George Carlin Quotes & Wallpapers

George Carlin
Total Quotes: 1007


"No comment" is a comment. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people actually cook that stuff? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

You're all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won't happen when you'd like; generally, it's an inconvenience. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

McDonald's breakfast for under a dollar is actually more expensive than that. You have to factor in the cost of bypass surgery. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!! George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine! George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Personally, when it comes to rights, I think one of two things is true. I think either we have unlimited rights, or we have no rights at all. Personally I lean towards unlimited rights, I feel for instance I have the right to do anything I please, BUT! If I do something you don't like I think you have the right to kill me. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

If everything that ever lived is dead, and everything alive is gonna die...where does the sacred part come in? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Language always gives you away. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

But when you're in front of an audience and you make them laugh at a new idea, you're guiding the whole being for the moment. No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open, completely themselves when that message hits the brain and the laugh begins. That's when new ideas can be implanted. If a new idea slips in at that moment, it has a chance to grow. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Sometimes a little brain damage can help. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the intellect. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Where do we get our values from? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Everybody in America is a part of this big herd of cattle being led to the marketplace, not to be sold, which is usual with cattle, but to do the buying. And everyone is branded. You see the brands - Nike, Puma, Coke - all over their bodies. Pretty soon you'll go to a family and say, "$100,000 if we can tattoo Pepsi on your child's forehead, and we'll have it removed when he's twenty-one. A hundred grand." George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

In the Navy, there is no wrong hole. In the Marines, there is always a hole. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Sex criminals. Completely incurable... I suppose you could outlaw religion and these sex crimes would disappear in a generation or two, but we don't have time for rational solutions. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool! George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

There's an idea that the human body is somehow evil and bad and there are parts of it that are especially evil and bad, and we should be ashamed. Fear, guilt and shame are built into the attitude toward sex and the body. It's reflected in these prohibitions and these taboos that we have. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I think we're part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand; a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn't punish, it doesn't reward, it doesn't judge at all. It just is. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Mother's milk leads to everything. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Early in my career I was divided because I had the real self underneath: the lawbreaker, the anarchist, the person who swims against the tide, the outsider, the loner, all of that guy. He was my private self, and I had this other side that wanted to be liked in order to do all those things I dreamed of as a little boy. I didn't realize that those things didn't go together until later. And I'm quite sure that my use of acid and peyote helped me accept what was really going on inside of me instead of what I had imposed on myself. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I'm left with is the memory of having learned something very wise that I ca' quite remember. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, "Hey, listen to me." Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I was looking in the mirror the other day and I realized I haven't changed much since I was in my twenties. The only difference is I look a whole lot older now. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I do something about the weather. I stay home. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I was taken to the hospital for observation. I stayed several days, didn't observe anything, and I left. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

What exactly is "midair"? Is there some other part of air besides the "mid" part? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Whever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

If a piece requires some specific inflection, I'll record it. I take a lot of notes, and later categorize them, combining them alongside existing ideas, and eventually put a piece together. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I don't understand the problem with paroling Charles Manson? I say set him free and let him get on with his work. I have a long list of celebrities I'd be glad to share with him. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

It's nothing but a big stroke job in this country. The government strokes you every day of your life. Religion never stops stroking you. Big business gives you a good stroke. And it's one big, transcontinental, cross-country, red, white and blue stroke job... Do you know what the national emblem for this country ought to be? Forget that bald eagle. The national emblem of this country ought to be Uncle Sam standing naked at attention saluting, and seated on a chair next to him, the Statue of Liberty jerking him off. That would be a good symbol for the United Strokes of America. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

You never see a smiling runner. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Spirituality: the last refuge of a failed human. Just another way of distracting yourself from who you really are. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:



<< PREVIOUS PAGE Page 9 of 15 | NEXT PAGE >
1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10   11   12   13   14   15  


RELATED TOPICS

George Carlin Quotes, George Carlin Quotes Government, Hypocrisy Quotes George Carlin, Plastic George Carlin Quote, Stuff George Carlin Quotes, Carlin Quotes, Curious George Ether, Curious George Quotes, King George Quotes, Quotes George Burns, Saint George Quotes,