Mark Twain Quotes & Wallpapers

Mark Twain
Total Quotes: 2961


Dance like nobody's looking. Mark Twain
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Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. Mark Twain
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If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Mark Twain
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Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. Mark Twain
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Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. Mark Twain
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If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it. Mark Twain
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One must travel, to learn. Mark Twain
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No church property is taxed and so the infidel and the atheist and the man without religion are taxed to make up the deficit. Mark Twain
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The wise thing is for us diligently to train ourselves to lie thoughtfully, judiciously; to lie with a good object, and not an evil one; to lie for others' advantage, and not our own; to lie healingly, charitably, humanely, not cruelly, hurtfully, maliciously; to lie gracefully and graciously, not awkwardly and clumsily; to lie firmly, frankly, squarely, with head erect, not haltingly, tortuously, with pusillanimous mien, as being ashamed of our high calling. Mark Twain
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Great things can happen when you don't care who gets the credit. Mark Twain
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The ancients stole all our ideas from us. Mark Twain
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No one can write perfect English and keep it up through a stretch of ten chapters. It has never been done. Mark Twain
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Additional problems are the offspring of poor solutions. Mark Twain
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Happiness ain't a thing in itself - it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. Mark Twain
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Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom. Mark Twain
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To get the full value of joy You must have someone to divide it with. After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. Mark Twain
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The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet. Mark Twain
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The statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is attacked, and every man will be glad of those conscience-soothing falsities, and will diligently study them, and refuse to examine any refutations of them; and thus he will by and by convince himself that the war is just, and will thank God for the better sleep he enjoys after this process of grotesque self-deception. Mark Twain
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The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy with the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity. Mark Twain
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I had longed to be a butterfly, and I was one at last. I attended private parties in sumptuous evening dress, simpered and aired my graces like a born beau, and polkaed and schoisched with a step peculiar to myself - and the kangaroo. Mark Twain
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Don't wake up a woman in love. Let her dream, so that she does not weep when she returns to her bitter reality Mark Twain
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We consider that any man who can fiddle all through one of those Virginia Reels without losing his grip may be depended upon in any kind of musical emergency. Mark Twain
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I have no liking for novels or stories - none in the world; and so, whenever I read one - which is not oftener than once in two years, and even in these same cases I seldom read beyond the middle of the book - my distaste for the vehicle always taints my judgment of the literature itself, as a matter of course; and also of course makes my verdict valuless. Are you saying "You have written stories yourself." Quite true: but the fact that an Indian likes to scalp people is no evidence that he likes to be scalped. Mark Twain
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I never write "metropolis" for seven cents when I can write "city" and get paid the same. Mark Twain
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Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful. Mark Twain
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Literature is well enough, as a time-passer, and for the improvement and general elevation and purification of mankind, but it has no practical value. Mark Twain
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It is easier for a cannibal to enter the Kingdom of Heaven through the eye of a rich man's needle that it is for any other foreigner to read the terrible German script. Mark Twain
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By reading keep in a state of excited igorance, like a blind man in a house afire; flounder around, immensely but unintelligently interested; don't know how I got in and can't find the way out, but I'm having a booming time all to myself.Don't know what a Schelgesetzentwurf is, but I keep as excited over it and as worried about it as if it were my own child. I simply live on the Sch.; it is my daily bread. I wouldn't have the question settled for anything in the world. Mark Twain
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Do not undervalue the headache. While it is at its sharpest it seems a bad investment; but when relief begins, the unexpired remainder is worth $4 a minute. Mark Twain
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Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection. Mark Twain
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The moral of it is this: If you are of any account, stay at home and make your way by faithful diligence; but if you are 'no account,' go away from home, and then you will have to work, whether you want to or not. Thus you become a blessing to your friends by ceasing to be a nuisance to them-if the people you go among suffer by the operation. Mark Twain
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If all men were rich, all men would be poor. Mark Twain
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We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles. Mark Twain
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For the majority of us, the past is a regret, the future an experiment Mark Twain
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Progressive improvement beats delayed perfection. Mark Twain
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Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane... Mark Twain
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I was in one of the most grand attitudes I ever struck, with my arm stretched up pointing to the sun. It was a noble effect. You could see the shudder sweep the mass like a wave. Mark Twain
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In other localities certain places in the streams are much better than others, but at Niagara one place is just as good as another, for the reason that the fish do not bite anywhere. Mark Twain
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Thanksgiving Day - Let all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys, they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji. Mark Twain
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There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life when he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure. Mark Twain
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Stars and shadows ain't good to see by. Mark Twain
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Authorship is not a trade, it is an inspiration; authorship does not keep an office, its habitation is all out under the sky, and everywhere the winds are blowing and the sun is shining and the creatures of God are free. Mark Twain
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I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever. Mark Twain
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You thunder and lightning too much; the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by. Mark Twain
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If I had been helping the Almighty when he created man, I would have had him begin at the other end, and start human beings with old age. How much better to start old and have all the bitterness and blindness of age in the beginning! Mark Twain
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I saw men whom thirty years had changed but slightly; but their wives had grown old. These were good women; it is very wearing to be good. Mark Twain
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The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying that such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bills like everything. Mark Twain
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An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency. Mark Twain
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What a man misses mostly in heaven is company. Mark Twain
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New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions. Mark Twain
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A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to you than the ninety-and -nine which you had to work for, and money won at faro or in stock snuggles into your heart in the same way. Mark Twain
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Well, no doubt it's a blessed thing to have an imagination that can always make you satisfied, no matter how you are fixed. Mark Twain
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I would not read the proof of one of my books for any fair & reasonable sum whatever, if I could get out of it. The proof-reading on the P & Pauper cost me the last rags of my religion. Mark Twain
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Grown people everywhere are always likely to cling to the religion they were brought up in. Mark Twain
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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. Sometimes we are too close to the scene, to see clearly. We "know" ourselves so well that we cannot see how we are perceived by others. Our opinion of ourselves is only "one" opinion and it may not be the truth. Mark Twain
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It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race. Mark Twain
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In the laboratory there are no fustian ranks, no brummagem aristocracies; the domain of Science is a republic, and all its citizens are brothers and equals, its princes of Monaco and its stonemasons of Cromarty meeting, barren of man-made gauds and meretricious decorations, upon the one majestic level! Mark Twain
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Always do what's right. That will gratify some and surprise the rest. Mark Twain
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Suppose . . . burglars had made entry into this . . . [library]. Picture them seated here on this floor, pouring the light of their dark-lanterns over some books they found, and thus absorbing moral truths and getting moral uplift. The whole course of their lives would have been changed. As it was, they kept straight on in their immoral way and were sent to jail. For all I know, they may next be sent to Congress. Mark Twain
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More than one cigar at a time is excessive smoking. Mark Twain
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Gold in its native state is but dull, unornamental stuff, and only lowborn metals excite the admiration of the ignorant with an ostentatious glitter. However, like the rest of the world, I still go on underrating men of gold and glorifying men of mica. Mark Twain
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I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it. Mark Twain
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I like Joan of Arc best of all my books; and it is the best; I know it perfectly well. Mark Twain
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[I] shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. Indeed, upon second thought, I will not use it then, for it is unchristian, inelegant, and degrading-though to speak truly I do not see how house rent and taxes are going to be discussed worth a cent without it. Mark Twain
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Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already. Mark Twain
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It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. Mark Twain
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Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. Mark Twain
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The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession. Mark Twain
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Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so. Mark Twain
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To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble. Mark Twain
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