George Carlin Quotes & Wallpapers

George Carlin
Total Quotes: 1007


It's the American view that everything has to keep climbing: productivity, profits, even comedy. George Carlin

I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge. George Carlin

In my neighborhood - West 121st Street in New York, "white Harlem" - there were only two drugs: smack and marijuana. By the time I was 13, some friends and I were using marijuana fairly regularly. The Reefer Madness myth was still very strong then, but I'd been into jazz and those lyrics included so many casual references to pot that it was completely demystified for me. George Carlin

Heroin, forget it. In my neighborhood, I could see what heroin did firsthand and I was definitely afraid of that number. George Carlin

I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long. George Carlin

When people asked me, "Do you get high to go onstage?" I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. George Carlin

To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily. George Carlin

The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high. George Carlin

I always have these little internal monologues. You'll get used to them. George Carlin

I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual. George Carlin

The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot. George Carlin

I was never a pipe or bong man. That's California stuff. I was an Eastern roller. George Carlin

To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other. George Carlin

Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer. George Carlin

When you're high, it's easy to kid yourself about how clever certain mediocre pieces of material are. George Carlin

On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way. George Carlin

I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me. George Carlin

I did LSD and peyote in the late Sixties, before I got into cocaine. That was concurrent with my change from a straight comic to the album and counterculture period, and those drugs served their purpose. They helped open me up. George Carlin

You know, if a drug has anything going for it at all, it should be self-limiting. It should tell you when you've had enough. Acid and peyote were that way for me. George Carlin

Cocaine was different. It kept saying, "You haven't had enough." I became an abuser almost instantly. George Carlin

I'd go on runs [on cocaine ], four and five days without sleep. Then I'd crash and sleep about 18 hours a day for seven to ten days. Then it would take a few more weeks to get over a vague sort of depression. Then I'd be off on another run. George Carlin

I never took reds or Quaaludes to balance out the coke. So when it got to be four in the morning and the gram was three quarters gone, I'd start wishing it was nine o'clock and hoping the guy got up early. But, of course, he didn't sleep either, so there was no sweat. During all those years, I was always looking forward to the next snort or the next guy I could score from. George Carlin

The effect of the coke on our relationship [with my wife Brenda] was very sick. Now that it's over, those were actually funny times. Looking for each other's coke, hiding it, finding it, doing some, not telling the other. Then fighting over it. George Carlin

It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke. George Carlin

Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too. George Carlin

There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut. George Carlin

It was just a compulsion. In fact, I soon realized that the only thing I really enjoyed was the actual snorting. George Carlin

The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to. George Carlin

Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence. George Carlin

For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form. George Carlin

When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows; there's just nothing special about their content. George Carlin

The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album. George Carlin

By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album. George Carlin

The angles of my body show you an awful lot. I started doing coke to feel open, but by that time, the hole had opened so wide that I'd fallen through. The body language in those photos tells you everything. George Carlin

In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose. George Carlin

It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day, or only a few hours, instead of four or five days. And I began to want to stop. One of the proudest moments of my life was at a rock-'n'-roll theater in New Jersey. A guy actually put some coke under my nose and I was able to say, "No, thanks," and turn my head away. George Carlin

Because Brenda [Carlin] had a drinking problem along with the coke, she had to hit bottom first. Most alcoholics do. And for her, bottom was an automobile accident that almost landed her in jail. George Carlin

Brenda [Carlin] went into therapy and I soon joined her. First we put the drugs behind us, then we began serious work on our relationship. And, in time, we got well together.She just drove through a hotel lobby. Now, that's bottoming out. George Carlin

The coke made me incredibly horny. George Carlin

Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. George Carlin

Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have. George Carlin

The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies. George Carlin

I suspect there really was more to my accident than bad luck. I think it was God's way of punishing my nose. George Carlin

My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978. George Carlin

I loved the angiogram. They stick a thing in your thigh and it goes all the way up to your heart. Isn't that a thrill? Well, at least the nurse scored thigh. George Carlin

Sometimes, after I'd gone at the coke like one of those snow plows moving up First Avenue, I'd think my heart was over on the dresser, pounding, and I was watching it. I asked some of the doctors who drifted through the intensive-care unit what kind of effect total cocaine abuse has on the heart and they said things like, "Well, there's not enough valid information...." That kind of answer. George Carlin

I consider the coke a major cause. Of course, you could also make the argument that because cocaine speeds up the heart, it's good for you. George Carlin

By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh. George Carlin

I saw Danny Kaye in a movie, and he was doing voices and faces on that big, big screen and making whole audiences laugh. It was just an instant hookup. George Carlin

First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers. George Carlin

I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner. George Carlin

My father and mother separated when I was two months old. George Carlin

I literally didn't know my father. My mother had been a secretary, and after she and my father split, she went back to work for an advertising executive. So my older brother and I were "latch-door kids." We went home for lunch and after school by ourselves. George Carlin

My mother didn't get home until about seven most nights and, yes, there was a sense of being very alone after school. She gave me all the proper guidance and influences, but physically, she just couldn't be there. George Carlin

I became a radio nut. I loved the afternoon serials, and I got into jazz through the radio. I had a subscription to Down Beat when I was 12. And I'd spend a lot of time in front of the minor, miming records. George Carlin

In my fifth-grade yearbook - it's right up there on the top shell - the last page says, "What about your future?" and under my name, it says, "When I grow up, I would like to be either an actor, a radio announcer, an impersonator or a comedian." George Carlin

Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story. George Carlin

There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream. George Carlin

I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. George Carlin

The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld. George Carlin

When I'm not actually doing my work, I'm planning it or thinking about it or reading things that on some level are transformed into performance fantasies. I have no active interests. George Carlin

I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. George Carlin

One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back. George Carlin

I think it would be fair and right to use some of my land and wealth for a drug-rehab center or an Indian school. George Carlin

My books and records are arranged according to subject, and within each subject, they're alphabetical by author or artist. The music tapes are alphabetical and the performance tapes are in chronological order.I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream. George Carlin

There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush. George Carlin

I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky. George Carlin

When I was in seventh grade, I was caught stealing money from the visiting team's locker room during a basketball game. So I was sent to The Brothers. That's what they called this parochial school up in Goshen, New York. I was supposed to get closer supervision there and more "masculine influence," whatever that means. But I was thrown out for telling a couple of really lame kids on the playground that I had heroin. George Carlin

I went to my old school, where all the kids I'd been with for eight years were about to graduate. But the sisters wanted me to repeat the whole term; so I went to the principal and pleaded with her to allow me to graduate with my class. She finally agreed on the condition that I write the graduation play. It was called How Do You Spend Your Leisure Time?Catchy title, huh? George Carlin

The patterns became even more vivid at Cardinal Hayes High School. That's when I began failing subjects and running away from home for days at a time. George Carlin



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