Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


Dance like nobody's looking. Mark Twain
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Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. Mark Twain
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If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Mark Twain
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Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. Mark Twain
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Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. Mark Twain
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If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it. Mark Twain
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One must travel, to learn. Mark Twain
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No church property is taxed and so the infidel and the atheist and the man without religion are taxed to make up the deficit. Mark Twain
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Great things can happen when you don't care who gets the credit. Mark Twain
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We recognize that there are no trivial occurrences in life if we get the right focus on them. Mark Twain
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There is nothing more frustrating than a good example. Mark Twain
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I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop. Mark Twain
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Comparison is the death of joy. Mark Twain
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We find not much in ourselves to admire, we are always privately wanting to be like somebody else. If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes Mark Twain
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Schoolboy days are no happier than the days of afterlife, but we look back upon them regretfully because we have forgotten our punishments at school and how we grieved when our marbles were lost and our kites destroyed - because we have forgotten all the sorrows and privations of the canonized ethic and remember only its orchard robberies, its wooden-sword pageants, and its fishing holidays. Mark Twain
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Happiness ain't a thing in itself - it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. Mark Twain
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Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom. Mark Twain
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To get the full value of joy You must have someone to divide it with. After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. Mark Twain
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The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet. Mark Twain
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The statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is attacked, and every man will be glad of those conscience-soothing falsities, and will diligently study them, and refuse to examine any refutations of them; and thus he will by and by convince himself that the war is just, and will thank God for the better sleep he enjoys after this process of grotesque self-deception. Mark Twain
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The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy with the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity. Mark Twain
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I had longed to be a butterfly, and I was one at last. I attended private parties in sumptuous evening dress, simpered and aired my graces like a born beau, and polkaed and schoisched with a step peculiar to myself - and the kangaroo. Mark Twain
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If I had been helping the Almighty when he created man, I would have had him begin at the other end, and start human beings with old age. How much better to start old and have all the bitterness and blindness of age in the beginning! Mark Twain
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I saw men whom thirty years had changed but slightly; but their wives had grown old. These were good women; it is very wearing to be good. Mark Twain
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The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying that such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bills like everything. Mark Twain
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An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency. Mark Twain
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What a man misses mostly in heaven is company. Mark Twain
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New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions. Mark Twain
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A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to you than the ninety-and -nine which you had to work for, and money won at faro or in stock snuggles into your heart in the same way. Mark Twain
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Well, no doubt it's a blessed thing to have an imagination that can always make you satisfied, no matter how you are fixed. Mark Twain
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I would not read the proof of one of my books for any fair & reasonable sum whatever, if I could get out of it. The proof-reading on the P & Pauper cost me the last rags of my religion. Mark Twain
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Grown people everywhere are always likely to cling to the religion they were brought up in. Mark Twain
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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. Sometimes we are too close to the scene, to see clearly. We "know" ourselves so well that we cannot see how we are perceived by others. Our opinion of ourselves is only "one" opinion and it may not be the truth. Mark Twain
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It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race. Mark Twain
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In the laboratory there are no fustian ranks, no brummagem aristocracies; the domain of Science is a republic, and all its citizens are brothers and equals, its princes of Monaco and its stonemasons of Cromarty meeting, barren of man-made gauds and meretricious decorations, upon the one majestic level! Mark Twain
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We consider that any man who can fiddle all through one of those Virginia Reels without losing his grip may be depended upon in any kind of musical emergency. Mark Twain
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I have no liking for novels or stories - none in the world; and so, whenever I read one - which is not oftener than once in two years, and even in these same cases I seldom read beyond the middle of the book - my distaste for the vehicle always taints my judgment of the literature itself, as a matter of course; and also of course makes my verdict valuless. Are you saying "You have written stories yourself." Quite true: but the fact that an Indian likes to scalp people is no evidence that he likes to be scalped. Mark Twain
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I never write "metropolis" for seven cents when I can write "city" and get paid the same. Mark Twain
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Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful. Mark Twain
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Literature is well enough, as a time-passer, and for the improvement and general elevation and purification of mankind, but it has no practical value. Mark Twain
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Difference between savage and civilized man: one is painted, the other gilded. Mark Twain
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It is my custom to keep on talking until I get the audience cowed. Mark Twain
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One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one. Mark Twain
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When a person is accustomed to one hundred and thirty-eight in the shade, his ideas about cold weather are not valuable. Mark Twain
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They spell it da Vinci and pronounce it da Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. Mark Twain
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It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races. Mark Twain
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It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. Mark Twain
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Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. Mark Twain
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The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession. Mark Twain
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Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so. Mark Twain
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To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble. Mark Twain
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Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to. Mark Twain
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The human race consists of the damned and the ought-to-be damned. Mark Twain
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Where a blood relation sobs, an intimate friend should choke up, a distant acquaintance should sigh, a stranger should merely fumble sympathetically with his handkerchief. Mark Twain
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As a thinker and planner the ant is the equal of any savage race of men; as a self-educated specialist in several arts she is the superior of any savage race of men; and in one or two high mental qualities she is above the reach of any man, savage or civilized! Mark Twain
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Ethical man: A Christian holding four aces. Mark Twain
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To go abroad has something of the same sense that death brings. I am no longer of ye-what ye say of me is now of no consequence. Mark Twain
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There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages. Mark Twain
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Always do what's right. That will gratify some and surprise the rest. Mark Twain
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Suppose . . . burglars had made entry into this . . . [library]. Picture them seated here on this floor, pouring the light of their dark-lanterns over some books they found, and thus absorbing moral truths and getting moral uplift. The whole course of their lives would have been changed. As it was, they kept straight on in their immoral way and were sent to jail. For all I know, they may next be sent to Congress. Mark Twain
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More than one cigar at a time is excessive smoking. Mark Twain
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We are all ignorant; just about different things. Mark Twain
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There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous. Mark Twain
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This is a Christian country. Why, so is hell. Inasmuch as Strait is the way and narrow is the gate, and few - few - are they that enter in thereat has had the natural effect of making hell the only really prominent Christian community in any of the worlds; but we don't brag of this and certainly it is not proper to brag and boast that America is a Christian country when we all know that certainly five-sixths of our population could not enter in at the narrow gate. Mark Twain
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One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one. From the code of morals I have been following and revising and revising for 72 years I remember one detail. All my life I have been honest - comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly - I could only lend it. Mark Twain
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All gentle cant and philosophizing to the contrary notwithstanding, no people in this world ever did achieve their freedom by goody-goody talk and moral suasion: it being immutable law that all revolutions that will succeed, must begin in blood. Mark Twain
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Man seems to be a rickety poor sort of thing, any way you take him; a kind of British Museum of infirmities and inferiorities. He is always undergoing repairs. A machine that was as unreliable as he is would have no market. Mark Twain
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Music is a good thing; and after all that soul-butter and hogwash, I never see it freshen up things so, and sound so honest and bully. Mark Twain
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Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in. Mark Twain
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Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime. Mark Twain
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