George Carlin Quotes & Wallpapers

George Carlin
Total Quotes: 926


When you look at Earth from that one picture, the one from space, it's really a rather attractive thing. I have nothing against the planet per se. I root for the big comet or asteroid as a way of cleansing the planet. The comet or asteroid 65 million years ago is probably what gave us our opening to replace the reptiles. The greatest entertainment I have in my life is chronicling internally, not necessarily for the public, the slow dissolution of order. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I don't care much about the outcome. I'd like for people to feel better and have better lives, but I don't think that's in the cards through political action. I think bloodshed is still the way you get dramatic change. That'll never happen because they've got all the guns now. At least they've got the nice guns, the big ones, the ones with night vision. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Obviously, there are people who constrict themselves and build walls around themselves, whether it's from a moral standpoint or a patriotic standpoint, or just plain old conformity, and who therefore live in those little prisons, and when things breach those walls, it's shocking for them. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

There are only two types of motorists: the idiots who drive slower than me, and the lunatics who go faster. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

The two big mistakes were the belief in a sky god - that there's a man in the sky with 10 things he doesn't want you to do and you'll burn for a long time if you do them - and private property, which I think is at the core of our failure as a species. That's the source of my indignations, my dissatisfactions, however it comes out on the stage. I feel betrayed by the people I'm part of, these creatures, these magnificent creatures. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

In football the object is for the quarterback, also known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use the shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line. In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! I hope I'll be safe at home! George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Even in a fake democracy, people ought to get what they want once in a while. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Religion - religion, at best - at BEST - is like a lift in your shoe. If you need it for a while, and it makes you walk straight and feel better - fine. But you don't need it forever, or you can become permanently disabled. Religion is like a lift in the shoe, and I say just don't ask me to wear your shoes. And let's not go down and nail lifts onto the natives' feet. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I'm sure Hitler was great with his family. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Engineers at General Motors have developed a revolutionary new engine whose only function is to lubricate itself. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

You do' see many of these white anti-abortion women volunteering to have any black fetuses transplanted into their uterus"s, do you? No, you do' see them adopting a whole lot of crack babies, do you? No, that might be something Christ would do. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Soft rock music is' rock, and it ai' music. It's just soft. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

The Christians are coming to get you, and they are not pleasant people. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. And probably increase. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

No, there's no God, but there might be some sort of an organizing intelligence, and I think to understand it is way beyond our ability. It's certainly not a judgmental entity. It's certainly not paternalistic and all these qualities that have been attributed to God. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Your home is your refuge. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

This country was founded by a group of slave owners who told us that all men are created equal. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it's not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

In football the object is to march into enemy territory and cross his goal. In baseball the object is to go home. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Censorship that comes from the outside assumes about people an inability to make reasoned choices. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

My tombstone? I'm thinking something along the lines of, 'Geez, he was just here a minute ago.' George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting! George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Christian Deodorant: "Thou Shalt Not Smell" George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

The Muslims observe their Sabbath on Friday, the Jews observe on Saturday, and the Christians on Sunday. By the time Monday rolls around God is completely f***in' worn out. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Life is a series of dogs. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

In most polls there are always about 5 percent of the people who 'don't know.' What isn't generally understood is that it's the same people in every poll. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I don't have any beliefs or allegiances. I don't believe in this country, I don't believe in religion, or a god, and I don't believe in all these man-made institutional ideas. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that 1 enjoys it? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

What if there were no hypothetical questions? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It's because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why is' the whole airplane made out of that stuff? George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

In adolescence you have to separate yourself and establish your identity. So, being very independent anyway, I took charge. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

I like good ideas. I don't want just do something for it's own sake to bother people, but if I can bother them with a logical argument about something they have agreed to in society simplistically - like children are sacred, the cult of the child, this cult of professional parenthood, and of course religion, and respect for policemen and the law, and all of these untouchable areas. I like attacking those beliefs, but in with good sound thinking, and an unusual approach. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Primitive societies, or social groupings, had shamans, and some of them even more recent in time. Shamans were tricksters. There was a tradition of the trickster, and the trickster was a clown, a humorous fellow. His task was to trick the gods, to humor the gods into laughing, so that there was access to the divine - because laughter is a moment when we are completely ourselves. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:

Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too large. George Carlin
Download Wallpaper:



<< PREVIOUS PAGE Page 3 of 14 | NEXT PAGE >
1   2   3   4   5   6   7   8   9   10   11   12   13   14  


RELATED TOPICS

George Carlin Quotes, George Carlin Quotes Government, Hypocrisy Quotes George Carlin, Plastic George Carlin Quote, Stuff George Carlin Quotes, Carlin Quotes, Curious George Ether, Curious George Quotes, King George Quotes, Quotes George Burns, Saint George Quotes,