George Carlin Quotes & Wallpapers

George Carlin
Total Quotes: 1007


To me the cynics are the ones in the boardrooms with the reports from the focus groups. George Carlin
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Comedy, I figured, was the thing that came to me the most easily. Playing the trumpet and piano took practice. I thought that was a waste of time. I'd go out on the street corner and be funny. In a minute. George Carlin
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I set out to become a comedian, and I said in order to do that the first thing I'll do is become a disc jockey and know my pop music. I like it, my voice is good, and I can start out getting confidence without an audience in front of me. George Carlin
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself. George Carlin
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Suddenly, I was thirty, very unhappy entertaining people in their forties, and here came a group of people in their teens and twenties who had similar anti-authority problems and similar dreams and wishes, hopes for mankind. So I gravitated toward them. George Carlin
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When you start in the childhood period, when you begin to form a comic sense, it was the radio comedians - from the last days of radio and the first days of television. And Spike Jones. And the Marx Brothers. They represented anarchy. They took things that were nice and decent and proper, and they tore them to shreds. That attracted me. George Carlin
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right. George Carlin
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Everything that you know about yourself comes from thinking back, and I think I saw religion as the first big betrayal of me. George Carlin
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species. George Carlin
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Everybody in America is a part of this big herd of cattle being led to the marketplace, not to be sold, which is usual with cattle, but to do the buying. And everyone is branded. George Carlin
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I was trying to get out of the night clubs and was thinking maybe I'll go to the colleges now; that's where you can speak your mind. George Carlin
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer. George Carlin
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For a long time, I've distinguished between entertainer and performer and entertainer and artist. To me, an entertainer is someone who pleases others, and an artist tries to please himself. George Carlin
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter. George Carlin
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . . George Carlin
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive. George Carlin
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too. George Carlin
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry. George Carlin
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary. George Carlin
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I've just completed a five-year period that can perhaps best be called a breathing spell. A time of getting my health back and gathering my strength. That time also included incredible cocaine abuse, a heart attack and my wife's recovery from both alcoholism and cocaine abuse. George Carlin
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It's the American view that everything has to keep climbing: productivity, profits, even comedy. George Carlin
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge. George Carlin
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In my neighborhood - West 121st Street in New York, "white Harlem" - there were only two drugs: smack and marijuana. By the time I was 13, some friends and I were using marijuana fairly regularly. The Reefer Madness myth was still very strong then, but I'd been into jazz and those lyrics included so many casual references to pot that it was completely demystified for me. George Carlin
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Heroin, forget it. In my neighborhood, I could see what heroin did firsthand and I was definitely afraid of that number. George Carlin
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long. George Carlin
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When people asked me, "Do you get high to go onstage?" I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. George Carlin
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To my surprise, my marijuana use has been tapering off steadily. George Carlin
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high. George Carlin
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I always have these little internal monologues. You'll get used to them. George Carlin
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual. George Carlin
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot. George Carlin
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I was never a pipe or bong man. That's California stuff. I was an Eastern roller. George Carlin
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other. George Carlin
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer. George Carlin
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When you're high, it's easy to kid yourself about how clever certain mediocre pieces of material are. George Carlin
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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way. George Carlin
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me. George Carlin
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I did LSD and peyote in the late Sixties, before I got into cocaine. That was concurrent with my change from a straight comic to the album and counterculture period, and those drugs served their purpose. They helped open me up. George Carlin
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You know, if a drug has anything going for it at all, it should be self-limiting. It should tell you when you've had enough. Acid and peyote were that way for me. George Carlin
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Cocaine was different. It kept saying, "You haven't had enough." I became an abuser almost instantly. George Carlin
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I'd go on runs [on cocaine ], four and five days without sleep. Then I'd crash and sleep about 18 hours a day for seven to ten days. Then it would take a few more weeks to get over a vague sort of depression. Then I'd be off on another run. George Carlin
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I never took reds or Quaaludes to balance out the coke. So when it got to be four in the morning and the gram was three quarters gone, I'd start wishing it was nine o'clock and hoping the guy got up early. But, of course, he didn't sleep either, so there was no sweat. During all those years, I was always looking forward to the next snort or the next guy I could score from. George Carlin
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The effect of the coke on our relationship [with my wife Brenda] was very sick. Now that it's over, those were actually funny times. Looking for each other's coke, hiding it, finding it, doing some, not telling the other. Then fighting over it. George Carlin
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke. George Carlin
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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too. George Carlin
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There are an awful lot of things in the cut of street drugs that eventually make you sick. I reached a point where the skin around the edges of my fingernails used to hurt all the time. And it would peel away easily. Now, that must have been from some poison in the cut. George Carlin
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It was just a compulsion. In fact, I soon realized that the only thing I really enjoyed was the actual snorting. George Carlin
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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to. George Carlin
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Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence. George Carlin
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form. George Carlin
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows; there's just nothing special about their content. George Carlin
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album. George Carlin
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album. George Carlin
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The angles of my body show you an awful lot. I started doing coke to feel open, but by that time, the hole had opened so wide that I'd fallen through. The body language in those photos tells you everything. George Carlin
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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose. George Carlin
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It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day, or only a few hours, instead of four or five days. And I began to want to stop. One of the proudest moments of my life was at a rock-'n'-roll theater in New Jersey. A guy actually put some coke under my nose and I was able to say, "No, thanks," and turn my head away. George Carlin
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Because Brenda [Carlin] had a drinking problem along with the coke, she had to hit bottom first. Most alcoholics do. And for her, bottom was an automobile accident that almost landed her in jail. George Carlin
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Brenda [Carlin] went into therapy and I soon joined her. First we put the drugs behind us, then we began serious work on our relationship. And, in time, we got well together.She just drove through a hotel lobby. Now, that's bottoming out. George Carlin
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The coke made me incredibly horny. George Carlin
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. George Carlin
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have. George Carlin
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies. George Carlin
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I suspect there really was more to my accident than bad luck. I think it was God's way of punishing my nose. George Carlin
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978. George Carlin
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I loved the angiogram. They stick a thing in your thigh and it goes all the way up to your heart. Isn't that a thrill? Well, at least the nurse scored thigh. George Carlin
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Sometimes, after I'd gone at the coke like one of those snow plows moving up First Avenue, I'd think my heart was over on the dresser, pounding, and I was watching it. I asked some of the doctors who drifted through the intensive-care unit what kind of effect total cocaine abuse has on the heart and they said things like, "Well, there's not enough valid information...." That kind of answer. George Carlin
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I consider the coke a major cause. Of course, you could also make the argument that because cocaine speeds up the heart, it's good for you. George Carlin
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh. George Carlin
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I saw Danny Kaye in a movie, and he was doing voices and faces on that big, big screen and making whole audiences laugh. It was just an instant hookup. George Carlin
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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers. George Carlin
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