Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


Dance like nobody's looking. Mark Twain
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Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. Mark Twain
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If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Mark Twain
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Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. Mark Twain
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Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. Mark Twain
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If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it. Mark Twain
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One must travel, to learn. Mark Twain
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No church property is taxed and so the infidel and the atheist and the man without religion are taxed to make up the deficit. Mark Twain
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We consider that any man who can fiddle all through one of those Virginia Reels without losing his grip may be depended upon in any kind of musical emergency. Mark Twain
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I have no liking for novels or stories - none in the world; and so, whenever I read one - which is not oftener than once in two years, and even in these same cases I seldom read beyond the middle of the book - my distaste for the vehicle always taints my judgment of the literature itself, as a matter of course; and also of course makes my verdict valuless. Are you saying "You have written stories yourself." Quite true: but the fact that an Indian likes to scalp people is no evidence that he likes to be scalped. Mark Twain
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I never write "metropolis" for seven cents when I can write "city" and get paid the same. Mark Twain
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Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful. Mark Twain
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Literature is well enough, as a time-passer, and for the improvement and general elevation and purification of mankind, but it has no practical value. Mark Twain
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It is easier for a cannibal to enter the Kingdom of Heaven through the eye of a rich man's needle that it is for any other foreigner to read the terrible German script. Mark Twain
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By reading keep in a state of excited igorance, like a blind man in a house afire; flounder around, immensely but unintelligently interested; don't know how I got in and can't find the way out, but I'm having a booming time all to myself.Don't know what a Schelgesetzentwurf is, but I keep as excited over it and as worried about it as if it were my own child. I simply live on the Sch.; it is my daily bread. I wouldn't have the question settled for anything in the world. Mark Twain
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Do not undervalue the headache. While it is at its sharpest it seems a bad investment; but when relief begins, the unexpired remainder is worth $4 a minute. Mark Twain
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Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection. Mark Twain
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The moral of it is this: If you are of any account, stay at home and make your way by faithful diligence; but if you are 'no account,' go away from home, and then you will have to work, whether you want to or not. Thus you become a blessing to your friends by ceasing to be a nuisance to them-if the people you go among suffer by the operation. Mark Twain
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Happiness ain't a thing in itself - it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. Mark Twain
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Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom. Mark Twain
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To get the full value of joy You must have someone to divide it with. After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. Mark Twain
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The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet. Mark Twain
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The statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is attacked, and every man will be glad of those conscience-soothing falsities, and will diligently study them, and refuse to examine any refutations of them; and thus he will by and by convince himself that the war is just, and will thank God for the better sleep he enjoys after this process of grotesque self-deception. Mark Twain
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The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy with the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity. Mark Twain
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I had longed to be a butterfly, and I was one at last. I attended private parties in sumptuous evening dress, simpered and aired my graces like a born beau, and polkaed and schoisched with a step peculiar to myself - and the kangaroo. Mark Twain
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If I had been helping the Almighty when he created man, I would have had him begin at the other end, and start human beings with old age. How much better to start old and have all the bitterness and blindness of age in the beginning! Mark Twain
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I saw men whom thirty years had changed but slightly; but their wives had grown old. These were good women; it is very wearing to be good. Mark Twain
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The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying that such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bills like everything. Mark Twain
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An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency. Mark Twain
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What a man misses mostly in heaven is company. Mark Twain
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New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions. Mark Twain
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A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to you than the ninety-and -nine which you had to work for, and money won at faro or in stock snuggles into your heart in the same way. Mark Twain
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Well, no doubt it's a blessed thing to have an imagination that can always make you satisfied, no matter how you are fixed. Mark Twain
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I would not read the proof of one of my books for any fair & reasonable sum whatever, if I could get out of it. The proof-reading on the P & Pauper cost me the last rags of my religion. Mark Twain
