deal of human nature in people. Mark Twain
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Tonight I appear for the first time before a Boston audience - 4000 critics. Mark Twain
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Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain
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We owe a deep debt of gratitude to Adam, the first great benefactor of the human race: he brought death into the world. Mark Twain
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When a man's dog turns against him it is time for a wife to pack her trunk and go home to mama. Mark Twain
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So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldn't find honest employment. Mark Twain
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History may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme a lot. Mark Twain
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The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people but if we tried to shut up the insane we would run out of building materials. Mark Twain
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The old saw says - 'Let a sleeping dog lie.' Experience knows better; experience says, If you want to convince do it yourself. Mark Twain
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After my marriage she edited everything I wrote. And what is more, she not only edited my works, she edited me. Mark Twain
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You can have brilliant ideas, but if you can't get them across, your ideas won't get you anywhere. Lee Iacocca Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. Mark Twain
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A powerful agent is the right word: it lights the reader's way and makes it plain. Mark Twain
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While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats. Mark Twain
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Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. Mark Twain
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Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear-not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave; it is merely a loose application of the word. Consider the flea! - incomparably the bravest of all the creatures of God, if ignorance of fear were courage. Mark Twain
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It was the schoolboy who said, ""Faith is believing what you know ain't so."" Mark Twain
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I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me. Mark Twain
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We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true-humor. Mark Twain
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. Mark Twain
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Wilson stopped and stood silent. Inattention dies a quick and sure death when a speaker does that. Mark Twain
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It is more trouble to make a maxim than it is to do right. Mark Twain
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There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened. Mark Twain
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The miracle or the power that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application and perseverance under the promptings of a brave, determined spirit. Mark Twain
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Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambition. Mark Twain
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Enthusiasm is caught, not taught. Mark Twain
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Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read. Mark Twain
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It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse-races. Mark Twain
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Formerly, if you killed a man, it was possible that you were insane-but now, if you, having friends and money, kill a man, it is evidence that you are a lunatic. Mark Twain
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An experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite picturesque liar. Mark Twain
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Definition of a classic - something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. Mark Twain
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