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Grown people everywhere are always likely to cling to the religion they were brought up in. Mark Twain
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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. Sometimes we are too close to the scene, to see clearly. We "know" ourselves so well that we cannot see how we are perceived by others. Our opinion of ourselves is only "one" opinion and it may not be the truth. Mark Twain
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It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race. Mark Twain
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In the laboratory there are no fustian ranks, no brummagem aristocracies; the domain of Science is a republic, and all its citizens are brothers and equals, its princes of Monaco and its stonemasons of Cromarty meeting, barren of man-made gauds and meretricious decorations, upon the one majestic level! Mark Twain
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The ancients stole all our ideas from us. Mark Twain
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No one can write perfect English and keep it up through a stretch of ten chapters. It has never been done. Mark Twain
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Additional problems are the offspring of poor solutions. Mark Twain
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There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life when he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure. Mark Twain
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Stars and shadows ain't good to see by. Mark Twain
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Authorship is not a trade, it is an inspiration; authorship does not keep an office, its habitation is all out under the sky, and everywhere the winds are blowing and the sun is shining and the creatures of God are free. Mark Twain
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I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever. Mark Twain
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You thunder and lightning too much; the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by. Mark Twain
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I was armed to the teeth with a pitiful little Smith & Wesson's seven-shooter, which carried a ball like a homopathic pill, and it took the whole seven to make a dose for an adult. But I thought it was grand. It appeared to me to be a dangerous weapon. It had only one fault - you could not hit anything with it. Mark Twain
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Memories which someday will become all beautiful when the last annoyance that encumbers them shall have faded out of our minds. Mark Twain
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Armor is heavy, yet it is a proud burden, and a man standeth straight in it. Mark Twain
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Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe. Mark Twain
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No one can tell me what is a good cigar-for me. I am the only judge... There are no standards-no real standards. Each man's preference is the only standard for him, the only one which he can accept, the only one which can command him. Mark Twain
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The human race consists of the damned and the ought-to-be damned. Mark Twain
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Where a blood relation sobs, an intimate friend should choke up, a distant acquaintance should sigh, a stranger should merely fumble sympathetically with his handkerchief. Mark Twain
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As a thinker and planner the ant is the equal of any savage race of men; as a self-educated specialist in several arts she is the superior of any savage race of men; and in one or two high mental qualities she is above the reach of any man, savage or civilized! Mark Twain
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Ethical man: A Christian holding four aces. Mark Twain
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To go abroad has something of the same sense that death brings. I am no longer of ye-what ye say of me is now of no consequence. Mark Twain
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If all men were rich, all men would be poor. Mark Twain
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We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles. Mark Twain
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Schoolboy days are no happier than the days of afterlife, but we look back upon them regretfully because we have forgotten our punishments at school and how we grieved when our marbles were lost and our kites destroyed - because we have forgotten all the sorrows and privations of the canonized ethic and remember only its orchard robberies, its wooden-sword pageants, and its fishing holidays. Mark Twain
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It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise. Mark Twain
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Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime. Mark Twain
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If work were so pleasant, the rich would keep it for themselves. Mark Twain
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Leaving out the gamblers, the burglars, and the plumbers, perhaps we do put our trust in God after a fashion. But, after all, it is an overstatement. If the cholera or black plague should come to these shores, perhaps the bulk of the nation would pray to be delivered from it, but the rest would put their trust in The Health Board... Mark Twain
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Great things can happen when you don't care who gets the credit. Mark Twain
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We recognize that there are no trivial occurrences in life if we get the right focus on them. Mark Twain
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There is nothing more frustrating than a good example. Mark Twain
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I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop. Mark Twain
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Comparison is the death of joy. Mark Twain
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Don't wake up a woman in love. Let her dream, so that she does not weep when she returns to her bitter reality Mark Twain
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Gold in its native state is but dull, unornamental stuff, and only lowborn metals excite the admiration of the ignorant with an ostentatious glitter. However, like the rest of the world, I still go on underrating men of gold and glorifying men of mica. Mark Twain
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